DORÉ

Amelia: so where do we even begin?!!!

Veronica: okay, let’s say i’m an alien from another planet, how would you explain the kardashians to me?

Amelia: I think they might be the most polarizing topic in America, next to medicare for all. ok, well there were the OG kardashian woman: Kim, Kourtney and Khloe and they got their start after Kim’s sex tape with Ray J was released.
and they landed this reality show.
which was during a turning point in american pop culture for two reasons:
it was the start of reality TV mania and the start of sex tape mania (when people began thinking releasing a sex tape was the ticket to fame)
fortunately the latter died off
but the former is still very much alive
now, there are two more sisters: Kendall and Kylie who were little girls when it started

Veronica: apparently pornhub gives you 37k for a home video
so if people do want to go that route, there is that option

Amelia: really?!
damn that’s pretty good
more than donating eggs i think

Veronica: saw it on the internet so believe it with a grain of salt
When i saw it thought, hmm, i could wear a mask? Which means i actually considered it. So you can mull on that.

Amelia: i’d never trust myself. I’d have like a family photo in the background
or do my signature photo pose, two thumbs up, during my sex scene and give myself away
but back to the K’s
so now the two younger ones are old enough to be obsessed about
so you’ve got 5 sisters, plus the mom
and a slew of kids

Veronica: are the grandkids influencers yet? like do they have IG accounts?

Amelia: yeah! Kim’s daughter North West just landed her first magazine cover

Veronica: WHAT. i asked that as a joke

Amelia: I don’t think they have IG though
yeah, some kids magazine
wait a sec
it wasn’t even a kids magazine. it was a WWD magazine called Beauty Inc
she wants to be a makeup artist, apparently. Give her 3 years and I’ll be working as her intern

Veronica: So do you actually like them?

Amelia: it’s a question I ask myself often. Like I check in with myself about my hopes and dreams, my current mental state, and how I feel at the moment about the kardashians
I will say, yes, I like them
for a few reasons:
at the very beginning i think they were somewhat body positive
in that they introduced different body types to the mainstream pop culture sphere. you didn’t have to be a waif anymore. these girls had tits and ass
and they were admired for it
they’re also armenian
so you have a different idea of beauty instead of blonde and stick-thin
i will say, however, they’ve kind of messed that up a bit now
because they’re all OBSESSED with working out
they push diet pills now and they’re kind of insane about their bodies. too obsessed. but i think it was good in the beginning
And that brings me to my second reason for liking them: on what is, for the most part, a frivolous reality show, they do tackle heavy issues from time to time…
So, on an earlier season they talked about the Armenian Genocide, which the Turkish government still doesn’t acknowledge
and I thought that was an interesting moment in reality tv. You don’t see that on the Bachelor
they’ve also tackled homelessness and the importance of supporting planned parenthood on the show
the three sisters even went to a planned parenthood chapter in LA and chatted with women there
THEN
the new thing is that Kim is working to transform the criminal justice system in the US
a couple years ago she offered her legal team to help Cyntoia Brown, that woman who was a victim of sex trafficking as a kid and then killed a man in defense

Veronica: do you think this is all them implementing or Kris?

Amelia: hmmmm… that’s a good question
I actually think they’re interested in it
i mean, maybe not all of them
but Kim has been pretty vocal about causes
and my favorite thing was that she played Donald Trump
so people were down on her for meeting with trump last year, but she did it to get a grandmother unfairly sentenced to a life in prison out
so she took a pic with the guy and he agreed to what she wanted it, which I think was expertly maneuvered
she used celebrity against a guy who used celebrity to get elected

Veronica: so they are PR mavericks
even more so than trump himself
So what about Kanye?

Amelia: well, some people say he’s been kidnapped

Veronica: WAIT WHAT

Amelia: and there are theories about how momager Kris controls him
i spend a lot of time on the internet
i’m not proud of it
there seems to be a jinx in the kardashian realm, where the men all have a rough time

Veronica: even I know that Rob has his problems…

Amelia: yeah, men don’t last long in their world
but, assuming there’s no male jinx and these ladies aren’t practicing witchcraft, you’ve gotta admire a strong matriarchal family
i mean, the women really call the shots
ok, now the bad things…
do you know about the Jordyn Woods fiasco?

Veronica: she slept with someone’s baby daddy?

Amelia: so it’s like a 20-year-old girl who allegedly kissed Khloe’s baby daddy and the family is now out to destroy her
i mean, ok, she messed up
but how insane that a 20-yr-old who made a mistake has to have her life destroyed for being young and a little careless
and how sad that I’m talking about it right now?!
I guess that’s the part that bothers me… WHY DO I CARE?!

Veronica: i wonder if people love following along because in certain ways they either A) try to find themselves in them or B) are like, at least i’m more sane than them

Amelia: I have a strict rule for myself that I can only follow two of them MAX on instagram. any more than that and you fall into fan territory. I’m not a fan. I just like fashion! And I follow kim and kendall who are both in the fashion world. i feel like that’s respectable
And yes, I think you hit the nail on the head about why people follow them. The public is like, well, i’m not filthy rich, but my friend didn’t sleep with my baby daddy so cool

Veronica: ALSO — he should also be getting shit for this!!!

Amelia: do you follow any of them?

Veronica: no! none of them!
every once in a while, i’ll poke around on their instas
but i have zero desire to follow them

Amelia: that’s very commendable. I do it for the FASHION (which is the new “I get playboy for the articles”)

Veronica: do you have a favorite?

Amelia: their instagram has also created my least favorite kind of journalism
people write stories just based on what happened on their IG. Like a headline such as, “YOU WON’T BELIEVE WHAT KHLOE WORE IN VEGAS”
and then it’s just an IG picture from the day before

Veronica: clickbait makes my skin crawl
alright, who’s your favorite??and why

Amelia: i feel like this is the most boring answer, but prob kim
just because her life is so strange
I don’t want celebrities to be like me
I eat at chipotle 3 times a week, do my own laundry and sometimes get parking tickets
BORING
i want to look at aliens in glass cases
i guess that’s what the kardashian world is kind of like

Veronica: but they still poop
i like to remind myself that everyone gets constipated

Amelia: but they have amazing toilets
and they prob never have to stand in the aisle at CVS and consider if they should splurge on the really plush roll of TP

Veronica: nor do they argue over their boyfriend who used the last roll

Amelia: wait, Chicago is actually my favorite kardashian
i want to name my kid something like Indianapolis
because who gets to decide what city names work as kid names, ya know?!!
like do we need another Paris or Brooklyn?!!

Veronica: no we def need a Jarkata

Amelia: now THAT has a nice ring
Orange County Mularz