5 years ago by
Sometimes I feel like the heroine of a novel. A novel with a heroine whose life is a bit whimsical, funny, a little unusual. A heroine who really, and I mean really, does EVERYTHING she can to have a normal life, but nope, not gonna happen, she’s not cut out for that. A heroine who makes mistakes, laughs about them, isn’t very cautious, falls into all the traps, but sometimes manages to turn them into beautiful stories.
Like a sort of Carrie Bradshaw, since I’ve been compared to her so many times, and I admit, when I was feeling my worst after the breakup, I re-re-rewatched Sex and the City and thought to myself, yep, the show doesn’t get old, and I guess I do have a little Carrie in me after all.
I feel like a heroine and sometimes I tell myself life is like a movie.
One week after our breakup, the workers arrived at my house and finally began the renovation. I’d been waiting for almost a year and poof, suddenly everything was in motion. As you might imagine, the symbolism wasn’t lost on me, especially when they got out their hammers and started tearing down the walls that had just borne witness to the end of my engagement.
Strange, I thought to myself.
I feel like this is what’s happening inside of me right now.
And also, in a moment of inspiration: “can I grab a hammer and help you?”
Seeing those pieces of wall crumble to reveal the bare bones of the house immediately had a cathartic effect. In fact, I wasn’t able to do anything else the rest of the day: something in me was shaking.
I was watching pieces of my life fall on the floor. It was joyful and painful at the same time, and I could see it was stressful for my little dog Lulu, who was very irritated to have these men invading what had been her domain, her peaceful haven.
The house would no longer be a peaceful haven for a few months.
For a long time, though, I didn’t want to see the signs.
My house and I were going through exactly the same thing.
I had bought it quite fast. It wasn’t perfect – it used to be – in its original form, but it had been slightly disfigured to fit the apparently American taste that makes people want a living room for the TV and a family room and other practical, sensible things that don’t make sense for me.
As soon as I saw it, I said:
1/ this house has good vibes
2/ the house needs more light
3/ we need to break down some of the walls to give it back its original simplicity
The neighbor across from me, a very serious guy, told me the house was very well-constructed — “it’s solid” he told me. And I said “Thanks. Yeah, I know, I’ve always been like that.”
The neighbor to the right, an energy expert (let me remind you, we’re in Venice, in Los Angeles) told me the house had its own rhythm and that everything involved with the house would take time. Since slowness is one of my defining characteristics (oh yeah, I’ve been saying I need to write a post called “late bloomer” for ten years now) I decided to not take that too seriously and figured in six months, all the renovations would be done and I would be enjoying the house to its full potential.
Oh, but I should have listened. Time passed. Everything was delayed, absolutely everything.
The house was more or less comfortable as it was. Liveable. Not super pretty, especially since when you’re endlessly waiting for the next step, it doesn’t make you want to invest in nice things. Or make nice meals, or invite friends over. I missed that and I’d been missing that for a long time – having a home that I liked. My apartments in New York were never great, my apartment in Paris had been so ugly, it was a joke – and anything before that seems like a prehistoric part of my life.
I got used to it. I can get used to anything, actually. That’s one of my talents. It’s also one of my biggest flaws.
I still wasn’t seeing the symbolism. Life was constantly slightly uncomfortable. My house was taking time, and my life was disintegrating before my eyes. And my patience, my patience comes so naturally to me, I never even questioned it.
Maybe I thought I didn’t deserve a completely finished, comfortable house?
I didn’t want to know.
I was too solid for that.
Especially because, from day one, I’d felt the house warmly welcome me into its arms. Inside, I felt like I was in a mother’s arms. Protected, loved, supported. That’s also how I feel in Los Angeles in general, from the beginning. Wrapped in warmth and love. Softness. Simplicity. Freedom.
And that’s probably why I was able to let myself soften. Wrapped in these arms, I was finally able to let go. Give myself permission to be myself. Give myself permission to let down my guard. Give myself permission to see my suffering. To heal. To take care of myself. To break up with the indestructible girl I thought I was.
The anti-heroine of my own existence.
I left my house to the construction workers, took my little dog in my arms, and took off.
———
We started staying at the Villa Carlotta, she and I. A beautiful building in Hollywood, a hotel with a magical history, where artists have been taking refuge for ages.
From here, I can see the city stretching out in front of me, immense and flat.
And very far in the distance, the ocean, the West. My house.
My house, so far away but so near to my heart, which after being demolished inside, is now starting to take shape again and come back to life. In a few weeks, it will be finished, clean and bright. And that’s when I tell myself that really, life is even more fascinating than a novel.
And that home, our true home, is something we have to find inside ourselves.
Far from home, the little things become huge and make me feel at home. Things like my dog Lulu sleeping next to me. A Sex and the City marathon. A conversation with a friend. Rereading a passage from Sagan or Ephron. Ten minutes of meditation. A nice hot tea. Getting cozy in my bed, writing, and turning my life into a novel.
So yes, I do feel like I’m in a movie because the rain pouring in Hollywood today doesn’t bother me at all: it inspires me. Because solitude doesn’t scare me: it fills me up. Because I can count on life to keep giving me stories to write. Because I accept the symbols and see them everywhere, like in a David Lynch film — that’s what makes life meaningful, and life – so complicated, so bizarre, so unexpected, so beautiful, eventually turns us into romantic heroines.
Translated by Andrea Perdue
????
Dear Garance, Wow ! this is so beautiful – brought tears to my eyes.
How precious all those little things that bring us comfort and help us to feel at home in ourselves.
So well said!
BRAVO Garance!
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Ah Garance, your essays are so satisfying, uplifting, relatable, inspiring . . . Thank you, thank you.
Chère Garance Je vous lis depuis 10 ans et chaque rendez-vous avec vos articles est un moment de plaisir, de réflexion, de partage et aussi d’admiration. Vous avez un talent incroyable pour partager des réflexions et des émotions qui je pense, traversent beaucoup d’entre nous. Je vous souhaite beaucoup de bonheurs dans votre vie et encore beaucoup d’articles comme celui-là (et en français aussi ;-). Merci.
Quelle synchronicité dedans/dehors ! Quelle transformation, disparaitre pour renaitre ! La mue est tjs douloureuse mais il y a aussi le plaisir de repartir à zéro. Wish you blissful fulfillment !
Beautiful story! Bravo Garance for your courage and perspective!
It’s a breath of fresh air to see how things are coming along for you, Garance! Je vous souhaite bonne santé, bons verres de vin avec des amis, et bonheur avec vous-même à ce fin d’année.
La vie… Et ses épreuves, qui nous font nous sentir plus fortes à chaque fois qu’on les surmonte, et ressentir les ressources que l’on a en nous, toujours, malgré tout. Et le timing de la vie aussi, je crois définitivement qu’il n’y a pas de hasard et que notre chemin de vie est écrit quelque part. Reste à en comprendre le sens. Une histoire de résilience aussi. Merci pour tes mots et tes partages que je suis depuis… toujours :) Ce qui me donne envie de te dire (puisqu’on se connaît depuis le temps haha) : prends soin de toi ma sœur.
You’ll be fine.You have intelligence and talent but above all of this you have to be brave and face your emotions.Running away from them or distracting yourself NEVER works.We have all got to ‘cross the swamp’ of our childhood emotions and possible trauma’s and when you do you will find a peace inside of you that you didn’t know was possible.Its not out there in the world it is INSIDE of you.
Applausi! Brava!!!!E brava pure Lulu!!!!
did you buy this house during mercury retrograde? I mean since now both venus and mercury are direct, things are going to flow better, but of course, only the things that are meant to stay will flow better.
Your story reminded me of the following Rumi poem. May it be of benefit… <3
The Guest House
JELALUDDIN RUMI, TRANSLATION BY COLEMAN BARKS
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.
Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
Kristin Thank you soooo sooo much for this Rymi poem. Is powerful, wooow. :*
If you’re Carrie Bradshaw, you’re a much classier and funnier version. Love your work and writing. Truly a joy to be a part of the Dore tribe here.
Life is interesting. For awhile, I felt we were following a similar path — three years ago, I met a man sitting next to me at the theater in NY. I was planning on moving from NYC, he lived in LA and was housesitting for a few weeks. We clicked, fell in love, traveled back and forth for a couple years, got engaged in March, he moved in with me in SC in August and in late October, we got married. My house was originally my parents, I inherited it when my Mom died 9 years ago and over the years I had been transforming it from their house to mine, learning how to get rid of their furniture and artwork without feeling like I was betraying them. Now I have my husband’s artwork and household goods (fortunately, he didn’t have much furniture to incorporate) and I am in the process of compromising my personal design style for OUR style. I want him to feel like this is our home, not just mine and as a result, things of mine have been sold, given away or put into storage. We still have too many kitchen things but together we’re building a home and a life that reflects both of us, not just me or him. And while I originally felt wistful for my familiar belongings, now I’m embracing seeing my house with new eyes. Truly, home is where the heart is and what defines a home can’t be found in an Instagram post or on Pinterest. 2019 will be a wonderful year of exploration for you and Lulu. (Please note, the noisy terrier is no longer with us. We now have an adorable but naughty look-alike named Charlie Parker.)
Garance, you’re a gem.
With a tender smile on my face, I appreciate and relate to how you feel alive and connected through that symbolism of yours.
No words can do justice to how many of us deeply understand what that means.
Thank you for being a strong link to a global sisterhood.
Dear Garance,
Wishing you and Lulu every happiness ?
Merci Garance. Ce soir, après quelques larmes versées, j’avais juste besoin de lire cela. J’ai machinalement tapé “atelierdore” dans ma barre de recherche, et il est là, ce texte, exactement fait pour ce soir, pour moi.
Vive les héroïnes romantiques.
Garance, Sophie… c’est tellement ça, je dirais “synchronicité”… Merci Garance et hâte de voir ton nouveau chez toi et on dit aussi “Good things take time”… mais à la fois à un moment on en peut pluuuuuus on a tellement envie que ça avaaaance :) <3 <3 <3
Merci, merci…
Je me sens tellement proche de tout ce que tu vis en ce moment que de te lire me mets en joie!!! Séparation, déménagement, installation dans un nouveau chez soi à son image. Tristesse, joie, renouveau, liberté…
Des signes il y en a forcément oh oui…
et oui nous sommes les héroïnes de notre propre vie, à nous de l’écrire… de la rêver et de la vivre.
Merci pour tous ces posts ultra lucide et drôle.
Je ne devrais pas commenter en public. Mais je vais l’ecrire pour les autres parce que c’est important.
Je viens de relire un de tes textes. Et ce passage où C. dit Non, non, non, tu ne dois pas prendre d’antidépresseurs…
=> ça m’a mise en colère. Pfuuuh. Quand je pense à toutes les femmes qui acceptent qu’on leur dicte leur conduite. Mais pas toi, vraiment pas toi ! Yeah.
Awww Garance :(( huggies! I feel the same sometimes. I think it is all right to be alone. It is all right to be happy and alone than be unhappy and in a relationship. Hang in there girl! Love you!! :)) bioussss
Well done Garance! Congratulations ??
Life is complicated, interesting at times, annoying at times, painful at times but, also joyful at times. Enjoy your new home – for a home it will be (complete with subtly nosey neighbors apparently!) Have cozy blankets and always keep cool stuff in your refrigerator. Perhaps a standing order of said same from Gjusta – that guy knows what he’s doing. Find a florist! You def need a florist. That wine shop on Rose is pretty good too. Dog walker critical.
It’s an exciting time to live in Los Angeles – this is going to be GREAT!
Beautifully written as always Garance. I miss your posts and look forward to seeing more. Good luck with the reno. Best wishes for Christmas and for 2019
Thank you for sharing your journey with us, Garance! Maybe you mean it figuratively when you say turning your life into a novel but I would really love to read it if you do write a novel!
Anna
http://www.sketchingandreading.com
Bonjour Garance,
Je vous lis depuis 2010 environ. Vous m’inspirez. Vous m’avez même sauvé la vie !
Professionnellement et personnellement, vous m’avez reconnecté avec moi-même. Moi qui me perdait me diletait à petit feu. J’ai écrit un petit article sur vous. Oui oui ! En 2015. Vous qui m’avez fait sortir de ma torpeur.
Je suis devenue La nouvelle personne que je suis grâce à vous. Je vous dois énormément à vous et à votre blog.
Ca m’a fait boom au cœur lorsque vous avez parlé d’écrire un article sur les late bloomers. J’en suis une aussi. Oui oui! J’ai également écrit un petit article sur ce état de fait qui fait partie de mon ADN : dans la vie je suis en retard… sur tout (sauf pour prendre un train) ! J’ai mis du temps à le comprendre et à l’integrer. Mais c’est une état de fait. Mon timing dans la vie perso et pro est différent des autres. légèrement décalé, pour ne pas dire ” à La rue”. Mais finalement tout comme vous je fais avec. Ce décalage de timing ne me dérange plus. Je fais avec ! Ca fait partie de moi. Ca doit certainement exprimer quelque chose de moi ? Donc pour fêter ça j’ai lancé il y a un mois un podcast : “Et puis…Bloom !!!” destiné aux late bloomers (dans la vie professionnelle mais pas que…. disponible sur iTunes).
Voilà je voulais juste vous le dire. Car votre vie que vous nous racontez dans votre blog, a largement influé sur ma vie. Et je voulais vous dire MERCI.
Vive les Late boomers ! Vive vous, GARANCE !
Bises
FLorence
Written, spoken, expressed. Released.
Thank you.
Thanks Garance! What a great read <3
Loooove goes your way! x
Bonjour Garance,
Comme beaucoup je te suis depuis des lustres avec toujours autant de plaisir. J’ai lu ton précédent post sur ta rupture puis celui ci et je ne peux pas m’empêcher de te poser une question.Pourquoi? Pourquoi vous quittez vous? Je sais que c’est une question assez trivial car il n’y aurait que ta version.Et cela tient de l’intime et tu ne veux peut être pas partager cela sur la place publique.Mais tu nous as toujours fait partager ta vie, tes émois, tes peines, tes doutes… Avec la nouvelle de ta rupture avec Chris, il me manque comme une pièce du puzzle.C’est comme si je passais d’un post Instagram de vous deux en me disant “punaise c’est cool ils s’aiment ils sont beaux ça donne envie” a “merde ils ont rompu”. Qu’est ce qu’il s’est passé entre ces deux moments la? C’est comme si y’avait une faille spatio-temporelle.Dans ta Lenny Letter, tu nous faisais part avec beaucoup de sincérité de la difficulté d’avoir un enfant et de l’impact que cela avait eu sur ton couple.Mais dans la compréhension que j’en ai faite, vous aviez l’air d’en être sorti plus forts, plus soudés. Tu as bien sur le droit de vouloir le garder pour toi et je ne cherche pas a être intrusive. C’est juste que moi, en tant que lectrice, je me sens larguée entre ce qu’on nous montre sur le net, les images sur insta, et finalement la vérité, cruelle, d’une rupture. Du coup, je me sens comme flouée de ce qu’on veut bien nous faire croire et les faits. Je ne juge pas et je n’aurais jamais le courage et la sincérité que tu as pour nous faire partager aussi finement tes moments de vie. Quand j’ai lu ton post sur la rupture, j’étais choquée. On s’en fiche de mes sentiments, ils ne comptent pas, ce qui compte c’est comment toi tu vis la situation et tu l’as très justement écris dans ton post quand tu nous raconte la réaction de tes proches en leur annonçant la nouvelle. Néanmoins, quand on suit une personne depuis des années, cette personne devient un peu comme une bonne copine, on se retrouve dans ce qu’elle raconte, on s’identifie parfois…Donc même si on a rien a voir dans l’histoire, apprendre une rupture peut aussi affecter les gens autour de soi. Parce que votre couple, comme d’autres dans mon cercle d’ami(e)s non virtuelles, nous guide, nous inspire, nous donne de l’espoir que l’amour existe encore. Lorsque ces “couples boussoles” se déchirent, on perd un peu le cap nous aussi. A la différence qu’ habituellement, on est mise au parfum. Nos amies nous mettent dans la confidence, nous font part de leurs difficultés dans le couple….Donc lorsque la rupture arrive on est comme préparé au trauma qui va arriver. Avec ton histoire, c’est comme si il me manquait une pièce du puzzle pour tout bien comprendre et finalement accepter et continuer de croire en l’amour.
As long as you bloom, early or late, it doesn’t matter everything comes in time, in your time, in your rhythm. I’m a late bloomer (I have to think so long about a lot of things, have to take my time) but I never stopped dreaming. It took a long time but now so many dreams came true! Of course you have to do something for it but you don’t need to hurry. (@fabiduister) Good luck!
We are just getting in touch with contractors to open up walls and lighten the 1894 Victorian we bought in April. Please share more about your renovations in the future! I was so unhappy and thought we bought the wrong house until I realized we could bring our home into the 21st century while honoring the past, and make it work for us and look beautiful. It’s worth the money for the change in my outlook.
Hi Garance,
It is beautifully written! I love hearing about your life’s challenges since so many people can relate. Hope you and Lulu are well. Biggest hugs to you!
Tina :)
Dear Garance,
your house hadn’t been destroyed; they are just rebuilding it the way you like.
Your life hadn’t been destroyed; you are just rebuilding it the way you like.
Oh how I love your diary posts. Beautiful.
You actually kind of are my heroine. I always feel insecure about my love life which isn’t exactly picture perfect (not at all). Reading about other people struggling too makes me feel less… weird? Thanks for your inspiring and beautiful blog posts!
Bonjour Garance
Moi aussi, à chaque moment plus ou moins merdiques de ma vie, hop la série Sex and the City…. mais à chaque fois aussi une couche supplémentaire sur ma carapace qui me protège ! J’adore lire ce que vous écrivez car vous avez une énergie positive après chaque épreuve. A l’inverse moi j’ai peur d’avoir une boule protectrice tellement épaisse que je ne sais plus si quelque chose ou quelqu’un pourra la percer. Merci pour votre énergie
Thank you for this post. I enjoyed it! I can’t wait to see pictures of your house when it’s finished.
And of Lulu in the new house with new you!
All the best
Eve
Rêver sa vie et voir les symboles pour nous aider à la vivre !
+ j’adore le commentaire de M. Gary ci dessus :)
Gros bisous à toi et à Lulu
Jeanne
Merci, Jeanne, vous êtes très aimable.
R. Gary
You found your voice again, beautiful.
Oh Garance, I’m so moved by this post. I’ve been following you for more than 12 years and it’s so beautiful to feel with you how everything falls in its right place. To witness you growing and evolving, it’s one of the strongest aspects of your blog.
My daughter is 12 years old now and she is following you too. You’re a wonderful rolemodel.
I wish you so much happiness and joy!
Santé to a very good, healthy and lucky 2019!
Oh oui, j’attends avec impatience l’article “late bloomer”.
: )
Bonne soirée
After so many years, I can say that reading your posts are for me one of the things that make me feel at home :)
Chère Garance,
Ma maison c’est moi. Nous avons eu un coup de foudre. Elle n’est pas parfaite, comme moi. Mais je l’aime et mes chats aussi. Lorsque mon mari a détruit le plafond j’ai eu mal pour elle mais je savais qu’il fallait en passer par la pour me faire ma place dans le grenier. Ainsi va l’histoire d’une maison. C’est le ressenti qui compte. C’est un refuge, un grand sourire lorsque qu’on passe la porte parce qu’on sait que c’est notre place. Je ne dis pas qu’une maison est une personne, mais je me plais à le croire. J’espere Que vous y serez heureuse.
Hi Garance, I’ve been following your journey for almost years and I can’t believe you are staying at the Villa! My husband and I moved in there right out of college, and kept our apartment as an office after we moved out – a total of 15 years of our history. Our rent was $675 / month when we moved in -can you imagine? A huge studio on the 4th floor, with views of the Hollywood hills, and the best people-watching on the side street below. The perfect place to be starving artists!! So many great milestones and memories, including umpteen parties on the roof and in the lobby and courtyard. I am sure you are having a bit of a different experience of it (the gentrified version lol), but I’m so happy that it is your temporary home. :)
So Moving. Thank You.
So important to create a beautiful ‘new’ home, that reflects the ‘new’ and true self you are becoming!! I feel one only really gets to know, and love one’s true self when have your very own space (head and home) to do just what you want and feel!! Enjoy E V E R Y damn moment of your new home that just YOU are going to create! Hugs and love!!! Xx
Uau! So beautiful!
You’re such an inspiration!
Wish you so much love, you deserve it!
J adore te lire ! Bientôt un nouveau livre ? Bisous
Coucou Garance,
Merci beaucoup pour ce billet: chaque mot que tu as utilisé me parle, me touche et me réconforte.
Je ressens exactement ce par quoi tu es passée car je le vis aussi en ce moment même.
Les signes sont là, étaient là.
Prenons le temps pour “nous”, donnons de l’amour à nous même d’abord, aimons nous comme nous aurions voulu être aimée. Faisons nous du bien à travers les choses simples de la vie. Et tout ira bien. TOUT IRA BIEN, Garance.
Plein de bisous ensoleillés du Maroc!
Linda
J’adore, merci. ??
Et plus particulièrement “Et là, je me dis que vraiment, la vie est encore plus passionnante qu’un roman.
Et que notre maison, la vraie, il faut la trouver en nous.”
J’en suis juste là moi aussi mais pas encore dans l’évolution de ma maison, je dois faire évoluer mon job d’abord. C’est flippant et j’ai un fond confiant tout au fond là et j’adore me dire que je dois pouvoir en raconter des histoires.
Merci toi, plein d’amour, de tendresse, et de belles choses (à lulu itou).
Belle fon d’année !
Garance ~
thank you for sharing all that you do … much gratitude for your blogs & beautiful writing that comes from a soft & beautiful heart
Sending cosmic love to you & Lulu ????
fron
I know this feeling…the tearing down, building, rebuilding. Repeat. ?? It’s funny how we turn to fiction to help us through/understand times like this. In December 2005 I sat in my empty Los Angeles apartment re-rewatching “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” for the gazillionth time while I tried to process returning home to an unexpected ending of a 10 year marriage. (I wrote about it here – https://www.melaniebiehle.com/2012/04/i-want-my-life-to-be-like-an-audrey-hepburn-movie-html/). Even after all of my romantic drama, there were still more walls to be broken down. More “way it should be”s to relinquish. It’s funny how it’s so hard to learn – and re-learn, and relearn again…- that letting go of expectations is the way to exceeding expectations. Sending you so much love! ??
Merci Garance
C’est beau de partager ta renaissance dans la douceur et l’apaisement
Prends bien soin de toi
Love from Paris
Garance,
Il est temps de rentrer en France. C’ est comme une évidence.
La rupture, la nouvelle maison. Tout cela c’ est derrière. Il faut passer à autre chose. Reviens vers toi.
qu’est-ce que ça me parle…
Garance, live the life the way you want !!! my only advice would be Try to improve your sleep disorder. I suffer the same bad habit-disease-whatever it is !!
Congrats for your life., I like the way you face it!
Tu es tellement top comme nana Garance …
Surtout ne change rien !
Mais … Très chère Garance, je viens prendre de tes nouvelles de temps en temps depuis un certain nombre d’années maintenant, et je suis effarée de constater à quel point nos biorythmes sentimentaux ET capillaires sont alignés ! Les planètes nous envoient un message je t’assure.
J’ apprend moi aussi, depuis quelques mois, à habiter ma solitude, celle-là même qui me tenait en laisse bien courte depuis des années (je dirais depuis la maternelle), et han, mais quel soulagement, mais quelle excitation aussi, je crois que j’ai rarement été aussi heureuse et apaisée (malgré mon chagrin, malgré la tristesse, malgré mes larmes dès que j’ entend 3 notes de musique).
Je finis en citant Oscar
“S’aimer soi-même est le début d’une histoire d’amour qui durera toute une vie » O.W.
Bisous
Je pense tout simplement que Garance n a pas eu envie de partager ses difficultes de couple entre autres par respect pour son compagnon… Hypothese de ma part ?
Thank you for this piece. I feel like if I was reading my thoughts. Three years passed since the resolution of my marriage, and I still think that I am “under construction,” renovation which will lead to re-building me into someone I want to be now. Your writing inspired me to start being more personal on my blog and to forget about the external judgment. Cheers to truth and self-discovery. Thank you for your writing, Garance!!!
Cher Garance,
Tearing down walls lets all the light shine through! Stay strong, stay focused and love more.
Thank you for being you. Thank you for sharing yourself with us. Your words find meaning in different ways in each one of us’ journey.