8 years ago by
Please don’t think I’m going to keep walking you from one magical moment to another without stopping to talk about real life and the emotional depths love can take us to sometimes.
You have to be a little skeptical of happy endings. They make us forget the thorny paths you have to take to get there.
I’m going to go down that path with you today, but don’t get mad if I’m a little vague about the details. Much more than the first kiss, the moment when you really start to know someone, to reach a level of real intimacy, you sort of become the guardian of that intimacy, and that’s when the real love story begins.
The details aren’t that important because all love stories are the same. Two people meet and if they take the risk of truly opening up to each other, beautiful things can blossom.
—
Chris and I started living together almost right away, without even talking about it. Soon after, and with a sort of chivalrous sense of duty and honesty, Chris opened up to me and gave me all the elements I needed to really understand his story and who he was.
It was really heroic, this need to be real. Especially coming from someone who, unlike you-know-who (a.k.a. me, life-story-teller-in-chief) who doesn’t open up as easily. I took it as a real testimony to his respect and love, but that didn’t stop me from totally freaking out.
I don’t know what got into me. It all probably went too fast. Something about the depth of the feelings I almost immediately felt for him. It was also this damned shell I’d built to protect myself, in New York.
One minute before meeting him, I felt invincible. I wasn’t afraid of anything. To make it out of my previous relationship, I’d had to create a new narrative for myself. One that said I was a free, independent, urban, single-and-happy-about-it girl who didn’t need anyone else. Ready to have a baby by myself if I had to. A real New Yorker. It worked for me perfectly. It’s a beautiful story, after all.
And suddenly, I was this tiny, vulnerable thing, overflowing with feelings, incapable of stepping back to get perspective. My armor was totally crumbling and I was discovering all the feelings of failure and sadness that I’d smothered.
But instead of taking a moment to cry and pull myself together, I projected it all on my new love story.
I started to become anxious, vindictive, too serious, melodramatic, weepy. I’d pretend to be the strong and fun and cool girl one moment, then fall apart a second later over a detail. I was a mess.
As for Chris, he must not have been doing much better. It was the first time he’d opened up to someone in a long time. And he also had 40 years of baggage and carefully chiseled, perfected, tried and true defense mechanisms in place.
He expressed himself the best he could. Like a man. Don’t call. Say weird things. Do weird things. In retrospect, none of it was that big of a deal. But at the time and within the context of my sudden abysmal lack of self confidence, they felt like crimes!
Suddenly, we weren’t understanding each other anymore. Suddenly it wasn’t all romantic violins playing and knowing smiles. Instead, it was messy, complicated, and it almost seemed obvious it was never going to work. I was questioning everything. Every little flaw, every tiny missed moment became a valid reason to end it.
Often, I thought it was over.
It was hard, for me and for everyone else in my life who was there to support me the whole time, poor things.
Of course I knew that no matter what, everything would be okay. That’s the advantage of having experience. You know losing someone is hard, but you survive. You know being alone is actually pretty cool. And you know time heals your wounds.
But I’d also learned that fleeing is not a good solution. In love, you have to see things all the way through. At no time did I feel like we’d reached that limit, the end. So I put away my pride and kept moving forward.
And I think he did the same. Despite all our misunderstandings, there was one thing that never changed. I trusted him deeply. I knew he had a huge heart. And most of all, I sensed that he didn’t want to give up.
Until the end. Until the day when, exhausted, I asked him not to stay at my house, and he…wouldn’t accept it. He stayed. Of course I wanted him to stay, deep down. And that night, he did something rare. He opened up to me, he talked to me.
He explained the effect my crazy behavior was having on him. The doubts he was having because of it. We were in a downward spiral of misunderstanding. The more my fears came out, the more he protected himself, the more I protected myself, the stronger his fears became… he went back through every time I’d ended up in tears and told me how he felt in those moments. He talked to me for hours… And he told me the thing he missed the most, the thing we’d had at the beginning, but had completely lost, was our sense of humor.
Ah.
Nothing could have touched me more. Of course there was the fact that he was opening up to me even though it was difficult for him. He expresses himself through music, not so often through words. But most of all, the fact that he told me I had lost my sense of humor…
!!!
One of the things I cherish most in the world! My sense of humor! My perspective on things! The thing that makes the world look like a sweeter place! The thing that helps me in every part of my life! The reason I’ve been able to write to you on this blog for so many years, making fun of myself, laughing at the strange world I live and work in…
He was right… We’d finally had it, “the talk” the real talk. The one where you face each other and decide to continue, to keep loving, accepting, and laughing at each other’s flaws. To own up to your weaknesses and stop playing the “who cares the less” game and that you want it to work, you want to give your heart, if he’d take good care of it, please?
I decided to learn how to be a better person. Stop taking everything so personally. Deal with my own insecurities instead of projecting them on the other person. And every time I felt impatience, irritation, misunderstanding, or vindictiveness come up in me, to remember to respond with love.
I know how stupid that might sound to some people, and obvious to others. But for me, I assure you, I needed to learn that. That those are the little things that eventually end up creating walls of hate between people. And that it’s in those little things, not in grand gestures or ceremonies, that love is really expressed.
After nearly a year of emotional storms (and amazing moments too, of course, otherwise we never would have made it) and most of all, after a year of getting to know myself better than ever, we finally started sailing on calmer seas. And we started laughing again, and having fun again.
We even told each other that if we’d managed to spend a whole year together in my micro-apartment-dollhouse, we could probably move in together. And, uhhh… well, all the rest.
—
Wait, what?
What do you mean, all the rest?
Translated by Andrea Perdue
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Part 1 was already ‘wow this is so me’, Part 2 was even more ‘ this reminds me of our love story’ but this Part 3 has literally reached to my heart and made me feel so much better. I thought i was the only one – the weird one not understanding why things had been the way they were, and not being able to process feelings… thanks so much for your honestly and for sharing these precious, personal moments.
I completely agree! I’m coming out of a period like this in my own relationship and it comforts me so much to read this story! I recognize so much of my situation in it. Garance, thanks for sharing and helping us all to feel less alone!
Me too! I had the choice to end it all right in my hands but I swallowed my pride and chose the harder path. In the end it was so worth it – my guy also had a big heart and is a good man – totally worth sorting through my demons for. Happily married for 3 years in Feb!
I love this story Garance – feel free to make it as long as possible!
J’attends la partie 4…5,6,7,8,10,11,12 et plus avec impatience!
your last sentence sounds like you could be pregnant G !!!
Anyway, this is so cool to hear you talk about what real life is about : beauty, but also flaws.
Merci de nous le rappeler, c’est tellement important de sortir de notre vision Instagrammée du monde !
xx
I feel the same.
i thought the same! we’ll have to wait and see…
Really felt the same…anyway, lovely story and so true. x
C’est un peu comme si toute l’assemblée savait qu’il y aurait un bébé à la clé ;-)
(vivre ensemble et fonder une famille, quoi…)
C’est tellement plaisant à lire, ce côté girl-next-door, ces tourments que chacun traverse…
On m’a conseillé de bien regarder les défauts de celui avec qui on s’engage à vivre, parce qu’ils ne changeront pas, ceux-là. Et si on est prêt à accepter, bingo!
Love love love reading your engagement story!!
Ma Garance i am so happy that you are in love and happy that so great…different from you i believe that each love story we have is very different and it’s always the interaction between 2 people that will make the difference..each person will take something else from you..that’s why each relation in absolutely unique to this person….
and i also believe that each story is like an island it will flourish and grow to it’s max and than life will move to another direction..it’s a mystery of 2 people and has nothing to do with the surrounding…
enjoy the story enjoy the discovering..and stay true to yourself….
with Love
Yael Guetta
http://www.ftwwl.com
Don’t take it personally ! Ce truc est vraiment une clef, difficile à appliquer parfois ! Il y a aussi “ne pas faire de suppositions”, j’ai oublié les deux autres.
Très beau texte… qui me confirme dans mon envie de donner, moi aussi, mon coeur à quelqu’un :) Je vis des moments similaires, pour d’autres raisons, mais je pense avoir eu pas mal de “THE TALKS” ces derniers temps, qui m’ont fait pas mal réfléchir sur qui j’étais et ce que je voulais, au fond…
“Deux personnes se rencontrent et si elles prennent le risque de s’ouvrir l’une à l’autre, vraiment, alors des choses merveilleuses peuvent éclore”
“En amour, il faut rester jusqu’au bout”
Oh, comme je retrouve ce que j’ai vécu avec mon (désormais) mari. Lui aussi, quelqu’un ne s’ouvrant pas facilement, et pourtant avec moi, si, alors qu’au départ, je ne lui en demandais pas tant ; il l’avait fait spontanément, de lui-même. Et lui aussi, quand je n’étais pas bien, il ne fuyait pas.
C’était juste une évidence, et le reste encore et toujours, 14 ans plus tard…
Les épreuves au cours des années nous blessent, mais nous rapprochent aussi. C’est très fort.
Cherish it.
LA SUITTTTEEEEEE!!! J’ai envie de savoir la suite!
J’adore lire ton histoire…!
Belle journée
Petite and So What?
Merci pour ce joli partage Garance. J’ai lu les 3 chroniques “engagement” d’un coup, j’ai l’impression de l’avoir vécu à vos côtés, magie de l’écriture !
Bon, des tempêtes, soyons-honnêtes, il y en aura d’autres. Mais c’est beau une tempête aussi, non ? Ce qu’il faut c’est être sûre de son port d’attache et là-dessus, vous êtes arrivés à bon port avec votre beau musicien.
Garance, so beautiful and brave, and insightful. It’s most of all fear, that’s responsible for all those bad projections, but you are clever enough to realize that, and to know that one is actually capable of mastering reality. Much love! H.
Bonjour Garance,
J’ai 31 ans et célibataire. Je t’ai découverte en école de mode il y a 8ans et aujourd’hui j’écris mon premier commentaire. Je voulais juste te dire Merci de partager ce moment de ta vie. Je me dis que je dois m’accrocher et que toi comme moi, tu as des peurs mais que même imparfaite on mérite d’être aimées! Merci pour dire que jamais rien n’est perdu, que l’on peut rencontrer un homme dans la vrai vie et que l’on peut ne pas toujours tout faire bien mais ça ira parce qu’au fond c’est l’envie que l’on met qui fera qu’une relation fonctionne.
Encore merci pour ce bout de ciel bleu et ce rayon de soleil dans la vie d’une trentenaire qui ne se pense pas si vieille même si la société voudrait que oui…
Ces mots j’aurais pu les écrire : à 33 ans, je pense tout comme toi ! Bisous et hauts les cœurs, notre “Chris” à nous se fait juste un peu attendre ;)
Moi aussi, 33 ans, toutes mes dents et célibataire parisienne !
Prenons notre temps, vivons toutes les expériences que nous avons à vivre, essayons de suivre nos rêves et nos ambitions, faisons des erreurs, mais surtout il ne sert à rien de se caser pour “être en couple”.
C’est hyper bateau ce que je vais dire mais les belles rencontres se font tout naturellement, donc autant profiter de la vie en attendant :-)
Bisous les filles, haut les cœurs !
Merci merci Garance pour ce post et ton honnêteté, comme d’habitude, qui fait qu’on se sent si proche de toi…
J’ai du rencontrer mon homme à peu près au même moment où tu as rencontré Chris. Tres peu de temps après ma séparation d’avec le père de mon fils. D’un coup, je suis tombé profondément, follement amoureuse…l’impression de revivre!!! Apres un an de lune de miel magnifique, je me retrouve maintenant parfois en proie aux doutes, la peur de le perdre…après tout, si j’ai raté mes premières histoires, pourquoi lui il resterait? Je sais, c’est bête!
Mais lire ton post me fait me dire qu’on rencontre toutes ces doutes, et qu’avec le bon, on arrive à les dépasser!!! Alors continue à donner tes conseils! :)
Mêmes doutes … sûrement plus de questionnements encore lorsqu’on a des enfants “impliqués” … 1 an presque et demi, des enfants de chaque côté, j’ai très envie que tout ce petit monde qui s’entend bien vive sous le même toit mais je suis pétrie de peur et d’angoisses que ça fasse out foirer, l’homme étant un peu un “Chris” jamais réellement casé jusqu’ici et donc très indépendant … A chaque âge ses doutes et ses peurs !
Merci Garance de partager avec nous ces moments.. Les relations c’est compliqué mais ça nous permet de mieux nous connaître nous même et de faire des choses que l’on ne serai jamais senti capable de faire tout seuls.
Tu viens de m’aider à passer un cap????
Pleins de bisous à vous!
Tu es géniale! J’adore ta façon d’écrire! Certaine penseront que tu t’ouvres trop aux autre en parlant de ton histoire.
Mais, je ne pense pas.Tu reste très pudique et garde la distance nécessaire.Tes articles m’aident à avancer dans ma vie personnelle, à comprendre certain de mes échecs.
Merci de prendre le temps de partager des moments si précieux et si compliqués de ta vie.Et dieu sait combien il est difficile de parler de sa propre vie amoureuse.
Merci pour tout!
Garance, your writing is beautiful. Especially on this topic. Thank you for sharing, and for reminding us that we don’t need to strive for a “perfect” relationship, but a real relationship.
Also, I spent part of yesterday afternoon reading your book (I’m reading it slowly!) and it was such a lovely way to spend the day. Thanks for writing it. As an aside, if you ever hold an illustration workshop in NYC, I would definitely attend.
I loved reading this Garance, thank you for sharing.
Mais tu parles de moi là !!! Je me sens moins seule d’un coup … Sauf que le mien ne s’ouvre toujours pas trop à moi à moins que je ne veuille pas le voir. Sauf que le mien est moins résistant sûrement et je crains toujours l’ultime crise ! 1 an et 5 mois et ça tient avec des moments merveilleux et entre 2 beaucoup de doutes, quelques crises, beaucoup de cogitation, beaucoup de paranoia et beaucoup trop de “tu le prends personnellement !”. Je vais essayer de trouver cette sagesse que tu as trouvée. En espérant un happy ending comme le tien !!
I hope all of your younger readers will take this to heart. The path to a long-term, committed relationship is rarely paved with roses. Speaking from experience — I met my husband-lover-friend-father-of-my-children34 years ago when I was just 26. And there have been many moments when I have felt we were each from a different planet. There was one one the summer before last when we were driving across the country, in fact. And yet, what has kept us going is that deep trust and the knowledge that some way or another we will work it out. And, finally, as you describe, being with the one who helps you develop into a kinder, more loving, more thoughtful person is one of life’s greatest joys.
Thank you, Garance, for reminding me of all of that with today’s post.
Le récit de votre histoire est si enrichissant ! Ce que tu évoques dans la partie 3 m’est familié… J’espère que j’aurai la chance moi aussi de rencontrer un homme qui n’aura pas peur de LA CONVERSATION.
Du bonheur et de l’amour ! xxx
Love how real your story is and that you’re sharing the difficult parts as well as the amazing ones. There will always be ups and downs and working through rough times helps us grow and understand. It seems that many people just quit when things get complicated, maybe they’re afraid to open themselves up . So it’s refreshing to read that you both didn’t give up. I also went through similar feelings in my relationship and never would have guessed that you did , so thank you for helping me feel that I am not alone.
And yes a sense of humor and having fun are so important !
Merci d’avoir partagé cet épisode avec nous. Je me retrouve dans la partie de la projection de ses propres angoisses dans la relation, les peurs, etc.
J’espère parvenir comme toi à les dépasser et ne pas faire supporter mes insécurités à cette autre personne qui a décidé d’entrer dans ma vie. C’est un bel espoir et encouragement pour ceux et celles qui cherchent leur voie, et l’amour qui les fera vibrer. Belle continuation et j’attends la suite avec impatience.
Hooked on every single word of your love story. Thank you, Garance, for being so real and so generous.
Garance, merci pour ton honnêteté et tes mots. ton récit capture précisément certaines émotions et frustrations dont j’ai/j’ai eu l’expérience au cours de ma relation amoureuse, et je pensais être toute seule avec ces mélodrames et (j’ai trouvé ton mot très juste) ces revendications que je balance à mon amoureux parfois. c’est difficile de les mettre de côté, souvent j’ai l’impression que c’est de la paresse ou de l’abandon, mais je manque sans doute de la bonté de coeur dont tu sembles faire preuve. hâte de lire ta troisième partie!
Cette authenticité que j’adore en vous…
J’ai l’impression de lire mon histoire…
Prenez soin de vous deux…
Merci pour ces billets. C’est très intéressant d’avoir ta perspective et surtout de voir un peu l;envers du décor aussi :)
Je me suis rendu compte il y quelques jours qu’en se moment on s’engueulait parce que j’étais en train de projeter mon anxiété sur mon avenir pro dans notre relation. Apres 9 ans ensemble, ça arrive encore. Bref, ce qui est bon, c’est une fois qu’on a dépassé les premières crises et qu’on sait qu’elle ne sont que passagères et que ça vaut le coup de s’accrocher.
Hate de lire la suite
Ah dear Garance, thank you for sharing yourself with us. It is true that the path to real love is steep. All the best to you and Chris.
voilà où c’est merveilleux d’avoir 40 ans. et quelle chance que Chris t’ait ouvert son coeur comme ça, quelle maturité amoureuse quand il décide de rester… à l’instar d’autres commentaires, merci pour ce partage <3
Another one where I get emotional! I can relate a little bit to the crumbling based on experience and then losing the light you had when you first met due to those things. It’s good to take some time, talk, and regain perspective. Also, the way Chris wanted to be real right from the get-go reminds me of me when I started dating my boyfriend lmao. It was a very matter-of-fact discussion. “So, how do you handle jealousy. I think it’s good we know these things ahead of time.”
Ou, maybe I should write my own love stories.
http://www.dressupchowdown.com
Ouuuuuh Garance!! Quelle histoire!
C’est drôle parce que – ça peut paraître ridicule attention – mais quand tu as partagé la photo de Chris et toi à Cannes vous étiez tellement rayonnant que c’était évident que vous étiez fait l’un pour l’autre, genre, “c’est le bon” quoi ! Hihi !
Je vous souhaite plein de bonnes choses en tout cas, c’est une grosse année pour votre couple dis donc ! D’ailleurs, je vois que je suis pas la seule à penser que la dernière phrase annonce quelque chose de beaucoup plus grand… genre… une grossesse? haha !
<3
In the fledgling stages of my own love story, which is complicated by the fact we live on opposite coasts, I can relate to your comment about projecting our own fears and insecurities on our partner. We are both story-tellers and the only problem with that is that we have the ability to weave wild tales from the smallest details. I’m trying to deal with that — a missed phone call means he’s busy, not that he no longer cares for me. If he’s sleepy when I call, he’s tired, period, not tired of me. But oh, those unexpected surprises — they make all the worrying so worth while!
Thank you garance, the same thing happened to me – love is hard but worth it – turns out thats not a cliché
J’adore ta capacité de décrire ces moments apparemment “normaux” car ils touchent chacun d’entre nous, mais à la fois si difficiles à interpréter. On a trop souvent la tendance à accuser l’autre, alors que la première chose qu’on devrait faire c’est de s’écouter soi-même et apparemment ça marche :) J’adore l’authenticité de tes histoires et comment t’arrives à t’ouvrir avec nous aussi!!
Je me réjouis déjà de lire la suite!!!
You just broke my heart, taking me down my own memory lane of love and loss and self-discovery… Loving another person intimately is that rare opportunity to see yourself and it totally sucks. It sucks. And all we want to do is forget it and dream that a perfect other will appear and we can live happily ever after; but deep down we know just how untrue that all is. I love your “real” happy ending and really appreciate you sharing it with us. It feels so personal and has so much value… Thank you, XO :D
Thank you so much for this post Garance! It was touching, inspiring, and absolutely authentic. Wishing you and Chris years of laughter together.
C’est vraiment touchant. Et c’est chouette qu’une histoire d’amour ne soit pas que Rose bonbon. Qu’elle soit réelle. Avec ses moments d’ajustements mutuels. Et si ça fonctionne c’est qu’il y a une grande rencontre de deux personnalités qui se comprennent-complètent.
I really love your story. That’s how real life is. Makes you laugh and cry.
I’m very sure that after all this you are much stronger together!
I wish you a lot of happiness!
https://sofaundermapletree.wordpress.com
You opened the door…spill the beans! Are ya? Or do you have us going down this path just to throw us off? I love it when you’re mysterious…Part 4 by Friday? lol
Ce sont ces moments de vérité et de mise à nu qui sont beaux dans une relation. Que même quand ca ne va pas, quand on pense tout arrêter, et bien vouloir continuer à découvrir l’autre, pcq au fond, on l’aime.
Elle est toute jolie votre histoire. Avec ses hauts et ses bas. C’est ca la vie.
Happy for you Garance! Looks like you finally found the one. It’s encouraging hahah xx
http://www.margotnoelsays.com
la suite s’il vous plaît !!!!!!
This has to be one of the more insightful and more helpful relationship pieces I’ve ever read. And I’ve read a ton- from articles to personal stories, to scientific studies. The way you explain “seeing love all the way through” makes so much profound sense. I can really grasp that concept and understand what that means, for you or for other individual relationships. Thank you, so much for sharing.
Comme d’hab, j’adore !! Hâte de lire la suite de tout ça !!!!!!! Et vive l’Amour !!
I have just recently experienced my own version of part 3 and I am still not sure whether I should flee or stay…as there are many more complicated layers involved and great geographical distance but it is so refreshing to read this part!!! Thanks again for being real Garance! That’s what really matters!
thanks for your honesty. I think everyone goes through those kinds of doubts. have you watched the videos of Brene Brown on TED talks? https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability?language=en
but I am happy for you that in your relationship, you were able to overcome those difficulties and move forward. best wishes.
Quelle plaisir de lire autant d’authenticité & si bien écrit!
c’est fou & tellement aidant.
merci
Merci Garance de partager ces moments si intimes!
En te lisant, je me dis que le fait de raconter les étapes de construction de votre histoire te permet sans doute d’appréhender de manière plus sereine cette étape “étrange” qu’est le mariage. Chris te lit très certainement et ça doit avoir le même effet sur lui. Une si belle manière de partager vos voeux avant le D-Day!
enceinte… <3
Oooooh! Le teasing de fin + pas trop de sorties à Miami si je me souviens bien….ça présage un petit baby non?
Dear Garance, now you really reached me with your love story. Because it comes from deep, it is so real. It is inspiring and reading it feels like a very good friend would give me advices on things I have experienced. So much to learn from. I admire your braveness for sharing and truly appreciate it. x
Beautiful, thank you.
Thank You, Garrance, You wrote it on time. My relationship have stuck in some misunderstanding’s time and I need some hope and, well, more love, for me and for him. All the best!
Bonjour Garance,
— The very first time I wrote a comment on your page, after following you for a decade :) —
Just because, the same thing happened to me. That 1 year was rocky, crazy, more importantly made me understand myself & understand him post the faded rose-tint-view (which is a good thing!! It means that it is real ;))
And we started to become our fun/funny self again.
Thank you for sharing your story. Congrats & all the best to you & Chris!! Xx
Garance (or anyone French!) please answer to my curiosity!
Congratulations on your engagement and upcoming wedding!! What matters most is the creme of the relationship and you seem to have plenty of it. Wishing you happiness!
(I’ve tried to research but to no avail.) How do French couples establish commitment? Americans have clear steps of commitment that seem more obscure in French culture, but I am so intrigued by how boundaries in French relationships are established. Any insight?
Thank you!
Hi Gracia,
How do we establish commitment in a relationship? I cant speak for all the Frenchies out there but from what I can see with all my friends around late 20s it works a bit like that:
– if you kiss/have sex with someone and keep on seeing each other afterwards (so still kissing/having sex, whatever you like or both at the same time even better haha) then you are together. Like Garance said, there is no such thing as seeing ( aka dating in USA) several people. Or if you do thats quite douchy and if someone fnds out he/she will probably forget you or ask you to make up your mind.
– so now you are in a relation, i guess that would be somewhat like in America, next steps being: meeting the friends of the other half, meeting the family, moving in together, buying a house, having babies, getting a civil partnership annnnddd maybe somewhee in betweem or more often so : far down on the road : get married!
I think that French people do not try to fit a relationship in a box. We would only ask to define a relationship if we feel like the other does not seem to feel the same way as ours. Like the douchy type quoted here above. If you see someone often, you expect to be in a relationship with him/her.
I Love the acronym that can also be applied here KISS: Keep It Simple, Stupid!
LYSANDER
Ay me! for aught that I could ever read,
Could ever hear by tale or history,
The course of true love never did run smooth;
But, either it was different in blood,–
I love how you keep it so true and real, but yet manages to make your love story perfect.
Thank you !
Aïda
https://stylishwishes.wordpress.com/
Un ptit bébé ?! J’étais déjà trop heureuse pour toi qd j’ai appris ton mariage ??
Dear Garance,
In the world full of masks which became faces, you are a wonderful open person. I love reading your blog, it reminds me that the world still has real, vulnerable, open people. Do not loose your sense of humor remember the French write Molier.
Sincerely,
V
yes…I can relate to what you’re writing here…. :) very nicesly written.
i have also written something regarding relationships, if you want to hear about the “bad boys” from our lives.
xo,
https://illustriousbyolivia.wordpress.com/2016/01/19/why-do-we-always-fall-in-love-with-the-wrong-guy.
Félicitations Garance!!!! Magnifique !
Je vous souhaite tout le bonheur du monde.Bisous.
http://www.rockartfashion.wordpress.com
Et si on laissait Garance et Chris profiter de leurs fiançailles sans déjà/encore/toujours traquer une éventuelle grossesse? Si on laissait la vie faire?
La vie de couple n’est pas un long chemin tranquille, il faut y travailler journellement et souvent se remettre en question.
L’humour est un atout majeur et quand on en partage le meme sens avec l’autre, quel bonheur !
Vite, la suite de cette jolie histoire…….
Merci Garance! Beautifully said and exactly what I needed to read this morning.
Merci pour ce beau témoignage si honnête Garance. Ça me rappelle mon histoire qui pour moi aussi à quand même mene aux fiançailles!
Avec tes récits, on sent à quel point tu es heureuse aujourd’hui. Félicitations pour ça ! Comme quoi, il faut croire en l’amour…. ça existe !
This is just what I needed. Garance, you really are my idol. I am a Taurus and am involved with a Cancer man. Usually I don’t believe in these kind of stuff but sometimes things are just so apparent. He has probably never and is unwilling to open up and I’m so frustrated and insecure and the more I push the more he backs away. I get angry and I get frustrated and want to give up. I know I can’t force him to open up if he doesn’t want to but I feel so stuck in the same spot not moving at all forward with this relationship. I start to see all the differences between us how he is refusing to grow up. Do I wait and continue to respond with love and patience or do I look elsewhere for something or someone more willing to commit. Sorry for all the rants. I realize this is not a love help column haha but ur story is inspiring and it makes me reevaluate my life. I want to be a strong independent woman even when single and I look up to you so much.
Xo
merci Garance!!! Vraiment! Émouvant! Belle influence pour moi que cette troisième partie de ton “engagement”!!
Merci pour cette sincérité… parce que ta “belle histoire d’Amour” a ses côtés sombres aussi. Si nous pouvions tous arriver à … perdre… nos inquiétudes envers les autres et la vie, on serait beaucoup plus en mesure de se parler, s’écouter, se comprendre et donc S ‘ A I M E R !!!!
Vivement la suite!!!!!
Thank you for being true, so rare nowadays when you always have to boast rock-hard self-esteem …Your tale really touched me, it’s moving and beautiful and honest. A big grazie!
(o.T: Omg you met Signora Prada!!! Ahhhhh! (groupie-like scream)
Your story is so wonderful. Congratulations. I can totally relate to what you wrote. The only difference with me is I broke up with him at a really mad moment. I regret it and I wish him back every day but he won’t talk to me. I called but he won’t answer or call me back. I haven’t given up hope though and maybe one day he will call me. God answers prayers and I pray he answers mine!
oh, this is so lovely to read. Thanks for including us and taking the time to share. I literally laughed out loud at that line about fashion photographers. (you’re sense of humor is just fine!). I read this review of the marvelous War & Peace adaptation that started last night on Lifetime/History channels. And it’s all about how well television captures those little moments of love and ROMANCE. Also how in period pieces (described as anything set before 1968) there is mystery and subtlety. Thanks too for a wonderful story that romance can and does thrive in our own age! Blessings!
Cassandra
here is the review – a great read in itself!
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/tvandradio/tv-and-radio-reviews/12102017/War-and-Peace-episode-three-review-utterly-captivating.html
Garance, I’m very happy for you. I love to hear great love stories! However, I sometimes wonder if women are too quick to blame themselves for the “drama” in relationships. I noticed in your talk with Chris that the focus was on your tears, your insecurity, your fears… and how it made HIM feel. I was sort of sad to see you refer to your behavior as “crazy.” Maybe you expressed yourself too… and let him know how his behavior made YOU feel. I hope so. I’ve just heard too many women blame themselves over the years. Men need to take some responsibility as well (and not say their behavior was a reaction to a woman’s craziness). Just my thoughts…
I’m certainly no expert, but I HAVE been married for 27 years. :-)
I completely relate to everything you said on this post… My current relationship had a similar beginning as yours and four years later we’re still together, better than ever :)
Besos from Argentina!
Sorry if this is repeat, but your story is perfectly lining up to the Skeleton Woman myth chapter in Women who Run with the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes, who’s Jungian fairy tale witchy mama amazing. A fisherman catches more than he bargains for and tries to hide, metaphor for love. Ask your friends if you all haven’t read that book yet!!!!
Un merveilleux texte.Merci
I’m very appreciative of you sharing this. It reminded me of this Ram Dass quote I recently came across: “We’re all just walking each other home.”
Merci Garance pour avoir été honnête. Je suis ton blog depuis plusieurs années et les posts “terre à terre” m’avait manqué.
Je vis une période difficile en ce moment et ça aide de lire des choses qui ressemblent à ce que je vis par moments. C’est vrai que quand les choses vont mal, c’est important d’avoir quelqu’un pour nous épauler et nous soutenir et il faut faire attention à ne pas le repousser comme mécanisme de défense. Je n’ai que 21 ans mais je réalise (durement) que le bonheur et la vie ne sont pas un long fleuve tranquille et qu’une vie heureuse se construit et que ses matériaux sont le travail, la détermination mais aussi les moments de faiblesse et de doute et qu’il faut apprendre à les accepter et réussir à s’entourer de personnes qui le font aussi. C’est un processus qui prend du temps et de la constance mais quand on est entouré de personnes que l’on aime et qui nous aime, il n’y a pas de raisons que cela ne fonctionne pas.
Merci encore
Thank you for the story Garance. I’m going through the “limbo” stage in my own relationship recently and have shed crazy loads of tear, over analyzed everything that’s wrong in this relationship. I’m on the verge of giving up since we’ve been together not that long, so I was thinking better to cut it loose before it cuts deep into my heart. After reading this, I’ve realized fleeing may be an easy way out but it’ll still haunt me with the could haves. I need to open up, be vulnerable and have ‘ the talk’ with him to carry the relationship forward, to see the love through.We can have a happy ending, and if not at least I’ll have the closure I needed.
Beautiful … et comme dit la chanson “Storms never last” v.Jessi Colter
Merci aussi de partager ces moments de doute..ça fait aussi partie de nos histoires
Bah oui, comment ça tout ça?
C’est vrai que les histoires d’amour en général, c’est pas facile à gérer… Il m’a fallu 8 ans pour enfin être sur la meme longueur d’onde que mon monsieur c’est dire… Mais quand on ne doute pas de ses sentiments, on s’accroche et la, ça vaut le coup! Je vous souhaite beaucoup de bonheur, tout ça tout ça quoi…
Bizous, Christelle
http://www.lipleblog.com
love that post , it is like a book , so inspiring !!http://intelligently-fashionable.blogspot.com
What a beautiful love story! I love to read about it and thanks for making us pars of your special moment!
Fashion Soup
Merci, <3
Thank you Garance! Lovely the way you wrote it.
It is so important to listening to others love stories; its a way to understand our own. How similar they are, the difficulties, the moments that make all the differences fall apart…
I am starting a new relationship. Like you it came with fear, doubts, beautiful moments…
Merci, merci to make me fell normal, a regular girl falling in love!
Thank you! I am starting a new relationship and I’ve felt so alone in my feelings and insecurities. Knowing I’m not the only one has brought me such peace XO
Oh Garance, why sharing with the world your private life? I know that a lot of people appreciate it but I think it’s a bit voyeuristic. Our private life, our love is such a private thing, like a beautiful, hidden garden. Why let so many people walk in?
très beau et très réel, merci Garance.. on passe un peu du Walt Disney à Frankie and Johnny ;-)
Garance … C’est magnifique. Tu racontes avec précision, légèreté et vérité un sujet qui nous touche tous, dans lequel chacun peut se reconnaître à un moment donné. Les efforts et la persévérance fonctionnent, et quand tout ne va pas, se retrouver soi-même est le meilleur moyen de retrouver les autres.
Retrouver ton article est aussi une forme d’encouragement pour ceux/celles qui vivent des situations similaires. Merci pour cette expérience … élévatrice !
I love reading your story! Thank you for writing such beautiful words with an open heart!
Ah Ben voila nous y voila, oui parce que là ca commençait veritablement à ms rendre rochonne (French oblige, Ben si c vrai Mais Bon Soyons diplomate: sens critique aiguisé!)….non la mega love story, Elle et lui, genre Chabadabada forever et youpla les Ptis oiseaux (Bon d’accord je suis ça ligne par ligne, Instagram par Instagram, donc “attentive” (big euphemisme) ) ça commençait à me lasser ( French princess attitude oblige!))) et puis surtout on l’a lui fait pas a la French princess, les papillons de la lov mood c pas possible, dans la vrai vie Le ciel est bleu puis gris puis blanc et rebleu meme pour les papillons! Donc je vous souhaite plein de bonheur car oui now j’y crois enfin à votre “lov story” !!!!!!et puis surtout bravo, c si rare de lever Le voile sur la vraie vie! rien d’héroïque, restons stoïque (french attitude again!) Et puis c plus rigolo quand ça coule pas de source ( Mariée a un Italien Je cause en connaissance!)
thanks for this honest and beautiful post ! exactly what I needed right now !!!
Merci.
This is just what I needed. Dear Garance, you really are my idol. I am a Taurus and am involved with a Cancer man. Usually I don’t believe in these kind of stuff but sometimes things are just so apparent. He has probably never and is unwilling to open up and I’m so frustrated and insecure and the more I push the more he backs away. I get angry and I get frustrated and want to give up. I know I can’t force him to open up if he doesn’t want to but I feel so stuck in the same spot not moving at all forward with this relationship. I start to see all the differences between us and how is refusing to grow up. Do we not want the same thing? Do I wait and continue to respond with love and patience or do I look elsewhere for something or someone more willing to commit. Sorry for all the ranting. I do realize that this is not a love help column haha but your story is so inspiring and it makes me reevaluate my personal relationships with this man and with myself. I want to be a strong independent woman. It is easier said than done. I look up to you so much. Thank you.
merci Garance,
ton humilité , ta franchise , m ouvrent des perspectives sur l avenir!
bisous XX
Merciiiiiiiiii pour ce partage sincère et touchant ! Vu qu’on a l’air nombreuses à vivre des moments compliqués dans nos histoires d’amour en ce moment,moi je serais drôlement intéressée par un peu plus d’infos sur comment on fait pour sortir de cette phase de doutes, peurs, incertitudes et donc de crises, paranoia et autre scènes qui rendent fous nos mecs et peuvent les conduire à prendre la tangente … Mes copines me disent de me calmer, certes, mais manifestement elles n’ont jamais vécu ça. Mon mec me dit d’arrêter de me prendre la tête … mais là encore, jel e prends mal … Quels sont tes conseils Garance ? Quels ont été les conseils de tes amies dans ces moments qui ont été bénéfiques ? Comment retrouver la sérénité que tu respires aujourd’hui sur les photos ?? Bravo en tout cas pour cette jolie histoire et have fun together !
Thank you for sharing the different aspects of your love/engagement story. It’s all too easy to see the glossy, perfect, romantic moments, online and in the media, and forget that relationships have another dimension: the arguments and misunderstandings!
When you wrote: “I was questioning everything. Every little flaw, every tiny missed moment became a valid reason to end it.” my heart nearly skipped a beat because it resonated with me so well.
J’ADOOORE!TU ES MAGNIFIQUE ET FELICITATIONS!!!A TOUS LES DEUX! CHRIS ET GARANCE!
This reminds me a lot of my story. After a hideous marriage breakup I was left broken, insecure and terribly distrusting of men. I rebuilt myself very well, but it was only after entering another relationship (with the love of my life!) that the cracks from my previous break became apparent. We are so vulnerable in love and it is hard to accept/embrace that when we have glued ourselves back together and are afraid of getting broken again. But you just have to take those risks and that’s part of what makes it so special I think. X
Déjà dans ton livre, j’avais adoré suivre tes aventures amoureuses et étais même restée “sur ma fin”, tellement je voulais savoir la suite, alors forcément j’aime beaucoup ces articles. Quand je te lis, j’ai l’impression d’écouter une copine tellement je te sens sincère à travers tes textes. Je n’aurais qu’une chose à te demander (si je peux me permettre…), c’est de continuer à nous écrire, de cette même façon, pour….. toujours ! ^^
Bises.
I don’t know if you read all these, but I have been a silent follower for years. I LOVE the direction you’ve been going the past two years – getting to the heart of what really matters in life. And, from that last sentence, it sounds like you’ll be needing a bigger apartment!! Beautiful – thank you for sharing your emotional growth with us. It is powerful and vulnerable, all that should be embraced in this life of ours.
Je vous souhaite tous les bonheurs du monde parce que vous le valez bien ! Vous semblez être de bien belles personnes tous 2 , authentiques et sensibles, un paradoxe dans votre monde de communication.
Ton histoire est tellement touchante et VRAIE! On se sent moins seule avec ses doutes, c’est vrai qu’une relation c’est du travail, mais c’est tellement de bonheur! toutes mes félicitations :)
I wish you all the best Garance, being soooo happy for you! I wish you a healthy, lovely baby asap! And the best twins! You will not have to “work” twice;)
Sublime!
Hello Garance!
And huge congratulations on one of the most happy moments in life. You have shared so generously with we readers so many things and clearly this is a very big moment in your life. Like you, I had a magical courtship with my husband and 12 years later, it is still a wonderful story which. And like you, at the beginning, I shared and shared because I was so excited and the people who love me celebrated with me. I of course did not have a very popular blog and I have to say, Garance, the beauty of being in your position is hat you can share whatever you like to share but I have difficulty reading this after Part 1 because it feels so uber personal and intimate that I have to wonder if you won’t look back and wish you had kept such intimacies between the two of you? And also, after a while, it takes away a bit from your blog as for some time, the blog has felt very self-centered. I am sure that others will feel this is very mean, and I hope that you do not take it that way as that is not what is intended. I suppose as I am the dissenting voice, the polite thing to do is step away for a bit and check in and see if there is a shift later but I only mention it because I am wondering if you realize how this translates to all readers and not just to those of us who comment. Your blog is the product of so much hard work and creative energy so my comment is only meant as feedback and not hurtfulness! I hope you keep enjoying this very special time, Garance!
Garance I can’t thank you enough. Yes this is love. And this is what I have now too. Aren’t we lucky!
Gee, I can’t imagine all that angst when you are supposed to be in love. This is not how love needs to be. Why make it so complicated? Calm and kind should be your mantra. Calm and kind. Otherwise you will wreck everything. When you feel like freaking, calm down instead. And then be kind. Even if you feel you are in the right.
I speak from experience. I met my husband in my 40s. He is my soul mate but I would have lost him had I given way to all the angst I feel from time to time.
Once he was being a real bastard but I kept my cool in spite of being angry. After a while when I once more felt calm I went to him and with a dead straight face said, “I’m sorry I provoked you.” We both burst out laughing and all was settled.
Garance, thank you! I agree with everyone here, this is love.
I’m in a long distance relationship at the moment with the most wonderful man I’ve ever met. I consider myself extraordinarily lucky, but it’s also very difficult to be emotionally open when you’re only on skype haha! I visited him two months ago, and one night, we had almost the same conversation you describe here, where you completely open to each other and it’s a moment of breakthrough. I’m looking to move to his country in the next few months, and like you, do “all the rest”.
Congratulations on finding this love! And thank you for inspiring the rest of us, and making us feel like a community :) bon chance x
Well, it’s a fact of life, that the older you are, the more baggage you have. It becomes harder to let down the walls; glad you were able to do so in time.
Bonjour,
je viens de découvrir votre site, j’aime beaucoup votre style d’écriture.
merci :)
Je suis très touchée par ton texte Garance ! A voir tous les commentaires, je crois que tu as justement exprimé ce que beaucoup d’entre nous ressentent. Félicitations pour ton bonheur, cela fait plaisir de te savoir heureuse. Hâte de lire la suite !!!
Bonsoir Garance,
Ton texte me touche énormément, pour différentes raisons. Ton expérience fait écho à la mienne, à des choses que j’ai pu ressentir et vivre, à des choses qui me dépassent encore parfois et qui peuvent me faire peur.
J’ai écouté cette semaine à la radio (sur France culture) une femme philosophe et psychanalyste qui a publié en 2014 un livre s’intitulant “Éloge du risque”. Je ne l’ai pas encore lu mais je me permet de te le conseiller.
Pour finir, cela m’est arrivé certains soirs d’envisager arrêter ma relation amoureuse car elle me demandait une énergie, un investissement de dingue … car épuisée (et aussi frustrée du coup de ne plus avoir d’énergie pour d’autres choses me tenant à cœur). Aujourd’hui, je sais que le fait de vivre en couple a pour conséquence (entre autres) que je vais peut-être moins vite sur certains plans de ma vie mais que je vais plus loin, beaucoup plus loin, tellement plus loin.
Je vous souhaite de continuer dans votre dynamique si belle et constructive toi et ton amoureux. Peace and love !!
Et merci pour ta grande générosité Garance !!
“devenir meilleure” pour être bien avec quelqu’un … c’est un puits sans fin, quête impossible … on aime et on est aimée telle que l’on est, sans avoir besoin de devenir meilleure, de devenir quelqu’un d’autre … surtout quand’ on est déjà une femme extraordinaire
Garance!!! Reading your love story is making me so so happy!!! I’ve lived through your blog for the past 4 years so hearing this feels like I’m hearing about a close friend finding the love of her life. All the feels!
There is nothing more in this world I would love than to shoot your wedding. Wherever it is. I travel internationally to shoot weddings all the time :) If you are looking for a wedding photographer I would be insanely happy to document your day :) :)
Here is my work
http://www.forgedinthenorth.com/
xoxoxoxoxox
Can’t wait to read more!
Je prends cet article comme un signe qui tombe pile au bon moment. Pas de hasard… Merci. De la sagesse et de la patience… Beaucoup de belles choses pour vous 2…
Merci beaucoup de partager ces moments avec nous … c’est très bien écrit !
Plein d’amour pour vous !
Merci Garance de mettre des mots sur ces moments de doute, de partager avec nous la complexité d’une histoire d’amour qui commence, loin, très loin des bonheurs parfaits, apparents mais permanents dont nous sommes entourés…sans pouvoir s’y retrouver. C’est ça la vraie vie ! Et ça fait du bien, vraiment, de la lire aussi chez quelqu’un d’autre !
The details and emotional depth of the waves during your first year have resonated with my soul. I learn a great deal from your personal sharing. Thank you for creating a real and vulnerably honest blog . . . there is much that is glossy and perfect about the fashion industry, you are bravely adding the humanity to it all. I am grateful for your gift to be refreshingly open with your emotions. Beautiful. Thank you.
Part 3 of this story really hit home for me. The part about projecting your insecurities onto others really stopped me in my tracks because I think it is much easier to deal external problems rather than your inner insecurities. But I think your decision to respond with love is so courageous. Like Garance wrote, playing the game of ‘who can care less’ doesn’t help anyone here; it just makes it more confusing and complicated. Showing kindness and responding with love is the light everyone needs in their life. Thank you Garance again for sharing your love story. Not only has it been joy to read, but it also has reminded me that love does exist in this crazy harsh world. I also have been a fan of Garance’s blog and photography for many years now (if I’m counting right, it’s been 5 years… and counting!!!) Congratulations to Garance and Chris!
Treees longtemps que je n’ai pas.commenté sur le blog ! Ton histoire est vraiment touchante et j’ai tjs pensé que rien ne pouvais solidifier le couple que la confiance et le dialogue ! Depuis que je te suis je me suis mariée,divorcée, remariée et j’ai eu 2 enfants ! Je te souhaite d’être heureuse !!!
Waouw quelle nouvelle! Je n’ai plus commenté depuis un moment, mais là je prends mon clavier pour te féliciter!
Il te faut ab-so-lu-ment le livre “Oui!” de Margaux Motin et de Pacco (en fait, je suis sûre qu’on te l’offrira, il est super marrant et tellement bien dessiné). Je me permet de te le conseiller car moi aussi on m’a demandée en mariage fin décembre 2015 :-)
J’ai hâââââte de voir ta bague (la mienne c’est une de chez Alex Monroe, un créateur londonien qui fait des bijoux inspirés par la nature, les roses, les ronces.. je suis en pâmoison sur chaque modèle, mais moins que devant mon fiancé ahah).
Encore félicitations!
PS/ la robe, ce sera de la french couture hein? hein? (joke)
Dear Garance,
I’ve been meaning to write to you for so long, many a time, especially the times that you’ve touched me deeply, and brought tears to my eyes. This post is one of them, and finally I decided to “put pen to paper” and tell you how much your stories mean to me. I met you in Stockholm, about 7/8 years ago, when I went to interview Scott, ( I was a fashion editor at the time), about his work for Gant. We sat at the same table for dinner, a relatively small group of people, and we were introduced and I didn’t get your name straight away, you said you had a blog ( for ages I’d wanted to write my own, but from then on I followed you) and it was small talk throughout dinner. I never thought any of this but the next itme I read your blog, you were moving to NY and dating Scott. Now I’d started dating someone just before the trip to Sweden, and so I guess all these years, I’ve paralleled my relationship and yours. So around the time I was thinking about breaking up, you did, 7 years I think?, and now you’re getting married! I’m so happy for you, it’s soo difficult to just leave behind what’s not good for us, and risk, not sure it’s the right word, but just making that final decision…So from the bottom of my heart, I wish you all the best, your mega watt smile says it all, it’s as if your face is going to explode, I know the feeling!!love Isabel
Totally get you, can totally relate.
At some point we understand that even though we are not teenagers anymore we still have a lot of growing up to do.
We get to understand the concept of the real wisdom and patience that we have to sustain throughout our relationships with our second halves.
What a beautiful story at last! You wrote about something really important (or rather your boyfriend had shown it to you) – about loosing sense of humor. I’m married for 8 years, have two wonderful kids and I’m 33. We love each other so much, but we have lost something what was at the beginning. I supose it was the sense of humour. You know, after years you have become lazy and sleepy in the evenings, you care about everything – children, house, job – but not about yourselves and your partner. So I have my tiny new year’s resolution – find what I have lost, these indefinable things, which made that we fall in love in each other…
Garance, you my dear have captured the beauty of love and enabled all who are in it’s world to feel and know that all these moments of ecstasy to to despair are ok because that is our life and love story. Thank you for sharing your journey with us and enable others to see what it is that makes love glorious in all its perfect imperfection.
Merci! Thank you!
For sharing with us your story it helps a lot and I want to beleive that someone will one day stay and fight for me…
Ce poste m’a beaucoup touché. J’ai vécu et ressentie la même chose ces derniers temps. Sauf que mon histoire s’est mal terminée n’ayant pas été capable de surpasser toutes ses incompréhensions et ce malgré un amour unique qui existait entre nous depuis 25 ans. J’ai finalement décidé de rompre compte tenu de la douleur et la souffrance … Je ne regrette rien, car ça m’a aidé à grandir, me reconnaitre et me construire…
Ce genre de passage dans une vie sont les plus beaux et les plus enrichissants… En espérant comme Maria qu’un jour quelqu’un se battra pour nous ;)
bon courage et beaucoup de bonheur pour la suite …
très touchant ce billet, tout ça ne m’est pas inconnu…