Let's Talk About...
Tell Us About Dating…
11 years ago by
So now you know how New Yorkers date, but what is it like in your home city?
What have your experiences been? Do you date online? Tell us, tell us!!
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I met my BF 6 years ago and we never dated. We just moved in together 3 days after we’ve met.
6 years later we are still madly in love!
this is Toronto BTW, but we are both Russian
Love,
Ira:)
i’m from romania. we don’t really do dating per se here. we go out but the main reason is pretty much to find a steady bf :)
http://littleaesthete.com
That is so cool! It’s nice to hear that something like that can actually happen. :)
Je n’ai jamais rencontré d’homme qui sortait avec 5 ou 6 filles en même temps!!
Je crois qu’en France on ne dépasse pas les deux ou trois!
Ou alors mes amis m’ont menti…
Par contre dans leurs définitions de la femme sexy, je pense qu’une femme qui rassure c’est une nécessité pour tous les hommes du monde. Quelque soit la manière dont elle s’y prend.
Well I would gladly speak about dating in Paris but I’m pretty sure you know a lot about that ;) what strikes me is that there are two “team”: the “I want a real date that sounds / look like it” and the “please let’s pretend it’s not a date, we’re too cool for that” (of course this is my team).
I mean dating should not be such a big deal. You meet the guy at school / friends / a bar, you have a good laugh, you find anything to do that can be qualified as “not a date date” (anything away from a movie / dinner) and then you just wait for the moment (you can speed things up by adding alcoohol in the process). Why? Because for us snobish parisians dating is uncool, you want the romantic thing, the “unexpected” thing (that of course you have planned but still…). So when you tell the story to your friends it won’t be “that was the end of the first date, he take me back to my place and kiss me goodnight” but more “first we met as agreed to go see this amazing street art on **** street,and we went to this amazing spot at the buttes chaumont, had a good laugh, drank pitchers of sangria and kissed just out of nowhere”
Just as anticipated, but you’ll have a special story to tell ;)
This is sooo true :-D
Hahaha what a cliché about parisians ;) I’m French, not from Paris, but still I think we like to enjoy our time, not in an “in-between” date, but just talking during hours with the guy that we like and might love.
I don’t see how you can be spontaneous in NY if you have a selection of six girls as potential choice.
dating in Los Angeles is very difficult! it mostly comes down to the fact that we are all in our cars, with our eyes very focused and we don’t always notice someone wonderful right next to us! and i always find that men are so timid in “real life” settings (i.e. the supermarket or a cafe) but in bars and nightclubs they are incredibly gutsy and even cocky! whenever i am in New York i find it to be much more relaxed and natural. boys just strike up a conversation with you very comfortable and casually. and it helps that it’s all walking or public transport!
Je croyais vraiment que les hommes étaient universels ….jusqu’à mon emménagement à Montréal ! Les canadiennes ont apparemment le pouvoir : elles draguent, prennent les devants…
Avant je rêvais toujours me mettre à la place des hommes, quelques secondes, “juste pour voir”. Maintenant que j’en ai réellement la possibilité, je trouve ça pénible (pour rester polie) & les hommes perdent toute leur virilité…..!! Je comprends enfin cette notion de charme & romantisme français!!
I dated online! I go to university full time and have an internship and also work part time (whew!) so I’m busy and don’t have a lot of time to go to bars and meet boys the old-fashioned way, haha. It was awkward sometimes, and I went on some very awful dates (how could a man think he could lie about his height by a foot!? And say he speaks Spanish and then doesn’t understand when I speak it to him!?). But I’ve met the love of my life online in the past few months though, and I’m so glad. It’s terrifying to think that we never would have met otherwise! It was worth the awkward online questions and fielding off the creepers.
really but as they said… you just might or might not meet someone online… it just happens without you really realizing !
I’d say in London, “testing the waters” dating is very common, but there’s a lot of awkwardness that comes with it. People don’t want to be too upfront in case they get it wrong, so they assume that the other person is at the same relationship stage as them, hoping for the best. Flirting is also a whole different thing. You probably know how in France for example, or in other continental European countries, having a conversation with someone, asking questions and actually listening to their answers is quite a normal/polite/friendly thing to do… British people often see it as flirting, and for someone who moves there from France for example, it can get quite awkward. :)
Oh my god! I’m French, living in the UK and I’ve just realized that men must think I’m flirting with them all the time despite the fact I’m married… Hum…
All these comments are so interesting guys! :)
Oh my god, that is so true! I’m living in Berlin and people normally somehow have this cold and distant attitude which they consider to be cool, so I guess I’m confusing quite a lot of people by “just” behaving friendly and openly…
Ici, à Montréal, les gens vont beaucoup sur les sites de rencontre. Même que la majorité des gens autour de moi y sont inscrit. Dire: ”Non, je ne crois pas que je peux y rencontrer quelqu’un” ça fait super archaïque. On dirait que rencontrer quelqu’un dans les bars, c’est totalement out.
je suis en couple depuis 2 ans avec un gars que j’ai rencontré sur un site de rencontre. On ne s’en rend même plus compte maintenant. Et j’aime le dire, je trouve que ça fait super actuel. ça influencé d’autres gens de mon entourage lorsqu’ils nous voit ensemble. Toutes les filles me demandent où j’ai trouvé mon beau surfeur anglophone! ”Sur un site de rencontre”ça bouche un coin comme réponse…
Certaines personnes ont des réticences à y aller, et elles se plaignent qu’elles sont seules, personnellement, je trouve cela navrant pour elle. La capacité à aller chercher les outils nécessaires à notre bien-être fait partie des compétences humaines à acquérir.Et les sites de rencontres en font parti de ces outils qui nous aident!
I’m in suburbia HELL (Tampa Bay area)! Everyone is married, they have kids, and the wives look at me like I’m a leper. My girlfriends that are married never want to go out (not even for lunch or coffee), and my single girlfriends are so hungry for attention, I constantly feel like I’m their own personal cheerleader or therapist. AND when I do meet men, most of them are jerks… Jerks as in, they have a steady girlfriend already or they are MARRIED :-(, and most men are online sites. I tried that and found out its more like a “Little Black Book”… creepy.
But I’m still hopeful… (sighing) :-)
En bonne Française, je ne comprends pas la possibilité de dater plusieurs personnes en même temps, ça me donnerait l’impression de faire le marché, et de l’autre côté d’être en compétition, presque comme un entretien d’embauche permanent… mais je suis probablement hopelessly romantique!
Sinon, j’espère que tu leur as expliqué le parallèle: ce que veut dire “sortir avec quelqu’un” en France!
dating in LA is so weird. I grew up in Beverly Hills and everyone here is very entitled and cocky. I feel like theres never any genuin conversation. Whether it’s about how you feel about one another or what you do for a living. Everyone in LA wants to be “someone”, which is so stupid if you ask me…because they’re already someone. Girls are always playing games and guys are so used to that, that when a girl like me (who doesn’t play games) shows their feelings, the guy gets freaked out. I wanna be able to tell a guy that I like him without him thinking that I’m obsessed with him. Guys in LA need to get over themselves also. They think that if you say hi to them or are nice, that automatically you want to have their babies. It’s ridiculous. I’ve been talking to this guy and I am interested in him, I want to tell him but I don’t want to freak him out. It’s so lame that I can’t just say how I feel! If more people just said how they felt, and cut all the in between bullshit, think about all the time you would save!!
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One fun tradition in Utah is the process of asking/answering if it’s a big date (like a homecoming dance or some other major activity). The guy will come up with a creative way to ask, and the girl usually responds in a creative way.
Some examples of asking:
1) Blow up a lot of balloons with little papers inside that have one word on them. Fill the person’s room with them. The person has to pop all the balloons and put the words together to form your question. 2. write the question inside some sort of little container (maybe a small jar) and encase it in wax or freeze it in a block of ice. The person has to melt the wax or the ice to get at the question. 3. Do something with a pun involved … cover their floor with Hershey’s kisses and write: “Now that I’ve kissed the ground you walk on, would you go to ____ with me?” (or that ice one, it could be ‘now that we’ve broken the ice.’)
Some examples of answering (to be fair, if you go to the trouble to answer creatively, the answer is always yes, but you still have to make it fun): deliver a jar of Skittles and M&M’s mixed – if there are more Skittles, the answer is ‘yes’ – if there are more M&M’s, the answer is ‘no.’ 2) Carve a pumpkin with your answer in it, leave it for them. 3. Make a poster with your answer made from candy bars. “I’d feel like ‘100 Grand’ to go with a ‘Big Hunk’ like you!”
This kind of thing is mainly for big dates (not for everyday things), so you usually know the person already and it’s a date that’s an occasion, so it’s sort of expected and makes you feel special that the other person has gone to such trouble to think of you.
Im hungarian, but I’ve never dated a hungarian in my life! I found hungarian guys clumsy and unromantic and usually when they are out they are pissed drunk, so unattractive. Dating here is not very common, i think people just pick from their own circles, so they usually go out in groups and than they are just a couple suddenly lol
I really really wanna go on a real date! My first bf i met on myspace as he wanted to visit my country, so that wasnt casual either, and my second bf i met at work….
I want someone to surprise me and swep me off my feet on a real date!
LOVE the topic.
Actually, I met my boyfriend online…but how come that so many people of this “social-media generation” are so shocked when you tell them that? Maybe it’s just Italy, an amazing country for loads of reasons but so close minded when it comes to dating and relationships. What’s wrong with online dating? Actually I think it makes people braver and it makes you approach a guy/girl in that awesome way you always wished of doing but always ended up in a MASSIVE embarrassing moment where the only thing you could think of was “Hi” with the other person staring waiting for you to say something super cool (thing that is totally not going to happen).
Ok, yeah, massive fan of online dating, but secretly wishing I could compliment my boyfriend for his glasses in an amazing bookshop, and not with an online message :p
I noticed, that in my city (Gdynia, Poland), it is very common to meet your love ( or maybe only date whatever) during parties or simply thanks to your friends. I also know some girls, who are looking for some nice “maybefutureboyfriend” boys among their friends on FB and then they begin their game …
For example I met my boyfriend because of my best friend, who invited me to make a film for their project. After this, we spent 4 months watching films together, talking on the beach ( yeah it’s very popular place here for meetings ), texting each other and so on. And now we are here: happy and full of love : )
Oh Los Angeles, why have you contradicted yourself by putting all these beautiful and beautifully creative people in one place while melting away their conversational skills with your consecutive days of endless sunlight? I live in LA but spend a good amount of time in New York and the difference is incredible. When I’m in NYC I always meet guys just sitting in restaurants or cafés. Sometimes we have a great chat, or share an appetizer, or exchange phone numbers. And I have family all over the world and from small towns to other big cities around the globe men always start conversations, but men in LA have a hard time doing that. I will say there is a culture of rejection here and a suspicion that everyone is working some angle – from a professional sense – unfortunately I think those things have infiltrated the dating world. I wish that men knew how many nice women there are here, how many of use are just looking for a nice guy and how easy it is to start up a conversation. If there’s no joke to be made, no menu to discuss or no situational moment to seize, just start with hello. No one rejects a hello.
Well, my home town is Milan (pretty glamours city you know) and here being single is like a bad thing, for example: when your out with your friends and the BF or GF at the moment you say “hey i’m single” every one looks at you like you just had diagnosed whit a terminal disease. And so it starts the “relationship hunting” by your friends and your friend’s friend, who are trying to made the impossible, possible. You just have to go whit the flow, it’s like a circle that will never end until your married whit kids on your own. It’s crazy!! I know…, but I love it!
Les sites de rencontre non , mais les chatroom c’est là que j’ai rencontré beaucoup de monde intéressants. Certains sont devenus chéris, amis, amants et d’autres des BFF. Des garçons comme des filles, dans un lieu où in fait juste discuter c’est autre chose qu’une fiche de site de rencontre. Je me marie en juillet avec un mec qui m’a demandé pour la première fois :” si tu es française tu connais sûrement Bioman?” comme quoi ;)
Coucou Garance!
Ta vidéo ma fait rire, beaucoup de française trouve “les date” beaucoup trop codifier tout ce fait au “feeling” pourtant pas très français comme expression. Pour ma part tant qu’on est pas en relation exclusive même si celle-ci n’est pas officiel je ne trouve pas ça anormal de voir plusieurs personnes à la fois. Le problème de la plus part de mes amies c’est qu’une fois qu’elle sont sortit avec un homme même si cela n’était pas sérieux elle ont comme “marqué leur territoire” et ne supporte pas qu’on vienne tourné autour. A l’inverse d’autre sont adepte du “one shot” donc la mentalité des française ne peut pas être catalogué de fleur bleu, on rencontre de tout comme partout. Par conséquent les hommes ne peuvent pas être catalogué non plus, ils sont tous différent et HEUREUSEMENT! Il suffit d’avoir d’une déception, d’en parlé à une amie pour qu’elle nous racontes une de ces histoire simmilaire voire pire pour terminer la conversation par “tous les même”. Et puis on retombe amoureuse en disant “non mais lui c’est pas pareil il est different des autres”. Nous sommes d’éternel insatisfait et une humoriste française le dit très justement que nous finissons par desteter le trait de sa parsonnalité pour lequel nous sommes tombé amoureuse. Bon allez j’arrête mon monologue je pourrais en écrire des tonnes…
In Greece noone dates because they’re afraid to commit. But in some strange manner, EVERYONE’s fixed! So, maybe there is a secret fixing cave, where people enter at sunset and by dawn exit with a boyfriend. No other explanation, really! :p
Hahahahaha! A secret cave….how cool would that be?!
Coucou Garance.
Il est vrai que pour l’avoir vu la vie amoureuse new yorkaise est assez particulière.
Ayant des origines marocaines et de tradition musulmane, nous avons aussi beaucoup de principes qui sont souvent tenus dans le “paraître”. C’est à dire que nous sommes libres en tant que femme ( mon père ou mon grand frère ne m’ont jamais “bridée”) mais en cachette.
Par contre le jour ou cela devient serieux, ça rejoint un peu la tradition américaine avec tout le tralala.
D’abord la demande envers la lady, puis la demande du mari à la famille de la lady puis suis un mariage souvent ” grandiose” ( mariage marocain avec 7 tenues différentes, 7 plats etc….).
Étant neee et ayant grandie en France je suis passé par la. Même si mon futur mari je le connaissais, fréquentais depuis 4 ans, il a fallu suivre ses traditions … Et on y tenait beaucoup mon mari et moi.
Aujourd’hui , en pensant à mes deux filles , je pense que je ne leur imposerai rien ( tout comme mes parents) que je les laisserais faire selon leurs choix.
Voilà la richesse d’une double culture !!!!!
À bientôt garance Inch’Allah
In San Francisco, there is this problem with so many guys who have what we like to call the “Peter Pan Complex.” They never seem to want to grow up! And they certainly don’t know how to treat a lady (text messages do not count if you’re trying to ask me on a date!!!).
Honestly, I’ve talked about it at length with my friends and we think it’s partly because no one young could ever dream of buying a house here (I’m told SF is even more expensive than NYC) or doing anything so grown up. Without attainable grown-up goals, we just stay immature forever! There are some benefits to staying forever young, but then there comes a time to grow up, to settle down, to focus on your career and you’re surrounded by Peter Pans!
I’ve been off the market for some years, but I’m assured by my single ladies that the Peter Pan Complex is still quite prevalent among guys in San Francisco. At least they’re cute. :)
Unfortunately I think the Peter Pan complex is international (I live in Sydney, was in Paris before, and my boyfriend is from Brazil) – I believe it is more of a generation thing…
Dating in Vancouver SUCKS…..so all my single friends tell me! Online, Speed Dating, whatever…..pretty much the same story. But having just said that I know two people who have recently met extremely suitable partners with online dating – and I think both parties will end up together. So I guess it just depends on circumstances. Nice way to end a negative start.
I’ve tried online dating, but the crux of it all is that I often find that people I meet online feel like they know me based on what I put on my profile. Often, they don’t want to put in the effort to delve in deeper and get to know me below the surface. I’m sorry, but just because we both like The Great Gatsby, or have seen Volver does not mean you know everything there is to know about me. There’s more to me than what I show on my profile. Make an effort to get to know that side of me too!
A lot of my friends end up dating a guy after having a one night stand with them. May seem bizarre, but that’s how I met my boyfriend of 3 years! It’s a backwards way of dating, but it makes for a much funnier “how did you meet?” story.
Here in Bremerton, Washington a guy creeps on you (like he stalks you on facebook, frequents the cafe you work at twice a day for several months, and asks you stupid questions whenever he sees you), gets your number, and takes you out for dinner at a seafood restaurant (it’s literally ALWAYS seafood).
l’Amour toujours l’Amour!
Les mecs sont tous les mêmes, j’ai testé pour vous!
Longtemps j’ai crus que j’étais au dessus de mes potes qui usaient des filles comme des mouchoirs en papier, qui les faisaient pleurer et tout et tout, jusqu’au jour ou (avec plein de circonstances atténuantes bien sur…) je suis sortis avec une fille à la façon Australienne. La soirée se passe, et dès le départ pour ma part pas envie d’une suite. Mais la FILLE était secrètement amoureuse de moi… malheur!!!!!!!!!!!
Oui je suis un salaud de pas m’en être rendu compte et de l’avoir faite souffrir.
Ceci dit, les mères de mes copines me considèrent comme étant le gendre idéal… (je comprend pas pourquoi, car elles se demandent toujours ce que je fais dans la vie… tout mon entourage crois que je vie d’amour et d’eau fraiche).
Donc finalement toujours célibataire loin d’être casé, bien que mes copines me proposent régulièrement de m’inscrire sur des sites de rencontres. Mais je veux pas, car comme je suis nul avec les mots, cela fausse à mon avis la donne sur la perception de qui je suis vraiment et à qui j’aspire (je veux dire une fille qui lit un mec qui sait pas écrire, bien que celui-ci ai plein de truc qui pourrait lui plaire ben zap…) . Et dire que je suis un handicapé en grammaire et orthographe c’est pas le top. Bien que dernièrement, j’en parlais avec des potes si au moins on me donnais le macaron de parcage je pourrai avoir un argument de taille, quant au brushing de ces dames…
Bon on se voit quand les filles pour un date???
J’ai pas du tout répondu à la question…
En Suisse c’est comme en France tu sors dans un bar quelqu’un te plais tu l’embrasse et la suite faut voir… Les sites de rencontres commence à bien émerger ici, j’ai des amis qui sont en couple par ce biais là :)
I am 24 years old and I have never really dated. I believe that when you are ready to get married and start a family then you start looking for that person and dating people to find the right one. I don’t approve of two people living under the same roof if they are not married. It is not the way it is meant to be. My opinion : )
Je trouve hyper intéressant le passage où tu dis Garance qu’on recherche un mode de vie qui nous correspond en même temps qu’une relation.
Je suis métisse et en Inde, pays de ma mère, tous est régi par un système de caste: les mariages ne se font jamais entre 2 personnes issues de 2 classes sociales différentes.
Bref, Le fait est que dans la langue indienne, l’expression ‘tomber amoureux’ n’existe pas. La seule qui pourrait s’en rapprocher le plus est ” l’amour est arrivé”. C’est à dire que quand tous les critères sont réunis pour que la relation marche ( de même caste, les deux familles doivent être d’accord pour le mariage, l’homme et la femme ont les mêmes attentes concernant leurs future vie-enfants ou pas, salaires respectifs, montant de la dot que le futur mari doit offrir à sa future épouse, et j’en passe), si et seulement si tous ces critères sont réunis, alors le mariage – et non pas la relation- se fait. Les deux personnes ne sont pas amoureuses au sens français du terme, celui que je connais. Mais tous les critères ( au sens de la culture indienne) sont réunis pour qu’ils le deviennent et aussi car les deux personnes ont décidé qu’il fallait que cela marche. Et l’amour arrive par la suite. C’est très particulier je l’admets, mais j’ai le sentiment que les relations entre hommes et femmes sont alors différentes.
On est beaucoup dans une “surconsommation ” comme le dit le reportage à NYK, mais aussi dans les cultures occidentales en général, comme si arriver à faire un choix et décider de s’investir avec quelqu’un était trop difficile. La notion de respect n’existe plus. La notion de persévérance pour arriver à construire une relation durable non plus ou si rarement. Et surtout, peut être qu’on a tendance à courir après un idéal, alors qu’être en couple et vouloir construire sa vie avec quelqu’un, c’est aussi accepter parfois de faire quelques concessions :)
Le dating c’est juste hallucinant pour la française que je suis ! C’est le manque de spontanéité incarné, de mon point de vue.
J’adore le gars dans la video qui dit que ça permet de gouter la température de l’eau. En France, le mec qui drague, il te plante un bisou dans le cou et il voit bien si la température est chaude, tiède, ou gelée s’il prend un râteau…
Toute jeunette, au Canada, il m’est arrivé de dire “I’m French, I don’t date ! “. C’est le meilleur plan à faire outre Atlantique, ça les met dans un état ! Ça, plus la réputation de légèreté des françaises ! Mes deux premiers petits copains étaient canadiens, d’ailleurs…
I’m 27 years old originally from Haiti and I live in South Florida. If you’ve been to South Florida you know what’s going. My dating life is pretty much non existent. when you meet guys it seems that they don’t know what it’s like to date anymore. They think it’s ok to just come spend the night or whatever. With so many beautiful exotic looking women, men in South Florida seem to be lost and they just cannot pick one. So basically I’ve pretty much give up on dating and just concentrate on doing things that makes me happy.
xo
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I suppose that whatever your religion, the rules of human interaction don’t change, just the morals. In Sydney we have people who are looking for the ‘perfect one’ and won’t give anyone a chance if they don’t think they’re husband material within a few minutes. :( Sad. And then the girls reach 35 and are now desperate and don’t see that their crazy ‘list’ of qualities has become even more crazy and no guy can live up to it, it’s like the longer you wait, the more picky you get. But the weird guy you met when you were 23 and you married, ends up getting a great career and you grow together and you’re no longer the cute, weird couple you were in your 20s, you’re the cool, going places, ‘doing life together’ couple in your 30s. If you wait too long you aim too high and how can you enjoy the journey together??? It’s more fun to do the journey with someone. That’s how God made us.
Alors une chose que NY n’a pas c’est le site de rencontre, dont le concept est particulièrement original, “adopte un mec” ! Testé et approuvé. Et c’est peut être c’est juste une impression, mais ici tout se fait plus doucement…
NYC has the worst men/women ratio! It is ridiculous for a woman to move there to meet someone, especially settling down in West Village, Soho, Tribeca or any other attractive neighborhood. Take a look: http://www.therulesrevisited.com/2012/12/sex-ratio-in-new-york-city.html As he says, “get the hell out of there”
The women I know of who have met men in NYC are all dating foreign men (French, because Parisians love NYC and want to be able to say that they’re dating a New Yorker!). However they are fashion models whom have met a visiting guy, and it rarely lasts.
NYC is amazing, but if you want to settle down, I would rather meet someone somewhere else.
I am NY quite a bit but live in London and the guy I am dating is Danish, like me. Everything is actually a lot easier with a guy from your own culture. I have dated French guys before when I was living there, but I do not trust them at all!
We date online!
Of course, none of us take it seriously…it’s all for fun.
Until we meet our future husbands (like I did!) and, even then, we’re a special case.
Here in India, everything flies. Dating in the sense you discussed is pretty common in cities, though not really acceptable in small towns. Traditionally your parents find you a “nice” guy/girl and “arrange” your marriage. So during this process you get to date the guy for a month or so to find out if you are compatible or not, and if not, you just tell your parents and they just find you another “nice” guy to date :) . It is a little crazy, and is a bit of a pain if you and your parents are not on the same page, but then again, a lot of people who get married this way do fall in love and end up really happy. In cities, people generally date within their acquaintances, either from work or other common circles, and no one really dates online! :)
In Poland dating is pretty difficult too… but, well, yeah, I’m only 15…
With my bf(who actually never declarated to me that he is/wants to be my bf, but i guess saying ”i love you” to me, makes us somehow related, am I right?…) at the very begging(we are “together” about 5 months, ofc having good and bad times…) we used to go to a park(but with two other friends) then we had coffee(again with the same friends grrr)… After then i invited him to my place and we end up dancing gangnam style hahahahaha! But our “dates” always took place at home, but I hope it’? not true that most polish dates look like this and take place at home… I see many couples everyday, but usually they are having coffee together or something like this, or just walking around…
Honestly, for me, the place doesn’ matter, but sometimes it’s nice to go somewhere, isn’t it?
I guess people in love use to go to cinema together, I’ve seen it in soo many movies, and Ithink it’s a popular idea for a date, also in Poland. Hah, we planned going to the cinama with my bf, but he forgot it’s Saturday not Sunday(we planned going on Sunday) and went to the cinema, waited for an hour, phoned me to ask why I’m not him, I explained to him, that we planned going TOMORROW, and it was really funny! I mean embarraisng, but still funny!
Lots of love for Valentines Day!
XOXO
Nina
I’ve been living in Africa for the last two months but I’m from Portugal. I’ve met some people here that do the New York way, that is dating several girls at the same time but me and my bf have the real french relationship. We kissed and then he asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend! Needless to say, we started flirting online and with text messages. :)
Im Swedish, originaly from Stockholm but right know I live in Helsingborg ( a small city in the south). Swedes is both a dating people and not; the older generation dates ( and often online) but people between 20-30 are more in to the non-date-dates. We often meet at parties, becuse if your on a bar and start flirting both guys and girls asume that you just want to go to bed with them. And if you meet someone at a party you normaly dont say that your interested, the next step is to add them on facebook and try to “bump in on him” on another party or we have the courage to ask them to a party or “fika”.
Swedes are famous for our “fika”; you meet someone at a cafe and drink coffea and eat sometihing sweet and pretend that your not on a date and try to have a “cosy atmosphere”. And its after that you decide if you want to start seeing each other!
But of course you can do it in so many ways; I meet my boyfriend online, we had a fika at his place, meet agin the next day and watch a movie talked for hours and kissed. We been a couple since then:)
I’m from Taipei, Taiwan and to be honest I don’t think dating work here. All the guys try to be smooth/suave/gentlemanly or whatever they think is attractive to women, and it’s so unnatural that you just end up getting put off about it. Taiwanese people are by nature a very easygoing (and somewhat shy) bunch, so it’s almost like they put a suit on and gelled their hair to woo you. It’s the same in bars or dance clubs – you’re not going to find a cool crowd of people, you find a desperate, wacko crowd of people who are there to hit on girls but have no idea what they are doing. It’s just not in our nature. I knew instinctively that dates didn’t work for me as a young women, but now I can finally rationalize it.
Anyway, I think the only kind of date that works is if you met the person organically and have an excuse to interact together (school, work, shared interest, etc.) until you really get to know each other. Then suddenly you might have feelings for that person (with good reason), and it starts to feel like dating. And if it goes well, you probably get together.
Also, due to the reserved and rather conservative nature of Taiwanese/Asian people, the romance is of a different breed here. Our TV dramas and movies are good at featuring romance the Hollywood style, such as praise, flowers, PDA, opening doors for you, shouting love from the rooftops, the works, but in reality that’s not happening. What is happening is having small moments to smile about throughout the day. People are not used to thinking about “romance”, so their idea of romance is more about being considerate and nice to the other person overall instead of making obvious gestures.
Bonjour Garance,
J’ai rencontré mon mari / meilleur ami / amant sur Internet il y a un peu plus de cinq ans à une époque où je bossais tellement que je n’avais pas vraiment le temps de sortir. Et je ne l’aurais jamais rencontré autrement (nous ne vivions pas dans le même pays) et cela nous a permis de gagner beaucoup de temps (on savait en gros à qui on avait affaire, on savait pourquoi on était là, …). On s’est tellement plus que l’on ne pouvait plus se passer l’un de l’autre, on se voyait tous les week-ends (bonjour le budget billets de train et d’avion, humhum). Aujourd’hui, nous sommes mariés depuis plus de quatre ans, nous attendons notre premier enfant et vivons dans un troisième pays (mais ensemble cette fois) ;-)
Merci pour la qualité géniallisme de ce blog ! Continuez !
Non mais sérieusement, cette histoire de dating, c’est juste pas possible ! Si je vivais ce que cette troupe de NYais décrivent depuis mon petit Paris, je deviendrais juste DINGO, case psy / pot de nutella direct.
Si un garçon m’invite à dîner, le message est clair, je lui plais. Si au bout du 3ème dîner, verre ou autre, il ne m’a pas embrassé, le monde se brouille entièrement sous mes yeux, je suis complètement perdue ! Heureusement que ça ne m’est pas souvent arrivé. Une fois seulement, et je ne m’en suis toujours pas remise alors qu’on parle de 2 ou 3 sorties “vaines” !
Tu m’étonnes que les NYaises sont obligées d’adopter des chiens et faire du sport bizarre à 6h du matin ;-)
Bon alors, moi j’habite Bologne en Italie. Ville estudiantine, remplie d’Erasmus, où les soirées s’enchaînent et n’en finissent plus. Je suis arrivée dans cette ville pour un Erasmus après 6 ans de relation (avec des hauts et BEAUCOUP de bas) du coup j’avais besoin de respirer et surtout pas de me poser. Je dois dire que cette ville est l’idéal pour cela. Les italiens abordent facilement, mais c’est tellement rétro..pour les rendez-vous, si j’avais le malheur de sortir mon portefeuille pour payer ma part ou que je proposais de payer pour les deux c’est comme si je leur coupais leur appendice, oui le romantisme et moi..un mec qui m’offre des fleurs j’aurais tendance à le regarder en mode “are you serious ?!”
Maintenant que ça fait 4 ans que je suis ici, j’ai l’impression que les garçons ne veulent pas grandir et que quand tu es étrangère, c’est difficile d’être prise au sérieux. Et puis ils ont toujours cette idée que c’est eux qui doivent venir vers nous et pas le contraire, si c’est le cas bah y’a peu de chance que ça marche.
Je crois que je vais poser mes valises à NY ahahaha.
Le fait que certains se rencontrent sur des sites ne me choque pas, au contraire. J’ai rencontré un garçon non pas par le biais d’un site de rencontre mais grâce au couchsurfing. On s’est vu, on s’est parlé, on a appris à se connaître, et j’ai trouvé ça plutôt cool moi ! La petite appréhension au moment de la véritable rencontre, se demander si on va pouvoir être aussi bavarde que sur le net etc…non franchement je ne suis pas contre le dating via le web !
Shug Avery d’Incognito
http://www.thinkincognito-eng.blogspot.com
I met my (now) husband when I was 17 in our local bar. I knew one of his friends and now 11 years later we are married ;) But when I didn’t met him or anyone else and I would still be single I would definitely try to date online. Why not? xx
ENTER MY GIVEAWAY
http://www.creativityandchocolate.blogspot.com
I met my husband through his old high school friend whom I worked with – we went to colleges in the same city (New England) – when I met him (my husband) I was carrying a fur purse (and he hated fur) so that was the start of our conversation, I was teasing him because of the fur purse, because for some reason I always tease the guys i like, and if they can take it – its a match! Anyway, he couldn’t really take it but we bonded over a shared love for sad Irish songs and Brave Heart playing in the background of a bar (it was the scene where the bad guy kills Mel Gibson’s wife!) I made a sarcastic crying motion with my hand, which was actually defensive, because I always found that scene so sad and romantic. He kind of smiled and our eyes met…and then we got married! just kidding. :)
I’m from The Netherlands, and I can only describe what I know about dating. This doesn’t necessarily go for dating in general – I’m of course heavily influenced by my friends, my surroundings, education etc. So, for what it’s worth: I guess there are roughly two types of dating: you either both know you like each other and think there is potential for it to grow into something more (in which case you are going on a ‘real’ date), or you know each other (probably not too well) and think it might be fun to meet up – no strings attached. You probably wouldn’t call this a date, but it could turn into one :) I think girls usually know whether it is a serious date, or a more casual ‘if he turns out to be a creep I can always say it wasn’t a real date’-date. :)
What you do on a date depends. A first date including dinner (at a restaurant) would feel quite serious to me, a concert and drinks afterwards would feel more relaxed – better when you’re not yet sure how you feel about the guy. It’s quite common that a guy invites you over to his place for dinner after a few dates – then you know for sure it is getting serious. When you’re ‘just friends’ with a guy, going for dinner at his place could be a totally normal thing to do – it wouldn’t be a real date (unless the room is filled with flickering candles LOL). In my experience, guys date only one girl at a time, and after a few (say four to five?) dates, you know whether there’s potential for it to grow into something more serious. I think people usually call each other ‘boyfriend/girlfriend’ quite quickly, say within two months of dating. Going out for a year and not calling it a relationship hardly ever happens (unless the guy is married or a commitment-phobic).
Online dating: I haven’t done it, but a number of friends of mine have. A few of them are in serious relationships right now (including babies!). From what I’ve heard, the online dating rules are a little different. On a first date, you usually meet up in a public space, like a pub or a bar, for drinks – this doesn’t have to take long, and means you could leave soon if you want to. When you want to see this person again, you send him/her an email/text, and it’s okay to say something like ‘no thank you, I don’t think this is going to work out’. For a second date, you plan something which takes a little longer, like dinner. After three to four dates, people usually know whether they like each other and whether it could get serious. With online dating, it doesn’t seem to be uncommon to date several people at the same time, but that means having several first (short) dates in the same week/month (as opposed to seeing several girls for a few months). It’s also not uncommon to cancel a first date in case you’ve met someone else in the meantime. One of the difficulties of online dating is that there are loads of guys who date whoever looks ‘ok’ (or who just want sex), and girls often receive hundreds of emails in the first weeks after signing up on these websites. It is often advised to meet up with a person quite soon, so that you don’t fall in love with his witty writing while he turns out to be a bastard in real life.
This is dating as I know it – the type of dating that could lead to a serious relationship (I’m not talking about pure physical attraction!) – but I’m sure there are many people in my country who would disagree!
I recently started looking into online dating (something which I’ve been TOTALLY against Oooohhh NO not me NEVER! ) but my friend said don’t knock it unil you’ve tried it…soooo here I am just started (in Stockholm) but what’s sort of cool about this dating site its for people with interests in the arts films creative fields…so it feels more like hey lets go to the new exhibition at the modern arts or..yeah you get my point…
:-) I am not sure what to expect see what happens..
J’habite en Irlande et à Halloween dernier, j’ai rencontré un italien, un vrai de vrai du sud de l’Italie, qui a fait ce que je n’ai jamais vu un mec français (encore moins irlandais) faire : prendre les choses en main. Il venait passer quelques jours à Dublin voir une amie que l’on a en commun. Deux jours plus tard, alors que je ne lui avais pas parlé du tout (trop timide–il était tellement beau !!), il m’a ajoutée sur Facebook out of the blue. Il était rentré chez lui et pensait encore à moi. On a chatté tous les jours pendant deux mois et demi et mi-janvier il est revenu à Dublin–juste pour moi cette fois-ci–et depuis on est ensemble pour de vrai. On en a beaucoup parlé de ce premier pas qu’il a fait (sur Facebook) et il m’a dit qu’il considérait que c’était son rôle de me séduire, c’est à l’homme de prendre des initiatives itou. Au début j’ai pris ça pour du machisme mais j’ai compris que c’était pour lui une forme de respect et d’admiration. Entre les lignes j’ai compris qu’il me disait en fait “c’était à moi de galérer pour t’avoir, à moi de faire des efforts, je voulais faire ça pour toi, et pas l’inverse parce que tu mérites mieux que de courir après quelqu’un.” Je crois que cette façon de penser est très culturelle.
In London dating is pretty tough. I’d been pretty picky for a couple of years and I’d all but given up until new years eve 3 years ago, I bumped into my now bf in a bar, the rest is history really. Sometimes you got to really give people a chance, and you never know the gems you’ll find.
Ca m’a l’air d’un compliqué, cette affaire de dating !
L’amour c’est un truc qui te tombe dessus, c’est pas un truc que tu “shoppes” !
Voyez plutôt… Aprés 10 ans de relations plus ou moins longues (de quelques heures à 3 ans), on peut dire que j’ai rencontré pas mal de mecs. Puis pendant des vacances entre potes à Bali, on a sympathisé avec des Français qui vivaient là-bas et je suis tombée folle amoureuse… d’un fille ! On est ensemble depuis 3 ans aujourd’hui, et je n’avais jamais rien connu d’aussi simple et évident. Rien dans ma vie n’est plus précieux que ce qu’on a toutes les deux !
Ah et notre histoire racontée dans le ELLE en mai dernier (si c’est pas la classe, ça ?) :
http://www.elle.fr/Love-Sexe/C-est-mon-histoire/Et-un-jour-je-suis-tombee-amoureuse-d-une-fille-1999894
I met my husband in college, but we live in DC now and dating here is bizarre! You take a fast-paced city full of political nerds (i.e. all smart, driven, and very opinionated) and you get a pretty entertaining mix :). The dating scene is mostly work-related happy hours, and more online dating than other cities I know.
http://www.anna-bird.com
In Croatia we have no problems with dating. People are very open and friendly, especially in summer. Online dating is certainly not fashionable or desirable. I personally do not go out on dates, but I try to do as spontaneous events, but all my friends goes on dates often. we love to love, definitely :)
I didn’t date at all in high school – I was too studious and my immigrant parents didn’t understand the concept of dating because they didn’t have that in the Philippines. I met my fiance in college – we started out as casual friends, then became best friends, then became lovers. There’s a part of me that is thankful I didn’t really experience “dating” – there’s something to be said for testing the waters, but a lot of my single friends tell me the daily grind gets tough after awhile. For those who are in that place right now, hang in there! Love is very much worth it.
I’m from Poland. I met my boyfriend online – I was blogging. We had a big meeting with other bloggers… And then it just ‘sparkled’ between us :) We are together for two years now! I don’t know what I expect from man hmm.. Maybe to be a little old-fashioned nice? And of course he is extremely handsome :) !
I’m from Moscow, Russia. Nevertheless Moscow is a europeen city, which never sleeps, we don’t have a culture for dating. Men are very traditional here. They prefer to know that their girl is just their. However they are not always that gentlemen themselves. As for me, I met my fiance during new year corporate party. He asked me for a dance, then we spent several weeks chating on-line as we were in different cities, And on our third date he proposed. It might look to quick, I know that he is the One, so why waiting and making it complicated?
Effectivement, je crois que ça ulcère toutes les frenchies ici présentes, cette histoire de “dating” : le faussement romantique à l’américaine + le superficiel tellement pas spontané ni surprenant. Euuuh si t’as déjà fait ta sélection avant, quelle place pour la surprise, le charme impromptu, les rencontres hasardeuses et troublantes qui sont les meilleures justement ?
Y a une grosse différente entre “date a girl” et tomber amoureux. Et j’avais plutôt l’impression qu’on ne parlait pas d’amour là mais bien de petites dragouilles insouciantes, comme tout le monde en a, mais à NY en super réglé et orchestré.
Finalement, je crois que j’adore les français. Ce charme, cette ambiguité pas déclarée, ces surprises, tout ça, c’est ça qui est beau.
Je vis à Berlin depuis peu et je vois déjà que l’affaire est loin d’être dans le sac! Les allemands, qui ont la réputation d’être ” froids”, sont en faite pire que ça !!!! Il sont si pragmatique que pour moi petite franco-italienne sentimentale voir passionnée ça frôle le heart-less carrément… Et alors le pire c’est qu’il faut insister pour faire un truc avec eux, très chevalier, et qu’en plus ça ne les dérange pas de vous laisser payer! Bon je sais que tout ça n’est que le point-de-vue extérieur, qu’il doit bien y avoir un peu d’amour chez eux, mais il va falloir que j’apprenne leur mode d’emploi pour décrypter tout ça sinon je suis mal partie ou bien je vais devoir me rabattre sur au pauvre émigré comme moi! Mais ça fait tout drôle de passer à un pays où tu te fais draguer toutes les deux minutes à un autre ou la plus belle preuve de contentement de la part de quelqu’un à qui tu viens de faire plaisir est un “it’s nice” tout mou avec un demi-sourire.. Gardons espoir, je n’ai que trente-cinq ans après-tout, everything is fine :s xxxxxxx
I’ve never dated, it’s just something you don’t really do in Spain (although my mum uses online dating!). Most of the time you get to know people through school, university, friends or in parties and then if you like that person, you just keep meeting with him/her and see if it works.
I have always been in long relationships because I find I’m quite selective with men and I take my time to make the right decision. I met who is now my boyfriend 2 years and a half ago in Bristol (UK) and moved in with him within a few months of meeting (it was a bold move but the rent was going to be cheaper! haha). We just get along so well and live is fun with him :)
I’ve live in the north of England, and have moved between Sheffield and York, and dating here sounds very different to NYC dating and London dating! Usually people meet through friends or acquaintances, and see each other a few times because they happen to be out together with the same friends, and only after having met a few times do they swap numbers and go out on a date. Most of the time guys ask girls out on a date by text message, and you have a few dates before you kiss, and they ask you to be their girlfriend. (Although I have been told that someone has called me their girlfriend after our first date without asking, and my current boyfriend ‘asked’ by changing his facebook status!) I think the biggest difference is that someone would not approach you in a cafe, only in a club or at a party. Also, people tend to be more cynical, and if you are approached by a stranger, you assume they just want a one night stand, and if they are dating a few people at a time, it is assumed they are not looking for anything serious, they are messing around. Things sound like they are still more formal over here than in NYC, maybe more similar to France and Oz, but people seem to be very cautious, and don’t want to risk saying they are interested if the other person isn’t, which is a bit sad. It would be nice if people could be more open! xxx
Je crois encore aux jolies rencontres, au hasard… J’en ai eu une très jolie…. il y a longtemps… J’ai adoré, ça s’est fini, mais le lien est fort et nous sommes toujours amis. Je suis pas du tout dating et site de rencontres…. J’aime cette magie du hasard…. Mais je me dis parfois que peut-être que c’est moi qui me trompe… que ça a évolué….
Peut-être que c’est mon romantisme à la française… Je suis une lilloise, une fille du nord… et chez nous, on cultive la chaleur humaine…. On a dans le coeur le soleil qu’on a pas toujours dehors.
XXX
Here in Austria most of the couples I know met through school/university/mutual acquaintances. There are no rules on how to proceed further (after you have met and initially liked each other), you just have to make thinks up along the way to get the girl/boy.
And at some point you have to decide if you want to be considered a couple or not and then it does not matter if you’re just dating or going out together or living together or even if you have kids or not.
No guidance, but also no rules. Pretty relaxed.
I’m from Holland myself, and being a student in Groningen, which is thé student town, dating is pretty easy. Everybody is very relaxed and outgoing so meeting new people is never a problem. What is a problem though, is that given the abundance of young and exciting people, many of them do not want a relationship, thinking that they’ll have time for that later. Most people I know found their significant other via friends or acquaintances, but meeting them in a pub also happens quite a lot!
I myself do have a BF, found him when I was not looking for anyone but fell in love anyway, as do most people here. My dad used to tell me that you would find the love of your life when you were not searching for him/here, and that turned out to be true! (:
love from Holland!