7 years ago by
It’s been almost a year since we got engaged, and we don’t have even the slightest beginning of an idea of when we’re going to get married.
So there you go, that’s the short answer to the burning question no one dares to ask.
As if our love were sitting in the waiting room, or worse, we are afraid to say we’re back pedaling and we’ve changed our minds, actually. Or WORSE! We eloped in Vegas. In any case, after eight months of being engaged, the question “So, when’s the big day?” starts to fade away and gets replaced with slightly awkward smiles, then finally it disappears from the conversation completely.
Phew, finally!
Especially because it really wasn’t easy to answer, since the secret reason why we aren’t married yet is so simple: we haven’t had time to think about it.
Plus, it’s great being engaged!
Being engaged is a unique time.
Well, a lot of my friends have told me it’s also the worst time ever. It’s like when you’re in escrow on a house (yes, I’m going through that right now and can’t wait to tell you about it), you can still get out of it if you want to.
It’s a time when you say to yourself: is this REALLY what I want?
Delphine, my guide specialized in marriage always told me: when a man asks you to marry him, he’s had months to think about it, he knows.
But for a woman, the culmination of her life is supposed to be the moment when the guy gets on his knees on top of the Himalayas (or in a hotel room in Mexico) and that’s it. The victory IS the proposal, being asked to be someone’s wife. So it’s like YES! BOOM! Hahaha, I got him ;)
How could I be so stupid!
Then you spend a few months weeks days basking in the light of your diamond victory love and everything is perfect in the most perfect of worlds, you eat strawberries staring into each other’s eyes and crossing your arms like in TV ads, then real life comes knocking and the inevitable “engagement dance” begins, which includes real moments of magic, broken up with moments of:
“Sorry (shocked face), you want to be my husband and you _______?”
(Fill in the blank: Leave your socks lying around, haven’t texted me a heart-eyed emoji for more than three hours, didn’t walk the dog so she peed in the hallway, etc. etc. etc.)
That can go pretty far, and then it’s kind of like Stranger Things: We loooooove scaring ourselves. Ooooooh, tremble in fear, engaged people!!!
Raise your hand those who haven’t gone through the obligatory dramatic giving-back-the-ring ceremony while wailing AND crying (it’s an obligation after getting engaged, ultimate test of love)(and on his side, with no ring to give, the guy is about to buy boxes and start packing) until love wins again and all your feelings and promises come back stronger.
All these ups and downs are apparently normal, and the fact that my friends warned me about it still didn’t stop me from firmly believing I was original and that no one, nope, no one had ever gone through these profound moments of meaningful drama.
Pfff, come on. We all go through it.
So once all the drama is over, there’s a kind of peace – a calm, bright love settles in. It’s a rather beautiful moment, actually – we passed ALL the tests, and even when we get mad at each other or irritated (yeah, it happens) we know we really love each other and no one is looking to pack their bags.
So it’s time to get married, right?
Right.
SO?
Well, first of all, there are all the points Laura brought up the other day.
Stepping into a marriage, in our modern society, means, first, stepping into a lawyer’s office.
And who wants to do that, I have to ask.
The second thing is imagining all the amazing, breathtaking, fabulous things we could do with a wedding in my village in Corsica with charter boats and such, or a wedding in LA on the beach, or a wedding in Virginia on the farm, or a wedding in South Carolina on the lake… La la la, dreams and little birds flying around and hearts and happiness, yep, happiness!
And then, take all those dreams and dash them one by one, or spend three generations of inheritance and give up on buying a house, a car, or a life.
Then, you have to decide on a date and set it, and just that, well, with us…having something set in stone is uhh…fuuuuu.
Then the time comes when you say yes, a small, simple, beautiful wedding would be really nice. Or a spontaneous wedding at the courthouse! Or getting married with no wedding at all! Or not getting married is really nice too! Or…
Okay, let’s talk about something else, babe.
And that’s how sometimes, you just end up deciding to take your time. Add life into the mix, a move to Los Angeles and all the other life changes (and yeah, buying a house and cars) that go along with that, and poof, you decide to just take your time.
Even though he sometimes calls me his wife. And I love it.
It’s strange, but taking my time has only done one thing: it strengthens my desire to get married. Like I told you, to me, marriage was a strange concept to begin with, not very familiar to me, I was almost cynical about it. I grew up in a family with a divorce and what I saw of love didn’t leave me much room for dreams, or hope, or a desire to get married.
But by taking my time, I got used to the idea, and even started to love the idea. Quite simply because what ended up happening between us is that we don’t need anyone to tell us what we already know: to us, we’re already husband and wife.
And if that’s what being engaged does, I say, don’t hesitate to take your time. Resist the pressure, and do exactly what you want to do.
And know that the wedding that follows will be nothing but a celebration of that love that’s already there. Marriage won’t take anything away and it won’t add anything to what you already have.
To me, it’s a revolution and really opening my mind to the beauty of being united and the simplicity of life. With that idea in mind, it will probably be a lot easier to come up with a day that works for us, set a date that works for everyone else, and be able to shout (when no one’s asking us anymore): “We have a date!”
Translated by Andrea Perdue
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bon, je n’ai même pas encore lu le texte, mais WOW, cette illustration est superbe!!!
bon, je n’ai même pas encore lu le texte, mais WOW, cette illustration est superbe!!!
<3
I’ve been engaged nine years now. Lol.
Wow, I think I must have had one of the shortest engagements here. I was proposed to in September 2010 and by New Year’s Day, I was married. I didn’t have the chance to do all of the parties people do between engagement and marriage, and having such a short engagement meant not everyone could make it, but overall I enjoyed it. I feel like long engagements up the risk of a couple overanalyzing the relationship and breaking up. I was with my husband for three years before marriage, so we knew each other well. I also think short engagements are less stressful. You simply have to work with what you have rather than waiting for everything to be perfect. We got married on the property of a wealthy person we happened to know, and that took care a lot of problems.
Go Garance!
J’aime beaucoup cette idée, être fiancés pour la vie! :)
Xxx
Julie
I was engaged for three years. Everybody was asking the golden question: when? When? And then, when it feels right, we set the date. It was a lovely small weeding, with our most loved ones: no more than 30 persons. It was special and it was right for us. No pressure, just love :)
Ouhla je me reconnais totalement dans cet article, en effet je suis fiancée depuis bientôt plus de 2 ans ! Hé ouais nous aussi on prend notre temps et on savoure. Après tout, rien ne presse quand on est amoureux et qu’on se considère déjà comme mari et femme :)
Des bisous Garance,
Mido.
http://www.bowsome.com/
Hi Garance,
Many thanks for this article! I’m currently in the phase of the drama :( Like, should I really spend the rest of my life with him when he can’t even wash the dishes? And every little stupid thing makes me angry.
This article was really helpful for me and helped me to realize that there are more people going through the same.
Only nobody is ever talking about that… :)
Cheers
I personally think that way too often we spend too much time thinking and overthinking things – when we can just finally “do it” instead :-) Because, yeah, simplicity is the key. But it’s great that being engaged slowly but surely changed the way you see marriage! :)
http://www.appelezmoiana.com
Qu’est-ce qui presse ? Profitez de votre nouvelle vie a LA, vous la commencez ensemble, c’est super d’en partager la decouverte et l’installation avec quelqu’un qu’on aime.
Les fiançailles prolongées, c’est assez romantique finalement comme idée!
De mon côté j’ai pris le chemin opposé…Après 7 ans de relation, on a compris que là ça y est, on était prêts – et à partir de ce moment on a tout mis en route en deux mois! Une date à la mairie- check, un resto pour 100 personnes, re-check. Pas de fleurs, pas de jeux, pas de fringues chères ni de bagues de fiançailles, juste un projet qui a mûri jusqu’à sembler évident. Finalement j’ai réalisé que pour moi, le meilleur moyen de ne pas “paniquer” c’était de relativiser l’importance de la fête elle-même et de valoriser la relation et l’engagement en tant que tel. Pas si différent de votre démarche, finalement :)
Bonjour,
Finalement, le plus important c’est de faire les choses comme on les sent. Je me suis mariée à 22 ans avec un homme que je connaissais depuis un an et demi. Tout le monde nous disait qu’on était fous et que ça ne tiendrait pas 3 ans! Et quand on a voulu faire un enfant 6 mois plus tard on nous encore dit qu’on ferait mieux d’attendre et bla-bla-bla.
Résultat, on va fêter nos 21 ans de mariage et on a trois beaux garçons de 19, 17 et 15 ans, une belle maison et deux chats. Voilà, voilà, il n’y a pas de règle, juste ce qu’on sent être pour nous et c’est tout.
Bises,
Catherine
I was engaged for about a year and a half… so not that long, really. But we spent most of that time doing the “what about this type of wedding… or that one!” dance. We ended up getting married in San Francisco’s City Hall (MUCH more beautiful than the civil ceremony location in NYC, where we live) with two witnesses, and it was lovely. I still have those moments of “oooooh I wish I’d had a big dress! I wish I’d danced with my dad!!!” but no matter which wedding you have, there will always be the ones you didn’t have. If I’d had a big dress and 100 people and danced with my dad, I’d probably be here saying, “ooooooooh I wish it had just been us!”
Après 8 ans de relation mon fiancé m’a demandé en mariage et à cause de l’argent, nous avons décidé de nous marier environ 2 ans plus tard. Mais c’était très important pour nous de considérer les fiançailles comme une vraie période, pas seulement la période entre la relation et le mariage. Pourquoi ne pas modeler les fiançailles à votre goût? Pourquoi les fiançailles devraient obligatoirement être courte? Depuis quand les fiançailles ne sont qu’un tremplin vers le mariage? Personne ne peut décider ça autre que vous, alors faites en ce que vous voulez!
I was seeing my boyfriend for years. My family had to force us to get married. I didnt see a point in it. He didnt see a point in putting it off. They convinced me to get it done. I finally gave in. Its one party. One day of rituals. Get it done and forget about it, I thought.
But things do change. We have huge well knit families. And they all became one larger family. Before the ritual, there was this wall of formality. Now, they visit each other and hang out all the time. And share their lives. There is a level of intimacy between the families. Thats the only thing that has changed after I got married.
You should do whats right for you. I promise, we wont keep asking about the day or the dress or anything else. You have a dog together ! Thats commitment enough.
So right ? we have been engaged for 4 years (dating 4 already before)…before getting married, got the house in between and so many things on the road to our wedding day that made our mariage “à notre image”. it s not a race. Anyway your textes (and the team ) and illustrations are really great and add extra positivity in my day.
Garance – hang in there … YOU’VE GOT THIS. After 3 years together our engagement lasted 5 days so I had no time to think. We were engaged while we were on vacation too but when talking about when we would get married my fiance suggested (completely unplanned) that perhaps we could get married while we were there (we were in another country). It was an unbelievably spontaneous moment. And the most wonderful wedding followed. We still talk about it and thank our lucky stars to have complete strangers (and a foreign couple we knew) go to bat for us – all in the name of love. And then on a Thursday at 1 in the afternoon, in a room with walls covered in tapestries, in a 15th century City Hall, a very handsome civil servant married us. I’ll never forget it. We called no one in advance except a close friend in yet another country. Our families were shocked when we arrived home (in a good way) and we had a big party 2 months later. That was 17 years ago. It’s clearly different for everyone but I believe the path, whether short or long, is part of the really wonderful journey. ENJOY et bon chance.
I know exactly what you speak of. I think we are going towards the 1 year mark with no date, no idea of a date and no time to think about a date that doesn’t give me anxiety. I love him very much but I want to have a wedding that is pleasing to us and I couldn’t care less about what anyone thinks. As long as we are in love
Hahaha, I totally saw myself in the first sentences of your article as I… got married in Vegas… at a drive-in!
Our families were far from thrilled, but, some people have other priorities. We were starting a new life in the US, had businesses to build from the ground up, and didn’t really have money to spare.
Tomorrow we’ll celebrate 3 years of marriage (and 4 1/2 years together). There’s still no “real” celebration planned (I kinda told my family that there would be one some day, to prevent them from being totally mad at me) and I don’t think there will ever be.
My parents have been fiancés for the past… 35 years (?) so I never grew up with the idea that I would get married some day, never dreamt of the proposal, the dress.
We took the decision together and would not have it any other way.
Enjoy your “longues fiançailles”, take your time.
xxx
– Chloe
http://consciousbychloe.com
So you’re doing it the French way, after all :)
haha ! Même chose par ici. J’ai même fait pire: j’ai accepté sa demande, à condition qu’on se marie non pas l’année suivante, mais celle d’après. Je savais que la précipitation ne me plairait pas (j’avais envie de profiter de la phase cool des fiançailles, sans avoir à me mettre tout de suite à chercher une robe ou une salle). Moralité, on va se marier à n+2, et ce sera très bien comme ça ! Comme tu le dis, ça m’a laissé le temps de m’y préparer, comme je n’étais pas une obsédée du mariage, il fallait au moins ça sinon je ne suis pas sure que notre couple aurait survécu aux préparatifs (ça aussi c’est toute une expérience, très bien résumé par une amie en “découvrir qu’on peut se hurler dessus sur des sujets dont on a littéralement rien à faire (et dont on aura plus rien à faire dans la “vraie vie”), et dont on ne reparlera plus jamais dès le mariage passé”
I love this so much. I found Laura’s post too really impactful as well. I think we live in time that we now get to define the way we want to something to be and I think it’s really empowering the way our views of marriage are shifting to reflect what is right for the individual. What an awesome way to look at it. Take all the time! As long as love and commitment are there then the rest is just choice! xo
http://www.beingskindeep.com
I agree with Archana. Marriage changes a relationship and often in unexpected ways. I think it’s naive to assume otherwise and not respectful of people who do get married to say it doesn’t change anything.
Marriage isn’t just about binding two people together, it’s about bringing two families together. My family and my husband’s family visit each other independently of us. Those relationships wouldn’t have had a chance to develop had they not spent time together at our wedding and been involved in planning. Families often need to witness a wedding to feel fulfilled and accept this new person into the fold. There are reasons why we have these traditions and they’re not always just about the two people getting married. I think it’s disappointing to every new couple to realize it’s not all about them.
That said I think it’s easy to get bogged down in planning the party, especially because there’s a certain amount of ego in projecting an image of yourselves to friends and family. The wedding ceremony is much more important. And there are lots of disappointments! You can’t escape them. Not everyone will be able to come, even super important people. The important thing is to get married, if that’s what you want to do. And if you don’t want to get married, don’t get married! But don’t knock it ’til you try it!
I agree with you and Arcana. Marriage DOES change things! My guy and I have been together for 37 years and married for almost 35. There were times I might have thrown in the towel if it were not for the bonds of marriage…the vows we took were like the glue that held us together, saying, “We’re going to weather this storm and find our way to sunshine again!” And we have. Ups/downs….LIFE! But yes, marriage did change us. Be sure. But also, don’t be afraid to risk it all for your relationship.
I see myself in this entire article. I have read it 4 times already and probably will keep reading it over and over again to connect with someone who is going through the exact.same.thing.
This is the mos honet post I ever read. I’ve been engaged for 2 years know and seen friends getting engaged and married through this time (they even turned into a competition who has the best house or the bisggest wedding). And I just started planing mine next october on our aniversary date. Waitting is the best decision we made, it gave os motivation to take risks . (we start our own business together!!) I even went thorugh the retunring the ring drama and as much as it hurted I’t made me realize we love each other no matter what. Every couple has their own timing…
I am sure I read about a study that found that the more time the bride spent planning the wedding and the more it cost, the likelier the couple was to divorce.
You seem to be one who follows your heart; let it tell you when.
So refreshing to read this! Every couple is different and should do exactly what is right for you both. I was always a marriage skeptic as well, but to my surprise I was ready to get married immediately after getting engaged. Ended up doing a small wedding 5 months later, in a location that was meaningful to us. I couldn’t believe how easy and fun it was to plan just want we wanted and not listen to any pressures from others. Being engaged and the whole process is truly a wonderful time and should be enjoyed for however long or as short you wish! Cheers to this happy time! xx
You are together & that’s what counts. You love each other, you have fun & laugh. Hopefully you, as I have, will continue to do so for many years to come.
A wedding is just one day & far too much emphasis is put on it, the big diamond, what flowers, the guest list & on & on.
Forget it, sneak off to city hall followed by a romantic weekend of picnics and stroll & bike rides at a fabulous country inn.
It’s a day for just you two?
Family & celebrations with friends can follow.
De manière inexplicable (après tout, ce n’est qu’un bout de papier), le mariage change une relation. Enfin, c’est ce que j’ai constaté pour moi et les couples de mon entourage (et pas toujours en positif). Mais peut-être est-ce parce que je ne suis pas passé par la case fiançailles ni aucun de mes amis ; en France,ça ne se fait plus beaucoup
ne serait-ce pas justement parce que ce n’est pas qu’un bout de papier que le mariage risque de changer une relation ?
I was engaged to a guy for three years, then we broke up. One year later I met another man, after one year I was pregnant. We married four months after birth. Now we are married for eleven years, we have two Boys and are very happy.
Every story is another story.
Acheter une belle maison me parait un super plan , faire une fête , mais raisonnable , en terme de fric ,
pour le mariage …
Bon faut il être raisonnable ? Ben quelquefois , c’est bien .
Mais l’idée du mariage … faut voir . C’est un coup de poker .
Jeune mariée je n’arrétais pas de dire ” mon mari ” ah le bonheur .
Après je me suis calmée , normal , il y a quand même des choses parfois difficiles à gérer dans la vie , et comme tout le monde on a eu notre lot .
Notre engagement a résisté .
Nous sommes toujours ensemble . Je l’appelle mon mec .
Bonne chance Garance
Longues fiançailles, mauvaises épousailles. La vie est courte autant la simplifier. Mariez vous simplement Avec Joie dans votre nouvelle maison. Avec autour de vous le noyau essentiel. Le reste c est Du bul’shit imposé par les magazines. Le rêve la puissance et la magie de ce jour seront dans le regard Que vous portez l un Sur l autre. Je vous souhaite le meilleur. Arrêtez de vous prendre la tête.
I think that this is why the City Hall wedding has gotten so popular. You can invite your parents to witness, so they won’t murder you for eloping without them, and then it’s quick and easy and you can either a) just go out to lunch afterward or b) throw a cute, casual little party for your friends and family that night.
The whole “wedding market” has just gotten overwhelming, to the point where when you stick “wedding’ in front of a white dress or mention “wedding” at a venue, the price triples. I definitely don’t blame you for waiting. Buy that house and car first.
I think that’s lovely – so why be engaged at all ? I mean what’s the point , really. It becomes almost a pretend promise – right? Just being a couple without expectations is much better , never boring .
Marriage is not only about finding the right person, it’s also about being the right person. Love and nurture, let it bloom rain or shine. XO
‘Marriage won’t take anything away and it won’t add anything to what you already have.’ Beautiful sentence and so true.
Lots of wisdom in your post – thank you.
I’ve been trading out photography for food with a SoCal Caterer (yes! you can feed the vegans and the omnivores!) for about 3 years…and the most inspirational events I’ve seen are 125 and under. At that point you can be anywhere — I MEAN ANYWHERE — and everyone fits ins a lovely convivial space. And — you can wear anything — full-on gown or lovely sexy slipdress. You can have fantastic food and full on cocktails too. And yes, weddings are expensive but as my Mom says…”There are plenty of ways to skin a cat” (terrible right?!)
For the rest of your friends…have a big party in NYC and another in LA and Corsica…
Of course – that will be challenging for you but be ruthless and anyone that is angry at just being invited to a party? You know what to do…and don’t sweat it for a minute!
xxxx J
PS – With that many people…you can get married in the center of a circle. Really ups your ability to feel the love –
Not exactly the same, but in the ballpark, can we talk about the ‘when are you going to have kids?’ question. I get that all the time and like this question of being engaged – it’s not cut and dry.
Garance, à mon avis, en ce moment tu dois écouter en boucle la “non demande en mariage” de Brassens !
Ma Mie de grâce ne mettons
Pas sous la gorge à Cupidon
Sa propre flèche….
Sais-tu que Brassens, se sachant très malade, a voulu épouser sa compagne pour la mettre à l’abri financièrement. Elle a refusé, au nom de leur amour.
Faut le faire à l’instinct ! Ou alors rester fiancés pendant des années, construire sa vie dans l’illusion de ce mariage, et être heureux comme ça.
Above all – make sure you enjoy this moment. Planning a wedding IS stressful, it can take over from the ‘happy in love’ carefree feeling right now. Do not let it!
Just enjoy, smile, stare constantly at your ring and ignore each and every ‘When?’ comment.
xo
The ceremony CHANGES things.. It brings a new energy, a new dynamic.. I cannot explain it, but it happened to us when we get married even after 4 years of living together and having a house already. And it’s totally worth the hassle
You are not alone. I was engaged for two years (with him four years before that!) and then had a semi-spontaneous courthouse wedding. I’ve been happily married for 10 years now. Nurture the relationship, whatever it looks like–that’s what matters.
It was lovely to read! All those pressures we have to face and so often it would be enough to listen more to our own inner voice than to all the outside voices. That being said – I just got engaged and we’re going to have a very short engagement, followed by a very low-key ceremony. And that is just perfect for us! There are so many unique factors that shaped our decision and we don’t feel the need to defend it. I can’t even begin to explain the joy that is making a decision that is just right for you. We all should be doing it more!
Too many people are focused on the wedding, not the marriage. When the giant, expensive party is over, you still have the girl or guy who (take your pick) … leaves dirty socks in the floor … doesn’t empty the dishwasher … forgets to buy groceries … and on and on. The important part is realizing that marriage, whether sanctioned by a civil or religious ceremony, is work. Also, it’s a partnership …and each of you will do things that annoy the hell out of the other person. And most importantly, each of you will do things that makes the other person think you hung the moon. Make it work or forget the whole thing.
We will be coming up on a year engaged in April and other than having gone to look at some venues and nixed them for the cost (this is Los Angeles, after all…) so I feel you. Everyone keeps asking, as if tossing a wedding together were the easiest thing in the world. We even got so overwhelmed by the cost that we got distracted and bought a house in Elysian Valley instead – once we started running numbers on the cost of a wedding, property seemed like a more reasonable expense. But here we are, and we still need to get married. Currently waffling between National Parks and a cocktail party. We shall see. Good luck!
Se marier, c’est poser ensemble un petit caillou blanc sur le chemin et pouvoir le regarder les jours de tempête…
Les fiançailles c’est pour soi et le mariage pour les autres, non? Et c’est quoi le plus important? ;-)
I love your post and until I got married, [when I was engaged and pregnant!] I didn’t think actually getting married would really change anything, it just seemed a nice, pricey excuse for a party……but it really does make a massive difference and it changes everything for the better, because you’ve said you’re sure about the love, and that you trust it, to your love, in front of some other people you love, and its really very different….xxx
I got married in cityhall within 4 months of knowing and dating my current husband. With no romantic proposal, no ring yet. We did that because of visa issue.
We were secretly married for almost a year, and then he got me the ring. We announced to family and friends “we’re engaged”.
Within 6 months of being “engaged”, we did the wedding ceremony and reception. He doesn’t want to keep our married status a secret any longer.
By now we have known each other for 2 years and mostly married during the majority of that length of time.
I wish I had the long luxury of time of getting to know him, dating him, just being BF / GF, and long engagement, before having a wedding. I wish we took so much time to plan the wedding.
Take your time. Don’t rush. Enjoy each stage. Don’t allow yourself to feel pressured.
Le truc avec le mariage, c’est que c’est un engagement – certes – mais pas seulement. C’est pour beaucoup la mise en forme ou la matérialisation de l’ idée que chacun se fait du couple marié et du mariage, d’un lien socialement reconnu par le groupe…du coup on rejoue nos histoires familiales ou pas…Personnellement, je vis depuis 12 ans avec mon compagnon, nous avons une fille ensembles..Comme Caroline de Maigret j’aime l’idée qu’il puisse se dire qu’un jour je peux m’en aller, qu’il lui faut encore faire des efforts et inversement…Je considère le non-mariage ou le concubinage comme un garde-fou qui justement nous protège de la séparation…Cela dit dès qu’il y a des enfants, des histoires de patrimoines, c’est quand même bien de mettre tout ça sur papier en cas de pépin..
Je vous souhaite beaucoup de bonheur! Il n’y a que ça qui compte! La joie et la sérénité au quotidien, les gros fous rires, et une bonne dose d’amitié aussi en cas de coup dur…c’est ce qui est important! Tout le reste est accessoire..
Beautifully written and well said!
10 years and two amazing children later, I got the ring(!) and, to be honest, I have no idea when this wedding will happen! In our eyes, we’re already husband and wife… anything else is just a party and icing on the cake :)
I’ve always thought one thing about all those engagements that end with a big wedding I’ve seen in movies – what a joke! Maybe its because I’m from a former Soviet Union country and that simply isn’t the way we used to do things. Now days yes, men propose marriage and there is a ring with a stone and showing of the ring and blah blah blah. But that just isn’t me nor us. We have been together for 9 years and the talk of marriage has faded. Am I worried? No. I think if it ever comes up again, it would be a talk over morning coffee, a decision would be made and then a quick trip to what US refers to as “city hall” but we call it “Palace of Joy”. Done.
If you like to be engaged then be! No one but you two knows how things really are and when it’s going to happen.
Nous sommes en couple depuis 11 ans et fiancés depuis presque 7 ans ;)
Together for years and we got married only once our baby was born :) sometimes what happened to our parents, a story of divorce is looming so do it your way. ENJOY LIFE! ENJOY LOVE!
Aaah Garance! Je t’aime!
“Et savoir que le mariage qui suivra ne sera rien d’autre qu’une célébration de cet amour, qui existe déjà. Le mariage n’enlèvera rien, et ne créera rien qui n’est déjà là.”
Tout est dit…
Surprise ahead… marriage adds to it!
Like the engagement solidified your love and commitment, marriage will deepen it.
Hi Garance,if this is of any help!? I’ve been engaged with my partner for 12 years and it suits us just fine! We do everything a married couple would do together but we still haven’t ruled out that one day we might get married.Follow YOUR instincts….
C’est drôle comme tu résumes absolument ma pensée. Mon copain et moi, on est fiancés depuis septembre et on dirait que ça a changé plein de choses depuis. Nous qui étions comme une fleuve tranquille, maintenant c’est exactement le « Est-ce que je peux vraiment marier quelqu’un qui (situation du jour)?? » C’est rassurant de te lire. Merci!
Hello Garance,
comme d’habitude c’est toujours un réel plaisir de te lire, tellement que je t’ai citée dernièrement dans un de mes articles : https://groovyblackgyal.com/2017/02/05/mes-blogs-preferes/
Ne t’arrête jamais d’écrire, j’en serais trop triste !
Tu as bien raison ! Profitez ….On est restésotérique fiancés un an et demi avant le mariage et passés par tôt ça c était top. J ajouterai juste que le mariage ajouté quelque chose, je ne sais pas dire quoi mais il y a un truc merveilleux en plus qui reste. Bref un beau programme. No rush enJoy ?
While my fiance and I have set a date, by the time we get married (in September) we will have been engaged for more than two years. There’s really no reason to rush or slow down, it’s whatever happens naturally I feel. And I agree, being engaged is special, but I’m excited to be married as well.
https://bybreannamarie.com/
This was such a happy and serene post Garance. And it’s so good to hear your thoughts. We are always so worried about what people are going to say, and I am so happy to say that with getting older that feeling of always having to justify yourself slowly vanishes and you just don’t give two f*** :)
Four years ago I also fell madly in love with someone who is 15 years older (I’m 39) and I knew there was going to be a lot of rumours and talk, but I just didn’t care because I believed and felt the love we had. It always makes me cry, when my dad just said, that he is happy and just wants me to be happy, having heard and seen lots of crying of desperation and yelling over the phone and the drama in the past.
Haha I laughed when you said that you thought you were unique and original when you guys went through the moments of meaningful drama! I feel the same! Like: ”noone has the love and the passion that we have!” :) But I just think people don’t talk about it, because it is a bit frowned upon. You can’t be adult and professional and then have these tantrums over heart-eyed emojies! Ha ha. Ahhh we’ve all been there. The important thing is to just love the person as they are, without conditions and never ever try to change them :)
I think that many of us are scared to think about marriage, we have many prejudices or bad examples that condition us. Love is a question of letting us go, without limits, without barriers and above all leaving the prejudices to one side. If you think that it is not yet time to get married, do not do it. But do not try to analyze love, how it should be, or how socially marked it is. Love as marriage is a thing of two, just the two of you. I was very skeptical about marriage, but now I can tell you that it was the best day of my life and I would repeat it again.
My husband asked me to marry him after 3 wonderful years of friendship.
Ten days later we married.
It was the happiest most uncomplicated day filled with great love from all our friends and family.
Marriage added a depth to our love that I simply cannot explain but it did.
Ohhh… I need to go and give him a big fat hug right now!
We were together for 6 years before I moved to France for him, and another 6 years before he proposed, and a year of engagement before we got married…and I really have to say marriage DOSE give you something else. At least for me it did. 16 years together now, and I’m so glad we’re finally married (and have a little family). I wish you nothing but happiness! Enjoy your engagement and enjoy your marriage even more xx
I am one of those who thinks “when you know, you know”. In your text we read a lot of doubts, fear (that I completely understand) and justifications. Even of getting engage is sweet and a tender moment in your couple’s life, it’s not the first reason you say yes right ?…When you go to a movie, it’s not for the commercials ah ah.
I got married in 5 months not to rush and be sure he won’t run away (my first fiance did…very brave right) but just because I wanted to say yes for all the things he proposed.
But you know what…be the wife you want as long as you both are happy it’s the right choise !
Chère Garance,
j’ai adoré de lire vos pensées sur le faite d’être fiancée, les doutes, les questions & le mariage ( quand, comment & où) . De mon côté j’étais fiancé pendant presque 5 ans & mariée à peine 1 an :-( bon j’ai survécu cette phase de ma vie ;-) et après ça j’ai vraiment commencé à vivre. Je suis tombée enceinte de mon meilleur ami ( qui est malheureusement décédé il y a 4 ans ) mais de notre amitié & amour est née une petite fille merveilleuse qui n’est malheureusement plus si petite ( 14 ans ). Même si depuis sa mort je suis toute seule, je sais au plus profond de moi qu’un jour je vais rencontrer à nouveau l’amour de ma vie & me remarier ou peut-être juste me fiancée :-). Life is a mystery but always keep in mind: The past is in your Head and the future is in your Hand. So enjoy your engagement as long as you can and the rest will follow when time is right !! Good luck.
Annick