DORÉ

J’ai un peu de temps là, je peux te traduire le texte avec plaisir, je te l’envoie sur quelle adresse ?

I have to agree that it’s really ALL about judging, and whether we acknowledge it to ourselves or not, we are are constantly doing it. In a good way, it results in support, love of fashion and positive actions.
I had the strangest personal experience with this post: read it, commented, and thought a lot about your feelings being hurt, and why that would be. I tried to imagine what it would be like not to be told by a close friend about something like that, agreed it would be odd, wondered why we feel hurt by these instances (ego etc) and then wondered what I would do if I had a procedure myself, whether I would tell people. All the while having these thoughts in a philosophical manner, you know, detached. Not until later in the day did I have the thunderstruck moment: I DID have a procedure done this spring (restylane) and I had only told 2 people! The results had been very disappointing and I’d simply forgotten. Wow.
I think I didn’t tell all my friends Garance, (I am saying this very gently) because I was afraid of being judged. Whew. Big hugs.

sometimes it is necessary. Deviated septums are a huge problem…some women need to get breast reductions because it is a problem for their backs. It just depends on the situation…

http://lavieenliz.com

I agree with the comment about judging these women. I think it’s really an opportunity for me to think about why cosmetic surgery bothers ME so much. As Gloria Steinem pointed out, we shouldn’t chastise Snooki or Kim Kardashian, we should chastise a system that makes women feel as if their sexuality is the only currency they hold in this society.

La personne qui a fait ce commentaire est juste génial, je ne l’aurai pas mieux formulé et pourtant je pense comme elle à 300%

Truth be told, we all want to be skinny and pretty and with or without the media involve, we always have that part of our body that we want to change, so I don’t think that having a surgery is an excuse to criticize someone. We all could go through that, but not all of us really dare to and congratulations with you if you think your body is perfect just the way it is! I think it’s all about feeling comfortable with yourself, and yes maybe the environment is not helping and some people leave the hospital worse than they came in before, but it’s all up to you. And yes, of course you can try using natural products for your wrinkles and spots and stuff but there are thing that you can only ‘fix’ through surgery. Like having too much breast or not having breast at all. My cousin for example had a mayor depression because she didn’t have any breast and I mean she really didn’t!!! So after a while she went through surgery and now she’s the most confident girl I’ve ever known!

I had to go back and read your article over again, because when I first read it I got the impression that you were more concerned that your friend had not confided in you about their upcoming procedure. However, I do understand that the media places a lot of pressure on individuals to look a certain way but really it is up to us as individuals to feel good about ourselves (of which I know is hard for many).

Having reread the article I am still under the impression that you felt your friend was just fine as she was and didn’t need to do anything and maybe if she had spoken to you, you would have not encouraged her to go down that road, but would have supported anyway. I think your point was “she didn’t confide in me” and yes I sure that I would have felt the same.

In the ideal world, the evolution of the first (a gender equal society) would then eradicate the second (feminism and overall judgement).

A change in cultural and societal projections of the female, which encompasses all the possibilities of shape and style, and have that same change of acceptance applied to many many many other arenas, could remove the need for women to validate and alter themselves.

There are always expectations though. To be good, to be healthy, etc, and all of them can produce extremes which are destructive. People are emotional and unique, therefore an entire population cannot be expected to adhere to fair and healthy regulations. The difficult yet necessary task is for humans to remind themselves that they must be who they want to be. And in turn, to remember that their opinions of others are natural to have, yet unfair to impose.

I agree completely with both sides. This is not a simple issue. The norms of our society are incredibly powerful and we are stuck in a situation where we want escape them but end up ourselves reproducing them. I do not blame anyone who gets plastic surgery (and let’s be honest the line between necessary and unnecessary is blurry) but it does make me intensely sad that we are so determined to focus on our flaws and not our beauty.

I recently saw an old friend who has been fight for her life for the past few months because she hasn’t been able to keep down food and her body fat percentage was shockingly low. The battles she faced just to keep food down made me realise just how ridiculous any notion that we need to super skinny is. We are living organisms, we NEEEED to eat. These perceptions of what we should be can be ridiculous to the point of being deadly and that I find distressing. They are so disempowering. So I think the best thing to do is to be content with the junk in your trunk (well I’m trying to be!) or what ever the “flaw” may be that’s driving you crazy. We are human, we are flawed. Everyone who has every lived and will ever live will be flawed. Which sort of makes it not a flaw at all but normal? SO IT’S OKAY!!!

xxxx

totalement d’accord avec ce commentaire ! c’est la société qu’il faut changer, pas les femmes.

breast reductions apparently have the highest rate of happiness afterwards which makes sense because it is a corrective; the real danger is chasing an unachievable goal: one’s lost youth, being more loveable, regaining the affection of someone, an ill defined idea of perfection. It’s not just the danger of not knowing when to stop. My maternal grandmother died after a facelift in 1965 when I was a small baby so I never knew her. I wish she had been able to find peace with her wrinkles ( smoking & sun) so that I could have had some time with her. We forget that these are medical procedures and don’t take the risks seriously enough across the whole range from botox to facelifts/breast augmentation.

Seems to me it’s a part of human nature. Changing, decorating, intensifying, beautifying our bodies. Tribal cultures have done it to mark coming of age. They’ve cut, tattooed, stretched their necks, ears, lips. Chinese cultures have wrapped little girls’ feet to the point of barely walking. Worse of all (in my opinion) is genital mutilation. But ALL in search of a more beautiful form. Our bodies, our canvas. Sometimes in celebration, sometimes in self-loathing, sometimes to be accepted culturally. But REALLY, the biggest change is the one within. When we are shining, we exude that quality. In our eyes, our smile, our voice. When we feel sexy, really sexy, it seeps out of our pores. Our lips feel more plump and we are so fucking delicious that the men (or women) can’t help but respond. When we are happy, it glistens on our skin. When we are passionate, our cheeks flush. When we are healthy, we feel amazing. Sometimes I look in the mirror and think, god I’m gorgeous. And sometimes I’m like, eh stop looking! I wear my mood. So when we are self loathing stressed out neurotic overworked bitches, well, we look like it. But then we get to choose, knife or badass journey inwards to will true change?

you have the most intelligent readers – love it

Thanks Garance. I think there are so many shades of grey and also believe not taking anything that serious and not letting anything dominate us. As I told earlier, I had a nose job and cannot be happier about it. Would I do more to my body? No. Love.

Chère Garance,

Merci beaucoup pour ce post.
Je n’ai jamais laissé aucun commentaire sur aucun blog, mais ce post-ci me touche particulièrement.
En fait, j’ai eu recours à la chirurgie esthétique il y a 7 ans (pour une mastopexie) et depuis l’opération, je l’ai raconté à 6 personnes. (petits amis compris)
Non pas parce que j’adore l’idée que ces personnes me voient comme un être né avec des seins parfaits, mais parce que je me sens mal à l’aise d’aborder ce sujet avec qui que ce soit. Ceci est dû en particulier à ma peur que que des sentiments assez “bas” tels la curiosité, le voyeurisme, voire la “Schadenfreude” (même avec de très bonnes amies) viennent jouer là-dedans.
Comme le dit FLAM, les femmes sont soumises à une forte pression de conformité de l’apparence. Et j’irais même plus loin, disant que c’est à cause de cette pression que certaines sont curieusement heureuses quand elles se rendent compte que cette pression poussent d’autres à s’automutiler et se “changer” artificiellement grace à la chirurgie esthétique. En guise d’exemple, les quelques femmes auxquelles je l’ai dit m’ont plutot intérrogée bizarrement ou m’ont considérée comme une bête de foire plutôt que de traiter cela comme n’importe quel autre sujet. Cela m’a blessé. J’avais l’impression d’être en situation d’infériorité par rapport à elles, car moins sûre de moi puisque j’avais été prête à sauter le pas.

Je ne sais pas si d’autres l’ont vécu de la même manière….

Such interesting comments. I remember an interview with Susan Sarandon a few years ago saying she would never have “stuff done” (I think I’m remembering correctly) and then…. the neck starts looking awful so she had something done to it. I would have too in her place.

My mother emerged out of the East Tennessee hills and became a doctor in the 1930s -, one of the most liberated women I have ever known. She flew planes, traveled alone in Africa and in India as well as with my father, and had a successful practice. She was a beautiful woman and in her mid-50s had a face lift and an eye lift later and she was totally happy with it… didn’t try to hide it… and she looked great at 90. She didn’t try to look like she was 30, but she didn’t like the sags and bags either. Me? At 66 I’m okay with the wrinkles so far, but I wouldn’t mind something being done about those deep lines between my eyebrows :-) So… easy to say “never never” when you’re 30 or 50, but as 60, and 70 come along…. hmmmmmm… maybeeee….. ?

As everyone has pretty much concluded…. not judging either way how “good” women look is good, and not that easy.

M Ruth

in America everything is extreme….it’s a personal choice..i see nothing wrong..and most is an improvement….this is an addictive society…and the $ is the bottom line……i always liked how i looked and i was told as a child that i was pretty

I do agree about not judging women based on their appearances and the choices they make, but really, we have much deeper and greater strengths to deal with our struggles.
Finding ways to survive in a culture does not mean we should give into the pressures of that culture.

i did a small research paper with my friend for college earlier this year we called it ‘Fashion a matter of life or death’- recommended to us from our teacher-we always forget that since the dawn of time people have been painfully altering the way they look for what cultural norms there are and what is considered ‘beauty’-think of lily feet- the binding of asian women’s feet which lasted till the 20th century, at the time the smaller the foot the better-and if their toes fell of even better!! – there’s neck rings, lip stretchers (and although they belong to small cultures and tribes of individuals)-they are doing what they think will make them beautiful-western society amplifies it all through the media but i think its pretty much the same thing -theres NOTHING wrong with wanting to feel beautiful if your not comfortable in your own skin-i have many an imperfection but i wouldn’t change anything so its hard to think of people who are so depressed and affected by the way they look that they cant really be their true selves-so why not?

exactly those two options are always in my mind. one the one hand a highly sexistic society which encourage people to change themself with a knife and suggest this would cure their problems.
on the other hand the freedom to choose which appearrance and outline one would like to show.

the refusal of ones own body is a core problem. if even 14 y/o already dieting. if mothers telling their children they are gained weight (and not because the gain is going to treat their health, but just because they are not fitting a certain image). ahhh, I don’t know.

I love fashion and make up and treating myself and making the best out of myself. but it is – in fact – frustrating to think “I am not good enough because I am not good looking enough” – and it desn’t matter how intelligent I am or how much I already fullfilled or achieved.

“Cosmetic surgery fundamentally is about businesses trying to convince people to get unnecessary, invasive, very risky surgery. They know as well as everyone else does that women hate their bodies on a massive scale, and the solution they offer is the knife; they don’t say, actually, we need to change the culture which is fuelling the self-hate and making women feel like this. They say, cut up your body to fit the culture.”

1. Who is “they”? The businesses? Arguably they’re just filling demand in the market. Blaming businesses for existing is like blaming chickens for making eggs. Our culture is made of us. We make the culture. Why blame the surgeons? Why not blame the patients? Assuming we dislike the idea of plastic surgery.

2. I’m not sure its about self-hate, entirely. It seems a bit strong. I’m thinking about a friend who had her nose fixed because everyone made fun of her for it. In her place I may have done the same. I know women who fill their wrinkles – part of me thinks its about preserving the spirit of youth, and part of it is aesthetics. In an ideal world, yes, it would be better to say who cares! and just age as normal. But given that these options are available, why not use them. Its not natural. So what? 100 years ago it was unnatural to live past 30. Times change, innovation continues, and human beings and desire longer richer lives. Richer lives mean ones full of energy and fulfillment. Youth is the epitomy of that. It’s also why fashion is so fun!

3. Personally, I haven’t done anything yet (I’m 29) but I don’t rule it out. I desire to age gracefully, and when it starts to bother me, i’ll look into options then. (Though people have already started recommending things to me. How fun.)

4. That said, happiness is life’s greatest elixir. It is pure joy to see women who love who they are, AS they are, whether that includes work or not. If I’m happy when I’m older, who cares if I’ll have grey hair and kicking my boobs out of the way? Beauty on its own is nothing without a smile and eye creases.

Thanks for writing such an interesting peice!

Tout à fait d’accord avec le premier commentaire. C’est la société qui DOIT changer. Et quand je dis société, c’est hommes comme femmes. Les femmes ne devraient pas se sentir obligées de passer sur le billard pour se sentir belle ! Il y a trop de contraintes aujourd’hui, que ce soit physiquement ou matériellement ou psychologiquement.
Il n’est ici pas question de juger ces femmes qui passent sous le bistouri de façon récurrente, on n’est pas là pour juger (n’est-ce pas), mais c’est un constat. Et les femmes sont aussi responsables de cette image qu’elles ont, et de la place qu’elles ont dans notre société. Si une femme de 40 ans, qui travaille dans la mode (mettons, je pense que c’est un milieu dans lequel la pression est très forte à ce niveau-là), et qui commence à avoir des rides sur le front, ou la ride du lion. Et bien, si cette femme reçoit des critiques négatives sur “son air fatigué” ou que sais-je encore, c’est aussi à elle de dire : “Je suis une femme, j’ai 40 ans, je suis belle et je vous emm****”. Tout n’est pas tout noir ni tout blanc. Les hommes aussi, je pense, sont victimes des pressions physiques, que ce soit sur leur corps ou sur leur visage.
Nous sommes dans une société qui ne supporte pas la faiblesse, qui ne veut surtout pas la voir. Et c’est à tout le monde de changer ça. On est au-delà du féminisme, là.
Je comprends les femmes qui se font refaire par crainte de montrer leur âge, leur fatigue, leur faiblesse, mais je pense qu’il faut avant tout lutter contre ça. Et dire aux femmes, quel que soit leur âge, qu’elles sont belles, c’est déjà un progrès. Que les magazines diffusent des images de femmes belles et de plus de 40-50ans est une bonne chose (je pense à a couverture du Vogue Paris d’Octobre).
Il faut bien comprendre que tout résulte d’un business, et que l’industrie cosmétiques ainsi que la chirurgie esthétique ont tout à fait compris comment exploiter les failles de cette société si dure envers les femmes.

i love these statements..i was exactly thinking this same thing when i read your post the other day..

In the current era we are constantly doing it. In a good way, it results in support, love of fashion and positive actions. The saying is by Jerry @ http://howtonono.com

nice post..

nice post.. Thanks for sharing

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