9 years ago by
If there’s one thing I love most about New York, it’s the freedom to make your life whatever you want it to be.
I remember that, breaking up at age 39, I wondered what life had in store for me – I’d never had any definite ideas about the family I would eventually have, but I was pretty sure that one day I would want one. Breaking up meant I possibly also had to break up with the idea of having a traditional family. What did the future have in store for me?
And most of all, did I have the fortitude to decide to start a family of my own one day, with or without a man by my side? Did I have the right to ask myself these questions? It was all very unclear. I had to accept the unknown to be able to move forward, but also quite simply, I just had to open my eyes and look around at my friends who had chosen to start families in their own way.
For this Mother’s Day (it’s this Sunday in the US!!!) I decided to celebrate some of the great and inspiring women I know who have started families in their own way, whether it’s traditional or not. These women are my true friends, their families are amazing, and they show me every day that the only thing that really matters is love.
Courtney & Coco
Founding Partner, Giles & Brother.
How did your family come together?
When I met my ex-girlfriend, Sheri, she had two boys – Casey was 3 and Ryan was 10. I was 27. I gave birth to Coco when I was 35. We split up a couple of years later after an almost ten year relationship. I started dating my current girlfriend, Jenna, and we’ve been together since. She has an incredible 8 year old boy, Beckett. Coco and Beckett are one month apart. And the four of us live together.
Can you tell me a little bit about your journey to becoming a mom?
We used an anonymous sperm donor – finding a match, looking through a data base is totally surreal, by the way. My biggest concern in finding a match was that the donor was open to being contacted in the future. I think it’s important for Coco to be able to reach out and find her biological connection to her world – I knew, if she was anything like me, she would be curious and probably feel an injustice in being denied information. I think it is important to talk about all of it, in order to help others in the same position and to demystify the topic in general.
How will you spend Mother’s Day?
This is a very special Mother’s Day. Jenna and I will be spending the day with both of our moms, and Coco and Beckett. My mom has completely integrated all of the kids as her own grandchildren. Her relationship with them gives me the opportunity to see her from a totally new perspective. It’s an incredible gift.
When did you first feel the full force of motherhood?
In the hospital, the night I had Coco. A nurse came into the room pushing Coco in a basinet and starts shouting “Wake up, your baby is crying …” She left Coco just inside the door and said, “Get up, turn on the light. What do you think your life is going to be like now? You’re the one that decided to breast feed..” and she left. I decided, at that moment, life was going to be amazing. I started laughing, struggled across the room and picked up my daughter. I held her and nursed her all night.
What has the journey of motherhood been like for you so far?
Ummm … a roller coaster … really hard, honestly, but the greatest experience ever.
What have been your greatest challenges?
Sheri and I broke up when Coco was 4. Coco and I have moved 4 times in 4 years. She is an incredibly kind, empathetic and happy little girl, who is also trying to navigate the typical things kids go through – starting school, social dynamics, etc… while not having the words or understanding to talk about what was happening in her life. Coco and I were diagnosed with dyslexia together.
And the weirdest lessons along the way?
Realizing the totality of the minutiae, the day to day, can – and should – be filled with joy.
How has reality surpassed your expectations?
I am absolutely blown away by the amount of love I feel for my kids. It’s indescribable.
Would you say you’re a conventional mom?
Haha, do I even need to answer that question?!
How does the mom-work balance go?
I don’t have a traditional work life as it is. I couldn’t take maternity leave. Coco came with me every day to our studio. It’s a real family affair. My brother, Philip, and I have a business together.
The idea of the modern family is constantly evolving. How is your family unique, and what has that meant for you as a mom and the dynamic in your household?
Our dynamic seems to get more “modern” by the day … I believe the lessons we are all learning about accepting and respecting other people’s choices, and the expanded understanding of love and family, will help create a kind world.
The funniest memory you have of Coco?
Just after her second birthday, she went more than a month wearing a giant alligator costume. The tail was so big we had to jam her into her car seat. She would absolutely not take it off – playdates, trips to the zoo, you name it … Alligator costume! I would wash it after a few days and put it back on her automatically in the morning. I came downstairs one morning to put it on her and she looked at me like I was crazy, stating she will only wear red — all red. It took us about 3 hours to leave the house, until we found a solution for the shoes.
Samira & Lex
Fashion Director, ELLE.
How did your family come together?
My family came together almost two years ago, when I adopted my son. It was something that I had always considered — I never felt the absolute need to experience pregnancy, so adoption felt like a very natural way to become a mom.
Can you tell me a little bit about your journey to becoming a mom?
It was a very loving, respectful process. I have tremendous respect for birth moms and dads, I realize it’s never an easy decision for them. There’s a misconception that they just don’t want the child – it’s incredibly complicated and layered. I will always be grateful — I found my family because of this woman.
When did it really hit you — the “wow, I’m a mom!” moment?
I was in the hospital when he was born. It was when I was holding him, he was just a few hours old.
How has life changed for you since then?
My life has changed in ways I couldn’t have even managed! Constantly trying to find the time for him and provide for my family… I don’t really go out so much anymore, I don’t get to see my friends as much. He’s my priority.
And what does being a mother mean to you? How is reality different from your expectations?
It’s the hardest job. The greatest gift, without a doubt…An incredible honor that the universe just trusted me to be this person’s mom. The amount of love that you feel is unimaginable – you hear about it, but when you experience it… It’s limitless. With that much love, comes great responsibility. You want to live up to that.
What have been the funniest discoveries you’ve made as a mom?
I’ve learned to let go. You realize that things are just things. I’m constantly trying to be more patient. I’m constantly learning about the kind of world that I want to live in.
Do you consider yourself a conventional mom? Do you think such conventions remain resolute today?
I don’t really know what a conventional mom is! My family isn’t conventional, but I would also say that there’s not one particular way to be a parent.
How do you think your experience of motherhood has been more challenging than others’?
I think it’s challenging for me because, ultimately, I’m doing it on my own. I can run things past my mom, but there isn’t that co-parenting aspect. Decisions come down to me. But I think just being a parent is a hard job!
Why would you never swap your way of being a mom with someone else’s?
I’m Lex’s mom. I mean, he’s my son. I would never give that up.
What is the one thing that makes your approach to parenthood unique?
We start every day with a dance party! Started by him.
Jenn & Alyx
Sales Director, Alyx.
Can you tell me about your journey to becoming a mom?
I always wanted kids. Matt and I got engaged, I got pregnant a few months later and it felt right.
You’re also a stepmom to Cairo, what’s the dynamic like between the two of you?
I really love Cairo. It’s really awesome having him be around Alyx. I feel like he’s growing up to be super smart and fun to be with, and open and honest, which is very rare for a kid.
You live in New York but travel as a family to LA to visit Cairo, what’s that like?
Traveling gets really crazy since Alyx can now walk. She walks down the aisles to say “Hi!” to every other baby on the airplane. Once we get to LA, she keeps saying “RoRo”, which is what she calls Cairo!
What are the most rewarding aspects of being a mom?
Just watching Alyx and Cairo grow up. I met him when he was 3, and now he’s in kindergarten. Alyx just changes every day. Seeing her learning to walk, or wanting to get dressed on her own is so rewarding.
How has your relationship with Cairo developed over the years, especially since Alyx was born?
I think Cairo and I have become a lot closer. Cairo and Alyx can’t leave each other’s gaze, they’re obsessed with each other! I really feel like he’s my son and I have to do my best to be a good mom to him, the same exact way I would for Alyx.
What are some of the special moments you’ve seen between the two of them?
Alyx wants to call RoRo every morning when she wakes up. When we’re in LA, Cairo goes over to her crib and makes sure she’s happy.
How does being a mom differ from being a stepmom?
I think people think of it differently, but it’s pretty much the same thing because you really want what’s best for both of the kids. You just want them to be happy and healthy!
What do you love most about being a mom?
Getting hugged and having your baby yell “mama”! And all that love!! Seeing them do good things. Like when Cairo comes home with his homework and he has stars all over it… I just love everything about it!
Translated by Andrea Perdue.
There is no family model …there is love .
Love is what makes everything possible!!
with love
Yael Guetta
http://www.ftwwl.com
Thank you, thank you, thank you for celebrating these incredible women and their beautiful families. Sitting here with my own mom and my eleven month old son, reading about their journeys, and all of us have tears in our eyes. Well, me and my mom do. My son just wants to eat the laptop. Love, Marlene
Garance, le post est super, mais je relis ton accroche, et je suis frustrée que tu ne nous dises pas davantage ce que tu souhaites toi. Excuse moi et n’y vois aucune pression de ma part, c’est tellement intime ces questions, mais du coup c’était un tel parti pris d’en parler… sans parler de toi vraiment ;) Moi aussi je suis “tardive” sur la maternité, la famille, ces choses me demandent un cheminement plus long que pour les autres. J’espère que tu fais ton chemin. Bien à toi
A family is something private, so, it’s nobody else’s business, how a given family is formed, no matter if that family lives in NYC or elsewhere. I know that there are many people who have a lot to say on the subject, but – hey – it’s their problem :) I became a mom through adoption – a long story preceding this decision – and I just feel like a mom. I’ve been carrying a crying baby through sleepless nights, fussing over his first cold, celebrating his first teeth, first steps, first words. I get up when he calls “MOOOOOM!” from his bedroom, because he’s having a bad dream or just wants to tell me something important in the middle of the night. I take him for ice cream if he’s had a rough day in a preschool. Just things that a mom does :) 10 years before, when I found out that I wouldn’t be able to get pregnant, I thought it was the end of the world. It was not – it was just a start of a whole new life for me. A break up is a painful process, but – hey – you never know what is around the corner :)
This is just terrific! Love your honesty and love all the stories of becoming mum :)
well written and such an inspiration.
as a new mom i can relate and can appreciate every mother’s journey.
g, just you wait ;)
This is so beautiful! I love all these families and the freedom to choose your own one. I also know that one day I would like to start a family and this post is really inspiring!
Hi Garance – I am crying after reading these beautiful inspiring stories. I had my darling twin girls aged 45, using a sperm donor after my relationship ended. It was the best thing I could have done! I cannot tell you how much joy my girls have brought to my life. It can be challenging being a lone parent, but it is something I have never regretted over the past two and a half years. Age isn’t important – it’s what’s in your heart and as you say, love is what matters. I have never know love like it. Thanks for being so honest – you will have your family if you want it. The photos are beautiful. I love your blog so much. Thank you.
Wonderful story.
“I love most about New York, it’s the freedom to make your life whatever you want it to be.”
It is very New York to think it is a very New York thing to have these options and freedom
I am a French expat and I love the freedom to be a full time working and a mom and maybe next the CEO of my own start-up – not in New York.
Boston, San Francisco where we the geeks live prefer these cities are not different. I will argue that for some careers offers much more freedom the way you described.
I love so much that you reached out to mom who became mothers in so many different ways – this is a beautiful post!
Warm Regards,
Alexandra
http://www.littlewildheart.com
My kids are 16 1/2 and 21 now, so I cry a little when I read this, as I miss them and of course mid-life hormone changes make that even more intense… Having my kids, the first when I was 28 and the second at 32, was the best thing I ever did in my life, hands down…. I now am back to working and love it, but I never looked back when I stopped working at 26 right after my marriage and then my first came with in 2 years… I stayed home and gardened and raised my kids… They have been the joy and ease of my life…..
Great post, thank you Garance!
Thank you for your honesty and directness, as always, Garance. You help me to not be afraid and keep curious outlook on things, ‘What life has in store for me?’
I broke up twice in the past 6 months, both breakups were traumatic in their own way, and I feel like something is dead inside of me. Your posts make me feel like it will just take time to revive.
Mon D*** que ce post est…. touchant ! Merci Garance car chaque mère doute un peu un jour ou l’autre, chaque famille est différente, chaque chemin vaut la peine d’être découvert, chaque histoire à ses jolis mots… Merci beaucoup ce post m’a fait un bien fou !
Merci pour ce très beau billet et bonne fête à toutes les mamans!
Tiens, cela me fait penser à la belle et joyeuse chanson “Plurielle” que les Brigitte ont écrites pour leurs mamans… à dédier nous toutes !
Bisou
Merci Garance, ici au Portugal la fête des Mères a été dimanche dernier donc tout a fait dans l’air du temps <3
Être mère c'est vraiment ça: l'amour qu'on a pour nos enfants.
Tellement beau de lire ces différentes histoires. Je trouve que cela nous aide a construire un monde plus ouvert, tolerant et respectueux.
Et toi, tu en est où? ;-)
Très beau post, qui rabat le caquet à tous ces idiots que nous avons en France (et sans doute aussi ailleurs…), qui s’imaginent qu’il n’y a qu’une sorte de famille et qui, surtout, veulent imposer leur vision à tout le monde !
Tout à fait!!! ;p
bien dit!!!
Merci Garance pour ces différentes approches. Effectivement c’est bien de pouvoir avoir et se donner autant de possibilités. Mais l’âge quand même…j’ai quelques doutes. Est-ce qu’a 60 ans on aura toujours autant d’énergie alors que notre enfant n’aura que 20 ans ?
Bien sûr que oui!
Regarde les femmes de 60 ans autour de toi, elles sont tellement dynamiques, belles et ce sont particulièrement celles qui ont des enfants de 20 ans qui sont ouvertes d’esprit et jeunes!
C’est très bisounours mais chacun fait comme il veut et peux, l’amour EST le plus important.
Garance, tu seras sans aucun doute une merveilleuse maman pour la famille que tu construiras!
I *love* this! Normalizing “non-traditional” moms and families is so important – often websites/magazines do articles on the subject, the focus is warped and just emphasizes the “otherness”. Reading this (and seeing the photos!) was lovely. What a breath of fresh air to someone who’s own family is not like the others. I can relate to all of these women in different ways. Bravo!!!
Great post ! enjoyed reading it
http://www.fruityandpassion.com/2015/05/the-oversized-jacket.html#more
Beautiful, thoughtful post. I loved reading all the stories and as well as the comments from your readers. Thank you for sharing this with us.
http://www.interiormonologue.com
Alors là, merci pour cet article qui me parle pour tout plein de raisons! Vraiment un grand merci Garance!
Best job in the world I think: being a Mummy :)
Bisous from France,
Sand.
http://www.taimemode-fashionblog.com
This makes me so happy. I was my daughter’s only parent for 10 years before I met and married my partner.
There are lots of different ways to mother. Moms, children, and communities all benefit when we make room for all the different ways of making families. xo
très joli post et très émouvant…
XO!
Oui d’acord mais l’amour, en entendant le vrai amour, est si difficile à faire durer, il est ainsi doulourex se retrouver sens homme, ton homme, qui a préferée une autre, c’est une blessure qui ne passe pas e la solitude n’est pas une choix, c’est obligée…Depuis le cinquant ans pus…c’est impossible penser à l’amour! Les jeux sont faits e je suis au dehors!
Bisou ici Bari!
Je vais jeter un froid… Parfois, ce n’est pas si évident d’aimer, je pense que des mères adoptives seront d’accord avec moi. Je pense aussi aux mères de grands prématurés, dont je fais partie, qui peuvent avoir une relation perturbée à leur enfant. Je donnerais cher pour pouvoir dire moi aussi mon amour inconditionnel pour mon enfant. J’ai déjà eu envie de jeter mon bb par la fenêtre dans des instants de désarroi et de fatigue extrêmes. Je ne crois pas me tromper en disant que beaucoup de mères ont traversé des moments similaires, peut-être pas aussi violents. Alors pourquoi toujours nous servir le même discours sur la maternité ? Pourquoi les mères entre elles, quand elles ne sont pas proches, essaient souvent d’entretenir l’illusion ? Tout cela génère énormément de frustrations, comme l’idéal de minceur et de jeunesse largement diffusé sur ce blog. ARRÊTONS DE TOUT IDEALISER !
TOUT A FAIT !
Je suis d’accord avec vous mais je pense que ce n’est pas le sujet de ce post qui vise plutôt à montrer différents types de familles et en ça je trouve l’article particulièrement touchant et bien fait, il atteint son but.
Ce post est formidable d’amour et de tolérance.
Aimer son enfant inconditionnellement ne veut pas dire qu’on n’a pas eu des moments de doutes, des moments d’ énervements, des moments d’angoisse, cela veut juste dire qu’on ne retient que les bons côtés et qu’on admet que notre imperfection lui sera peut être utile.
Je n’ai pas aimé ma grossesse, le père de ma fille m’a quitté, je ne fais pas tout bien, elle n’est pas parfaite, elle me saoule parfois (elle est ado), mais je ferais tout ce que je peux pour lui apporter du bonheur.
Bises Garance et que tu trouves ta propre voie
This was beautiful and inspiring!
Garance, you are amazing. You and your blog, you are such an inspiration !
Thank you for this wonderful article. As a single mother of two young girls….living in Los Angeles….running a fashion business….I never know what life has in store for all three of us. Our love is the glue that holds our family together….even if our family looks different from other families.
http://thedecohaus.com/
ce post est superbe ! merci !
As John Lennon said so perfectly, “Love is the answer. And you know that for sure”.
Thank you for this story Garance. Like Samira, I don’t have the urge to experience pregnancy. I’ve always joked (Ok, it;s a very bad one but it reflects how I feel) that if I could only go to Selfridges and get a baby there I wouldn’t mind having three. Everyone around me keeps saying that adopted children have issues but looking at Samira & Lex, that somehow doesn’t ring true.
Ana
http://www.champagnegirlsabouttown.co.uk
Très joli post. Je suis aussi – à 35 ans- en plein questionnement sur la maternité, le changement de vie que cela impose, les responsabilités immenses et les dangers aussi. pourtant je suis en couple stable depuis très longtemps. Comme quoi la réponse est souvent très personnelle avant d’être une réponse de couple. Il faut sentir le désir, l’envie d’ouvrir un nouveau chapitre de notre vie et sûrement un peu (beaucoup) de lâcher prise.
certaines regrettent sûrement d’avoir franchi le pas… et on n’en parle jamais…. Ici ce sont de très belles histoires, certainement un peu idéalisées, mais très belles.
J’attends d’être dans un état d’esprit où j’aurais accepté de mourir un peu à mon moi-même d’aujourd’hui pour devenir autre chose, sûrement plus grand et plus empathique, oui.
Ton chemin, Garance, tu sais où il est il me semble. ça doit juste mûrir :)
je me méfiais du sujet et j’adore les 2 premiers témoignages, tellement vivants, et surtout pas conventionnels !
Pour mon cas, je croyais avoir toujours voulu avoir des enfants. Je suis instinctivement maternelle, ainée de mes frère-soeur-cousins-cousines, de tous quoi et des 2 côtés de la famille, et tous je les ai pris sous mon aile. Je me sentais responsable, plus responsable que les adultes. Vers 20 ans, on me disais que je ferai une super mère (tant des mecs que des enfants). Quand j’ai eu la relation et l’âge d’en faire, je n’ai pas réussi. Et tant mieux car en vrai je n’en veux pas : je ne souhaite pas de grossesse, je ne souhaite pas vivre ce que vit un parent. J’adore les petits humains car ils ne sont pas encore “salis” par la société etc. Mais les réunions de parents d’élèves, le voir revenir avec des relations chelous, se taper l’adolescence… bref pas pour moi ! Mais tu sais quoi ? Je dois quand même faire le deuil de ne pas devenir mère, de ne pas porter d’enfant et de ne pas connaitre cette relation presque fusionnelle (non non il fat pas je sais) et unique. Dès que ma soeur est enceinte et proche d’accoucher, paf je pleure mon deuil. Et pourtant c’est un choix !
The couples mother and child are amazing. They are shining, you can see it on their faces, that’s pure happiness. Amazing.
Lovely pics!
Passa a trovarmi VeryFP
Garance,
Thank you for sharing your experience, your thoughts and this beautiful profile of moms. It’s important for women today to know that there is not just one way to have a family. We have so many options, as opposed to the pressure of the sole “traditional” family unit. Everyone’s journey is unique and valid.
I wish you continued success in life, love and happiness!!!
XO,
belle BRUT
http://bellebrut.tumblr.com/tagged/sketchbook
http://www.bellebrut.com
J’adore ces 3 portraits ! Bonne fête des mères à toutes <3
Baci, Ali, #mumtobe
http://www.alidifirenze.fr
Très beau poste, j’ai beaucoup aimée. Si j’aime quelque chose par dessous dans la vie, c’est d’être mère. J’ai une très belle relation avec ma fille qui a maintenant 23 ans. Être la mère d’un enfant surdoué c’est un grande plaisir et une chance inouï. Ne penser pas que tout est rose … elle aussi a était une adolescente … et quelle…
Je vous souhaite a toutes une Joyeuse fête de mères !!!!
xxx
Génial ce post, et merci beaucoup de présenter la vision de famille de cette façon, et encore pour la fête des mères. Moi-même j’ai été élévée par deux femmes, dans des conditions totalement bizarres à l’époque et l’endroit où je grandissais, et je sais trop bien que tous les schémas traditionnels ne veulent rien dire. On est des êtres compliqués, à multiples facettes, très difficile alors d’entrer dans des rôles préfabriqués. Comme vous avez dit: ce qui compte c’est l’amour, et encore – si on savait ce que cela peut bien vouloir dire, l’amour;) Merci!
Great post! I loved reading all the different interviews. Super cute pictures too.
The Office Stylist
http://www.theofficestylist.com
Marie, pourquoi vous imaginer que “certaines regrettent sûrement d’avoir franchi le pas…et on n’en parle jamais ?”
Avoir des difficultés, souvent temporaires, et regretter d’être devenue mère, ce sont deux choses extrêmement différentes !
Je ne dis pas que ça n’existe pas de regretter, mais pour ma part, je connais tellement de femmes qui avaient peur de franchir le pas et qui en sont ravies, ou au moins, qui abordent leur nouveau rôle de mère avec le plus grand naturel.
Parce qu’un bébé, un enfant, ce n’est pas du tout comme un amoureux. Un enfant, même s’il est super pénible, même s’il est très fatigant, même si le papa n’est pas idéal ou absent, c’est très très très rare de le regretter, parce qu’il vient de nous et que ça créé des liens juste indescriptibles et inaltérables. Il y a dans l’immense majorité des cas, beaucoup plus de positif que de négatif.
Merveilleux article. Parce que le véritable cadeau c’est de revendiquer notre part unique. Quelle soit dans notre vécu, notre cheminement intérieur ou ces moments petits d’exceptions du quotidien qui n’appartiennent qu’à nous.
J’aime à croire qu’il n’y a pas de bonne route. Juste des chemins enrichissants, avec leurs différences.
Merci pour cette jolie lecture.
Très beau témoignages.
Le tout est de savoir si on fait un enfant parce que l’envie est vraiment là ou bien si on le fait pour suivre un schéma qu’on nous impose, couple donc suite logique il faut un enfant. Ou alors parce que certaines personnes disent qu’une femme qui ne fait pas d’enfant n’est pas une “vraie” femme…
Malheureusement on est dans une société aussi où certaines femmes ont honte d’avouer qu’elles ne veulent pas faire d’enfant car c’est mal vu.
What a gorgeous article x well done Garance! Such an important and beautiful perspective on the idea of motherhood!
Beautiful inspiring post! This may be one of my favorites, mothers are so overlooked and under appreciated (yet the first to be blamed!). Thank you for this, it made my day!
As we discussed when Petey and I dropped by the Studio, I never felt that I must have children, and I always knew I wouldn’t want to raise a child on my own without a husband (still waiting for TBD to show up!) yet I feel incredibly fortunate to have a handful of young men and women in my life who I could not love more had I given birth to them. And that is one of the real blessings in my life.
What a great post.
Also your confession mustn’t have been easy. Bravo !
Nothing like being a mother! What counts is the desire and the love, so true. We had our first child immediately and years later got our secondary infertility diagnosis. (Let’s just say, pesticides are to blame, not my age.) After years of failed ivf’s – my ovaries prefer the natural way thank you very much – we are doing embryo donation and adoption, which is an amazing way to create a family! A process completely steeped in love!!
This is a beautiful post, Garance and the subject of how families are formed runs so deep. Yes, it is all about LOVE, but interestingly, also very much about TIME and how significant both of these are in the bonds between people. There are 3 movies that portray this magnificently — some of my favorite movies in fact. They are “The Kids Are Alright” which is about family, “Mother and Child” (directed by Rodrigo Garcia) which is about love and time, and “Feast of Love” which is about how people find love.
I’ll leave you with a terrific quote from an article I found online a few years ago.
“A pair of 12-year-old girls who discovered they were accidentally switched at birth want to stay with the mothers who have been raising them rather than go to their real parents.
The girls have grown up just a few miles away from each other in the town of Kopeisk in the Ural Mountains of eastern Russia.
Their mothers gave birth in the same maternity ward just 15 minutes apart in 1999, and their infant daughters were inadvertently given the wrong name tags.
Their true identities were revealed after the ex-husband of Yuliya Belyaeva, one of the mothers, refused to pay for child care because his daughter, Irina, looked nothing like him. After conducting several DNA tests it emerged that neither adult was Irina’s biological parent.”
How much TIME and attention that is given plays a big part in the familial bond.
Thanks for this post!
I never thought I would be so fascinated about other women’s families and how their motherhood began! Someone told me to never expect a fairy tale white picket fence kind of family….and these stories made me think about that!!
(=’.’=)
-Lauren
adorn la femme
Merci Garance pour ce très bel article.
Beautiful stories. .. when i was in my 20s i wasn’t thinkning about having children but then at the age of 29 it went all the traditional way and i feel blessed now.
But since then I haven’t stopped wondering what the future brings. My point is : Whether having children or not the question about future always stays the same. So waiting for the unknown is just what we have to deal with. Keep calm and just live the life you love. ..
http://lifestylebyola.blogspot.com/2015/04/full-family-and-full-skirt.html
Thank you for being so honest and open about your personal life. It somehow means a lot.
Bonjour Garance,
C’est la première fois de ma vie que j’écris un commentaire sur un blog. Je suis le votre depuis peu de temps et je suis vraiment bluffée par votre aptitude à ne pas rester dans votre zone de confort … La mode, les likes, la pression sociale.
Depuis maintenant 2 ans je partage ma vie avec une femme après avoir eu beaucoup de magnifiques relations avec des hommes. Maintenant je suis la plus heureuse du monde et j’ai enfin envie de fonder une famille, avec cette femme. Nous aussi auront recours au don de sperme et notre enfant pourra retrouver son géniteur à sa majorité. C’est important pour nous de lui laisser ce choix. Je voulais vous remercier de parler de toutes ces nouvelles et différentes familles. Je viens moi même d’une famille de 5 enfants avec 3 mères différentes et c’est aujourd’hui ma plus grande force. Nous sommes une tribu même si ca n’a pas toujours été facile.
Voilà juste merci il y a autant de familles différentes que de bonheur dans la vie.
Garance I’ve been following you for years and adore you. I have a 1 year old girl and love nothing more then being her mama. I hope one day you get to experience this feeling and I have no doubt you will be an amazing mama yourself one day. Kiss
What a terrific post! Wonderful stories of these wonderful mothers…it doesn’t matter HOW you become a mother, what matters is BEING a mother, if you choose to be one!
Etre parents ce n’est pas juste avoir de petits enfants car ceux-ci grandissent et, pour le moment, nous n’avons aucun retour sur les expériences de parentalité “différente”. A mon humble avis, ce n’est pas gagné. Un enfant à besoin de repères, de parents des deux sexes et aussi de stabilité dans sa vie. Alors je reste persuadée que toutes les innovations récentes dont on nous abreuve ne sont pas, du point de vue de l’enfant, un plus pour lui.
Une chose est sûre : l’amour ne suffit pas et c’est pourtant ce qu’on cherche à nous faire croire.
Signé : une maman adoptive de quatre enfants majeurs
Je suis tellement d’accord avec vous !
J’ai écrit un commentaire plus bas sur ce que j’ai ressenti en lisant ces lignes…
J’ai peur que parfois, pour justifier nos propres actes, on se cache derrière l’amour.
En effet, élever des enfants c’est aimer avant tout. Mais les aimer pour eux, pas pour soi.
C’est très amusant, c’est au moment où on perd tous ces repères que les médias nous abreuvent de docu, reportages video et photos sur les parents non conventionnels et pourtant tellement heureux… Comme des justification a posteriori.
Garance, merci beaucoup pour ce bel article! I’m a french teacher in the US and I had my students read it in class today and they enjoyed it very much. I love having something for them to read that’s more relevant and interesting than their textbook. Also, they loved your blog and appreciated your candor about your personal life and experiences, as do I. Bisoux!!
Also, this is my first year as a mother (my daughter is almost 3 months), and it’s the best thing ever to happen to me. I hope someday that you will have the experience, with or without a man!
I thought the entry about braids was a delightful surprise, but this post takes the cake. Not only am I inspired by these incredible women, but their unique journey to motherhood has motivated my own maternal desires. I’m a single woman in her mid-thirties with a the hope of becoming a mother someday, but the prospect of finding the right partner to build a life with has grown increasingly difficult. I’ve had to adjust my own perception of how to start a family, so the idea becoming a single parent has been on my radar for awhile. Reading these stories has given me a little more courage to move towards the goal and satisfying the desires of my heart.
It may not be appropriate for this site, but I would love to know how Samira handles being a single mom as a woman of color. The negativity around this stigma has inhibited my confidence about going it alone. But all in all, great post.
Superbe article, vraiment très touchant. C’est rare d’aborder le sujet de la maternité sur les blogs de cette façon, donc merci beaucoup ! Et bien sûr, il n’y a pas une mais des millions de façon d’être parents !
http://www.pardonmyobsession.com/
Sometimes women also break up with their partners because they realise, afer years (their prime ‘reproductive’ years…) of denial, that guy they’re with doesn’t want to have children..what do you do, what is stronger, the love for the partner, or the love for the theoretical child?
Super post, mais une question me brûle les les lèvres toi tu souhaites la fonder quand et comment ta propre famille ?
J’ai cette impression qu’avoir un enfant parfois ça ne se décide pas vraiment c’est un peu comme l’amour, ça vous tombe dessus il faut juste être ouvert à toutes le opportunités que la vie peut offrir. Moi j’ai eu mon petit garçon qui a maintenant 16 mois alors que j’était étudiante, je révisais pour mon CAPES entre deux nausées. Mais en même temps savoir que la vie était en train de grandir en moi était un soutient de plus pour réussir dans ma vie professionnelle. Du coup réussir mon examen c’était réussir pour lui et aussi avec lui (forcément vu que ce petit haricot me suivait partout!)
Dear Garance, thank you for this. I am really touched by your post. I am 39 and it feels like me and my man came to the end of our journey together. I am grateful we have a wonderful child together, it is the best in the whole world and even though we might each go our way, I will always be my child’s mama and that I will forever be thankful for, also to him. All the best to you, Patti
thank you for sharing your vulnerability. we all desire and need love . . . love of oneself is essential (and often a work in progress). happiness is an inside job. i thoroughly enjoy your blog, your creative sensibility, the honesty, the truth of you, that is the foundation of what you offer to your followers. wendy.
2 famous mom’s: The Sound of Music mommy/nanny Julie Andrews played and then there’s the “other”…..the wicked one like the one Faye Dunaway played in Mommie Dearest. Which one are you? lol When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother, What will I be? Will I be pretty? Will I be rich? Here’s what she said to me: Que sera, sera
Whatever will be, will be The future’s not ours to see Que sera, sera What will be, will be. Happy Mother’s Day!
Très beau reportage..Peace and LOVE
Merci pour ce billet plein d’amour et libérateur !!
Il n’y a pas une famille mes des familles, mais c’est parfois tellement dur de ne pas être dans la norme …
alors merci :)
<3
C’est très beau de parler tout le temps d’Amour mais à la lecture de ces entretiens, je suis carrément effrayée…
Bizarrement, en lisant ces lignes, je ne ressens que de l’égoïsme et une manière très puérile d’aborder la maternité.
Je suis sans doute complètement has been mais je pense qu’avoir des enfants, on ne le fait pas pour soi mais pour eux et que toutes belles choses qu’on lit ici, ce sont surtout des justifications…