9 years ago by
I was looking at a photo of Taylor Swift the other day, surrounded by all her friends. Taylor Swift #everyonelovesher (even my boyfriend follows her on Instagram) is so adored that she doesn’t hesitate to surround herself with friends who are just as beautiful and successful as she is.
It’s the kind of thing we rarely used to see: how many times did you ever see Madonna hanging out with her famous, talented friends, for example?
Not so many. In the past, when two women’s jobs fell into the same category, we had a tendency to pit them against one another. It was probably a ploy to pique people’s interest – and that idea hasn’t totally disappeared yet (apparently Taylor Swift and Katy Perry hate each other but, hey, that’s probably just some BS from the tabloids, I don’t know, who cares?) but now, thanks to social media, everything has changed.
Supporting each other, showing yourself in natural selfie mode with your friends, has become cool. Ok – and it can also bring in tons of followers.
Ok so this “get more followers” craze is getting a little bit out of hand, sometimes – during fashion week, in particular, you can observe groups of girls taking photos of themselves in “best friend love love kiss” mode and, as soon as the camera stops, everybody turns their backs to each other (probably to check their likes) and only exchange three or four words before going their separate ways.
But sometimes hysteria can lead to good things.
Like friendship, one of the treasures in any woman’s life.
So I was looking at Taylor Swift and her friends with a slightly irritated attitude, ready to bring out my cynical French spirit, when suddenly I realized that it’s the same for me. I’m also surrounded by beautiful, talented, adorable, caring, amazing friends.
In fact, I’m kind of like Taylor Swift and her group of friends. We’re totally #girlpower. I have friends who support each other, encourage each other, and aren’t afraid to help each other shine. Girls who know that, if their friends succeed, deep down, they succeed too.
Friends who…
Share both good times and bad.
That’s kind of the little black dress of friendship. Without that, friendship doesn’t mean anything at all.
Support each other professionally.
And I don’t mean by complaining about their boss (what a stupid image – it’s still perpetuated by some types of media, as if we were still in the 60s where a woman having a job meant she was automatically a frustrated secretary!!!) but by sharing their networks. Joining forces. Giving each other advice. Creating companies together…
With some of my friends, we have real consulting sessions that last an hour or two, where we’re not allowed to talk about anything other than work.
It’s amazing how talking to an intelligent, caring woman, who you can be totally honest with about both your successes and failures, can bring you so much perspective and inspiration. We should all do it.
Compliment each other, but stay honest.
Another classic, but it’s so important – friends who know when it’s the right time to give an honest point of view. Because knowing and loving someone also means knowing when to tell that person to stop checking out Tinder for two seconds, start looking for a new job, or get rid of the platinum blonde hair.
Communicate in a million different ways.
I have a friend I love, and my relationship with her is 80% textual (hahaha). We text each other all the time. Sometimes we see each other in person, and it’s great, but we text each other a lot more often than we see each other. I think we could make a book out of our text messages someday, as much as we talk about things both profound and random, but way too many super inappropriate things would be revealed in the process, because with my friends, we really let loose. We talk about anything and everything, no shame.
With another friend, our favorite thing when we see each other is to REALLY see each other. So we plan entire days together, from manicures to restaurants to shopping to tea to couch surfing, so we can “really debrief,” as we say. We don’t manage to organize those days very often, but when we do, it’s mega-chill, and it does me so much good.
I have other friends I talk to on Skype, and other friends I go on vacation with.
They’re all different kinds of friendships, but each one is just as great, funny, and meaningful as the rest.
Sometimes I manage to bring all my friends together at once, and that’s one great big international love fest – so good.
Transcend generations.
It’s nothing new but, more and more, the lines between generations are becoming blurry. And even though we don’t have the same problems to deal with at 20, 40, or 60, that’s exactly why we have so much to learn from each other.
I have friends from 19 to 65.
I don’t know if you watch Grace & Frankie on Netflix, but I have a friend who is 65 years old, and she’s exactly like Frankie, (including the smoking joints part) and honestly, she’s beautiful, refreshing, and always surrounded by gorgeous guys (I don’t know what her secret is, I think it’s just that she’s so cool) and she’s taught me a lot of things about life… But actually, my 20-year-old friends have taught me just as much.
At the end of the day, my friends are like a laughing army that supports me, helps me, protects me from rough times, and makes me deeply happy. Friendship is one of the things that makes me love life, and it’s one of the most important things to cultivate. So #girlpower forever, and vive Taylor Swift ;)
Translated by Andrea Perdue
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I agree with you. I think that her instagram photos are simply infectious. It is silly to be threatened by your friends, I don’t think you can be a good friend if you are threatened by them. Friends should be both an inspiration to you and people you want to inspire and I see that Swift does just this so she is definitely a great example!
http://www.milkandvelvet.com
i have friends from 15 to 84! and i think the measure of success in life is one’s friendships! :)
http://littleaesthete.com
This reminds me very much of Shine Theory. http://nymag.com/thecut/2013/05/shine-theory-how-to-stop-female-competition.html
Sounds lovely, but I don’t have any friends really, and I don’t know how to find them as an adult. Sisters and work acquaintances are all I have. I lost most of my people when they had husbands and kids.. and now we just do not have things or hours in common.
Where do you find friends as an adult?
Awww, I understand you perfectly ! I’ve been moving a lot, and it is hard to keep my friends…for some there is even oceans, not cities, between us :/ —But now,i live in a big city, Montreal, so i don’t despair,I’m hoping to find some cool people to hang out…One of the best idea, do the things you love and people will come after you… I love reading,and recently i met some cool guy :) while getting out of the library :) Good Luck….
Look for friends in activities you like to do. Don’t be afraid to talk to people. The worst they can do is ignore you and you move on. I found a great group of friends through my yoga studio. We all shared a common bond in yoga. Also volunteering is a good way to meet people.
Love this post. Always surround yourself with the best because you deserve the best. We reflect what we see.
I met a couple of friends recently online – seriously. One of them I met through the comments section of a lifestyle blog we both used to follow. I reached out to her as she was the only one who had something smart and noteworthy to say, and was seeking the same advice I was seeking at the same time (how to find a mentor).
The other person I met was again, someone commenting (this time on a nutrition Facebook group I follow) so we had something in common off the bat, realized we both live in NYC and after messaging each other for awhile, decided to meet up and grab a bite somewhere in line with our group (and having a piece of chocolate afterwards, of course). She’s someone I can learn from (she’s been studying nutrition much longer – but doesn’t come off preachy, judgemental or a know-it-all when I ask her questions the group hasn’t answered).
I’ve met both in person more than once; the first one from the lifestyle blog was in NYC for her bday so we had dinner, but still make appointments to Facetime. The other, I just saw this week and we are planning our next face-to-face.
I’ve never had much luck in finding girlfriends in person, and I’m finding online meeting cuts the flakey, fake or mean bs that women do to each other in person (in line w/ Garance’s above). Taking a class in something you’ve been wanting to learn I found can also bring about some friendships.
Je partage tout à fait cette vision, il faut arrêter avec le cliché comme quoi les femmes seraient toutes des harpies hystériques incapables d’avoir un jugement rationnel. Avoir un groupe d’amie, une bande, un réseau … n’est pas spécifiquement masculin… Les clichés ont la vie dure !
Amélie
https://charlesrayandcoco.wordpress.com
I love this article!
I love having my grilfriends and we do the exact same thing: we support each other in our careers, we help each other in difficult times and my favorite thing to do is to spend one entire day doing girly stuff like going to the hammam, having a huge brunch and going to hairdresser together.
I simply don’t understand girls who don’t like to have “girl” friends.
GIRL POWER!!
J’adore rencontrer de nouvelles personnes et réaliser que j’ai eu un coup de coeur amical mais j’ai vraiment du mal à rester en contact régulièrement avec certaines. Avoir beaucoup d’amis c’est du travail ! Il faut penser à envoyer des messages régulièrement aux personnes qui sont loin ou qui n’ont pas le même rythme de vie que soi ! Il faut prendre le temps de voir tout le monde et que les gens ne se sentent pas délaissés. N’étant pas très téléphone en permanence, ça devient une semi-corvée d’envoyer des messages à tout le monde. J’ai l’impression que je suis la seule à galérer avec ça ahah !
Sinon ça serait sympa que vous fassiez un topic sur l’amitié garçon fille :) Perso, je suis toujours indécise sur la question
I want to be yout 21-year-old friend, if the place isn’t taken! :)
Great one, as always. I still have hard time accepting the exsistance of many types of friendship, I think I still believe and look for all-from-one kind of friend, which becomes quite impossible as we grow older (and hopefully, wiser). I can’t wait to read your book!
Anja
This is so refreshing! True friendships are so imoportant and add so much value to life. I have a very small handful even of close friends whom I love and adore and support. We make time for each other, we listen and advise and support each other in all aspects for our lives. Life seems to be getting busier and pulling us away from real communication, which concerns me but having these relationships and making the effort to keep the relationship and communications going strong is something I value.
Thank you for this post!
Friends are the familly that you get to choose.
http://www.fashionsphinx.com
many times did you ever see Madonna hanging out with her famous, talented friends, for example?
If I can politely disagree, and not that I care about Madonna, but she had Rosie O’Donnell, Sandra Bernhardt, Debi Mazar, etc in the late 80’s/90’s. And speaking of 90’s, I remember the Naomi, Linda, Christy, Kate, etc supermodel crew. I agree that normally women are pitted against each other, but there have been “tribes” of girls popping up here and there over the past decades;)
Madonna often had an entourage of female friends of varied creative means around her in the mid 80s-90s, especially those in the downtown art scene and the boroughs.
In the early 90s (pre-Lola) it wasn’t a rare thing to see Madonna clubbing with her gaggle of friends around St. Marks Place, Limelight, et al.
Wise women will always unite and forge together. Taylor is helping to raise up a whole new generation of bright, articular, women. Inspiring.
I know this is totally crazy…I love Garance sooo much ??? If there is some cool people here that lives in Montreal (I’m a newbie in the city…) and would love to hang out to try friendship and talk about Garance :) and cool things, i’m up for it… Let’s do it! butterflowergirl@gmail.com :) :)
Oh oui l’amitié c’est tellement important. Et puis perdre une amie mon dieu que ça fait mal, je crois bien plus qu’un mec.
Il est très beau ton article Garance, merci beaucoup !
(et tu avais parlé d’un article sur les serveuses new yorkaise canon de la mort la semaine dernière, ca avait titillé mon attention, il est toujours au programme?)
Bisous !
I was just thinking the same thing about Taylor Swift when I was watching the Bad Blood video. I really admire that. I have a few select friends but they’re good ones and even though I don’t see them all that often I still know that I have them and they have me.
http://hashtagliz.com
Who are we with our our ladies!? My girlfriends are everything to me. Everything… Well said, Garance!
salut j’adore ton blog , il est juste parfait et j’adore cet article et l’amitié et très importante j’aime bien faire des nouveaux amis et de nouvelle connaissance et j’aime avoir des amis avec qui je partage mes secréts et tout
je suis aussi une bloggeuse et j’aimerai bien que tu voit mon blog http://fashionlandfb.blogspot.com/ et merci
Mais grave !!!! Girl power à mort (sans pour autant détester les mecs). J’ai plein de copines, de milieux et d’âges très différents et j’adore toute cette diversité. Dans la musique, c’est beaucoup comme ça (dans tous les milieux artistiques en fait), c’est ça qui fait la richesse des relations.
http://www.mode9.fr
We girls lift each other up, always!!! We just do, it’s part of our DNA!! xo
(=’.’=)
-Lauren
adorn la femme
Loved this article! I agree with you Garance about the importance of female friends. They are the nurture of our deepest emotions and … dilemas! Sometimes it is just a matter of a huge coffee + a long chat with a good friend to clear your mind on things that you cannot solve by yourself…
In times when women tend to stand in opposite streets: working moms vs. stay at home moms, women who have children vs. women who don’t, single vs. married, etc etc… and are in some cases too judgmental about the choices of the ones on the other side of the street… it’s good to be reminded of the empowerment female friends bring to our lives!
The article also reminded me about this slim but powerful book I read a while ago ¨The Millionth Circle: How to Change Ourselves and The World¨ by Jean Shinoda Bolen that talks about the importance of women circles for women; if that doesn´t sound to redundant! =)
Is it strange that I pretty much don’t feel the need for female friends? I love talking to other people (men and women) about work (I love to hear a smart woman’s opinion), and I have nothing against female friends in principle, but I’ve always gravitated towards men for friends. I think this is largely because I know more men who like to do activities and talk about topics over personal drama. I find that talking about unhappiness tends to create more of it, and for whatever cultural reason, a lot more women seem to gravitate to those topics (at least in the U.S., maybe not so much in other countries)
C,est un témoignage très beau
Dear Garance,
I totally agree with the importance of female friendship in both business and outside of business. Frankly, it is easier to make friends in New York City where you now live, than in France. Which French woman do you know–who has an Instagram account like Taylor Swift? Or even someone less famous? Maybe this isn’t the French way.
I have friends in New York who remain totally disinterested and who really want to know me for who I am–I have not found the same in Paris and I have been there for over 21 years. I wanted to live à la française, and thank God, I met my French husband 14 years ago. He is my best friend! I am now beginning to get a few women artist friends who have already succeeded in their métier–that helps to avoid jealous rivalries. But in France, I have learned to keep a low profile.
Oddly enough, while I certainly don’t see you as a friend–I read you regularly, because vous êtes une vraie complice des femmes. J’admire votre sincérité.
Ho, you mean women would be less “jealous” in the US ?
So all these american TV shows and soaps are just all wrong ? Thanks for the laugh ! :D
You were just not lucky in Paris, women are more or less the same everywhere.
Amazing post – friendship is one of the most valuable things we could ask for!
http://fashion-soup.com/
i think TS has come into her own…and most of the girl r very successful…and tall…
Hi Garance I think you are awesome and always wished for you to be my BFF!!!
http://thefervour.com
J’ai tout simplement adoré cet article ! C’est vraiment ça la nouvelle amitié, c’est des femmes talentueuses et brillantes qui se soutiennent mutuellement :)
http://www.pardonmyobsession.com/
Darling Garance. I couldn’t agree more. I’m 65, love Taylor Swift and adore Grace and Frankie and have girlfriends from 20 years to 80. I too have text friends, lunch friends, phone friends, dog-mom friends, work friends, shopping friends, music friends, work-out friends and faraway friends — all enriching the different aspects of my life. The older I get the more I treasure my female friends.
This is one of those rare times when I’d actually count myself in the company of Garance and Taylor Swift (waaooooh!). I just got back from a trip to see a bunch of different friends spread out on the west coast and realized how lucky I was to have each and every one of them in my life. They’re all so special and important to my sense of self, yet no one relationship or girlfriend is similar, from Lindsay who I see maybe once a year—but we somehow always end up on her bed watching hysterical YouTube videos—to Caroline who I could talk to for days on end, to Katy, who knows exactly when I need my space and some time to NOT talk. They’re my soul sisters (and I already have three real sisters). We’ve all had our ups and downs too, but it feels like we’re at this stage in our lives where fighting and all that nasty melodrama just feels immature. We make each other better.
Thank you for this post!
Xx
J’adore! C’est tout à fait ça, on ne partage par forcément la même chose avec les mêmes personnes, mais le but reste le même le bonheur ultime des unes et des autres.
Je m’étais écrit quelques pages dans un carnet sur les miennes justement et moi je les appelle “Mon Gang de Meufs” :)
Bisous
Lida
Avoir un seul VRAI ami c’est déjà beaucoup. Ne pas confondre amitié et relation amicale.
Merci pour ce post!
Moi aussi je déteste le cliché des secrétaires hystériques et rivales… Avec mes amies, on est tellement décomplexées, et on se dit TOUT.
C’est drôle, mais avec ton blog tu joues un peu le rôle d’une amie lointaine, qui nous partage ses bonheurs et ses angoisses, qui nous donne des conseils. Et c’est ce qui rend ce blog si spécial!
Bérénice,
Montréal
I absolutely agree on the importance of finding your female tribe and surrounding yourself with people who inspire you. This is not new and was not invented by Taylor Swift, though her social life looks enviable. I have always had a second “family” of close girlfriends, and I still have all of them, from high school, university, medical school, travels, and even the internet. I have remained friends with many women despite us living in different countries at different times, getting married and having children at different times, going in different career directions. I am lucky to be able to say that my husband is probably my closest friend right now, but there are times when only my bestie of 25 years will do.
I have the same problem. I live in Los Angeles, and to make friends here, to me, is so difficult! A lot of people tell me the same thing… I really miss having TRUE friends/girlfriends around me… how does one find friends as an adult in LA? :)
Thank you Garance!
Your article has reminded of just how important it is to keep in touch with those you love (a.k.a. friends & family). From now on, I’ll remember your words every time I see something that reminds of my friends and will call them. XX