textbook illustration garance dore

8 years ago by

My telephone is going to explode, I think. It’s definitely going to happen one day, and I’m not even the worst when it comes to phones.

When I see my friend Lauren’s phone, she always has 56 unread messages (and I’m not even talking about emails, I’m only talking about texts)(number of unread emails: 8000), so I figure I actually don’t have it so bad with the four unread texts fighting for my attention.
The thing with texts, though, is that I do something I can’t even do with emails anymore: I respond in real time.
And it starts really early.
7am: I have all my French conversations with my family and French friends in the morning. My mother, my sister, and my best friend who happens to be on tour and is stuck in a bus all the time, so he has nothing to do but send texts, and we end up having real conversations about life, death, love, and everything – all over text. And then a few of my girlfriends too. It’s like we’ve forgotten what it was like to have an actual conversation on the phone.

Even my mother texts me. She uses emoticons and everything.
8am: My New York friends start to wake up and I always end up texting with one or two of them about whatever is going on in our lives, like – so how was your date – it was a disaster he asked me if I wanted to have a threesome can you believe it, on the first night? What about you, how was your evening, etc., etc.
Sometimes I even end up taking my phone into the shower without realizing it. Or on the toilet. Don’t look at me like that, I know you do it too.
9am: That’s when the avalanche starts. The Studio opens, and if I’ve decided to start my work day at home, my phone and computer buzz non-stop.
There’s the “beep” of my texts, the “boo beep” of Skype, and the “voom” of Viber, it’s like a concrete music concert that lasts until 10am, when I get fed up with it and close all my apps, since I’m still in my pajamas and haven’t done anything productive with my day yet at all, except for sharing information that may or may not be all that important.
My problem the last few weeks is that I made the big mistake of installing text messaging on all of my devices. Both of my computers, my iPad, and my iPhone receive my texts, and since I’m a well trained doggy, I’ve developed the habit of interrupting whatever I’m doing so I can respond to my messages immediately.
It annoyed me so much the other day that, in a moment of rebellion, I decided to uninstall everything. I almost uninstalled text on my phone but then I was like, wait. No.
Let’s be honest – we’re all addicted to our phones. We’re all a bit crazy when it comes to checking them in every possible situation. Have you seen the people who jump back on their phones right after a movie like their life depended on it?
The thing with phones is that every little notification – whether it’s a text, a like, a comment on Instagram, or whatever else – gives us a little buzz, and we get excited about it. It’s not even related to the notification itself, necessarily. It’s just that buzz that counts. Makes us feel alive.
In fact, I have lots of friends who have relationships with guys that happen entirely over text.
And I tell them what I think about that: “But don’t you think the relationship is actually with his phone? Maybe it’s just a way for him to feel reassured, and to be sure someone’s thinking about him. When’s the last time you guys actually saw each other?”
(Me, aka the super buzzkiller friend)

(And obviously, this conversation happens over text)
So anyway. Whether a text relationship is real or not, I’ll leave that up to Pyschology Magazine to decide.
I don’t even have time to wonder about it, because around 4pm, we’re back in business.
A friend who’s shopping sends me 50 photos of a pair of shoes and I send 10 text messages trying to convince her to buy them and telling her that $800 is really nothing compared to $2500, a number I’ve picked out of nowhere, but it works right away – I should totally be a sales girl at Barney’s. 

 The shoes are crazy expensive, I agree, but my friend can afford them, and they are gorgeous. So if she wants my true opinion, here it is: buy them.
Around 5pm, everyone who’s anxious about plans that evening (I’m one of them) starts texting to see what everyone’s doing to make sure nothing extremely exciting is going on without them knowing about it.
Around 6pm, it’s all the “where should we meet?” texts for those who have plans, and a big moment of texting loneliness for those who don’t. Good time to go to the gym if you want my opinion.
From 7-8pm, it’s pretty calm, unless you’re a millennial, who totally knows how to have a conversation AND text AND Instagram at the same time. The other day, I actually spent the evening responding to the desperate messages of a friend who is 24. She was texting me while she was right in the middle of a date because she didn’t know how to react to the weird things the guy was doing.
“Are you crazy? Put your phone away! The guy will probably go back to being normal!!!”

“Oh no, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t.”

Pffff, there was no going back. And the worst thing was I knew she was definitely texting three other friends at the same time as me, because they were all texting me to talk about the fact that she was texting in the middle of her date and that it was kind of over the top, who does that.
Ah, the millennials – they’re never quite all the way with you, and never quite really somewhere else.
10pm – that’s when the drunk texts begin.

Aaaah, drunk texts, I tell everyone to send these to me, please.

Ok, first of all, it makes me burst out laughing, and also because it’s better to send them to a relatively kind and thoughtful friend (me) than to put something ridiculous on Twitter.
At some point in my day, I’m ready to go to bed, whether it’s after a party (like the one the other day at Indochine – I spent the whole night glued to my phone texting my friends to see where they were because we kept losing each other, and I was promising other friends that the party was definitely worth it, so they’d better come out, and after all of that effort, I ended up leaving on a whim before they even got there, without texting them to let them know, because I just have moments like that when I’m too drunk to text when I like to feel independent from everything) or after texting with a few friends.
Sometimes I’ll go to bed and try to think about how many people I’ve communicated with that day. Without counting emails and phone calls for work, it’s probably between thirty and fifty virtual conversations every day, with people on the other side of the world, or just on the other side of the Studio.
I’ve probably been distracted at least 500 times during the day, I’ve had to pull my thoughts together and refocus 334 times, only to get interrupted (and respond) all over again three minutes later.
And I repeat, I’m not even the worst. And I’m definitely not a victim. I’m totally responsible for over texting.
I don’t know if it’s good or bad, though, because the truth is I love having all the people I care about within phone’s reach. I talk so much more often now with my mom and my best friends, and I’m able to be so much more present for my friends. Or well, I mean, I get them to be more present for me, hehehe.
I guess I might just need to try to manage the flow of information a little better, and maybe get into meditation like everyone else.
One day, when we have lives where our brain power is multiplied, or we have as many virtual relationships as real ones, or we’re able to be in two places at one time, and our phones are part of our bodies (I tried the Apple Watch for the first time in Paris (AND HOLY SH*T I MET JONY IVE) and it’s obviously an amazing thing – but when the watch started to vibrate on my wrist, I suddenly felt like I was chained up like a slave) – learning to meditate and disconnect from all of that won’t just be a cute new age thing anymore.
It will be a matter of survival, don’t you think?
Oh hey, by the way, when I started writing this post earlier at the Studio, I said: “I’m writing an article about interruptions, so don’t you interrupt me!!!”
And then I counted. While I was writing this post, I responded to four people over text, and six people on Skype. I also did a photo shoot, edited photos, said hi to someone who stopped by the Studio, and ordered a really good macrobiotic lunch. Then I had an appointment, so I was interrupted for about an hour.

Yeah, I know, you can tell by the quality of the writing, thanks.
It’s easy to make fun of all of this. But what about you? What’s your relationship with your phone like? Are you like me, or do you think I’m a lost cause?
Translated by Andrea Perdue


Add yours
  • Haha!! T’es peut-être pas la pire, mais tu es bien gratinée tout de même!! ;-)
    Moi j’adore les textos, mais ai en horreur les appels téléphoniques, du coup à chaque fois que mon telephone sonne, je fais un peu comme Caroline de Maigret ds sa vidéo “10 ways to be parisian” : je regarde mon tél sonner sans décrocher!!
    Ça m’angoisse que quelqu’un essaye de rentrer ds ma sphère sans y avoir été invité!! (oui gros gros pb de téléphone), du coup, comme toi je compense un peu par les textos… et les inbox Facebook surtout!! :-( C’est pas mieux, c’est vrai!! ;-)


  • i would die of stress w/ this kind of lifestyle! :)


  • I think texts in a relationship can be very sweet- you get to see how quick witted someone is and whether or not they are good with words, and funny. These are very important! I had such a relationship a while ago. But now, in fact, I have days go mostly with 1-2 texts. I’m under 40, but I just do not care that much to communicate unless it’s important.

  • Aussi irrécupérable que toi, sauf aujourd’hui où j’ai oublié mon téléphone !
    Pendant 1 heure, j’arrive à me concentrer puis après je commence à sentir des vibrations (sauf que non, c’pas possible vu que je n’ai pas mon téléphone !)

  • I’m an iphone addicted….this small object is the first thing I take on in the morning, and often the one with whom I fall asleep!
    XOX, Gap.

  • Seulement à penser combien de fois tous va à anneaux, Je suis plein d’angoisse! Comment dites vous: moins est plus!
    Life, Laugh, Love and Lulu

  • oh god what a relieve it’s not just me. thank you.

  • my iPhone5 was stolen back in mid February.. i was so so so so so upset..I did not want to spend 450 for a new one, I knew my upgrade is coming soon, I knew iPhone 6 is coming soon (I thought it will be June). For a while, I had some substitutes, like iPhone 3 (what a crappy technology!:) seem like ages behind) which stop working after a month or so.. and I had iPad and I work in the office so I am connected with the world via laptop most of the day..In the beginning was hard without the phone, but then I got used to it and I was phone-less for about 6 months. I even did not get excited when i got iPhone6. It wasn’t that bad, it was funny to tell pple you can’t call me because i dont have a phone, you can text me but i dont know when i respond.. oo and BTW, I live in NYC:)

  • LOL I love it~

  • Catherine November, 12 2014, 9:59 / Reply

    I work from home. So I don’t really need a cellphone, except for when I go to the grocery store, in case some idiot runs into me on the road and I need to call for help. My work involves lots of phone calls, and I have a high-end headset so I can hear perfectly and can type without ruining my neck. All this means that usually my cellphone is in my bag, in the closet, with a dead battery. When it does ring or buzz with a message, I get very grumpy. I especially hate complex text sessions, which seem to me to be easier to resolve with a simple call. I get stuff like “was there homework?” and the answer is about eight things, which I don’t really want to have to spell out. I just call in the answer.

  • Love your pics for Zara btw! And your illustration is just too die for! Sabina @Oceanblue Style

  • je ne sais pas si tu es la pire, mais en tout cas la meilleure pour raconter aussi bien ces nouvelles “tranches de vie”….

  • Romain Gary November, 12 2014, 10:21 / Reply

    “Allô, c’est toi?

    Oui, très bien. C’etait un vrai supplice de t’entendre à travers de tout ce monde…



    Non…c’est une chance… Je rentre il y a dix minutes. Tu n’avais pas encore appelé?


    Non, non. J’ai diné dehors, chez Marthe. Il doit être onze heur’un quart. Tu est chez toi?

    Alors regarde la pendule électrique.

    C’est ce que je pensais.

    Oui, oui, mon chéri.

    Hier soir? Hier soir je me suis couchée tout de suite et comme je ne pouvais pas m’endormir, j’ai pris un comprimé.

    Non, un seul, à neuf heures. J’avais un peu mal à la tète, mais je me suis secoué. Marthe est venue. Elle a déjeuné avec moi. J’ai fait des courses. Je suis rentrée à la maison. J’ai…

    Quoi? Très forte… J’ai beaucoup, beaucoup de courage….

    Après? Après je me suis habillée, Marthe est venue me prendre. Je rentre de chez elle. Elle a été parfaite.

    Elle a cet air, mais elle ne l’est pas.

    Tu avais raison, comme toujours.

    Ma robe rose… Mon chapeau noir.

    Oui, j’ai encore mon chapeau sur la tête. Et toi? tu rentres?

    Tu es resté à la maison?

    Quel procès?

    Ah, oui. Allô! Chéri…Si on coupe, redemande-moi tout de suite. Allô!”

    Jean COCTEAU, “La Voix Humaine”

  • Oh! Just a few days ago I left my phone at my friend’s place and had to go without it for 12 (!!!!) hours. I almost had a panic attack! But it was alright. I am still alive.

    Lovely post, as usual. Waiting for more!


  • I totally feel the same way!

    giveaway on my blog!


  • haha great story! It is all the same for all of us!


  • Tu as entièrement raison, relation-texto avec un mec c’est nul.. J’en ai stoppé un qui a essayé ça avec moi. Se prendre un petit café ensemble vaut beaucoup plus que 50 textos à distance. Et surtout le smiley ‘coeur’ ne remplacera jamais le baiser live!

  • tout dabord super ce texte de suite on se sent moins seule dans le sens où etre accro à son tel en 2014 c’est genre une généralité! En tout cas c’est bien d’être disponible pour les autres mais enfin de compte on s’oublie parfois et c’est juste ça qui me déplait mais en meme temps sans mon portable je me sens nue, c’est comme une femme sans son sac mais comme se trimballer son sac au bureau ou la maison c’est ridicule on se rabats sur son smartphone! en tout cas je pense que tu as eu raison de tout desinstaller dans ton elan de rebellion laisse tes sms sur ton phone point! Et surtout pense à toi ;) Les shoes à 800€ j’aurais bien aimé voir à quoi elles ressemblent! ( shoes addict que je suis!) @ +

  • Moi, je fais partie de la Guilde des amateurs de téléphone à l’ancienne (GATA) et pour commencer, on a des téléphones, mais pas de smartphones (jusqu’au jour malheureux où les constructeurs n’en fabriqueront plus). Moi, mon téléphone est tout cabossé, c’est un Nokia avec clavier glissant, je l’adore. Les mails m’attendent à la maison et j’avoue que j’adore faire attendre mes réponses. C’est comme si on m’avait glissé un mot sous la porte, mais que je ne l’avais pas encore ouvert. Ça me laisse le temps de la réflexion et je crois que c’est important. Certaines réponses demandent réellement qu’on prenne le temps de peser le pour, le contre et le autrement. J’aimer redonner du temps au temps. Par ailleurs, je mets mon téléphone sur silencieux si je converse avec quelqu’un tout simplement parce que j’estime que la personne présente est prioritaire par rapport à celles et ceux qui sont loin. Et j’ai remarqué ceci : il n’y a en réalité presque jamais de coup de fil ou de texto réellement urgent. Les vraies urgences sont les choses graves et ça, parfois, on est content de ne pas les apprendre tout de suite.

  • Magnifique !

  • Oui je vois, c’est devenu la norme quelque part, surtout quand on bosse pas loin d’internet. Je connais ma propension à être un peu accro à ce genre de choses donc : 1. je décide sciemment de ne pas avoir de smart phone. 2. Je dors toujours sans ordinateur et sans téléphone dans ma chambre. 3. Je pratique beaucoup de méditation (j’éteins tout pendant ce temps là idem quand je vais courir, je sors de chez moi sans mon téléphone). 4. Je n’utilise que FB comme réseau social. 5. Je recommence à pense le travail à partir du papier et des bics, j’élabore des projets via des schémas, des mind maps, des ébauches écrites sur du papier, je lis des livres papiers, je veux une liseuse sans connexion internet… 6. Lors d’une journée ou soirée en famille, le dimanche par exemple, je laisse délibérément mon téléphone chez moi.

    Mais même comme ça je me trouve trop souvent distraite (qu’est ce que GD à publié aujourd’hui… ;)?). Je réfléchis à déconnecter mon ordinateur d’internet pendant quelques heures par jour pour travailler en continu et rester plongée dans la réflexion. Pas évident. Mais je vais tenter, peut-être en allant bosser à des endroits ou j’ai pas les codes des wifis :)

  • Outch ! vu comme ça c’est flippant ! :-) Bah oui je suis accro à mon tél mais j’arrive à gérer ! Lorsque je suis avec des gens, je n’y jette même pas un oeil, ça peut sonner, fibrer, etc, m’en fous. C’est tout de même la moindre des politesses, non, que d’accorder vraiment du temps aux gens avec qui l’on est ? Et puis les textos, ça me soule vite. Ma fille (qui comme ton BF est en tournée, ne communique que comme ça, mais moi ça me frustre grave ! Bien sur, du coup elle me dit des trucs qu’elle ne me dirait sans doute pas de vive voix, genre “je t’aime mammou, tu me manques trop…” mais il y a aussi plein de trucs qui passent par la voix…comme, les silences ! Et puis c’est quand même hyper égocentrique tout ça (je parle aussi pour moi hein !), le fait d’avoir l’impression d’être importante parce que beaucoup sollicitée, ou le fait de checker nos like et nos com’, parce que pour de vrai c’est un peu du vent. C’est comme être millionnaire au Monopoly, ça sert à quoi ?! Ces nouvelles formes de communications me questionnent beaucoup. C’est tellement chronophage que l’on en oublie souvent l’essentiel…de passer de vrais grands et longs moments avec ceux qui nous sont vraiment chers !

  • I’m probably one of the few 27 year old’s who doesn’t partake in any social media (except Pinterest if that counts) and I don’t feel like I’m missing out at all. Let me first say that I think social media is a great tool for businesses, entrepreneurs etc… but for me personally, I find it unnecessary. I thought I would feel left out once I said sayonara to hashtags and status updates, but surprisingly I didn’t and in fact, I felt liberated. I realized how much comparison can take place on social platforms and how much I’d start to feel like I wasn’t doing enough, making enough money or skinny enough. I started to forget who I was and what I liked, and just felt very influenced by what everyone else was doing – rather than being inspired organically.

    Once I logged off for good, I also started to take joy in knowing that I now have an air of mystery about me. People don’t know everything that is going on in my life and that is kind of nice. Isn’t it a little boring to know every aspect of every person anyway?

    I’m trying to be more present in life. When I’m waiting in line at the grocery store or a little early to a meeting, rather than pull out my phone, I try to just observe my surroundings and take it all in, live in the moment! Or when I’m witnessing a beautiful sight or at a memorable event, yes, take a photo or two but try to take mental polaroids as well. I try not to judge others but it makes me a little sad to see a gathering of friends or a couple out to dinner and all are on their phones… together but not together.

    I’m not saying that smart phones aren’t great, because they are! Especially for someone like you, Garance, who has friends and family all over the world, I definitely agree with the positives of being able to stay in contact wherever you are.

    Anyway, I’ll get off my soap-box now but I definitely feel myself staying in the “old ages” of books that you can physically turn the pages of and handwritten letters from a loved one, stained with a drop from that morning’s coffee.

  • Amy, that’s brilliant – thanks for the inspiration!

  • I used to think that smokers were ridiculous. Lighting their cigarettes just after a movie, or a train ride or a flight. All desperate, they can’t wait. Well, I do just the same with my phone. I can’t live without it.
    But a few months ago, I decided to turn it off while I’m at the office. Otherwise I get too distracted. Now, I live without the phone while I’m at work, but the minute I’m finished… it’s all about Instagram, Facebook, Whatsapp and Pinterest. I can’t help it. But I think it’s ok. It’s fun, it helps me to keep in touch with lots of friends who live away from me and… well, it’s evolution. I remember when I was a teenager (around the Stone Age) when my friends and I would talk for hours on the phone, just after high school. This is pretty much the same. We all want to have fun and be part of our community, we don’t want to be forgotten and we need that attention. It’s ok. Now, excuse me because I have payed attention to your blog long enough. I have to check my phone.

  • More and more my phone is becoming my most valuable/productive asset.
    Ai ai ai. :)

    Priscilla Joy
    Dutch Caribbean

  • Great post! Nice illustration!
    Passa a trovarmi VeryFP

  • Pour commencer tu es loin de l’expérience que j’ai vécu y a 2 semaines… Une copine me fait l’apologie de sa pomme6 et se met à texter. Quoi normal! non, non, non… elle texe oui, mais elle texte sans regarder son écran!!! Truc de super fou!!! imagine plus de clavier sur ton bureau et tu tape l’air de rien. J’ai pas encore compris et ça n’a surpris que moi.
    Pour ma part je suis pas accroc, bien que je rallume mon téléphone à la fin des spectacles. Mais j’ai surtout l’impression que mon téléphone bug avec moi… Oui, on est pas coordonné, j’entend pas quand il sonne ou qu’il vibre et le pire!!! je le vois s’allumer. Mais c’est juste une vue de mon esprit car quand cela arrive, je n’ai pas de notifications. C’est grave docteur???

  • Moi particulièrement, quand je suis au bureau, j’étains mon android (je suis anti apple, la secte ;), si quelqu’un veut me joindre téléphone ou mail. Pour le reste du temps, il est allumé, mais pas hyperactif, du moins pas comme toi!.
    Comme “Pacifique” je l’éteins ou le mets en silence si j’ai un RV, un diner etc… c’est tellement triste de voir des gens à la même table sans se regarder dans les yeux et qui passent son déjeuner à regarder son phone. Ça sert à quoi de se voir si on ne se parle même pas? En plus ça m’énerve, si quelqu’un avec qui je partage un bon moment n’arrête pas de regarder les textos et les répondre… on ne respecte plus ses amis, copains, dates etc…?
    J’en ai vu même qui parlent, répondent et agacent tout le monde au cinéma, au théâtre, ça ne vous est jamais arrivé? Là je ne comprends plus.
    Ce qui est vrai c’est que moi aussi je parle plus à ma mère et mes amis depuis qu’éxistent les textos… avec mon boss aussi :(

  • Je suis en possession d’un bon vieux Nokia… Mais vraiment le modèle de base ! Donc, je suis moins connectée la journée par contre, dès que je rentre chez moi, je suis accrochée à mon Ipad, c’est vrai… Pour rejoindre le message ci-dessus, je dirai que dans la vie, en fait, il n’y a pas d’urgence, il n’y a que des gens pressés…

  • Anyone can see the extent to which so many of us are staring at our phones in almost every circumstance. Examples abound, dramatically observed in the street fashion photos with the common pose, cell phone cradled in hands and head bent to absorb all of the IMPORTANT things glowing on the screen. As mobile phones got small, and so versatile, it became crucial to let your phone accompany you like a favorite little pet, or blanket. It can’t be good, in the long run, to be as interested in the words on those tiny screens, as a conversation face to face with another person. I am guilty, of course, of using the texts every day and it works so well when the parties would not necessarily be able to take a phone call. But I am reminded how my kids were when they were teenagers and the household phone was always in use with everybody checking to see what is planned, what is the outfit, who said what, etc. etc., until the parents (us), said “Time’s Up!”. Their exercise was essentially unproductive, but part of adolescent human nature. Are the technologies we now employ keeping us in a state of perpetual adolescence, needing confirmation, redundant information, and connection (to what)? Interruption becomes your day.

  • Garance, THANK YOU! Love this piece. I did the recent updates and have been enduring all the endless notifications that came with it and I’ve been thinking ‘I need to do something about this before I go insane’. The second I finished your article I went here: http://www.wired.com/2014/10/stop-continuity-phone-calls-messages/ and followed all their tips to cut down on all the intrusion in to my life because, you know what? My phone is not my life!

  • Tient c’est marrant on en parlait en cours aujourd’hui. On a vu une vidéo d’un psychiatre qui parlait de la passion amoureuse et de ses différents stades, qu’avant ça commençait par le regard, par la rencontre (un café, un dîner) et ensuite par l’écriture (les fameuses lettres de nos grands-mères). Aujourd’hui avec internet, c’est totalement bousculé, ça commence par l’écriture! Ils ont dû ré-écrire leur cours sur l’amour en fac psycho :p
    Sinon si tu ne veux pas être dérangée pendant un moment, il y a toujours moyen de mettre l’iPhone en mode “ne pas déranger” (la petite lune). Moi j’ai fixé une règle pour qu’entre 23h30 et 07h (heure où je me réveille), ça ne fasse pas de bruit –> fini les réveils brusques en plein milieu de la nuit!
    Pour ce qui est de la dernière partie de ton post, à savoir le fait de faire pleins de trucs en même temps, je pense que ça vient aussi de notre cerveau qui “s’ennuie” et veut varier les plaisirs. Faudrait que je contacte un psychiatre pour vérifier ce point là ahaha

  • Moi je suis 100% accro ! Mon téléphone c’est mon doudou !

  • Garance, la gref’ du clavier c’est pas désespéré ! Un bel article à ce sujet dans l’obs’ “sommes nous encore capables de nous concentrer”
    Sur ce, je ferme ma fenêtre sur toi ;)


  • Seriously i think we all need to live a real life and stop imagine that there is something more interesting elsewhere .
    i see people sitting in a caffe and each one is occupied in his phone there is no conversation…. i say STOP and start living the real life…
    i love my i phone i love Instagram i love SMS….but i learned to enjoy a real conversation with the person in front of me :)
    where i am is where i want to be !!!!
    Yael Guetta

  • I am the last to respond back to any messages on my phone!


  • I don’t have a mobile/cell/smart phone. It’s blissful.

  • Mais Garance et les autres nanas accros, vous n’avez pas l’impression de 1/perdre un temps précieux 2/ d’être devenues superficielles. Les trente ou cinquante personnes qui vous envoient des textos tous les jours, ce sont vraiment des amis, des vrais amis je veux dire. Ça vaut le coup de perdre du temps pour ça, pour entendre une”copine” racontait sa date en live ?? si c’était une amie, vous la verriez dans la semaine et vous en parleriez tranquillement au milieu d’un bon repas, non ? J’ai l’impression que la manière dont on communique aujourd’hui, qui est très pratique c’est vrai, mais dont au final, on finit par abuser, quitte à se perdre soi-même, puis à perdre aussi ce qui pourrait être de véritables échanges avec les gens que l’on aime vraiment, ne constitue pas vraiment un gain dans notre vie. Au contraire, on dirait que ça l’appauvrit.

  • Perso mes amies ne sont pas accros aux SMS et je lance des textos pour arriver à avoir des news. Je préfererai être débordée de news même futiles plutôt que pas du tout comme aujourd’hui! Quel que soit le support, cela reste un échange, continuez !

  • I totally agree…I’m addicted. BUT, I am fighting my addiction head on ;) I just bought a zen alarm clock and am leaving my phone out of my bedroom! This helps me to at least start my morning off right!

  • I live in the Midwest and have to make very few calls for work, so my text level is pretty low. I might text two friends in a day. I have my phone on my desk while at work but only so I don’t miss a notification or need for one of my volunteer commitments. I have an iphone 4S that’s getting to be obsolete but my carrier doesn’t yet offer the iphone 6. After reading the comments here, I realize I could do just fine with a non-Apple phone. I too have texting on all my devices but will follow Garance’s lead and keep texting only on my phone. I charge my phone when I get home at night, and I keep it on Do Not Disturb and Airplane Mode from 9 PM to 5 AM so that the light on the phone doesn’t wake me up. When I’m with friends, I keep my phone tucked away in my purse. I have yet to leave my phone at home when I am out for the day on a weekend. Garance, I loved reading about your day and how connected you are. Your NYC lifestyle sounds fun!

  • Cet article est très intéressant et la fin m’a complètement étonnée ! Bien sur les quelques interruptions et textos sont attendus mais alors la c’est carrément une journée entière qui vient se glisser entre le début et la fin de ton article ! Ca ne se sent pas à la lecture pour autant…
    Par contre j’ai aussi 24 ans et je ne veux pas être disponible à tout moment pour regarder mon portable, je trouve que lorsque qu’on est avec des amis/à table c’est la moindre des politesses que de ne pas consulter son smartphone toutes les deux secondes.
    Les textos (souvent sans urgence) peuvent être consulter plus tard, et les mails peuvent aussi attendre la fin de la journée. D’ailleurs c’est souvent des filles de ma classe qui m’informent dans le courant de la journée si on a reçu un mail important avant même que j’ai besoin de consulter ma boite mail.

  • Alors moi c’est pas compliqué, après une année particulièrement intense en textos/emails/FOMO/notifications à tout va, et plusieurs années déjà accrochée à mon téléphone et à mes réseaux sociaux, j’ai fait un burnout au boulot et soudain, tous ces petits dérangements et petits pics d’adrénaline à chaque notification, je ne pouvais plus.

    Physiquement et mentalement, j’ai été obligée de déconnecter.

    Pourtant, c’est pareil, pour moi le téléphone et les réseaux sociaux, c’est magique pour maintenir des relations surtout à distance (je pense que c’est un phénomène qui doit être plus répandu chez les expats, les textos/skype/viber/whatsapp à tout va!). Même avec des copains que je vois tous les jours, c’est devenu un moyen de communiquer sur l’instant, des petites impression, des moments rigolos qu’on veut partager, et d’une certaine façon ça rapproche (cf. commentaires sur l’amour… ;-)).

    Depuis, j’ai commencé la méditation et j’ai réduit le nombre de notifications sur mon téléphone, supprimé des applications, et j’ai appris à ne plus vérifier de manière compulsive mon écran à chaque fois que je sens un iPhone vibrer (oui, vous savez, quand l’iPhone du voisin vibre et que comme tous les iPhone ont le même genre de vibration, on a l’impression que c’est le sien…)

    J’ai conservé l’utilisation des messages écrits plutôt que parlés (skype c’est pas toujours pratique), mais au lieu de toujours répondre sur l’instant, j’attends. Et parfois, c’est mieux, comme quand on dit qu’il faut tourner sa langue 7 fois… Mais d’autres fois, il faut surpasser sa fear of missing out. Et se permettre quelques écarts – il faut être bienveillant envers soi-même, c’est l’essentiel!

  • Mon addiction au téléphone est telle que maintenant je me rends compte que je suis en train de m’amuser avec quelqu’un ou en faisant quelque chose si j’oublie de vérifier mon portable :/ Ça fait peur.

  • Eh bien moi, je n’en ai pas, de portable, et je n’en ai jamais eu.
    Et ça se vit très bien.

  • je me sens moins seule !!! mais j’ai quand même un ordi portable pour les mails, mais c’est beaucoup moins prenant.

  • since I moved abroad i depend on online conversations. It’s the only way for me to keep up with whatever my friends are doing in my home country and I must admit that I am really addicted to internet.
    Not texting.
    Not messaging.
    But to internet itself. It gives me comfort and if by any reason I know that i am unable to access the web I don’t know what to do with myself. Like what should i do?
    I have grown up with internet around me. When I was 9 I was reading harry potter fan fictions online (I was cool like that) and chatted with people from the other side of the country.
    All those notifications and beebs are normal for me and my day would be empty without them.
    Once my chemistry teacher took all are phones away for an experiment to see how we would act without them and oh my god it was worst that she thought it would be.
    I think its pretty scary how new generations depend on electronics and how little they integrate with each other in real life but hopefully one day we will learn how to balance it out.

  • à quand le site fait pour trouver son “text-friend”???
    C’est vrai que l’on collectionne les relations textuelles, à défaut de sexuelles, on trompe pas vraiment, on flirte pas vraiment, on se tiens éveillé, on se fait désirer virtuellement… On pourrait presque s’en passer, ça pourrait presque sauver des couples au bord de la rupture( chacun son text -friend , sa pause kit kat, une personne qu’on ne veut pas vraiment connaître au fond, mais qu’on garde sous le bras pour qu’elle nous aide à nous mettre en scène: “quoi de beau aujourd’hui la miss”, “journée “off, croisé une copine, bu un verre en terrasse…” (traduction, ma copine léa est venu chez moi chercher son fils que j’ai récupéré à la crèche avec le mien, on s’est fait un thé pendant que les mômes goûtaient)”et toi”, “petit footing entre potes, puis découverte d’un petit musée confidentiel…” (traduction: “j’ai couru tout seul, parce que mon pote a une nouvelle copine, après j’ai cherché sur google une adresse sympa à te foutre sous le nez pour que t’impressionner parce que j’ai peur que tu finisses par découvrir que la dernière sortie culturelle que j’ai faite c’est Nausicaa en 6 ème B)
    C’est bizarre quand même, c’est plus facile de textoter que de se parler, la vitesse à laquelle on se fait des potes SMS, et en soirée, on sait pas comment aborder les gens…

  • Lol, I so enjoy your posts on the hectic nature of modern life, Garance. Everywhere I go I see people talking on the phone, texting, or with headphones on. We are definitely over connected! :-)

    Anne Morrow Lindbergh wrote a lovely book on this in the 1950s, called “Gift From the Sea”.

    Also, ironically, the Catholic Church, in its 2000 year existence (coupled with excellent record keeping!) has found that the Saints they term “hermits”, ie consecrated religious who spend large amounts of time alone in prayer or spiritual reading, have gone on to found the Church’s earliest schools, hospitals, orphanages, soup kitchens, etc. Oddly enough, they have found that these people develop a super heightened sense of compassion toward their fellow man as a result of many hours spent in union with God.

    If that is the case, with modern man’s inability to spend any time alone, coupled with an aversion to anything “religious”, what does that make of us? :-)

  • Something wrong with the navigation or is it just me guys? When I choose the translation to English the page goes to some old post. Tested on the iPhone the iPad and Mac… So so sad I don’t speak French… Loosing all the fun here! :(

  • Hi Carla!

    Try this link to the English version: http://www.garancedore.fr/en/2014/11/12/textbook/


  • I have an Ericsson that is ancient and really crap for texting, so I just call people. I don’t care about my phone at all and many times I “forget” it at home. I do very much like my other technology though.

  • IT’S CRAZY!!!! I depend on my phone for everything. I’m studying away from home, so I text my family and friends that are away every single day on multiple times. With the holy inventions of ‘groups’ for messaging apps, I kind of lost my life haha. I love how there is always someone out there to answer whenever you feel like talking or sending a funy picture, or text while you are bored or waiting for something. And there’s also Twitter and Instagram, I have to check it every 30 minutes and I don’t have an smart reason for doing it.

    A vacation without a phone? sounds tempting and horrifying at the same time, like, i wont be able to instagram my life away. Yes, I’m a millennial, we’re attached to our technology since mixtapes, we can’t have enough.

    Im typing this while waiting for my next class to start, eating a sandwich and texting my mom back. Damn.

    Thanks Garance for being real. It’s always a fresh pleasure to read you. xx :)

  • MAIS GARAAAAANCE !!!! Faut que tu regardes ABSOLUMENT la super webserie “les textapes d’Alice”. Mi Bridget Jones/Bref version frenchy. J’ADORE et c’est tellement ça ! Je ne sais pas si la webserie a eu le succes escompté (il y a 2 saisons, les épisodes sont courts, frais).
    C’est tellement ça, notre génération. On se reconnait et c’est bien fait !!!

  • Je t’adore Garance Doré! Daily communication hadn’t been described better than this before! But isn’t it the fun part, actually? Having those crazy choses on daily bases is what makes your life so dynamic and awesome! Hope you always stay with your good energy and beautiful smile!:)

  • Love your candidness Garance! I must admit I am terrible with my phone, not too bad with texting. Although last night I was Viber-ing with my sisters (one in a different city, the other in a different continent altogether), having a great conversation, haha.

    I tried to deactivate most of my notifications from Instagram as they were too distracting, and I am somewhat obsessed with Instagram, hubby hates it a little, ok, more than a little…I am not as bad with it as I was last year, thank goodness…but it is something I work on :)


    Brigadeiro’s Blog

  • Wow… That’s one of your more intense articles to read first thing in the morning. Your stress is palpable from the word “go”, all the way to the end… And it encapsulates perfectly how I have felt some days, while trying to multi-(tech)task.

    A few months ago, I reached the fever-pitch of feeling like I was everywhere, with everyone all the time (the place and time from which you seem to be writing from this morning in Australia /evening in New York), instead of being “here, now and ‘in my body’ for even a moment”.

    It was exhausting. And embarrassing when I accidentally emailed someone something I meant to email to someone else, with whom I’d been having a conversation simultaneously. I felt like those parents, who are trying to get something done in the kitchen, and who have five kids- all home from school for the day and needing your attention immediately, and the parent has to attend to all the kids at once, and all the kids are in different rooms of the house… And the essential and simple act of cooking or cleanjng just doesn’t get done effectively. Or like a piece of hot toast that doesn’t have enough butter to ne generously spread all the way to the edges, and by the time the butter is spread, it’s too thin, patchy, and the toast is cold – both instances a generally unfulfilling exeprience!

    At that point, my girlfriend invited me do a complete technological detox with her for two weeks.

    It was possible in parts, not completely, as my work involves emailing clients, and my parents (I’m in my forties, but my seventyish parents live nearby and we meet twice a week), teenage son and still-working husband and a few friends either have irregular time tables or are disorganised- like me- that mean they often run late meeting me and vice versa.

    I’m only on Facebook sporadically to mainly access websites or articles, and occasionally post a garden photo or share sonething interesting I’ve read. Not into Instagram, pinning, twittering or anything else like that. Facebook, email, watsapp, SMS and phonecalls are all I can tolerate.

    However, that fortnight of turning off the technology for social interaction from 5pm until 11am worked so well. I notified friends and family of this, and said I wouldn’t been answer my mobile then. And all our appointments had to be properly attended to- like in the old days, when mobiles were non-existent. So we would meet at a designated time, and wait until a half hour… After which, if the other person was still late, we would leave, or start eating.

    The result of this is that I disconnected my landline, we all worked harder at being punctual and scheduling our appointments with more care to making it there on time, I got less interruptions by about 80%, and I now ignore all social, non-work correspondences until after work, for just a half an of an hour, when I reply back to everything. My replies are more as an afterthought, they’re more succinct, and our conversations are a whole lot shorter.

    If it’s urgent, people will call my mobile- the won’t message me or watsapp (I can’t believe “message” and “watsapp” are even verbs I now use!). And this means we have more quality vocal contact, and less excessive chatter via texting.

    I get that texting is nice in that no one can hear what you’re saying… And you can text anytime or anywhere because of that.

    But I really that we lose so much of allowing ourselves to evolve when we delve into texting and disconnect with the present- no matter how awful or boring it is – even if it’s with an awfully weird date! It would be good to be present enough to stay off social media while it’s happening, and either give the guy/girl a chance to “get normal” as you said to your friend, Garance. Or, look the date in the face, and say politely after a while, “Hey, thanks for meeting me, but I don’t think this is working out, I’m so sorry. Let’s call it a night”.THEN call your friend up, and tell her how weird the date was— just so she knows you’re ok and that you’re heading home: see, there’s a time and place for technology!

  • Catherine November, 12 2014, 9:05 / Reply

    I just don’t understand how you get so much done Garance if this is a realistic portrayal of how you use your phone! I’m impressed. I get a few texts most days and I do indeed feel a sense of panic if I’m without my phone (sadly) but I agree with everyone who has already posted about putting the phone away in order to be more present. This constant need to be connected while understandable, is a concern… Have you seen the film “Men, Women and Children?” Check it out if not, our tech addictions are not healthy.

  • I have days where I’m constantly ‘in communication’, but I can’t focus on composing music, which is what my life’s about. So much of my time is spent in my studio, on my own (with my Burmese cats!) needing to focus, solve creative problems and be ‘in the zone’. Dealing with clients, directors etc is pretty draining and takes a lot of energy but when I’m not in the ‘focus zone’ I love having emoji and sticker conversations … purely visual and fun. When I’m with my friends my phone is in my bag and I don’t check my phone … only if it rings. I love my friends and love to be totally in the moment because so much of my time is spent alone!

  • Guilty as charged! I grab my phone first things after I wake up and it’s the last things I see before I go to bed. I start with checking my Instagram account, then the fun really starts! If I leave my phone at home for 10 minutes when I go to a corner shop, checking it will be the first thing I do “OMG have I missed out on anything???!!!” Holiday sans phoned? Never-it would leave me more anxious than it’s worth it!

  • Bernadette November, 13 2014, 3:35 / Reply

    I have an “old school” Motorola that looks great, but is crappy for texting. So I end up calling people – or sending minimalist texts…
    Love your post, though!

  • Tu écrivais moins à un moment- tout le monde droit à un break évidemment mais ça fait juste plaisir de te lire à nouveau, et tu écris encore mieux avec l’influence de l’anglais!

  • This is completely enjoyable to read, although my life is nothing like that. I receive text messages mainly from my husband during the day… I’m beginning to think that my life is ultra boring compared to yours hahaha……

  • Hello! Je suis un peu comme toi concernant le téléphone, toujours ce besoin de l’avoir, de regarder les notifications, je communique beaucoup plus par textos que par téléphone (notamment parce que ça permet d’avoir plusieurs conversations en même temps et que j’ai moins l’impression de perdre mon temps dans la vie réelle). Mais parfois, j’ai besoin de pause, alors je chéris les moments où mon téléphone me lâche, où j’ai des problèmes de batterie, où je le perds… et là je reprends un vieux téléphone (histoire de ne pas totalement me couper du monde) et pendant une semaine ou deux ou plus je fais une detox: plus internet, plus de mails, plus de Whatsapp, de Viber, de Facebook etc… même écrire des textos devient pénible et ne parlons pas des photos! Et vraiment, ça fait un bien fou! Bien sûr parfois ce n’est pas le bon moment, parce que je pense en avoir besoin mais finalement on est tellement connectés en permanence qu’un ordinateur n’est jamais loin, alors le téléphone ultra connecté peut rester de côté quelques jours…

  • Ahah excellent article =)
    J’aime bcp mon smartphone, je pense que je peux dire que je suis addict, mais comme ma vie n’est pas aussi remplie/trépidante que la tienne je reçois quand même moins de textos ^^
    Je crois que c’est le mal de notre temps, le fait d’être toujours connecté, et je crois que pour les autres ça implique qu’on doit répondre dans la minute, mais non, un portable c’est pratique (et aujourd’hui ça sait faire plein de choses, gps etc) mais je déteste devoir être disponible pour les autres juste parce que j’ai mon portable … alors je le mets sur silencieux de temps en temps, quand je veux dormir, me concentrer (pas facile !!!) ou profiter vraiment de quelqu’un ;-)

  • Venezia30123 November, 13 2014, 7:18 / Reply

    After 2 days of having pushmails on my Iphone (probably it was also only six hours) I got so bloody nervous I shut it down and never installed it again.
    Skype I am hidden but online.But my dearest and nearest know that.Deinstalled What’s App,no Viber.
    SMS is okay but I found out I will be much easier,quicker and fulfilling to have a short call than texting 10 times…
    Emails in the morning and just checking one time in the afternoon .And it works out !!!for me.
    Not feeling being a slave of communication is amazing.It took me some years and 10 days at an anthroposophical hospital where I wasn’t allowed (or better only calling outside)a cellphone,no wifi was there and one not really working PC.
    First day I was on communication turkey and after that I felt the bliss of not having it.
    And it is funny that most people(friends and work )will respect it.
    Have a great day!!

  • Beaucoup de commentaires intéressants !
    Chère Garance, as-tu aussi pensé au fait que tu n’as jamais été aussi proche de ta Mère et d’autres personnes car tu es célibataire à nouveau ?!!
    Quand on n’est pas en couple on a plus besoin de se recréer un environnement social intense, dont avec des personnes réellement proches de nous (géographiquement ou pas).
    Mais attention de ne pas oublier que ce sont les contacts directs qui sont le plus enrichissants !

  • “Fast food culture sees us forget that the best things take time and presence.”
    – Alice Waters

    … just a thought. Because it doesn’t just apply to food!

  • Ca fait plaisir de voir qu’il y a d’autres addicts. La chance que vous semblez avoir, c’est que vos ami(e)s sont aussi addict que vous, alors que tous mes amis à moi se sont justement mis à la méditation, désertent les réseaux sociaux, deletent leur Facebook, dénigrent instagram et vomissent twitter… Résultat je suis toute seule à être addict ! C’est nul ! Au pays de la sagesse sociale, les geeks sont les plus malheureux ! Merci de me consoler… un peu ;-)

  • I do think Facebook is a lot of time wasting but I have some friends and that I can only contact through Facebook. I wish there was a way around it. We all lived fine before it existed.
    Also, I have never witnessed such a phenomenon (phone addiction) affect so many people. Hopefully it dies down or we’ll have a whole generation dependent on technology and incapable of a normal conversion and making eye contact.

  • I dont know what is worse-phone filled with notifications or silent all the time… ?

  • Sometimes technology advances are just too much. My daughter’s friends at school are immediately on their phones in the pick up line, when all their friends are right beside them! Oh, wait, my computer just ‘dinged’ ;) Thanks for your insightful point of view… it’s important to remember to stay connected… or unconnected. Pretend you are waiting in line with nothing but your mind to wander. x

  • I text my colleagues at work, because we are such a mobile unit, someone either has to stay behind or leave to do a task and then we either text or call each other to find out where everyone is to catch up with the team again.

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