For so many years I tried to think my way through life. Take the right course of action, plan, own my mistakes, try again. . I also tried to control my way through my healing. I tried to understand why I was who I was and how I could be a better person. My mom, my dad, my childhood, bla, bla. . I tried to do what’s right in every aspect of my life. . Until recently, life threw me a few curveballs. Some good, some bad, but the floor under my feet suddenly didn’t feel that stable anymore. . And maybe it’s because of all the work that I did on myself – so, I am not discarding it – or maybe it’s maturity, or maybe we just change, but all of a sudden I didn’t want to think it through. . Instead just let go and and accept and adapt and trust. Do what I feel, instead of what I think is “the right thing to do”. . It’s been good. And profound – and I know it’s just the start. It’s like I used to be at war with life and suddenly put my weapons gently on the floor and realized it was okay to just be me. . It’s not easy because my old ways are endlessly trying to make a come back. I’d be the type of person to overthink on how to not overthink. . . . There is so much there that can’t be covered in only a few words but I wanted to write this because I feel like with the wellness trend something is happening where we get caught up in our “healing” like it’s a job. I hear people telling me : “I am working on my mother wound” or “Oh I’m good, I’m fixed! 15 years of therapy!”. I recently went to a sort of ayahuasca gathering (I personally haven’t tried, I’m not against it) and it literally felt like a competition of who was the most woke and healed, and because I hadn’t done it, pffff, I couldn’t know. Maybe that’s true. Or maybe humans are humans and they need to compete even in spirituality. . But what I truly think is, relax, no one is ever fixed. It’s time to chill. We’re all pretty much messes underneath. And it’s really okay. . . . Recently I have also really loved pristine skies like this one. Not the sunset, but right after – when the tension of the day is gone, and the colors peacefully fill the sky in all its spaciousness. That moment, the let go.
5 years ago by
