DORÉ

Future Sex by Emily Witt had been on my reading list for a while. As Sex Month was commencing and I found myself finishing Michelle Obama’s memoir, I thought, what better time than now??

Future Sex is a work of nonfiction that follows Emily along her journey as a single thirty-something. Having always envisioned a traditional life of marriage and family for herself, reaching 30 with none of these “achievements” on the horizon, led Emily to a full-on life evaluation. Thus, plummeting her into questions about normative sexuality, the culture of sex & relationships in which we’re existing, and the potential for a new frontier of re-imagined sexual/ familial relationships.

The book is broken into chapters, in which Emily explores a different theme or concept: Internet Dating, Orgasmic Meditation, Internet Porn, Live Webcams, Polyamory, Burning Man, Birth Control & Reproduction, and concludes with her findings on the idea of a Future Sex.

When I told my friend I was reading the book and described its premise, he responded, “that is so you.” What he meant when he said that is that Emily’s particular predicament feeds into my biggest anxieties. I have been so obsessed with the idea of marriage and motherhood for so long that reading along with Emily’s voyage felt like a healthy exercise in imagining divergent futures.

It really was helpful. I may not have completely jumped off the wedding-dress-daydream train, but Future Sex offered me a restorative vision, that is hopeful and optimistic in new ways.

And if I haven’t sold you already, allow me to leave you with a quote from the book that (beyond!!!) perfectly encapsulates how I feel about the current state of dating apps and my personal dating life.

“The truth was that when I met with these men, most of whom superseded my ‘standards,’ nothing stirred in my body. I felt that it was usually clear, to both parties, that while we could have sex it would have been more out of resignation and duty than real desire. If internet dating made me feel like I was taking control of my life in some way, having sex with people I didn’t really desire would just remind me of the futility of trying to engineer a relationship into existence.”

I could not have summed it up better myself. Thank you, Emily Witt!!