DORÉ

I’d actually say that while folks living together may have those basic items, generally they are hand me downs, vintage, not so great quality. And this is their chance to get the real stuff. I say stick to it….boring or not….

I don’t know whether I love registries anymore but they can be helpful, I love looking through Willimas Sonoma (because I love to cook) and if I see something I use and love on their list then I tend to by that. I’m connected with it and they asked for it. Otherwise wine glasses or serving pieces, same idea things I use and hope they will too.
If you really know them and can find a special off registry gift I agree that’s amazing. I made dear friends a basket of all sorts of goodies for their wedding and they loved it.
When it comes to a wedding I don’t think a check or cash is impersonal anymore, couples are planning a wedding, going on a honeymoon, maybe buying a home or cars etc money is always needed and appericated.

I agree, gift registry is boarding. As a designer, I always feel I need to find that special thing they never knew they wanted. You’re clever enough, I’d totally go off registry. When I find things combing design blogs, I pin them to my Pinterest board “Ironic and Arty Home Goods” for the next gifting opportunity. I am planning my wedding, we got engaged in Paris last summer. I’d rather people contribute to our next trip to Europe but if some brilliant friend went off the grid and found some interior designer’s monkey lamp I’d be all for it!

I just got married, and I am 100% pro-registry! Even though I am in my late 20’s and lived with my now-husband for several years, our apartment was a mish-mash of items we had already invested in upgrading and hand-me-downs/IKEA buys that desperately needed to be replaced. Creating a registry takes a lot of time and effort, and personally, I think it’s a bit arrogant to assume you know better than the couple in question. Shout-out to the (well-meaning, I’m sure!) relative who bought us luxury towels…. an item that wasn’t on our registry because we already invested in nice towels.

If the couple doesn’t want to participate in the traditional registry, I’m sure they will let you know by providing an alternative. Also if you ever need to borrow a towel, I have like 20. xoxo

I’m also in that period of life. I understand. It’s hard enough financially to travel to all of these weddings! And I will say that even with my own wedding being only three weeks ago. We did have a registry, but it was very small, and only included things that we absolutely need. With that being said, we only got a few gifts from the registry anyway. I think that if you do get something different, if it’s a special item that thought was put into…everyone will be pleased!

I always assumed it was kind of…rude to go off-registry? Idk, maybe that’s a little old fashioned, but to quote my mother, your wedding is your only chance in life to acquire matching serving bowls and china. They’re inherently unexciting because you’re supposed to be buying the couple nice items for their everyday life together. Even if they’re only living together, what they own is probably a mix of the cheap stuff they bought as singles in their twenties. I think that it’s kind of a lovely concept that your family and friends buy you good quality basic things to make your home together.

Since I’m getting married next summer, this has been something that has been my mind. On one hand, we were not super into the registry idea and honestly, after spending so much money on the wedding, getting cheques/ money (if guests wanted to give gifts) from our friends and family seemed like the best option. Probably not surprisingly, we were met with resistance, so we will probably end up giving guests the option of some sort of “Honeymoon Registry”, as well as a traditional registry. But we will also welcome thoughtful gifts apart from the registry- that’s what we actually do when we are invited to weddings…. In other words, it’s pretty complicated!!!

Please write a post on destination weddings. I would love to hear everyone’s take on it. Myself, I love the idea in theory, and understand why ppl do it, but dislike having my vacation predetermined by someone else when I get so little vacation time, never mind the expense, and have so many places I want to travel to (none of which seem to be any of my friends idea of dream wedding destination (lol out of irony), but then I don’t want to miss being there, sharing that moment with them! So now I get very happy when I get invitations to local weddings!

Why do people feel the need to make someone else’s wedding about them? I don’t think anyone creates a wedding registry to fill it with things they don’t need and cross their fingers that some generous friend with great taste will ignore it and read their minds to get them what they REALLY want. If my friend asks for a 3-tiered sterling silver tart stand even though she never has tea parties, I don’t ask questions; I trust there’s a reason for it. Perhaps if you’re really close and you know your friend super well, you can go off the registry and get something fantastic that she’ll appreciate. Otherwise, it is rather arrogant to decide that the couple “already has what they need” and that your perceived good taste outweighs their wishes.

I didn’t like the idea of a registry until I realized we really could use some quality kitchen items. We basically just had been using old pots, pans, worn-out knives, random plastic cups, etc. for years and now we finally have a decent set-up and the difference it has made to the home cooking experience is enormous! Also I guess I am getting older because I really like having matching plates now.

En général, je participe au pot commun, même si cela peu paraitre impersonnel. Mais en même temps ils préfèrent que les copains participent à offrir un bon gros voyage à l’autre bout du monde, plutôt que d’offrir des objets, livres, …
PS : j’adore ton dessin ?

Having recently gotten married myself, I chose my registry gifts very carefully and really appreciated people buying from it. For one thing, the gifts are delivered straight to our door when we want them to be, as opposed to having to lug them from the venue to our place, then to our future place (we are moving in a month and are basically having all our registry gifts delivered straight to our new address.) We did get some beautiful and original non-registry gifts that we love, despite the fact that some are huge (cue massive Moroccan rug). And take it from me, a cash gift is always appreciated.
Thant being said, my go-to wedding gift is always the one-of-a-kind kanthas from Bangladesh. They are beautiful and colourful, no two are alike, and you are bound to find one that fits your friends’ aesthetic. The proceeds go to a women’s cooperative. Plus, you never have too many blankets. http://www.kajolikanthaproject.org/gallery.html

Hi Kathy,

I’m not in a relationship, so definitely not getting married & not sure if I’d want to (plus being from The Netherlands I probably wouldn’t use a registry?), BUT: I looked at your website and think it looks absolutely wonderful. Can’t imagine why people would use anything else. Hope it’s going well, and congratulations on the wonderful site you set up!

I’ve reached the age where my friends have been married (some several times) and now their kids are getting married and I’m buying gifts for people I really don’t even know. For one couple living in Atlanta, the husband was from South Carolina so I bought them a beautiful handmade pie plate by a local artist, decorated with rustic shells and crabs to remind him of his home. It also came with a recipe for a local favorite – seafood pie. Pretty to display, practical to use. For a 30-something “bride who already has everything” shower present, I thought I hit this one out of the park (the shower is this weekend, I’ll report back) – I got her a gift certificate from Bite Beauty in SoHo where she can go have a custom-made lipstick made for her wedding day! For her first kiss as a Missus. Good, huh? She’s having a destination wedding on a tropical beach so I’ve paired it with a candle from Maison Martin Margiela that smells exactly like the beach – sea air, salt and suntan oil – so she can remember her best beach walk ever. My last great wedding present was for a friend years ago – I collected about a dozen Christmas ornaments that meant something to her and her husband – he was a fireman so there was a fire truck, they met in Boston — a lobster, she was from S.F. – a cable car, etc. They got married in Napa and the day of the wedding I found the last ornament – white champagne grapes! I figure their collection will grow throughout the years but this was a good start!

I agree that the events and registries and expectation of gifts surrounding weddings and babies and everything has gone… a bit too far. If invited to an event (or series of events) related to one thing (one wedding/one baby), I just get one gift. I expect no more from others myself. I just was married and we didn’t do a traditional registry. We used Zola, which allows you to put in gifts from any site. We loved it, though it did confuse our older guests a little (“Why isn’t this Crate & Barrel gift on a Crate & Barrel website?”)

When we got married, as we do not like “things” so much, we put our honeymoon on the list so people could offer it to us…And they were more than happy to contribute to our Bali trip!!
It is true I’m not fond of those lists but I do respect the couple’s choice. Also, in a way it is funny because it tells a lot about people’s dreams :)

I think it is assuming a lot to say most cohabiting couples have all they need. Unless it is declared that the couple are well-provided for, one never knows the true circumstances and I find it rather rude to inquire or gossip for this information. In the grand scheme of things, weddings are fairly expensive so for a guest to attend, it’s with the gracious understanding of the principles of courtesy and thoughtfulness as to why you were included. And a gracious couple understands not all are in the same circumstances so should be considerate as well. I think proximity to the couple suggests how appropriate going off-registry for gifts is, though since tastes vary and one also does not know storage and space circumstances, or decoration tastes, or allergies (for example, gifting edibles or incense & other scented items or even fabrics sometimes)…again, lots od assumptions are being made. So I’d wonder why circumvent the registry in that case, just because it is unglamourous?