7 years ago by

One day I went to a café after the flea market to meet some friends.

I was still living in France at the time, and I showed up to the café with my loot, super happy with everything I’d found at the flea. I almost felt like skipping coffee and going straight home to see how my new tea kettle, my new coffee set, and most of all, my new gorgeous painting were going to transform my [microscopic] living room into the front page of The World of Interiors.

So I sat down, and suddenly I hear:

“What is this eyesore?”


Someone had just called the painting I’d bought after lots of negotiation, an “eyesore”. I ordered a coffee and didn’t say anything, but my throat was in knots.

As if by chance, the eyesore in question never made its way onto my walls. I left it in a corner, and a few months later, it was collecting dust in my staircase. Then I turned it to face the wall. A year later, I got rid of it, relieved that I wouldn’t have to see it anymore each time I went up to my room.

So, two questions:

1) Why would anyone feel comfortable throwing their opinions around for everyone to hear like that?
2) Since when am I that easily influenced???


1) Well, my friends!!! They’re often like that—very frank, and I love them exactly for that reason, even if sometimes the truth (or like, their truth) feels kind of like taking a cold shower.
2) Since always, actually! And I didn’t know it at the time, but I was going to drag that yucky flaw around with me for yeeeearrrsss.

Yes, I’m terribly easy to influence.

To the point where I need a state council meeting to make an important purchase. The advice of at least twelve friends, not counting my family. By the way, yesterday I almost bought a car. And then after reading lots of comments, and speaking to twelve people, including the barista at Starbucks, I decided not to buy it. Is that reason or passion? Ahah. When it comes to fashion, I do okay (I’d better, right?) but even so, one remark spoken at the right time can totally ruin a pair of shoes I thought were great. And my friends are the queens of cutting remarks. The other day, I sent a friend a link to a bag I’ve been drooling over for weeks on Net-A-Porter, and this was her response:

“No, not that bag! It will make you look poor!”


Hahaha, of course I immediately jumped all over her (I might be easily influenced, but I still have a personality). What do you mean, “it makes you look poor?” Are there still people who think like that? Bahahhaa!!! I’d never heard that in my life!”

The answer of course, was that in her opinion, the brand of the bag was displayed too prominently so it made it seem like you wanted people to see that the bag was expensive, which I can understand, but as HIGH PRIESTESS OF FASHION (easily influenced, but no less high priestess) I understood the irony of the bag. Like, the brand was so obvious it kind of cancels itself out? Anyone who doesn’t get it, raise your hand, and I’ll write you a mini-post on the subject: basically I saw a sort of chic irony in it.

And I didn’t buy it anyway.

Usually if I’ve already made a purchase (yes, sometimes I buy things on a whim without sending the prerequisite 50 text messages over 5 different time zones) it’s insidious – there are six phases, like with these shoes I bought a few months ago, for example.

Phase 1: Honeymoon.
I love my shoes, they’re kind of different from my normal style, but hey! That’s the whole point! Change things up a little!

Phase 2: Remark.
A friend looks like she feels sorry for me (what’s worse than that look, right?) when she sees my shoes; or maybe she goes so far as to say “oh no, those don’t look good at all, you can’t wear those, no, no, no” (ahhaha my friends, I could write a whole novel)

Phase 3: Rationalization.
No, she’s totally wrong, my shoes are great, my friend doesn’t understand anything—her jacket is awful, so why would I listen to her? She has no style!

Phase 4: Despair.
But Beyoncé has the same ones! (Any savior will do, even if my style, you’ll agree, is nothing at all like Beyoncé’s)

Phase 5: Subtle abandonment.
When the shoes find themselves a bit neglected, lost under the bed or in the back of the closet without me even thinking about it, and the times when I bring them out are more and more rare, like to take the dog out at 7am, with dust collection level at 70%.

Phase 6: Total abandonment.
When The Real Real comes to my house to take the shameful purchasing mistake far away from me.

And I’m not even getting into work decisions, since I have no background in business. The number of experts I need to consult and the number of days it takes for me to make a decision.

Okay, fortunately (OR NOT) I usually make choices that please everyone.
(Which is terribly depressing, actually. Who wants to say they make mainstream choices? UGH.)

I’d really love not to be, but eventually I had to face the facts: I am, TERRIBLY influenceable.

And sometimes my influenceability has mixed results. At work, where it’s often better to stick to your instincts. With style, where if you listen to others too much, you end up having the same style as everyone else. And in life, where if you’re not a little independent, you end up living someone else’s (your mom’s, your friend’s, the person you follow on Instagram’s) life.

And actually, it was in my um…personal development that I realized, during my recent in-depth searching (I’ll have to tell you about that, I did an amazing therapy that totally changed my life!) that I had a really hard time connecting with myself on certain subjects. There’s a side of me that doesn’t want to hurt anyone, and wants to make everyone happy all the time. That often left me feeling exhausted and not at all sure of myself, which is probably what caused my burnout a few months ago.


Sometimes, I have no idea what I like or what is good for me . And more importantly, sometimes I don’t know how to say “Okay, 99% of people won’t understand this choice (in shoes, style, work, life) but it’s what makes sense for ME.”

All right, you know me: usually I’m pretty sure about my taste, I know instinctively what I like and what I don’t like. I even have pretty clear physical reactions to situations that aren’t right for me. Which actually makes it even more difficult to identify my little problem — you can be totally sure of yourself in some areas, and not at all in others.

There are places in me where I am not confident about my choices at all. Except when that happens now, I try to take a little moment and connect with myself.

It’s a lot harder than it seems, but it’s very exciting, and it adds a new dimension to my life. I reset all my counters to zero. I try to find my instinct in moments where it seems to be lacking. That doesn’t mean I never ask for advice—but first I try to figure out what really makes me light up.

It’s an extremely profound change of perspective, it’s very personal and feels really good, I have to say – especially now that the influences in our lives come not only from close friends, but also from social media, which, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, has a tendency to make our lives look a little bit uniform – our tastes and our thinking.

So there you go. I’m influenceable, but I’m getting better and it’s making me deeply happy. And I’m so happy to talk about it with you. What do you think? Do you feel like you are easily influenced?

Translated by Andrea Perdue


Add yours
  • This is so interesting! I’ve ALWAYS felt like no one “gets” my style or personal choices so, for the most part, I haven’t felt that kind of pressure. I also think that because I’m surrounded by men, most of my fashion choices aren’t even noticed. ???? My impression, Garance, is that you have a lot of women in your life, and that’s wonderful but we tend to be more outspoken (sorry for the gross generalization…) I find as I age, I’m much less easily influenced. I’ve gotta be me!

  • Hi Garance,
    I am rather like you, I feel its important to know friends and outsiders opinions especially if you are unsure however you have to think and be true to yourself, otherwise sometimes you can end up feeling a little lost and not happy with yourself. After all we all are different and someones dream can be another’s nightmare.

    If I really want something, I try to think it over for a day if time permits! Lately I have been having a clear out of clothes which no longer bring me any joy – have you read The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying
    by Marie Kondo, I feel the reverse should apply when purchasing new items you are not sure about- do you feel it will bring you some joy? Can be a difficult one to answer but only you can answer that :)

    Polly xx

  • Ce post me fait tellement de bien! Mais oui, je comprends tout à fait ce que tu veux dire! Je me soigne aussi tranquillement. Surtout quand je me prends le matin à choisir ma tenue en fonction de ce que les gens pourraient penser : je ne veux surtout pas essayer quelque chose de trop éclaté ou de nouveau par peur des commentaires… Alors qu’au fond, qu’est-ce qu’on s’en fou si ça me plaît à moi! Vraiment, c’est un travail de chaque instant d’essayer de vivre, de s’habiller et d’agir d’abord pour soi-même. :)

  • As Humans I think we’ve always been influenced by others nonetheless than for survival (throwing up if someone else does in case it’s poisonous).

    I grew up devouring women’s magazines, admiring people for their style but now that I know what I like I don’t care so much about my friends’ opinion. I’m influenced by your blog though, so specia ;-) By the way maybe you got rid of a (future) Basquiat, trust your instinct!

  • Influençable sur le papier oui, mais au final je fais ce que je veux! ah ah ah Je l’ai peut-être été quand j’étais plus jeune mais j’ai toujours eu cette envie de ne pas faire comme tout le monde et ça vaut pour pas mal de choses dans ma vie. Surtout, j’ai appris à n’écouter que mon ressenti et en général il se trompe peu. Ecouter les avis de son entourage c’est toujours intéressant mais au fond je sais ce qui me convient. Sur certains sujets comme le professionnel, j’aime bien sonder mon entourage cela peut m’orienter sur certaines décisions. Tes copines sont sévères! Mais franches alors il ne vaut pas mieux une bonne franchise qu’un compliment hypocrite?! Ceci dit parfois il faut savoir aussi être mesuré, j’ai du mal avec la critique facile (dixit la fille qui critique à tout bout de champ! paradoxal!) ou alors faire ses achats dans le dos de ses copines! ah ah ah

  • Jani Champagne September, 7 2016, 10:31 / Reply

    Merci Garance de partager votre vulnérabilité avec tant d’ouverture et de simplicité. Votre billet m’a fait réfléchir ce matin… Mais oui, nous sommes tous si influençables, malgré notre fort désir d’être totalement uniques! Et de plus en plus ces dernières années. Et on se le cache bien… Être soi c’est le projet de toute une vie. Et ce n’est facile pour personne. Combien de fois je me suis sentie plus moi-même, pour découvrir, des années plus tard, d’autres facettes bien cachées. La recherche de soi est une aventure passionnante!!!

  • Pour les « petites » choses, par exemple sac à main, chaussures – puisque tu en parles, je suis mon instinct, mes envies (et mon budget, bien sûr). Si je ne suis pas tout à fait sûre, je mets l’idée de côté pour deux ou trois jours: après ce délai, en général les idées sont claires: soit j’en ai encore envie, soit je n’y pense plus ou ce n’est vraiment pas le bon modèle. En tout cas, j’ai remarqué que me laisser un peu de temps me permet de bien clarifier ce que je veux au fond de moi, saus demander conseil à mon entourage, ce qui au contraire aurait tendance à m’embrouiller.
    Pour les « grandes » choses, achats très importants, choix d’un job, déménagement, etc…, je réfléchis, je note les avantages et inconvénients. Puis si besoin je vais en parler avec des gens que je sais compétents en la matière; pas forcément très proches de moi, mais compétents et le plus neutres possible. J’essaie d’obtenir leur avis et pas leurs conseils, l’avis étant à mes yeux plus « technique ». Ensuite, je passe le tout à la « moulinette » de la réflexion, je laisse reposer et je décide, Si j’ai un doute, j’écoute toujours mon instinct, parce que lui il sait. Il est dans une partie de mon cerveau que je ne peux pas contrôler et qui perçoit, dans une situation donnée, des éléments que ma raison ne peut pas décoder. J’ai besoin que l’instinct et la raison soient du même avis. Si la raison dit oui et l’instinct non, je laisse tomber le projet sans aucun regret. Si la raison dit oui et l’instinct non, je réétudie sérieusement pour tenter de voir ce que l’instinct a ressenti et pas la raison.
    J’utilise beaucoup cette méthode pour recruter mes collaborateurs. Les rares fois où je n’ai pas écouté mon instinct parce que j’ai été éblouie par un candidat ou un peu forcée par mes collègues ou toute autre raison, eh bien je m’en suis mordue les doigts dans les semaines qui ont suivi et l’affaire a dû se terminer par un licenciement en période d’essai.
    Belle journée

  • I think I’m easily influenced too. On some days, I feel great walking down the street in my favourite clothes with people smiling hello as they pass by. On other days, I lose all that and shrink with just a passing comment or look. I guess it just depends on what street you’re walking on. :) There are way too many opinions and people to please out there. So, in work as in life, we have to edit and become very good editors for ourselves. You said it right when you said, “first I try to figure out what really makes me light up”.

    No one can knock you even if you’ve made an ‘uncertain’ purchase when one takes pleasure and is having a great time. (I sometimes keep things I love but find too bright, bold or ‘fancy’ for me in the closet until I myself get used to seeing it and pull it out saying, “Hell, yeah!”.

    Love your posts! :)

  • Thank you so much for this post. It hit home for me, not narrowly in terms of finding my fashion style, but on a broader level — on how to live my life! For the past maaaaaany years, I’ve been stuck in a job that people think is “so admirable” “high paying” “so stable” “you’d be crazy to leave”. I haven’t been happy in years, but I’m so easily influenced by what people will think if i leave it. This post has given me that extra bit of courage to live the life I WANT. Thank you.

  • Another relatable post by you, Garance. I would say I’m easily influenced by people but only in the way it makes me feel and not necessarily in my decision making. If someone says something negative, it can hurt my feelings but the only thing it really affects is how I feel towards that person. Like if a friend or family member doesn’t support my endeavours, I would still continue doing what I’m doing (provided I think it’s good for me) but I would be less inclined to talk about it with them.

  • This made me laugh. I recognise myself in all of your phases! To my chagrin I am easily influenced too. I mean I do my own thing and accept I won’t make everyone happy… But when someone whose point of view I value turns their nose up, then it loses its lustre in my eyes. So annoying! Acknowledging this is really helping me to dress for myself. It alerts me to when I am trying to impress others.

    On the other hand, my husband is not partial to or prejudiced against any style. He has an unpolished (raw) sense of proportion and colour. He is neither conventional nor outre. When I ask him what he thinks, he simply sees whether something looks good or not. He doesn’t intellectualise – it either appeals or it doesn’t. He is inevitably right (too fussy, too girlie, too gothic, you look stumpy), and the spell is broken. I’ll defend my choice while knowing in my heart, damn him he’s right.

  • Another point! I really enjoy style and shopping. But I see a pattern in myself whereby each purchase will help me to ‘transcend’. It will be the ultimate item that will somehow endorse me. I want the approval of the whole world.

    Understanding this helps me to buy less. Yes I love beautiful clothes, but they aren’t life changing (enhancing yes!).

  • Oh interesting post! I’ve never thought about how influencable (is that a word?) I am but I’d say I’m probably quite influenced by others. Of course, we’re humans and we like to be accepted by our group. But I rarely have friends remark things. Once my boyfriend remarked a pair of trousers I had designed (and sewed myself with a painstakingly technique) and I didn’t like my trousers any less, will use them to bits but I was terribly upset with him. So I guess I have a lot to work with regarding the upset part ;)

  • C’est amusant je n’aurai jamais pensé ça de toi Garance!
    Moi je ne suis pas du tout, mais alors du tout du tout, influençable, c’est l’inverse, plus on me dit non c’est pas poss, plus je pense j’ai bien fait!!
    Par contre je déteste le conflit/me faire trop remarquer/les discussions politiques, cela donne un drôle de mélange de gentillesse extrème mais assez cash !
    Bonne journée!!

  • huh! I am surrounded by “nice” Midwestern US women, who always say oooh cute! to everything, which is ultimately very unhelpful. I think they find most things I wear (I aspire to simple chic) to be modern and weird. Out here women tend to talk behind each other’s back instead. So you are lucky actually to have people who tell you the truth.

  • Garance !!!! Je lèèèève la main !!! ;-)

  • You just turned 40, right? Well, it gets easier. You care less and less what other people think as the years go by. Whether it’s from greater confidence, greater laziness, wisdom, who knows. But the result is good. You become more what you really are–like yourself, distilled and concentrated.
    My friends aren’t going to say anything bad. If anything, they spot a change and if it’s good they praise the heck out of it. If it’s bad, they say nothing.
    Certain in-laws, however, are very deft with the verbal knife. Husband and I were just discussing how his sister manages to say things like, “Oooh, you changed your hair! Mine used to do that weird stuff too until I went all bio.” So I’m like, Huh? What do you mean weird? She manages to get in a put-down and to position herself as more virtuous in one blow. I’ve decided not to listen. She would totally make a comment about a bag making somebody look poor.
    My niece is my role model here. She would enthusiastically do things like make a crop top out of a pair of underwear. And wear it in public. And look cute. She would pull off the wildest things, always with a goofy smile, even though she looks like Barbie (i.e., not goofy, and actually she’s very smart). I have never heard a critical word come out of her mouth. Nothing but niceness. And she is one of the happiest people I know. Zen. Actually, more like a real-life Bugs Bunny (the way he’s so oblivious to everybody, but not in a mean way). Happy go lucky. I want to be happy go lucky!

  • Oh Gosh, when you describe your sister-in-law, I hear my mother. Totally unable to shut up or to be brave enough to make simple, friendly and nice comments. Terrible women, so unhappy…

  • Mais tu vas les chercher où tes copines? C est quoi cette croûte… ce sac fait pauvre.. aucune psychologie ces nanas. pff… Moi c est trashcan direct. J ai 40 ans et ça fait belle lurette que je fais tout sans demander l avis des gens (amis, famille). En général ils adorent mon audace et j ai une forte personnalité. Met toi bien en tête que ça ne sert à rien de demander les avis car tu connais le dicton? Les goûts et les couleurs. Bisous Marylise. Be strong :) (thalassa44 sur IG)

  • Finalement n’est ce pas génial d’être une des plus grande “influenceuse” influençable ? hahaha !

    D’ailleurs je n’aime pas du tout ce mot d’ “‘influenceur/ceuse” je trouve ça très pédant de prétendre avoir un impact sur les autres. Affirmer le contraire est bien plus modeste et rend beaucoup plus sympathique ! :)

  • Hhhmmmm…I am influenced sometimes, but I wouldn’t say it’s easy. It depends on the friend and if I think their comment is what they think of the choice as it relates to them or if they are giving their opinion as it relates to me. Does that make sense? Have you read the The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up? One of the nuggets of wisdom I have adopted from the book is holding whatever I am thinking about buying and asking myself if I feel a spark of joy. No joy, no purchase : ) No matter what my friends have said.

  • Wonderful article, so honest and relatable. The comment about a particular handbag making you look poor cracked me up! Last weekend I watched the movie Coco Before Chanel (2009….I am late to the party!) and that was a comment used a couple times. The women felt if their clothes weren’t covered with decoration they would look poor.

    Always enjoy your posts!

  • Lisa Walker September, 7 2016, 11:53 / Reply

    Great post! Screw mainstream! haha

    You just got me thinking about the early days of your blog, and the street-styles you posted were so interesting and timelessly cool (I still enjoy them). And then, you got me thinking about how you are so damn charming and chill because you are so normal while being all these things! (OK, we all feel like we know you in real life). I bet you never cut at a friend. I bet you are so damn easy going with your awesomeness that it drives others mad with jealousy, or at the least curiosity (yes, even our friends can get jealous sometimes).

    I bought a vintage lamp years ago that I adored and put it next to my bed. A friend laughed when he saw it. Ruined the lamp for me. I also had a long vintage coat I adored, same friend, called me “hooker” when I wore it. Ruined the jacket for me. We have been friends now for 15 years and just last week he sent me the kindest message– that after all these years he wanted me to know that he cherished me. He said– he admired me, saying, how he wished he had the confidence and style to be himself the way I have… He works in fashion. Sometimes people project their own fears on others… I suppose, nothing we don’t already know ; )

  • Lisa Walker September, 7 2016, 11:58 / Reply

    OH, and one more thing. haha

    I bet these opinionators don’t have a famous fashion blog. A blog people can’t get enough of.

  • I used to be easily influenced by bloggers during my days of carefree spending.

    Now, I am very strict about how much I consume. And constraints and discipline sharpen the mind ? I have gotten good at weeding out advice and figuring out what’s right for me.

    These days, I can read about ‘must have’ items. And roll my eyes at them and move on. Conversely, I can pick out something I like and stick to my guts.

  • Un autre excellent post ! Je trouve “la franchise” des copines trop brutale, je pense qu’il y a un moyen de dire les choses avec du tact. Mon style et mes gouts, dans tous les domaines, ont toujours ete differents de ceux des autres ce qui m’a attire des critiques acerbes qui m’ont blessee. Maintenant, les critiques glissent sur moi parce que j’ecoute mon instinct, trop longtemps ignore et qui est mon meilleur conseiller. :-)))

  • Je pense qu’on est tous influençables, sur différents points et à différents degrés. L’important c’est d’en prendre conscience ! On n’est pas influencé.e, on se laisse influencer. Je crois que personne n’a de pouvoir sur nous sans qu’on lui en donne. À nous donc de choisir qui peut nous influencer… ou nous inspirer. La ligne est mince. ;)

  • this really resonated with me! i am the same way – feel the need to please my mother, my family, my friends. it’s an every day battle to realize that the only important thing is doing what YOU think is right. it’s really a life changer. thanks for writing!


  • Great post. I have learned to trust my instincts over the years. Plus I have a mom ,sister and best friend who all have a wonderful sense of what works on me. I still fight for somethings once in a while if it makes me really happy. Never trust others on art though. Art is so subjective and personal. Trust your gut on that one. I have seen the best collections from people who just go for it.

  • I guess I’m just arrogant! If someone doesnt like something I wear or buy, I just think they have bad taste! Never been influenced by outside voices ( I guess the voices in m head are too loud?)

  • Ha–same here! I’ll show friends purchases I’m considering since I enjoy sharing/discussing clothes, but their reactions have no bearing on my decision to buy the items or not. And I agree–if they dislike something I love, I just privately think that I have better taste haha.

  • Garance

    This is such a lovely and honest read, thank you for pouring your heart out (again) and bringing into discussion REAL life (not the one on social media).

    I might be wrong but I have a couple of observations to make:
    1 some of your friends don’t sound very nice to you whilst you are kind to them
    2 why don’t you try to connect with you in the first place before asking anyone else what their opinion is on something. You might find that you won’t need to do that after all. I find that we can get influenced by others when we don’t know strongly what our ground is and because we don’t believe in ourselves. I’m sure you already know the answer deep inside

    A million thanks for your fabulous podcasts which have honestly made me feel part of a community and happier with myself. The topics are so interesting and I can fully relate with most of what’s discussed. Love the mini ones too (and isn’t Brie Larson super sweet)

    Bisous x

  • Dans mon cas,ca ne se situe pas seulement dans le domaine de la mode…ca concerne aussi les cosmetiques…un puit sans secours!!

  • On dirait moi !!

  • J’encadre cet article !

  • D’instinct je répondrais … On l’est tous influençable …, c’ est meme complètement naturel … j’ai tendance à croire que plus on sait ce qu’on veux ,( oui même si C un truc complètement absurde :D ) et qu’ on s’écoute profondément et qu’ on se fait confiance … plus on choisit son influence…. ;)

  • Yes! I totally get this (and the decision-making boards, haha!). Similarly, I also feel I have both strong opinions and gut instincts—so maybe your therapy/new way of thinking would do the trick? Or maybe I need to fully “research,” consider, and cross-reference this! Hahaha! ;) X

  • Very interesting post. I enjoy reading your blog because you seem genuine and classy. When it comes to style there will always be doubters, we just need to learn to be selective when hearing opinions from others. We are all entitled to be
    different, weird, funny, eclectic in our style every now and then. Otherwise we would miss the fun of fashion !!!!

  • Wow. You have become such an eloquent writer. You have always had an honest and very real voice but you can tell how far you have come in your professional and personal journey by how strong your voice has become (I have been following you since 2007). It’s really quite inspiring.

    Thank you for the post. It resonates with so many of us.

  • Maybe it is also something you start to realize when you grow up, when you are more mature.
    I used to have a very eccentric style when I was a teenager and young student, because I really wanted to be perceived belonging to this group (cool skater weed smoker haha) and not this one (any other one). But actually I was eccentric just to express to people my mindset and to be quickly understood on what I like – related to this style. When growing up, I started to have my own style, which was much softer, and now I think at 27 I have a very simple looking style – yet still very French probably, but I really don’t care about what people think.

    I live in Asia and when I went back to France this summer I couldn’t care less about young people looking at my black sleeveless jumpsuit and fancy shoes at the reggae concert as if I was invading their space and coming from the bad side. And people from my age don’t really care at the end… And men do prefer to look at women in sleeveless jumpsuit than wide leg peruvian pants :/ It took me some time to realize.

    My boyfriend is very frank to me when expressing his opinion about my choices, whether he likes it or not, which is good because I’m used to have around someone with a different opinion. I’m not gonna change my outfit for him if he doesn’t like it, I still have something to say on what I wear, and he still loves me.

    But not to care about people say is really about being mature I think, and also confident. And knowing when it’s good to take advices and listen to them, and when it’s your choice to make your own decision.

  • I wouldn’t believe who say they are not influenced by others, come on admit it we are all dying for each others approval :)

  • Bonjour Garance,
    Modestement, ne serions pas tous influençables ? Depuis notre enfance, nous sommes des cibles commerciales “à influencer” !
    Et puis l’on grandit… et l’on quitte Descartes et la Raison pour rentrer dans un nouveau monde, celui de ce que l’on nomme “l’Instinct” … on s’ouvre à l’informel, au ressenti, à des sentiments plus intimes et plus profonds. On se découvre et on adore cela !
    On devient “superficiel et léger”… et plus drôle !
    Bonne journée

  • Great post! I very much agree- I used to get so self-conscious when people would look at me in a judgy way- especially since I grew up in a small German town, which was so not fashion forward AT ALL! Then I moved to NYC and it really increased my confidence! Being one of 7 Million, it feels nice to stand out a bit! And now whenever I’m Germany and people stare at me I just mentally give them the finger and continue on my way, happy that I’ve still giot my fashion-mojo haha

  • Wow, super article ! ^^ (comme toujours j’ai envie de dire)
    Alors, est-ce que je suis influençable… Deux secondes, ça demande un peu de réflexion quand même cette question… En fait oui et non : l’avis de mes copines ou des autres sur mon style, là, je m’en fiche, alors que l’avis de ma mère, en général, est dévastateur (ou pas, ça dépend de ce qu’elle dit…).
    Mais on est tous influençables à un autre niveau : j’ai travaillé dans la pub. Eh bien, là, c’est de l’influence à pleins tubes, tout le temps, partout, et la pub influence TOUT LE MONDE. Bon, ok, peut-être pas le berger et ses chèvres paumés en pleine montagne, sans tv, sans internet, sans tél et sans électricité. Donc, je pense qu’on est quand même tous plus ou moins influençables, à des degrés divers.

    Hâte de lire le prochain article !

  • Such a great article!

  • Mais, Garance, tu penses vraiment qu’il y a de “bons” achats et des “mauvais” ? Je veux dire, tu penses que la beauté c’est un truc absolu, qu’il y a des choses belles et d’autres pas ? Mais c’est écrit où, ça, qu’un sac est achetable et qu’un tableau ne l’est pas ? C’est quoi cette dictature du bon goût ?! Moi ce que j’aime c’est l’idée que les filles se font plaisir quand elles s’habillent, et même si moi je ne m’habillerais jamais comme ça, je suis contente de savoir que la fille qui porte cette tenue improbable, elle, est heureuse de l’image qu’elle renvoie quand elle aperçoit son reflet dans une vitrine.
    Le reste, la mode, tout ça, c’est un truc bien commode pour vendre toujours plus, non ? Attention, je ne prétends pas que je n’aime pas suivre la mode, je me rends compte que je suis très influencée par des looks qui a première vue il y a deux ans me semblaient totalement incongrus (les nouveaux volumes boule des manteaux, le jean boyfriend, etc. et peut-être demain les talons carrés), mais il me semble important de pouvoir éviter deux écueils :
    – ne pas assumer un truc qui nous fait vraiment plaisir,
    – et pire encore, porter un truc sans y prendre vraiment du plaisir, voire qui ne me va pas du tout, juste parce que c’est tendance.
    Non ?!

  • Bon mais alors, c’est quoi cette “thérapie de dingue qui a changé ta vie”? C’est qu’on aimerait bien aussi changer nos vies nous! (pas du tout influençables tes lectrices ;-))

  • DaveysHouse September, 8 2016, 9:56 / Reply

    Dear Garance, thank you for your honesty!! I have learned to train my friends and my mother to not shoot me down. I will say “Why would you say that to me when you see I am happy with -fill in the blank ?” Suddenly they are rethinking their ways. Believe me, it works wonders. We are vulnerable and one thing is honesty, and another is thoughtlessness. If you truly ask someone you trust about a choice, that is different. You ask them to be candid with you, but again, it is your invitation.

    I just bought a car by myself. It was a miracle. I did not get a man to come help me. I did not ask my mother to help me. I feel so happy and grown up. If you do your research and then stay open to possibilities, the right car will feel like a hug from a good friend and you will know. And yes, it gets easier. I’m 54, wheeeeeee!!!

  • Thanks Garance, this is a great post that resonates with so much sincerity. I think most women have this huge instinct to make other people happy and it filters down to all the calls we make – we don’t put in half as much effort to be true to ourselves. We are social creatures so of course other people’s opinions (those nearest and dearest) will matter, but I like how you say you look first to your own instinct as to what makes you “light up”. A sound philosophy.

  • I totally understand you because I suffer from luck of confidence and as a consequence I can’t control my feelings. When someone has a different opinion about what I want to buy, I change my plans. However this doesn’t happen when I buy clothes. Even though I don’t know why this is happening, maybe it means that I am confident about my style.

  • Yep, same here. Maybe I try to please everyone too much? Maybe I’m scared of my own opinion? Of expressing my opinion?
    Little bit of this, little bit of that. :) Also trying to get better at this but I guess it’s a life long trip. No easy way out. :)

  • Ugh, I totally relate. It takes me DAYS to make a decision. I consult my whole neighbourhood (basically) and then end up not even buying the pair of white jeans I’ve been dreaming about for the past month. AMEN SISTER. It’s not bad to seek counsel and advice, but I agree, I gotta be a litttttttllleee bit more independent, and also confident with my decisions.

    Madison xx

    Check out my blog:
    PLEEEEEEAAASEEEE! (Jokes. I’m not desperate. Am I?)

  • quand je n aime pas je n aime pas. Comme c est bizarre que l on doute de ce qu on aime mais pas de ce qu on n aime pas. Je crois que c est que tu voulais dire par tu es sure de tes gouts mais des fois tu doutes
    Des fois y a des choses qu on achete etbqu on aime meme si on sait que c est pas vraiment nous et que dans la vraie vie on va jamais le mettre. Mais c est genial non? C est ca la vie, on n est pas des robots, on fait des choix irrationels en connaissance de cause et ca nous amuse

  • “Nobody else cares what you’re wearing… they are all to busy worrying about themselves.”

    The irony is that this comment came from my mother, who struggled with self-criticism all her life. She says she was freed when she realized nobody else was paying attention to a couple of extra pounds or her clothes that day. Its the internal narrative that kills us. The most critical women I’ve known are far harder on themselves than on those around them.

    This applies to relationships and our bodies. Confidence is magnetic… so just enjoy yourself, put on something that makes you feel beautiful, and nobody will notice whether you’ve been to the gym or ate an extra croissant.

  • Je pense que le fait d’être influençable vient de plusieurs directions : ne pas savoir dire non / vouloir trop faire plaisir aux autres au détriment de sois / et comme disent les anglo-parlants “the fear of failure”. Je suis taureau aussi et j’ai cette tendance à laisser les autres déteindre sur moi. J’avais plus au moins survécu jusqu’au jour oú je me suis rendue compte que mes choix et attitudes avait une claire influence sur mon fils. Je lui avais offert des Superga orange qu’il avait adoré jusqu’au jour où un garçon de sa classe lui avait demandé si c’était des chaussures de fille et il n’a plus jamais voulu les porter. On a fait de tout à la maison pour lui faire comprendre que ce qui était important c’était son critère d’abord, mon mari s’était même acheté des converses rouges pour qu’il voit que les couleurs n’avait rien à voir avec le genre. On a toujours “prédiqué” le fait d’avoir son propre critère à partir du moment qu’on ne faisait mal a personne. Mais une chose c’est le dire et l’autre chose c’est le démontrer et l’appliquer. Après un petit examen de conscience je me suis rendue compte que je ne pouvais absolument pas prétendre qu’un petit garçon de 6 ans puisse passer par dessus l’opinion d’un copain si moi, sa maman, je faisais pareil avec mon entourage. Le matin lorsque je m’habille si je pense à qui je vais voir c’est la catastrophe: je m’habille en fonction des personnes que je vais voir et je n’ai l’air de rien. Si je m’habille en pensant à moi c’est impec. Je me sens à l’aise. Alors que ça ne plaise ou pas je me sens bien.
    C’est un exercice qui m’est difficile parfois mais je m’y applique comme quelqu’un qui fait du sport trois fois par semaine : l’opinion personnelle est muscle qui doit être travaillé ! ;)
    Atticus Finch dit : “Before I live with other people I have to live with myself. The one thing that doesn’t abide by majority rule is a person’s conscience.”

  • Juste rajouter que le comble de tout c’est que je suis designer et que mes designs ont été copiés plus d’une fois et par de grande marque ! La première fois que ça m’est arrivé je l’ai pris comme un vrai compliment et je me suis dit que ça valait bien la peine d’être moi-même et d’exposer mon point de vue créatif puisque ça plaisait au point de me copier. ;)

  • hum… Alors, influençable ou pas? tout dépend de la situation. je dirais qu’en général, non. D’abord parce que je m’en fiche de ne pas être aimée ou “validée” par tout le monde. Mais alors, royalement. La seule situation où j’aie besoin d’un avis extérieur, c’est lors du choix d’une pièce de vêtement et lorsque mon cerveau penche vers le “peut etre bien que non”. Alors là, je demande à Mr Jicky. ça permet de confirmer le gros doute (et donc le NON).
    Mais sinon, je me débrouille toute seule. Si je commence à faire des crises de oui-oui / non-non (c’est ainsi que je les appelle), cela signifie que je suis vraiment mal ds mes baskets à ce moment là. C’est même LE signe d’un mal-être chez moi… quand je commence à avoir besoin des avis de la moitié de la terre…

  • What a beautiful and open letter. Thank you. So many of us feel this way and it is hard to be so frank about it. I look forward to hearing more about the transformative therapy you did!

  • Also to add on my previous comment :

    I totally resonate with you – similar thing with complete burnout for very similar reasons happened to me this year .
    It sounds to me like a body’s call to grow up – finally !
    Discrimination is not always a bad thing – we need to discriminate between what is ours and what is not . And out of deep insecurities and childlike vulnerabilities we carry loads of sh.. that is not ours and is non of our business.
    It is part of growing up to realize that we will survive even if we don’t please everyone (we are not that child anymore trying to find a way to please grow ups so it can have better chance to survive )

    Again – thank you very much for sharing and raising this important issue.
    however I would appretiate it even more if you reflected on the fact that you are in business that is saying other people what to like /influencing kind of business – basically perpetuating the issue you (and I ) have . How do you feel /what do you think about it ?

  • Tiffany Mouton September, 9 2016, 4:31 / Reply

    I’d say that I am easily influenced when it comes to fashion, but only by certain people. I am much more fashion forward than most of my friends, so I do not let them influence me very much. I like a bit of edginess & that doesn’t always translate well here in the deep south (New Orleans). I don’t really dress like most people I know, I like to be just a little bit different.. I am mostly influenced by all of the fashion blogs that I follow…if I see something that I like, I am immediately on board & have to duplicate the look! When it comes to other life issues, I am very decisive. I don’t hem & haw over things for too long. I do wish that I stood up more for what I want, especially when it comes to business decisions. I once had a clothing boutique with a partner. The only regret I have is not asserting my opinions more heavily on the buying process. I sometimes wonder if things would have turned out differently had I been more assertive.

  • Garance, I could have written this all myself. Right down to also being surrounded by forthright people so sublimely sure of themselves. Oh I am so envious of them, if only I was that confident in my opinions!. Anyway I have been doing meditation daily (ok almost daily?) and it has sent me closer to feeling out my true self and just being more aware of the little me at the core and what she wants and needs (the other me closer to the surface gets so easily distracted by friends and, uhhhh Instagram). So all this to say thanks for writing this! I feel you sister, I just love your openness and humour, and meditation is awesome. xx

  • My rules are – if i am doubting that means i dont like it, it’s more like i am trying to like it ( a bag, a pair of shoes), so if i do doubt – i just walk away because most of my doubtious purchases ended up collecting dust. I only make a puchase if I literally obsess over something. Unless it’s a white t or something too casual to even care about.
    Actually I have a problem recently – I need a bag, a tote and I browsed I think every single site out there to find what I am looking for – classy, timeless, with a beautiful interior, with a strong enough shoulder strap, not too big but big enough for it’s purpose (study matterial) , different – meaning I cant stand a bag thats mainstream ( most of them these days are either tacky or so overvalued, or boring )so yep – I can’t find it. I have my eyes on jw anderson pierce bag. But then again, I am not sure so I am not rushing into purchase.

  • Très chouette post même si j’avoue être un peu dépassée… je ne me suis jamais sentie pas hyper influençable, dans une certaine mesure (rapport à la société oblige) mais je ne demande jamais vraiment l’avis des autres que ce soit en matière de fringues ou sur des choses plus importantes, choix de vie etc… pour la bonne et simple raison que je m’en fiche. Il est quasiment certain qu’une amie m’a vu un jour avec un habit qu’elle a trouvé vilain sans me le dire mais je n’en ai rien à secouer, mes amies le savent peut être au fond et c’est pour ça qu’elles ne me le disent pas…Et puis ce sont de gentilles personnes… pas focalisées sur l’apparence.

  • Garance je suis comme toi!!!! En fait je ne m’en rendais pas compte mais tu as raison. J’ai des copines qui ont des opinions assez arrêtées sur ce qu’elles aiment et elles m’ont déjà gâché le plaisir que je tirais de certaines choses. Je trouve en fait que c’est moyen comme attitude, car honnêtement, si je devais parler de leur style à elles, je dirais souvent que ça ne me plait pas. Cependant je pars du principe que c’est leur goût à elle et que si ça leur plait… Donc à bien y réfléchir, je dirais que ce n’est pas toi qui est en faute, ce sont tes copines qui devraient donner leur opinion de façon plus délicate. Quand on reçoit une opinion du type “ton sac fait pauvre”, il n’est pas illogique que ça te blesse et que ça “marque” l’objet de façon négative, personne n’a envie qu’on lui dise ça, même les filles sur qui ce genre de remarque “glisse”. Quand on est un peu sensible, quand on manque un peu de confiance en soi aussi… Ça peut être dur à encaisser. Je me rappelle quand je me suis teint les cheveux en blond / blanc il y a quelques années… J’adorais ça (ça a pourri mes cheveux par contre)… Mais une “copine” s’est permise de me dire que c’était affreux! Comment peut-on dire ça à quelqu’un ? Heureusement ça ne m’a pas tant dérangé que cela car il faut bien dire que cette personne avait quand même un peu “des goûts de chiotte”, ce que je ne lui ai jamais dit soit dit en passant!

  • Sefora Mingoia September, 16 2016, 5:35 / Reply

    Hello Garance,
    Merci pour ton courage et ton honnêteté dans ce post!
    Pour ce qui est de l’influence, je pense que l’on peut être toutes “influençables” à des moments différents de nos vies, dans des domaines différents, et/ou pour des décisions importantes…donc oui, je suis influençable si l’on considère que pour des changements de vie importants, je demande un avis…..c’est humain!
    En matière de style, c’est une liberté fondamentale pour moi que de pouvoir acheter des pièces sans craindre le jugement de mon entourage. Il me semble que l’on peut être fidèle à soi-même, à son style et avoir aussi besoin d’un grain de folie de temps en temps…et alors??
    Essayer d’être le plus possible en adéquation avec mon “état d’âme du moment”, perso, m’aide beaucoup…quitte à acheter des choses qui ne font pas toujours l’unanimité….

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