DORÉ

I pride myself in being a “hahaha” person. I even have my own spin on it, “bahaha.” The “b” makes it seem more authentic, like I am bursting from the seems with laughter. And if you’ve ever heard me laugh in person, that’s exactly what I do. When I find something funny, it’s not a Seth Rogan chuckle, it’s a full throated “bahaha.” It’s also my favorite feeling in the world — laughing. Alright, that and orgasms. But it’s a lot more acceptable and easy to laugh throughout the day than to participate in the other — unless it’s one of those days.

But now I’m distracted. Back to laughing. Laughing is one of the only times in my life where I’m incapable of thinking of anything else. All my attention is focused on that joy of laughter and whatever hysterical thing caused it. And in the modern age of short attention spans and increased anxiety, cleansing my palate and focusing my attention on joy is such a relief. Scientists have studied laughter because they say human’s ability to laugh is one of the most notable things that differentiates us from animals. I am scared of dying because I’m scared of never laughing again. My last breath, eh. But my last laugh, terrifying.

For all those reasons and more, that’s why I am firmly in the “bahaha” camp. Lol seems like it’s mutilating my joy. No one who is “lol’ing” is actually lol’ing. And how dare you use Christ’s name in vain! I had such a disdain for the lol’ers. If I received a “lol” via text or email before meeting someone in person I hate to admit it but I judged them. They were not my kind of funny. They were not invested in the laugh.

But then, something happened. I was typing a work email and trying to be sarcastic but didn’t know if this person I had never met would pick up on my sarcasm and instead just be plain offended so I found my right ring finger doing a quick tap dance of “lol.” And dammit, it looked good there sitting on my screen. It was as if the eye roll and wink emoji had a love child.

So I recently started using “lol’” in secret. Only at work, never to my friends. It was a very clandestine love affair that thrilled me. I think I love the “lol” even more becasue it’s my dirty little secret. I still haven’t let it slip into my text with friends as I know I will be called out on it having previously been so annoyed by anyone else who dared to ever use it.

But if you ever say “lol” to me in conversation rather than simply smiling or chuckling, I will disengage from any genuine connection we were having and slowly back away in fear you are a robot.

What camp are you in? Lol or hahaha? I genuinely want to know.