Everyone Wants to Be Young
8 years ago by
Everyone wants to be young
It was Stefano Gabbana of Dolce & Gabbana who said that the other day after their show in Milan.
In the front row, the designers had placed an array of super young influencers ages 15 to 22—that level of young, we’re not even talking about Millennials anymore, but Gen Z, the generation after.
And yeah, we all know the front row is more of a communication space these days, and no longer a workplace (which explains why the journalists have been replaced by celebrities) so I say, okay, nothing to be ashamed of, plus we don’t really care, there are more important things in the world, like the Brangelina divorce, for example.
But the thing that made me jump was when the designer added: “We’re totally inspired by Millennials!!!” because “Everyone wants to be young!!!” It was probably a joke said off-the-cuff at the end of the show*, I mean, honestly I hope so, because no. I don’t agree.
We all know fashion only worries about one thing: not being fashionable anymore.
And it’s true it’s a real balancing act, the whole evolving-while-staying-true-to-yourself-and-also-staying-current. I’ve seen “old” brands before whose shows felt like nothing had changed since 1997. Same journalists, same seating, same clothes. Inspiration gone, same old brand taking the same thing and repeating it in cycles for thirty years. It’s true, that’s a thing.
But there’s a whole world of difference between losing inspiration and letting yourself be terrorized by the cult of youth.
A world with plenty of beautiful and exciting things in it.
And above all: No, no.
We don’t all want to be young.
I’m saying this for myself, but also for the young people, and even the very young people around me all day long, since I’m still young on the inside haha**.
I’m saying this because it’s completely ridiculous to say that kind of thing—it makes everyone anxious when there’s absolutely nothing to be anxious about.
You have to be careful what you say, especially when you’re older, because we don’t have innocence as an excuse anymore.
Because when you’re old, you KNOW. You know perfectly well that it’s super cool to get older.
The other day, I was walking down my street, young forty-year-old that I am (or very, very old thirty-something?) – my dog at my side, a ray of sunshine on my face, and I said to myself well fuck! (sorry my brain says lots of bad words)(it was the only way to express the power of the feeling that came over me) life is amazing. Being forty is amazing.
I texted my sister, with whom I have the privilege of aging in tandem (even though, try as I may, she’ll always be a year and a half younger than me) and who ends up having to listen to all my observations, and she responded right away: FUCK I WAS GOING TO SAY THE SAME THING. (Sorry for the language, but I have a duty to tell you things exactly as they are).
If we decide to make friends with the passing years, let them change us, teach us, and show us real beauty, well, getting older is truly sublime.
Well, as long as you don’t resist the movement of it.
If you resist, give in to fear and hide behind your little finger trying to stay young at all costs, then yes, maybe getting older can turn into something painful, heavy, scary, or even shameful.
And maybe that’s why some people choose to obsess over eternal youth. And end up talking nonsense.
And that’s how right when life becomes AMAZING, when you’ve FINALLY learned the art of living, people want to tell you it’s the beginning of the end.
Especially for us women.
Except now your savior (me) has arrived and I can tell you the truth.
Before, I was too young to know people were talking nonsense.
So me too, I was a little terrorized. But now I’m old. So I have super-powers: I KNOW.
Before, when people told me women lost their beauty after 40 and it was the end for us, but men got more beautiful with age, I used to believe it.
Nonsense.
Nonsense due to the fact that for years, we quite simply never saw women older than 40. Just look at movies, it’s unbelievable – actors in their sixties with 20-year-old women on screen is totally quotidian. Look at these graphs…
It’s crazy!
Actors get older, but their (onscreen) ladies never do – and when you take into account the impact the media has on our lives, how are we supposed to know getting older is good?
We’ve gotten used to beauty meaning a lot of different things for men (we know what it means to be a good looking 20-year-old man and what it means to be a good looking 60-year-old man and what it means to be a good looking 86-year-old man (yep, here’s looking at you, Clint)) and beauty only has one definition for women (a woman is always supposed to look 25-35 years old).
And we’re told that’s what WE want, but I don’t believe it for one second. It’s just that we’ve never seen anything else on screen***.
Fortunately, things are starting to change a little bit. Thank you Julianne Moore, thank you Halle Berry, thank you Julianna Margulies (I saw her the other night at the ballet, and wow, she’s so sexy…).
I even believed it when people told me women after 30 weren’t attractive to men anymore because they were looking for “fresh meat”. Not only is that phrase super gross, it’s also false.
Nonsense.
Hey, quick personal anecdote—proof that this nonsense affects even the most stubborn of us. When I left my relationship at 39, I was so sure no one would want me, especially in New York (it’s so upsetting, I can’t believe I put things like that in my head)(I’m just telling you to show how effective the brainwashing is) I prepared myself to be alone forever. And it didn’t bother me that much, actually, I’ll tell you more about that someday, if you want. BUT SERIOUSLY.
And the truth is, the second I was single, guys started hitting on me. Immediately. In New York. The city of eternally skinny, young models (with new ones arriving every day…) so, that’s proof this is nonsense. And also we project some pretty awful values on men sometimes.
People also want us to believe that if we don’t adhere to the culture of the moment, we’re going to be completely forgotten, lose ourselves and come back dressed in bondage gear like Madonna at the Emmys—but what people don’t understand is that’s the whole point—knowing you have the right to choose is one of the privileges of knowing yourself, and one of the privileges of aging.
We know we totally have the right to not participate.
But not participating doesn’t mean you’re completely out of it. Not wanting to be on Snapchat doesn’t mean you don’t understand Snapchat. It just means you don’t want to Snapchat.
It shows you aren’t afraid to be yourself, and you’re not afraid to let others have their fun and participate, without judging them.
That’s why, to take an example from fashion, I like brands who aren’t afraid. I like Céline by Phoebe Philo, I like Dries Van Noten, creators who place their vision over ages and trends, making creativity and renewal the main subject. Not a race for life. It’s so much more modern.
Finally, and to finish this annoyed post, there’s nothing worse than putting labels on people.
That objectifies and restricts people, especially when they’re young, at a time when they’re supposed to be discovering and building their identities. I grew up in the 90’s and we were told we were the hopeless generation. There was AIDS, the financial crisis, and electronic music, which people said was cold and soulless (also nonsense, it’s fascinating and full of emotion!!!) and I don’t know what else.
And at the same time, they told us to seize the day because very soon we would be old and boring and useless to society. Great, right?
It’s not much better now for Millennials, who, already replaced by their little brothers and sisters of Gen Z, are constantly described as a hoard of uninhibited, solitary narcissists obsessed with their phones.
I remember one time I was put in the front row at a Dolce & Gabbana show with a LAPTOP IN FRONT OF ME (which shows no one had a clue back then how we were doing our work)(seriously, the computers were placed right in front of us bloggers, basically right in the middle of the catwalk) to show how cool and modern Dolce was. I felt slightly used and kind of misunderstood.
So I wonder what the hoard of millennials thought of their recent, highly mediatized, rise to that same front row.
I love Dolce & Gabbana, and I understand their comms strategy perfectly. And I don’t think it’s a bad one. Obviously not, because here I am talking about it.
It’s just that, I’ve always loved their clothes—they’re beautiful, unique, created for a real woman. I like their curiosity. Beyond just headliner novelties, they’re a brand that got interested in digital culture really early on. I love their ad campaigns, which are great, shot in the street with people of all generations, and there’s a real continuity to them from season to season, they tell an actual story, they have a real point of view. It’s an identity that goes beyond trends. An innate sense of style, beauty and diversity.
And here’s my point. Instead of pitting people against one another, maybe it’s time to start mixing them. Layering, like we say in fashion. Stripes with solids, wool with silk, heels with sweatpants (very 2010, I admit).
Mix everyone together, stop creating cliques, come up with surprising collaborations, young people with old people with magazine people with internet people (a differentiation that actually doesn’t even mean anything in and of itself). The girls who change clothes three times a day with the ones who only go out wearing their uniform.
And the former can probably learn a lot from the latter, and vice versa ;)
Stop believing there’s only one way to do things, one way to move forward, one way to see things.
Stop being afraid.
It’s fear that makes people desperate, and it’s desperate people who end up hurting others.
Desperate to be cool, to be seen, to be loved, to get followers, to get likes, to be young.
That’s what drives people away.
Plus, it’s exhausting, it creates a lot of useless anxiety, and it’s really a bad example for those who are still too young to really know. So let me repeat: there’s no reason to freak out. It gets better every day.
—————
* The end of shows, backstage especially—the place where you hear the most nonsense in the smallest square footage possible. If you’re not convinced, just read Loic Prigent’s book.
** And for the girls who feel like they’re old and gray when they’ve just turned 25—the brainwashing gets to you early.
***Don’t even get me started on the gorgeous woman/ugly man couples on screen. Why don’t we ever see the opposite? Argh, it drives me crazy!!! Yeah, I’m feeling annoyed in general today.
Translated by Andrea Perdue
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Garance, je suis d’accord sur tous les points avec toi! j’ai presque 39 ans et putain je me sens carrément mieux aujourd’hui qu’il y a 20 ans! je fais du sport, je fais attention à mon alimentation, je prends du recul j’écoute les autres et mes avis sont moins tranchés, il sont plus à l’écoute des autres. Je me sens sexy et élégante (oui, ça va ensemble ;-)). Tout ça, ce n’était pas le cas avant, alors vive les 40 piges!!!
Je me reconnais tellement, comme toujours :)
“Arrêter d’avoir peur.” c’est vraiment l’objectif parfait à se fixer, on a tendance à tellement se limiter (passer à côté de plein de choses, faire fuir comme tu dis etc.) à cause de ça!
Des bisous Garance!
Mido.
http://www.bowsome.com/
C’est exact qu’à 40 ans on se sent encore très jeune, même jusqu’à 50 pas de problème.
Passé les 55 ans là on change d’avis, même si on ne se sent pas encore vraiment vieille, on sent quand même la vieillesse arrivée tout doucement.
Pour les images dans les médias, ce serait bien, Garance, justement de nous montrer plus souvent des femmes comme Mimi Kirk ou Norma, des femmes qui nous permettent de garder le moral, et de voir qu’on peut prendre de l’âge tout en restant canon.
Dear Garance, your insights on life, change (loved the break post) have been particularly fascinating lately. Please keep them coming!
I hear you Garance and feel your general frustration with all this brainwashing that goes on in society.Im fifty now so imagine what that must feel like!!! Only joking! Actually the word nonsense can also be seen as no sense and I can attest to feeling like that on a regular basis when I look at how the world is generally constructed.I would advice a younger person or anybody for that matter to get to know yourself and your passions really well,trust your own intuition and forge your own path.Resist being too influenced by what other people are doing with their lives or how they look and especially treat the media as the uncaring fool that it generally shows itself to be.Why care about something or somebody who doesn’t care about you?
Post très bien senti.
L’idée de Dolce était bonne le casting manquait un peu de fond. Contrairement aux blogueurs arrivés à l’époque avec du contenu, là, on a QUE de l’image, que des champions du selfies. Et puis, autant le défilé était sublime, autant les looks de cette petite bande étaient “trop”. Je pense notamment à la jeune Tylane Blondeau qui portait une robe et un make up faits pour Monica Bellucci, pas pour une si jeune fille alors quelle fait partie des plus jolies filles du moment et qu’elle aurait vraiment pu briller ce jour là.
Bravo! Thank you.
Seriously, 15-22? You’ve got to be kidding. I feel like at 58 I’ve earned my stripes and right now, life is about as good as it’s ever been. To be happy in my own skin is the best gift ever and the best place to be. Garance, I love your point about mixing people because if you are truly healthy, you are also open-minded and accepting of people’s differences. D&G puts a variety of people in their ads, so why not in their front row? That would really make a statement. Great piece.
I don’t know why D&G would want to appeal to such a young group when it’s the older ones who have the means to buy their clothes. I always thought they managed to create clothes that, while featured on voluptuous young models, would look good on “womanly” figures.
But quite aside from that, the image of someone old is someone who doesn’t change, doesn’t experiment, doesn’t get out, is content in a rut. It’s also someone with aches and pains and inabilities–a crouched posture, a limp. A lot of this is easy to avoid–staying active in mind and body. Which is less about trying to be young than about trying to stay healthy.
The reason why movies and TV shows are so lopsided is because they are mostly written and/or directed by guys who are less than appealing, and who want to see somebody like them win the trophy girl. It’s certainly time for women to stop being considered trophies.
Je ne pourrais pas être plus d’accord. Vieillir c’est cool, je suis tellement plus heureuse aujourd’hui (à 41 ans) qu’il y a 4 / 5 ans ou même 15 ans ! Mes filles ont grandi et sont de plus en plus autonomes (sortir sans prendre de baby-sit, la nouvelle liberté), et je ne me suis jamais faite autant draguer qu’aujourd’hui (oui, aussi par des garçons plus / beaucoup plus jeunes). Je sais comment m’habiller ou me maquiller pour être jolie, je sais ce que je veux et – plus important encore – ce que je ne veux pas.
Un article qui a tourné sur FB ces derniers temps, et qui sort je trouve des clichés “mieux dans son corps donc sexy donc plus excitante” : http://www.more.com/entertainment/andy-rooney-women-over-forty
Such a wonderful post. You bring up so many great points. Totally agree!
A mixture in life is one thing that makes it so wonderful.
There is beauty in every age and it’s so sad that we’re brainwashed into thinking it’s all downhill after a certain age.
I love that more focus is being put on wellness and feeling good. Thank you for all your thoughts on that. It’s what really matters- feeling good in ones skin and staying young at heart brings a real outer beauty. At 54 I feel more comfortable and happy with myself in a way I didn’t before. It’s a privilege to live these years.
So happy that there are more role models of women over 50 who are energetic, active and naturally beautiful.
Would love to hear more about how at 39 you were fine with being by yourself forever. That’s how I feel since separating 4 years ago. It’s actually a relief ! Seriously the majority of men over 50 are not appealing!
So true ….. but still I am struggling with getting older. Becoming 40 was better than expected. But now as my 45th bday is coming closer I see the big 5 is coming closer as well. And I don’t know how to handle that. Anyways: You are absolutely right, I found myself in every word you have written. Thanks for that and f…..: You made my day! Btw: Using bad words or swearing really helps to express ourselves. As long as we don’t exegerate, using certain kind of vocabulary emphasizes our feelings, don’t you agree?
I’m so touched and moved (and relieved!) by your thoughts. Thank you for sharing, Garance, as always.
aaaaaahhh MAIS (PUTAIN) JE SUIS TOTALEMENT D’ACCORD !!
hahahahaha
Avec tout ce que tu as dit. Je partage, je pense pareil, et ce qui m’intéresse et que je surlike (pour faire vrai faux jeune), c’est l’innovation, c’est tout ce qu’on ne sait pas, c’est ceux qui ont cet état d’esprit, l’âge c’est dans la tête et c’est ce qui sort par tes yeux. J’aime les jeunes ou les vieux je m’en fous et je m’en suis toujours foutu, mais j’aime ceux qui innovent, découvrent, créent, qui ont des étoiles dans les yeux, qui laissent les courants médiatiques couler, qui dégagent des choses, et qui avancent. :)
QUI SONT INTERESSANTS QUOI !
(c’est la journée vénère)
(je suis en plein recrutement d’un poste qui m’intéresse trop, avec de l’innovation et des responsabilités, alors faut bien que ça sorte)
xxxx
(Sev, vieille croutonne de 42 ans selon la mode mais pas selon le regard des autres)
I can’t agree with you more. I KNOW too. I’ll be 38 in a couple of weeks and I’m loving my late 30’s and I’m sure 40s are going to be much better because I KNOW. I’m more and more comfortable with my skin even though I’ve put on weight that in my 20’s would have made me go crazy. I have fun with things that I know don’t have to be taken seriously and I get more and more involved with things that matter. It’s like during the last few years I’ve opened my mind and I see things, I know things. I KNOW. Oh, and I’m so looking forward to knowing more and not giving a shit about things. Even more, that is, because the older I am, the less I care and it’s so, so empowering.
Oh, I’ve loved this post, I don’t know about the part about fashion insiders because, well, I’ve never been to a fashion show in my life and I can’t have an opinion about that world from the inside. But on ageing? You are so, so right.
xx,
E.
http://www.theslowpace.com
Thanks for writing this piece! I read the article where the “everybody want to be young” was quoted and, as a “young 40” myself, I had exactly the same thought as you: no, not everybody, at least, not me!
AGE is a state of MIND : I’m 73, and still feel young inside, that does not ever change…….I find I live in the “present” almost all the time, and give very little thought tomorrow and I have released myself from the past in all areas……..what I’ve learned and experienced has made me who I am……strong, fierce and a lover of life just like it is……..I love, love fashion still, modeled when I was younger and I’m considering doing it again, we need balance in all areas of this world we have created and fashion is especially one area, that needs variety of ages from the young to the grandmothers………letting go of preconceived notions of what “ageing” should be like and every moment being happy to be alive….think that means growing old gracefully to me……..enjoy everyday, life is short and very fragile, due what makes YOU happy now……
Delores, So happy that someone in my age range commented.
I am 60 and feel like I’m at the beginning of a new cycle of life,
with a new lifestyle, new work style, and new “looks” style.
Maybe even a new love cycle, but being 60 has challenges in that aspect,
it seems. I’m so glad I have experienced a full, and luckily, healthy life so far.
I also love fashion and love to see a wide range of ages portrayed as “tres chic,”
because, we are ;-))))))))
Melissa
so TRUE!
Love this and so well said! Thank you!
Agree 100%, Garance!!! It gets better everyday! Thank you for this!
” *** Ne me lancez même pas sur les couples meuf sublime mec moche à l’écran. Pourquoi on ne voit jamais le contraire, hein ? Argh ça m’énerve !!!”…
Mon dieu, mais je pensais être la seule à être énervée par ça! Ca me rend dingue, le mec moche qui se tape la nana sublime hyper gaulée et tout le monde trouve ça normal! Ben oui, parce que nous les femmes, on s’en fout du physique (= étiquette naze).
J’ai souvent l’impression que ma vie n’est pas représentée au cinéma, dans les magazines (parfois, dans les livres, oui, heureusement). Et qu’on m’accole des clichés qui ne me correspondent pas.
Bref, merci. Ca fait du bien de ne pas se sentir complètement seule.
MERCI GARANCE!!!! Courage, authenticite, honnetete, c’est ca qui est rafraichissant!
On s’en fiche du jeune / pas jeune, on veut surtout du pas fake et de l’inspirant. Tellement excitée du nouveau chemin que prend le site, tu vas vraiment dans le sens de tes lecteurs, et du ras le bol general de cette societe du paraitre et non de l’etre. Merci merci d’etre la voix de tout ca :))
Así es. ¡Gracias por contarlo tan bien! Qué buenas tus frescas reflexiones sobre la edad para TODAS, desde las que pasamos de los cuarenta, “terminando” por las que empiezan a darte cuenta que ya no son niñas. Yo no he querido ser siempre joven, al revés a mí me da miedo perderme alguna de mis diferentes edades (siempre he parecido muchísimo más joven). Ahora con 43 años, por ejemplo, disfruto de mi pelo plateado.
My favourite text so far. I cannot agree more. Thank you.
Merci Garance !!!!!
Brava! Garance, you should turn this post into an editorial for the NY Times. Cliques indeed, us vs. them, older women missing from media, no desire to learn from elders/history – just reinventing the same old wheel from the ground up instead of building on shared knowledge. Youth walking in lockstep to the drum of what is dictated to them as cool (usually by massive corporations, ironically enough) as opposed to giving themselves the breathing room to explore. I live in the East Village, surrounded by it; oh for the counter culture of even just a few years ago.
I applaud your growing wisdom;) Vive la revolution.
Tout à fait juste et clairvoyant, ce culte du jeunisme gâche la vie de beaucoup de femmes ,parfois elles en deviennent ridicules.
Accepter son âge est en quelque sorte un acte philosophique …
Soyons cools avec nous !
Une “vieille ” de 61 ans
I think “Ari Set Cohen from Advanced Style.”…I love that man because he knows the advantage of womens ageing. And
your thoughts….peerless.
Garance, thank you. I’m 34, and you couldn’t pay me to be younger. I continue to learn so much and get (slightly) less anxious as I age. I’m a therapist, and I worry about too much power given to youth. Young people are a necessary voice in our culture, absolutely, but to act as though they are the Ultimate voice in our culture worries me. I shudder all the time when I think of the opinions and actions of my 15 – 22 year old self. I’m grateful for your 40 year old voice, beauty, and self.
I love you! Thank you for posting this. I had to watch this video again after reading your piece. It’s so so good! xo
https://youtu.be/XPpsI8mWKmg
Et oui c’est énervant, toutes ces idées surfaites qui parasitent nos esprits et notre créativité.
À 46 ans j’ai aussi eu le temps d’en apprendre et de me rendre compte que la vie est passionnante quel que soit son âge !
Tant que nous sommes en vie, il y a de l’espoir !
Christine
What an inspiring message!! You have made my day and it’s only just begun. I couldn’t agree more with everything you have said. And being a Mother to three, ranging in age from 4 – 14 years old, I grapple with the task of trying to be a good role model while attempting to understand their perspective. The world is changing so fast and the childhood experience I had compared to the young people of today is worlds apart. There is such a constant digital frenzy surrounding us, what I want more than anything for myself and for them is to feel accepted and confident in who we are. To connect deeply in a present and focused way. To nurture curiousity and respect for all perspectives. I am totally in love with your idea of mixing everyone up and collaborating!! Yes!
“Not a race for life”! I love this. I will make it my moto.
I so appreciate this. I understand the “fashion” view of it–though not the commercial side as one of your commenters wrote. Teenagers hardly have the means to buy high fashion. But there’s also the depressing aspect of seeing teenagers on the covers (and within the pages ) of magazines posing as more mature women but with teenager bodies. When Mirabella was out and More just started it was a real pleasure to see magazines devoted to women over 30 or 40 or whatever….that market does exist. I turned 50 this summer and finally have disposable income. I also have wisdom and confidence and experience and don’t long for days of being younger. Just as I want to see black and Latino and Asian models in magazines and fashion sites, I want to see models that represent lived experience….I don’t aspire to being a teenager again, and I don’t want to look like one. x
Thank you, Garance. I don’t always agree with you, but I do this time. The you-wanna-look-young-forever industry is a multi-million dollar one. We are brainwashed everyday and the fashion industry has a big role in this scheme. Unfortunately, nobody is safe, even smart and intelligent women sometimes fall in the trap. I happen to have a couple of friends who started having esthetic surgery in their 30’s for no reason at all and now they look older and…way less pretty than they used to. My dermatologist says she has more and more patients affected by body dysmorphic disorder. Sad. Thank you again for being brave.
Thank you so much for this. Ugh, my goodness, I just love it when people can keep it real. Thank you.
And here I think that style is a privilege of age.
Merci Garance Doré pour le plaisir de lire ces posts intelligents et bien écrits, depuis des années :) et oui, je viens d’avoir 36 ans, et que c’est bon !
Merci Garance, tu es LA preuve de ton argument ! Tu as toujours été une inspiration pour moi, juste parce que tu n’as pas 20 ans (rien contre les vingtenaires) et tu nous racontes de tes expériences. Merci merci merci pour ce post !
Thank you Garance. I am heading towards 50 this year and I needed that.
I feel young on the inside.
I feel great physically, mentally and spiritually I feel stronger than ever .and when people are telling me that “you don’t look 49” I tell them,
“Yes, I do. This is what 49 looks like. I’m proud of my age and proud of my wrinkles and greying hair. This is the reality and the reality is great.”
I am grateful to be here at this age and I love the inspiration you give us here.
Thank you.
This is why I have been reading your blog since 2008. Remarkable, honest insight that makes me feel seen. Favorite post ever. Wish I had read this when I turned 25 and thought it was all over. Now I am 31 and going places I had never imagined at that age.
Yes!!! Thank you for this!
Les filles de 40 ans veulent toutes se rassurer en disant ” C est trop génial de vieillir…” pffff mais bien sûr!!!! C est la dernière ligne droite et ça fait grave flipper. Normal.
Si on te proposait un élixir de jeunesse évidemment Garance tu dirais “non merci je préfère vieillir c est cool “. J y crois pas une seconde.
La jeunesse c est génial mais c est éphémère pour tout le monde.voilà.
This type of posts are the ones why I started to read the blog on the first place. It is great that the base and bottom of it is the same even after ten years. And it gets better every day!
Yesyesyes, you’re so right Garance! It’s easy to forget sometimes, but we must not fear aging because it’s a privelege denied to many.
xx
http://www.annelieshellem.com
Rester jeune a tout prix, mais a quel prix justement ! Cette quete incessante de la jeunesse est epuisante, au lieu d’etre bien dans son corps et dans sa tete a l’age ou l’on est, car le temps passe tres, tres vite……
“Meuf sublime, mec moche a l’ecran”, combien de fois vu et revu ! :-)))
Merciiiii !! Putain mais MERCI !! Merci merci merci merci. C’est de loin les phrases les plus intelligentes que j’ai entendues depuis des années. Merci merci merci merci. Encore merciii putain mais merciiii !
So perfectly put, in only a way you can say it, Garance. With grace, laughter and the truth. Cheers!
From a decently aged 54 turning 55 next week, Amen. Love to see captured photos of generational mixes socializing!
xo, Kin, SF
” La quarantaine ? C’est l’adolescence avec une carte bleue ” ! Florence Foresti.
excellent, bravo!
I could not agree more! I think looking at young people can give you a fresh, new, perspective but there’s so much wisdom and elegance from aging well and living life; we shouldn’t try to live eternally young. Fashion get better the older you get, in my opinion. At least, your own person style does :)
Everything you are writing lately is resonating with me on a very deep level. But this one really hit home, especially since it’s the eve of my 30th bday.
I remember when I was 25, I already felt “old” and washed up because a guy friend (who was 29) said he wanted a girlfriend who was 22. I never forgot that feeling– that somehow I had become old in men’s eyes before even feeling mature myself. Our culture’s brainwashing of what it means to be attractive is absolutely absurd (and troubling), but you’re totally right- perpetuated by dumb, mindless media and thoughtless comments such as the one you referenced.
Aging is one of the most wonderful processes– gaining wisdom and awareness and acceptance of your true strengths and weakness feels so good. I wish people/culture appreciated it more.
I just love you. Yes, yes and yes. And thank you xx
This was so beautifully written Garance from the end to the beginning. I am 26 turning 27 next month in October and I have several friends/ a sister who have the “Peter Pan Syndrome” (afraid of aging.Some even at 22.) And, for myself as you so wonderfully put it, one does not age at 25 and that I LOVE LOVE LOVE getting older because each year I fall more in LOVE with my body (as it is) and become stronger. I would never want to repeat my early twenties where so many people had opinions on my life how I should live. At 26 (almost 27!!!) :D I am strong on my own two feet, perfectly imperfect. I live in Paris, France and my favorite thing is while walking on the street I’ll spot a woman’s outfit from behind making mental notes… at how beautiful her cashmere sweater subtly drapes her body… her scarf… her nonchalant jeans and relaxed suede boots… then she’ll turn around and you’ll see a BEAUTIFUL 65 year old woman with twinkle in her eye and gorgeous smile wrinkles hop on to her bike. (and in my head I think, that woman I want to become… the one that loves life at every age.) Lots of love, Jo
Bon alors désolé, mais à chaque fois que j’entends parler d’eux, je suis toujours un peu énervée. Stefano Gabbana et Domenico Dolce ont beau être d’excellents créateurs, ils n’ont pas inventé l’eau chaude. Ils font toujours des commentaires qui laissent à désirer (je pense à ce qu’ils ont dit sur les enfants nés in vitro ou encore celui sur le burn-out des créateurs mode). Ce dernier sur la jeunesse me fait un peu rire quand leurs collections sont généalement tournées vers ce glamour italien des 50’s dont la parfaite incarnation aujourd’hui est Monica Bellucci qui si je ne m’abuse a 52 ans. Ce n’est pas aussi très raccord avec leurs campagnes publicitaires m’enfin…ils sont pleins de contradictions…comme l’Italie (où j’ai vécu assez longtemps pour voir que c’est vraiment le pays des paradoxes, que j’adore du fond du coeur quand même hein).
C’est vrai que cette idée de la jeunesse est agaçante à la longue. Surtout parce qu’elle est imposée aux femmes. Il n’y a pas que dans le cinéma que cette image est véhiculée. Dans la mode aussi je m’émerveille de voir certains mannequins hommes débuter leur carrière tranquillement à 50 ans alors que du côté des femmes c’est la date de péremption dès 25 ans passées.
Je pense qu’on devrait juste célébrer toutes les périodes de la vie, ce qui paradoxalement est le cas des campagnes publicitaires de Dolce & Gabbana. Je crois que ça serait intéressant de voir les castings des défilés changer en incluant plus de mannequins d’âges différents ou même d’avoir des couvertures de magazines et des éditoriaux avec des mannequins de tous âges. Une belle couverture avec Carmen dell’Orefice ou un bel éditorial avec Pat Cleveland c’est super, mais quand c’est fait c’est toujours dans l’idée d’une rétrospective, d’un come-back, ou alors avec des titres comme ” La mode n’a pas d’âge ” pour bien souligner que que la mode a un âge (je pense à un article de Gala (oui bon je sais la référence pas top!) à propos de la campagne automne-hiver 2012 de Lanvin avec Jacqueline Murdoch).
Sur ce je termine en te disant Garance que ton billet d’humeur était excellent !
Emmanuelle,
http://www.thecuriousportafoglio.net
Well said!Thank you!
Merci, merci, merci…!
Merci pour ce post Garance.
Discutons ensemble: partageons nos découvertes, travaillons, soyons tolérants avec nos différences.. quel que soit notre âge
Laissons entre eux ceux qui veulent s’enfermer dans certaines fausses complicités …
Une quinqua qui aime toujours autant la vie et les rencontres si pleines d’humanité
“Everyone wants to be young”…..
I don’t.
Great voice of reason. Thank you. what does it mean to be a certain age? what is young? what is old? I believe it’s more about how one feels. I work with youth who may never live to be 40, some days they feel terrible in their youthful bodies. I am so bloody grateful that I have lived this life and have had the amazing and sometimes difficult experiences that make me who I am.
look very gorgeous the graphs
fashion blogger Pamela Soluri
kisses
oh god Garance you do keep pulling out the stops. Brilliant post, says everything I feel inside me (and mostly say these days as over the bs ). And I’m 58 :)
… and it’s ok!
This is the best. Thank you! And, I totally agree!
Dans le même registre : http://cutbyfred.com/2016/09/la-beaute-apres-50-ans/
Merci à tous les deux : )
Thank you, Garance, for using your platform and your voice to communicate this. Aging is the most natural of processes, and we should celebrate allllll the age ranges. It is refreshing to hear this real talk that does not devalue women in a sphere within the fashion world. I hope the industry takes note.
Je viens d’avoir 58 ans et en fait je ne me sens ni jeune ni vieille, je me sens à la bonne place, centrée. Parfois un jeune me laisse sa place dans le bus ou mon corps se fatigue plus vite qu’avant. Mais ça ne m’empêche pas d’acheter régulièrement un mascara bleu pétant, parce que j’adore me voir avec cette couleur, même si elle n’est pas supposée convenir à une dame respectable.
Je suis en train de terminer une formation postgrade, nous étions une vingtaine, entre 25 et 60 ans, tou-te-s passionné-e-s par le thème de la formation. Du coup, les différences d’âge ont été un avantage, elles ont enrichi les discussions. C’était aussi fascinant de constater combien les participants se mélangeaient, sans tenir compte de l’âge. En plus des cours, nous nous plusieurs fois retrouvés pour un verre ou un repas et je peux vous assurer qu’il n’y a pas d’âge pour bien manger en bonne compagnie et piquer des fous rires homériques.
Du coup, je vais reprendre des études au début de l’an prochain.
Belle soirée
Thank you Garance!
Thank you !
I’m 31 , but I got rid of the concept of “aging” few years back. Now Im simply living my life. I make plans, I have dreams, I love and I am loved. My daughter is 6 weeks old and I keep thinking about all the wonderful things we are going to do together. My friend’s grandma is 97 and she is so witty and fun to be around ! I am inspired by her in every way! You are so right on bringing people from different age groups into conversation!
J ai toujours dit aux gens autour de moi qui idéalisent leurs années d études que pour rien au monde je ne reviendrais en arriere. Aujourd hui je me sens confiante, sexy, et forte. Tout ce que je n étais pas il y a 10 ans, toute pétrie de doutes et d anxiété que j etais. Le chemin reste long et j ai envie de profiter de toutes les etapes. Récemment je suis tombee sur un livre de Junko Shimada, et j espere devenir quelqu un qui respire le bien etre et la joie, avec autant de classe!! D ailleurs, junko shimada ms aussi Meryl streep ou Cate Blanchett sont pour moi des preuves vivantes que les femmes aussi embellissent avec l âge!
I agree on most things you say. Of course our brain does not stop working after 40 (or after 30, sorry, it was funny to read some comments from girls who said getting old feels cool while they just turn THIRTY !), so we can learn things our lifelong.
Of course you know, when you are getting older, what is better for you, you know what you want, you don’t care too much about what other people thinks etc.
But being young or old is not only a matter of beauty, seduction, image.
I am almost 10 years older than you Garance, and I would have liked older women explain me earlier what “the change” really was (and not only the notorious hot flushes), and to be prepared for it, which does not mean being scared or anxious, just “prepared”, to be ready to “fight”.
Getting older IS NOT always easy or super cool, and it does not have anything to do with wrinkles or with the fact that men in the street may not notice you anymore, this really does not matter. But it has to do with other joyful things like fatigue or joint pain for example (yeah, joint pain, just before hitting 50, can you believe it ?).
When you are super active like me, doing a lot of sport, doing all kinds of interesting things, when you have always eaten super healthy, and when the middle age hormonal changes hit you, it may be hard to adjust, because getting old is no longer an “intellectual thing” that you can handle with being positive, but a real physical thing that forces you to slow down, and sometimes you feel it’s unfair and you get angry, and I dare to say, you get scared for a little while.
And at that times, you don’t care at all about how you look, the priority is how you feel physically.
So we should of course promote and claim the advantages of all ages, but let’s not put the bad sides under the carpet, because women who experience them may be a bit ashamed and do not dare to talk about it.
The good thing about this change at middle age is that you have to learn to be kind to yourself, to be even more healthy, another kind of learning.
(the other good thing is that some women escape that and will never understand what I am talking about, thanks to her genes, mostly. And others may benefit from hormonal treatment. I cant’, for family history of women cancer)
Stefano is inspired by people who struggle to pay the rent (or should I say ‘rent generation’) and are forced to live with strangers
Everybody wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die…
The fact that D&G puts pretty young people in the front row to watch their show is like putting the children on the floor in front of Santa Claus with the parents at the back, admiring their offspring. It is too expensive for them to wear D&G but at least we can let the youth admire it with their big innocent eyes. And still the most solid customers are mostly wrapped up in burqas, not to be shown to the world, so they are not really front-row friendly anyway…
beautiful post
Thank you for being the voice who calms and balances in a crazy women world ! Thank you for being you and not afraid to shows us how amazing this is.
Si à 40 ans on est “vieille”, mais alors à 60 on est au bord de la tombe ! Montrer des femmes “vieilles”, ou vieillissantes, c’est montrer le début de la fin, une sorte de pessimisme, ça fait peur. Aucun couturier n’a envie d’impacter son image ainsi. Alors, pour se changer le regard, il suffit de regarder des films ou des séries anglaises. Les actrices ont tous les âges, toutes les morphologies, leur seul point commun : ce sont les meilleures actrices du monde. La plus connue internationalement c’est Helen Mirren, 70 ans. Autre qualité : pas de chirurgie esthétique, les rides sont là, le reste aussi.
Il n’y a pas que New-York dans la vie, ni le microcosme de la couture, heureusement.
Je lis ce post 1 an après, ainsi que les commentaires que je trouve plus ou moins intéressants, mais c’est le vôtre qui m’interpelle le plus. Je ne regarde pas les défilés de mode (je préfère les blogs, comme ça je choisis ce que je veux voir), je ne lis plus les magazines de mode, car effectivement, voir des filles de 15 ans au corps parfait et retouché de surcroît cela ne m’intéresse pas (et je parle sans jalousie, moi aussi à 15 ans j’avais un joli corps sans cellulite et marques du temps, on ne peut pas être et avoir été). La mode est une vitrine où posent des gamines, alors que les clientes ont très souvent la quarantaine passée.
Effectivement, il suffit de regarder des séries anglo-saxones pour y voir des femmes de tous âges et toutes morphologies. La dernière en date: Big Little Lies. Bon, Nicole Kidman a un peu trop forcé sur la chirurgie esthétique, mais je me suis retrouvée dans ces femmes aux vies très imparfaites, même si elles ont quand même un très beau physique, mais entre 25 et 50 ans.
What an inspiring, necessary essay, thank you! it truly bothers me how today every movie part goes to an extremely young actress, 25 at most, even if the part asks for an “older” (35 maybe) woman… Have you ever watched the Doris day movies with rock Hudson? It’s fascinating how she was “allowed” to play romantic parts way past 30. Katherine Hepburn, too. I wish age became a trend again, like it supposedly was around the 1920s. It’s the strangest thing how we ignore and fight the things we really can’t change, every one of us will get old and will die someday. Hopefully later than sooner.
Thank you Garance! Despite reading your blog for a few years, this is the first time I do leave a comment. I do not always agree with you, but is great to hear your thoughtful, insightful and sincere voice on these really important issues.
Keep it coming!
…great post. I think D&G are simply doing business with statements like that. There is contradiction though — the “young” most probably are not their client. What more — Wikipedia defines millenials as being born as early as late 70ies: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Millennials
Bisous.
Thank you!!!!!!!
Merci Garance pour ces mots supers et ce ressenti si bien formulé. J’ai 31 ans, et malheureusement, j’ai vécu il y a peu ce qu’on peut appeler une énorme crise de la trentaine. Paraît sur c’est normal. J’angoissais à fond de voir autour de moi des plus jeunes qui ont l’air d’avoir tout ce qu’ils désirent, alors que j’ai la nette impression de faire du sur-place. Ce n’est qu’une illusion bien sûr. Arrêtons d’avoir peur, c’est un bon leitmotiv.
Le “jeunisme” à tout prix est réellement un piège, surtout pour les femmes. Ma mère me le dit souvent : elle voudrait parfois retrouver son corps de 30 ans, pour certaines choses (avoir un cou de poulet, ça fait partie du vieillissement, elle horreur de ça) mais elle se sent bien psychologiquement à plus de 60 ans.
Belle journée,
Alexandrine
PUTAIN MERCI GARANCE ;) !!!! Tout a fait d’accord !
Je fete mes 33 ans aujourd’hui et ne donnerai rien pour revenir à la vingtaine, chaque année est meilleure, pas exempts d’épreuves , de choix à faire, de changements, de transitions, d’évolutions profondes etc… mais on se libère quand même au fur et à mesure de tout un tat de chose qui font que, OUI, vieillir c’est cool !
Merci à toi de porter ce genre de message ;)
Moi je vais sur mes 31 ans, et plus ça va et mieux je me sens. L’autre jour je me regardais dans le miroir après la douche et je me suis dis “mince, ce corps il t’accompagne depuis le début”
Alors moi, en parlant des défilés, je suis trèèèès déçue. Non mais pourquoi les mannequins font la gueule à ce point? pourquoi on dirait des petites filles qui on été privées de dessert? Certaines ne savent casiment pas marcher avec élégance!
Et pourquoi lors de cette dernière fashion week, les grands noms n’ont même pas essayé de faire défiler des rondes et des femmes agés, avec leur élégance et leur magnifiques cheveux argentés?
I´m 40, I don´t feel old but super relaxed. Thank you for this very smart and clever post!!! I love it.
Greetz, Steffi / redseconals.com
“Soyez le changement que vous voulez voir dans le monde” (Gandhi). Assumons notre âge, montrons-nous sûres de notre charme, à l’aise avec nos rides et mettons en pratique les bienfaits de notre connaissance de nous-mêmes. Une attitude est encore plus efficace que des mots. C’est génial Garance d’oser ce post à l’heure de la jeunitude!
Bisous chaleureux
Super poste, il est vraiment éclatant de vérité, c’est insupportable d’avoir un étiquette collée sur le fron (je sais de quoi je parle ;) ) et de se sentir incapable de faire certaines choses . Un grand merci!?
Not everyone has the privilege to grow old.
Garance, you would be more credible if you portrayed a more diverse choice of women on your site.
At 62 I don’t long to be young, if not for a slightly more toned body. No amount yoga and gym can stop time from showing.
BRAVO GARANCE …! Et Merci pour ce post qui fait du bien
Je t’embrasse
S’il n’y avait que les jeunes de 20 ans pour acheter ses fringues, il serait où,monsieur Dolce et Gabbana?
Thank you Garance! When I read the title I also thought “no I don’t!” I mean I think a lot of us want to feel “young” in the way we are excited by life and that our bodies are fit and healthy. But in terms of getting the hang of living life and knowing ourselves getting older seems so much better. Plus it seems crazy to fight against the passing of time which is just a universal fact that we must all be part of!
I love your idea about how great it would be if the fashion shows mixed people rather than creating cliques and categories. It would be so much more interesting with these surprising combinations and the interactions and ideas that would come out of it.
It’s funny that Dolce & Gabbana would say such a thing when their brand is one that I wouldn’t consider to be for a super young age group. It seems more womanly.
xx
Bravo!!
Un seul exemple de film avec un mec beau et une fille moche (et qui paraît plus vieille) : La cité de la joie avec Patrick Swayze et Pauline Collins (ça m’avait outré à l’époque d’ailleurs, comme quoi…)
well said. I definitely don’t want to be young, but the fear of aging and becoming worthless is so pervasive and real. thanks for pointing out some sanity and common sense that creativity, community, self acceptance and self discovery are truly timeless.
I am only 20, so I don’t know anything else than being young. That being said, I look up to older woman! You have money, experience, went through breakups and wonderful things… Through all those experiences comes wisdom and you are so much closer than we are to knowing and accepting yourself.
And when I look at pictures of women like Audrey Hepburn and Lauren Hutton, I see their wrinkles are in the form of their eternal smiles. How can that be scary ?
In Italian we would say “Parole sante!”
I’m 37 and do feel the same as you. As time goes, my self-confidence grows. I know what I like, I’ve learned to say “no”, I’ve become more and more creative. And frankly speaking men are looking at me now more often than they did in my twenties.
Thanks for this great post.
M
On attend donc de découvrir dans ses pages des modèles de tous âges, couleurs, poils, etc. ;.)
Sinon, bien d’accord à 41 ans, oui la vie est de plus en plus chouette. En revanche, elle passe de plus en plus vite, c’est mathématique — ou presque http://www.slate.fr/story/122381/pourquoi-temps-filer-age
Le seul pouvoir que la jeune génération a de plus que nous, ce n’est pas la jeunesse (c’est clair qu’on se sent mieux à 40 qu”à 20 – moi en tout cas), c’est l’insouciance. Pour la 1er fois, cette génération sait qu’elle vivra moins confortablement que la précédente. De ce fait ils ont entre leurs mains les clés du futur. C’est eux qui vont réinventer le monde. Un monde qui sera non pas baser sur le croissance mais sur la décroissance. Ça, ça pousse forcément à la créativité. Ils n’ont pas peur puisqu’ils n’ont rien à perdre. C’est en cela, je crois, que la jeunesse est enviable, pour son énergie créatrice (je pense que c’était la substance du message de Stefano, non ?).
Beautiful post Garance, so clever and full of passion. I am 55 and a passionate reader of your website though I discovered it just one year ago (sorry, I’m not in the fashion world and I couldn’t imagine that a style blog could have contents of such a quality: congratulation!) I am older than you, but I recognize myself in every single word of your post. Life is beautiful at every age. Mine has been fantastic in the decade between my forty and my fifty years. I’ve never felt before so deep into life, so powerful, so happy to be alive, to be able to see the presence of Beauty and Meaningness in everyday life. I understand that kind of ‘fuck you’ feeling so well! Now that I am 55, I cannot say things are going better every day but things are still going well: in different ways, with different shades, Meeting different people, listening other new words. As for D&G and the Z Gen, we have been used to Dolce & Gabbana communication. Lately it’s very superficial and contradictory. Definitely I like their fashion not their style. But.. who bother about D&G opinions? they are so ephemeral! Thank you again for being so keen and so sincere.
Dans le mile!!! Je viens d’avoir 39 ans, j’ai eu peur sans trop savoir pourquoi ou plutôt si comme si je devais renoncer à certaines choses parce qu’il le faut alors que je suis la première à trouver très voire très très belles des femmes bien plus âgées que moi.
Bon après ton post je comprends encore plus de choses. Vraiment. Une sorte de travail de sape au long cours avec discours ou pire des images pernicieuses ancrées dans notre rétine de “femme vieillissante”.
Alors que si je réfléchis, ça va bien en fait malgré ou plutôt grâce à mes 39 ans. JE SAIS enfin m’habiller, me maquiller et je peux me faire plaisir parce qu’on reste quand même un peu des enfants mais avec une carte bleue et le droit voire le devoir de penser ou dire des gros mots.
Elle est pas belle la vie?
ça fait du bien un petit coup de gueule de temps en temps hein!
I teach high school history, and I tell my students to be wary words like “everyone” or “always” or “all,” because they are are red flags that they are about to say something wrong.
Il me semble qu’il est temps d’aborder ce sujet. C’est à nous les femmes de le faire. Nous, sans meme nous en rendre compte, allons dans le sens de ce jeunisme. Cela me fait penser à l’exition, c’est les petite filles qui sont exisée et par qui ? Par leurs propre mères et grands mères! C’est à nous les femmes d’arrêter ce cercle infernal! Comment s’y prendre apres tant de décennies de muselage ? J’ai 61 ans, je me trouve souvent belle et mon corps me renvoit une harmonie une sensualité que je ne pouvais imaginer à 20 ou 30 ou meme 40 ans. La chair fraîche ? Beurk ! Vous ne pensez pas que c’est plus facile avec qlqun de jeune? C’est plus fragile, forcément plus maniable et ça laisse croire à ces chers macho au fond qu’ils contrôlent ! Honnêtement, vous ne pensez pas que les femmes sont de plus en plus libre, puissantes, donnent la vie et cela peut renvoyer à une angoisse archaïque ! La meilleure façon d’imaginer que tout va bien est de museler davantage. J’ai de l’espoir, si toutes, nous en disions qlque chose? Chiche? Merci pour le courage que vous avez eu de nous faire partager ce coup d’énervement salvateur!
Garance, tu es notre soeur à nous toutes. La bonne nouvelle (l’une d’entre elles) est que jamais tu ne seras seule. Et que tu pourras venir se pencher sur notre épaule advitam-eternam, tout comme nous on vient se pencher sur le tien, allelluîa. J’espère que nous allons continuer encore longtemps à nous raconter nos vies .
Est-ce que tu veux bien nous parler un peu plus de ce coté bordélique que tu mentionnes souvent ? Où, quand, comment il se manifeste, évolue, etc ..?
Bisous))
OH HOW MUCH I NEEDED TO READ THIS POST!!! I’m turning 30 in January and these past several months, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about how now that I’m 30, I’m old and I see girls who are 22 or even 25 – and I can’t say that I would like to be that young. Of course I’d love to have the skin and the body I had then, but there’s so much charm in getting older and being comfortable in your own skin. The sad part is, I grew up in Eastern Europe and there, the society is convinced that a 30 year old woman is “old”. Old as in almost too old to have a first child, too old to be sexy and attractive and to allow herself to be silly. I’ve been living in the US for almost 10 years and living in these two completely different worlds (cultures), it’s a struggle to know how to feel about growing older. I feel sad that we as women are brainwashed to believe that youth is the most attractive feature of a woman.
Lena
http://zoyaandme.com/
“You have to be careful what you say, especially when you’re older, because we don’t have innocence as an excuse anymore.” – lesson noted!
Bonjour,
Je n’ai jamais commenté un post sur un blog. Je n’en ai pas l’habitude. Par contre je vous lis très souvent. Et là j’ai envie de vous croire mais moi je viens d’avoir 31 ans, je me suis fait quittée d’abord par quelqu’un trop mal dans sa tête pour continuer puis par quelqu’un de trop effrayé et j’ai vraiment l’impression que c’est terminé pour moi. Que je suis trop vieille ou que je fais quelque chose de trop faux. Que je dois maintenant accepter d’être seule parce qu’à mon âge il ne me reste plus que ça. J’ai la sensation que c’est fini. Alors est-ce que c’est des idées que la société me met en tête ? On m’a tellement répété qu’à 30 ans c’est compliqué de rencontrer quelqu’un…je ne sais pas. En tous les cas, merci pour ce post, je vais essayer d’y croire un peu.
j’approuve du premier au dernier mot, merci Garance!
Merci Garance! Quand on a 40 ans et plus, on sait que l’on ne doit pas gober n’importe quelle idée ou phrase, qu’elle vienne de qui que se soit. Essayons d’être nous-mêmes, en mieux chaque jour…
Je t’embrasse.
This is awesome. Can’t wait to turn on my 40!
BRAVO !
Dans mes bras.
Dear Garance, first time in my life that I commented anything (online). I wish to thank you for this article – as a women and as a person (on my behalf and on behalf, if I may, of all young, beautiful women / girls who don’t even realize it yet). So beautiful and powerful.
Such a great post (actually is my favorite ever, and that’s why i decided for the first time to write a comment)!!! I’m 42 years old and I admit sometimes i’m feeling a little bit scared for getting older… However i do feel more empowered and confident and stronger than ever!!! and in addition i finally found my style!!! This is why I have been reading your blog for so many years now…. Love and kisses from Cyprus (another small mediterranean island like Corsica!!!)
I already adored you and your blog, but this post sent me over the top! Bravo to you for using that beautiful voice of yours to sing out loud! That kind of thinking–everybody wants to be young–not only does a disservice to older women, but also to those 15-20 year olds, who will one day be older women too! Thank you for being so remarkable, and a woman with a view to embrace!
I could not agree more!! I am 32 and feel more confident every year; although I am guilty of saying “I am old” it is only in the context that I prefer sleeping at 11 PM rather than being out.
You are such an inspiration.
Merci beaucoup!
As for me, I was anxious about aging a lot more when I was younger – at my 20s. Now I stopped being cared, I just want to be myself, look the best I can and be happy. And thinking of myself as a 30-something seems much cooler than thinking of myself as being 20-something. I feel more settled and creative more than ever.
xoxo
Tremendous.
I’m 39 and wholeheartedly agree,
Bravo!
It’s a sad reflection on his need to feel young… no one else’s.
And good publicity as everyone’s talking about it.
I hope all women…young, middle, older…don’t take any notice of this comment at all.
Live every day to the fullest. And don’t look to fashion designers for advice!!
Beautiful. As I always say, ‘Getting old is a project’. A spiritual and cultural one, not just a financial and physical one.
Amazing, thank you for this! Beauty (and life in general) is about so much more than age and a number. Confident (well dressed) and happy people are beautiful forever to me!
Oh, all those films (and books!) about old men and the pretty sexy young girls (often their students) who don’t stop falling at their feet, absolutely crazy about their mature intellect and even their aged bodies… Of course all written by those very same men. It is a gender by itself. Thanks Garance for writing this fabulous post.
Today I took my girls, (almost) 4 and 8 months old, to meet our new friend, Betty – she’s 98 and lives in a nursing home, we are visiting her to spread joy. It was phenomenal to see her interact with my daughters, she was so interested and friendly and sweet. I think it is innate to go Gaga over youth, there’s so much to admire there…beauty, the intrigue and hope of an unwritten and bright future, innocence and purity… but then I realized, as I saw a 98 year old woman interact with my 4 year old – that as long as you keep your sense of wonderment and HUMOR, you never really age. Xo
At 62, I can assure you it’s all true. Life just keeps on getting better!
Bless your mouth and your hands for writing this post! Thank you for being real, and beautiful, and honest. It is SO restricting for women of all forms and ages, and this whole advertising – fashion – movies movement has gone too far for too long. And no, being 40 is not 20 x 2. It’s 40. And it’s perfectly fine. Cheers to all women who are happy just being who they are.
Love, love, love this. It was exactly what I needed today. I am tired of people pretending there is only way to live, one way to be, just because they are scared to try anything else. And I am tired of the media pretending there is only one ideal way to be beautiful when everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, has different tastes. I went through a big break-up when I was 29 and within months was pursued by guys ranging in age from 23 to 36. Enough with the studies and pseudoscience saying we all peak at 22. It’s nonsense.
Best article I’ve read in a long time; I could have written this myself, insider fashion week insights excluded. I am 48, and 48 is not the new 18, it’s as least as good as 18 and 28 and 38 were, each in their own way. I am absolutely loving life and I can use the energy I used to waste worrying about what others thought in so many more glorious ways now!! (Excuse me, I have just run 15km in the sun and am high on life and endorphins LOL!)
What a post, really loved it. I was wondering where your critical thinking and opinion had gone. but they’re back- it’s not the new you, it’s the old you! You said people leave less comments on blogs nowadays, well it’s not so true when you voice an interesting point of view…thank you!
Oh yeah and you should read Loic Prigent latest book it’s brilliant x
Woman (beautiful woman), you shouldn´t even be writing about this.
There is no need to, really.
Truths are self evident, as is your style and timeless beauty. And thank you for THAT.
What worries me in reality is how the retail industry clothes post-menopausic women in sex-less, refrigerator like, neutralized clothing. Especially in Central America!
“Yes”, to every wise word of your heartfelt, and truly beautiful article.
Two days ago, I returned from visiting my ninety-four year old grandmother. In March this year, my husband and father were twirling her about on the dance floor of my youngest cousin’s wedding (the last of my grandmother’s grandchildren to get married). Dressed exquisitely in a long lace dress, her silver hair softly falling about her completely unlined face (yes! and no cosmetic surgery – just lots of prayer, sleep, and incredible discipline and inner strength – she lost her first husband, my grandfather, six months after my father was born, was an entrepreneurial beautician in Singapore – I Googled her, under “Amy Chan Singapore Beautician”, and “wow!”; watched her thirteen elder siblings and one niece pass away, and two years ago lost her second husband and oldest sister)… and I thought to myself, “I think this will be the last thing holding her back on this earth. She’s still stunning, elegant, charming, gracious, generous, sans hearing/walking/visual aids… how much better can it get? To have not youth, but good health and wisdom accumulated only because she has lived so fully, for many years on this earth”.
Then, four weeks ago, things didn’t seem to get better – things were’t as I had originally imagine for my beautiful grandmother. We heard that she had suddenly collapsed and been hospitatalised – perhaps suffered a severe stroke. And after a lifetime of good health and mobility, she is now unable to talk, walk, move, sit up. She is being fed through a tube (the tragic, new, permanent norm). However, she is fully functioning mentally and emotionally, and is able to opt her eyes only occasionally – which brought forth from us excited cries and encouragement to to keep her eyes open from longer, for her to see us – for us to see her (ohh… I am beginning to cry as I type this).
And I thought to myself… I don’t want to be young again ever… I just want to be healthy… for as long as I can. I am forty eight on New Years’ Day next year – just over half my grandmother’s age now… and the traditional Chinese medicine doctor I saw a week go asked me in her slow incisive, deliberate way, “Why do you always think, “should”? There is no, “should”. Just accept that there is no, “should”. there only “is”. Understand that you cannot understand: and you will have peace”. She continued, “Can you help yourself? That is the real question: can YOU help yourSELF?” And in that second, it all became clear to me: “yes, I can help myself.. just as intent as I am on destroying myself, I can also turn that intensity towards helping myself”. So, no regrets; no imposing on others my views; no taking on of others’ thoughts. Just be as good a person as I can from moment to moment… as kind as possible, as gentle, as generous, as disciplined. Accept,a d be string enough to go with the flow whilst still doing my best. No more of, “I should exercise more/eat less/sleep more”. Just do. And since realising that and releasing my neuroses, the greatest reward has been a sense of fulness and peace- far beyond that of the promise of eternal youth, or physical beauty.
Thanks for lighting up this subject so frankly, suddenly I feel proud of being 40+.
YES!!!! Thank you thank you!
Ouaiis!! Bien dit!!
BEST POST EVER!!
Garance,
I am 56 and NEVER felt so good about myself like right now!
So I promise you, it get’s even better!
Very, very well said!
Lot’s of love,
Patricia
Thank you for this post. No young here, please. I am quite happy in my 40 year old skin!
You’re the best!
Tout est dit. Super super super article !!!
Je vais avoir 31 ans dans quelques semaines, j’ai pris un coup à mes 30 ans, tout à coup je me suis dit et si c’était trop tard ? Et si c’était trop tard pour réaliser certaines choses… ? Parfois ça plane encore au dessus de moi ça et je dois lutter. Preuve oui que le lavage de cerveau a assez bien marché. C’est terrible.
Je rejoins tellement ce post, du ciné et médias avec toutes ces images qui construisent à notre insu une vision du monde, au fait qu’on devrait mélanger, oui, tellement, ce serait… vivant, tout simplement.
Amen Garance! Thank you for these important words!
“And for the girls who feel like they’re old and gray when they’ve just turned 25—the brainwashing gets to you early.”
THANK YOU! <3
?thank you so much!!! I’m so agree with your post. I’m very afraid to be old and I don’t know why. It’s so stupid.
My Mother said to me: you are alive, you are happy so Enjoy!
Don’t even get me started on the invisibility of being 50. To be quite honest I’m highly annoyed with it, and don’t feel that much different than when I was 40. Don’t even get me started on being on dating sites. Most men don’t even bother with setting their range for over 50. We as women have to keep re-writing this script and broadening our outlook and acceptance of ageism.
So insightful: “It’s fear that makes people desperate, and it’s desperate people who end up hurting others.”
Poignant post. Thank you!
First off I would like to say terrific blog!
I had a quick question which I’d like to ask if you don’t mind.
I was curious to find out how you center yourself and clear your thoughts before writing.
I have had difficulty clearing my mind in getting my thoughts out.
I do take pleasure in writing but it just seems like the first 10 to 15 minutes are lost
simply just trying to figure out how to begin. Any ideas or hints?
Cheers!
Hi there, this weekend is good in support
of me, as this occasion i am reading this fantastic informative piece
of writing here at my house.
Thanks I am a mother and very busy! This helped me alot!