DORÉ

Ahhhhh quarantine. A time for me to have a personal spa day everyday as I luxuriate in my silk robe and participate in a 12 step skin care routine so that I shall emerge from this time with the skin of an infant.

KIDDING.

None of that happened.

Not even the silk robe.

It was more like “ahhhh quarantine. I time for me anxiously pick at anything that vaguely resembles a pimple till I’m bleeding while my grays reappear at my temples — actually all over my head if we’re being honest.

My beauty routine definitely did not thrive during quarantine BUT it was experimental. (For better and worse.)

SO! Here I am, reporting live from my bathroom to tell you what products I’ve been using and finishing lately. There will be cheap and expensive things in this list. I try alllll the things and when the cheap ones are best, I will HAPPILY tell you. But when I like the good stuff, I like the good stuff, and I apologize but sometimes mama’s bougie.

Deodorant:

Alright. This is a funny one. I’ve been an advocate of non-aluminum deodorant for years. I’ve tried them all with varying degrees of success. And it seems that every brand wants to repackage and reformulate some birch and sage combo and call it natural deodorant in muted color packaging and I buy every one because I’m a sucker. Then I noticed that a friend of mine who works in construction NEVER SMELLS. He will come off of a CONSTRUCTION JOB and meet up for beers (pre-quarantine) and literally not a whiff. Where as I sit at a desk all day and still end up ripe. I finally asked how he was a unicorn. And guess what — it’s Speed Stick. Yep. Speed Stick. I’ve been using it all quarantine and smell like a man and I’m a-okay with it. You can get two for less than four dollars at Target. Seriously. Speed Stick.

Body Oil:

I’m doing this thing after a shower where I slather on some type of oil (jojoba / grape-seed etc) while I’m still wet and I think I like it. The jury is still out because you feel like a slick little seal which is kind of weird and as soon as a slip in my shower (it makes your shower a greasy death trap) I’m sure I will stop. But for the time being it’s been making my skin pretty damn supple.

I’ve been told it’s very European of me? Eh? Maybe? Not sure.

Body Lotion:

I don’t dry brush. I just don’t have it in me. Even if everyone screams THE RESULTS ARE AMAZING. So instead I use a lotion that also exfoliates. AmLactin is my favorite but anything with “alpha-hydroxy” is awesome.

Also I’d like to note how ridiculous it is that I find shampoo/conditioner combos disgusting but any other beauty combo I’m totally down for, a la lotion that also exfoliates, or tinted moisturized that is also sunscreen. I am a hypocrite. I know.

Face Tools:

I also don’t gua sha. I know. I just don’t have it in me. Even if everyone screams THE RESULTS ARE AMAZING. But, I have been rubbing my face with this tool from Chantecaille and really enjoying it. It kind of gently pinches your skin while it rolls along and feels like a little massage. It makes me relax my face muscles (that are so tight I typically get a headache every afternoon by 4pm) and maybe it’s doing other good things too — it’s can’t hurt at the end of the day. My friends also rave about this guy — if you want a cheaper version.

Retinol:

I really enjoy burning my face off with retinol products.

Calm down. I’m kidding.

But I do use a lot of retinol. Like every night. People can be mad (every facialist yells at me) but that’s my truth and my face loves it.

Right now I love Protocol and Alchimie.

Just please always only at night only and always sunscreen during the day.

Fragrance:

I wear perfume everyday. Even if I don’t leave my apartment and the only person who smells it is me. It almost feels more luxurious when no one smells it but me.

Currently I’m wearing anything by St. Rose. I also love their minimal packaging.

But if you’re in it to splurge, The Harmonist has the most luxe fragrances and I’m ALWAYS burning one of their candles.

strong>Masks:

I don’t do a mask every night BUT once a week I do a Mask Night. Which consists of two to three masks. (I like to do them back to back — I just find I actually see a difference in my skin that way.)

First up ya gotta do one that either exfoliates or detoxifies, like this one.

Then a moisturizing one, like this one.

And if you’re feeling zippy, a brightening one like this one.

And wa-bam. You are zoom ready.

Makeup:

I have been wearing zero makeup BUT I learned I can dye my own eyebrows. Yep. Just buy mustache dye, plop it on, wait 3 minutes. Rinse off. Voila. Dark fun eyebrows.

It will dye the skin too so the first time you will freak out and think you look like Groucho Marx. That will go away in about 24 hours and you will be left with delightful caterpillars on your face.

I used to pay someone thirty bucks to do that. Never again.

Honestly, that’s really been the extent of beauty routine in quarantine and it’s been so nice to do so much less.