13 years ago by

And finally, here we go, here’s your worst pieces of advice you sent me to win a t-shirt!!! So yeah, since there were millions I had to comb through I have to apologize but it took me 20 years. So sorry – but we’ll start with the ones that talk about love and sex, just because I love this subject and nothing makes me laugh more.

Ooookay, so to be an amazing lover, listen to these impossible little pieces of advice you were given…

Move your body :

  • If you want to seduce a man, pretend like you’re redoing your lipstick while sucking on and licking your finger. As told to Luisa.
  • Roll your eyes (Darlene Conley style), throw back vigorously your hair, move your right hand in circles above your cleavage and give him a sexy wink. To be done simultaneously. As told to Anna.
  • When on a date, order the spiciest thing you can, it’ll make your lips look fuller. As told to Sheila.

Do whatever :

  • For the first date, always carry a wig and dark sunglasses in your bag. That way, if it’s awful, excuse yourself to the bathroom, don your disguise and GTFO!!! He’ll never know. As told to Ava.
  • If you’re curious whether or not you’re in love with your man, cheat on him. If you don’t feel guilty at all, you don’t love him anymore. If you feel guilty then it’s love and don’t worry he’ll never know you did it. —> Sent in by an Italian fried who has an official lover in Barcelona, another in Paris, and another in rehab. As told to Anne-Sophie.
  • So listen up, the best thing to do is to go on your first date completely drunk. That way for sure something will work. As told to Clarisse.

Be totally detached :

  • Just be distant and a little jaded. —-> He thought think that I was not into him and ended up someone I hate! As told to Clem.
  • Just give him some space. He’ll come back. —-> It’ll be 10 years in February 2011….. As told to Leopoldine.

Be a little trashy :

  • Find a guy. Get yourself right in front of him and simply say, “Wanna fuck?” Works every time. As told to Anne.
  • Dolly, it’s too bad you don’t smoke. If you smoked, you could go up to a guy and ask him for a light. And then bam, right away, you’ve met a guy. As told to Dolly.
  • If you want to know if he’s the right guy, it’s like with clothes. You have to try him to know if he’s good on you. As told to Gipsy.

And definitely listen to your friends who have your best interests in mind :

  • Don’t worry, he won’t do that after you’re married. As told to Jan
  • So I think you get it that the youngins aren’t so much into you, but a more mature man totally is. Why don’t you stop heading over to Baron and maybe try, oh I dunno, Ladurée just to take a look? As told to Louise.
  • Don’t dump him. You’re too old to find someone else now. As told to Efi.
  • He’s not that ugly. Just wait you’ll get used to it. As told to Ljubica.

Or listen to the ones coming directly from your man, so full of love…

  • We should have a baby, but keep living in our seperate apartments. That’s how they do it in Europe. I think it would help our relationship. As told to Lauren.
  • If you want unconditional love, buy yourself a dog! As told to Ioana.

And finally, the best of the worst advice, because unlike most of the ones above, these have a touch of truth in them. Advice given by Delphine‘s aunt, married 20 years :

  • Every night I tell Xavier that he’s quite the lucky man to have married me. And can you even imagine, he totally believes it !

And there you have it! Everyone that I’ve listed above gets a t-shirt ASAP! I also want to send out the biggest thank you to all your super nice notes that came with your e-mails.

I am the luckiest for having the most adorable readers ever. Seriously.

Next time (not in 20 years, I promise) we’ll post the best of your worst advice on beauty. Big hugs!

Translation: Tim Sullivan


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