DORÉ

This is such an interesting post! For my boyfriend and I, we are quite chilled and don’t mind grooming and self-care in front of one another. However, I can totally appreciate your viewpoint on the matter as some things really are just best kept to ourselves. Despite being close to our significant others, we cannot sacrifice our ‘me time’. For me, going too far is using the bathroom simultaneously–I’m not really cool with that, unless it’s urgent. I need that boundary.

I’m on the anything goes camp. I prefer to be left alone in the toilet, but its not out of bounds if he needs to get in. And this intimacy thing is a bit relative, I’ve been married for so many years that there where situations, like the previous commentator mentioned, where illness will make the concept of intimacy totally irrelevant. Unless you have money to make sure that your “mystique” is always protected, for most of us will become natural and necessary to share.

Je suis tout à fait d’accord avec ça, Carie.

I have a friend who, when she and her husband are going out for dinner, dresses herself up in a separate room in their house. She says it really packs that “wow” factor when he sees her all dolled up – and he doesn’t have to see the make up process + whatever Spanx + plucking + other actions go on to make her look that way. She calls it maintaining the “mystery”. I love it!… but our townhouse isn’t big enough.

After 12 years together, anything goes camp here as well. Life happens, it just isn’t manageable to keep all that mystery around yourself, especcially after a surgery I had, he needed to get more involved in my personal care as I would ever wanted him to. And I love him even more for that.
But, I will always pretend to be disgusted if he dares to fart in my vicinity. ;) ;)

cleaning my ears !
peeing !

I agree–I believe in keeping the magic alive in a relationship, and part of that means maintaining an air of “feminine mystique.” I don’t mind brushing my teeth/doing face masks/etc. in front of my boyfriend, but anything else is private. It truly horrifies me when people will use the restroom with their significant other in the room, or with the door open–are we animals?! I’ve been with my boyfriend six years next month, lived with him for the past five, and have never (and will never) done that. When it comes to hygiene etc., I’m a private person in general (as I think it should be), and particularly with your partner, you want them to view you as alluring. You don’t want them to have a mental image of you peeing or twisting yourself into crazy shapes to do a wax haha. But to each their own!

Je continue à penser à ce sujet : il n’y a pour moi pas de raison qui m’empêcherait de faire ce que j’ai à faire, en bref de vivre ma vie comme je l’entends. Je n’impose rien, je n’exhibe rien. Je fais ma vie c’est tout. Si l’autre n’aime pas ça, il ne regarde pas. S’il s’en fout, il ne regarde pas non plus. Je suis très libérale. J’attends qu’il vive sa vie de la même manière, et c’est le cas. Je n’aime pas les principes, ils coupent mon élan.

Before getting married, I wondered if I could ever be as relaxed with my husband-to-be, as our family members had been with each other. We are Asian, so generally very secretive about maintain a sense of distance with one another’s toilet routines etc.

However, in the case of my parents, it had always been an open-door policy in our home. This is partly, I believe, because my father was an obstetrician and gynaecologist, and he and Mum were never embarrassed about their nudity if they had forgotten to replace their bath towels, or take in their PJs before showering. So, the same kind of relaxed attitude was something my brother and grew to hold – and nurture – with our own families.

Another reason for my being generally cool about shared bathrooms is, the nay trips we made to India with volunteer youth who numbered in the thousands… where we had to share sheds to sleep in, and bathrooms.

My husband is also in the medical field, and kept reassuring me that, “I’ve seen everything, babe – and you are gorgeous!”. However, I was pretty shy initially about sharing the bathroom with him, until two months into our marriage while pregnant, I was so unwell (for a very long time) – and so very grateful to him – for regularly assisting me in the bathroom.

A few months after that, he was also incredibly sick with severe poisoning, so I returned the “mop-his-brow-clean-up-the-vomit” favour he had bestowed earlier upon me.

Being really, really sick with your loved ones really throws out the whole idea of “keeping the mystery alive”. More than anything, being so unwell (and once, for two months about eight years ago – nearly dying) has made me realise that loving someone without secrecy of any kind, is the most liberating, natural, and absolutely alluring of all.

This is a tricky one. Previously I was in the ‘keep some mystery’ camp and now I’ve officially switched over to ‘bare all’. My partner helped me turn the corner and granted there were some not so pretty moments along the way. He is very comfortable with his body and bodily functions : ) Lots of nudity around our house and times when I want to say, ‘could you please wear some underwear while you prepare breakfast’. Our little daughter is the same as far as nudity and her body. I guess that makes me the modest one and I wouldn’t really describe myself as modest. The let it all hang out attitude has been an adjustment for me and I can thank my partner whole heartedly for accepting me in all my glory. As for our daughter, I want to keep the shame out of life as long as I possibly can. I struggle with deciding when to tell her something is no longer appropriate or asking her to put clothes on. I feel like this is something that will continue to come up and teach me lessons. Especially as my parents age, I can only imagine the things I may need to do for them! It’s a practice in acceptance of myself and my loved ones.