DORÉ

[podcast_episode episode=”281138″ ]

Sometimes in life, renewal comes after of one of those “aha” moments and sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes it comes after an accumulation of a few, or many little things that bring you to a place where you’re finally ready to dig deep and make some changes, on your own terms. Even if it means having to lean against the trauma, no matter how big or small, to get you to a place of renewal and growth, where you’re able to see with clarity, the before and the after.

Recognizing this and allowing yourself to feel – whether that be sadness, happiness or just a real need for rest, is what I’m talking about today with Emily and Veronica. Giving yourself permission to prioritize yourself, and the good that can come from it – not only for you, but everyone in your life, is both valid and vital.

On being honest on Instagram…
GARANCE: It took me long time to find my voice on Instagram, and it might change and I might lose it again, but one day I was just like, “Well fuck that shit, I’m just going to start talking about the real me and stop trying to do anything other than that.”

On a midlife crisis…
GARANCE: As most of our listeners and readers know, I’ve been going through a kind of a big life crisis, midlife because I’m at my midlife, though midlife is changing now!
VERONICA + EMILY: This is very true!
GARANCE: But I’m around 40, and that’s the age where you usually hit a wall if you haven’t examined your life, and so I did. Everything that I do today is new. I’ve never been single. I have never known what it means to love myself.

On thinking of it as an “awakening” vs. a “crisis”…
EMILY: I love that we’re referencing it is as an awakening, not as a crisis. It feels like such a progression in a way of thinking and I do think that’s becoming more common and it’s not just us. It’s great and much healthier than thinking about it as a crisis. There’s this idea that your life is kind of over at this point and you’ve fucked up all these years and what are you going to do about it now? And now, it’s a completely different thing. It’s, “Oh, I have so much time ahead of me and I can make so many positive changes” and it ends up being incredible.

On trauma…
GARANCE: You feel like you have to have this dramatic moment in your life in order to be able to change but sometimes an awakening can just happen because you’re fed up and want to move.
VERONICA: Something I’ve noticed with my friends recently and that we’ve been talking about is that you don’t have to have trauma to be unhappy. You can just be unhappy while you have a regular, day-to-day life, and that’s ok to admit and to talk about because it’s part of mental health.
GARANCE: Something that’s been very important and instrumental in my owning and allowing myself to say that I have suffered is that I haven’t suffered if you compare me to anyone that has really suffered, right? I always had enough to eat and my parents were relatively kind. But you can’t measure trauma.

On learning from trauma…
GARANCE: My belief is that in order to grow, we have to lean against any type of trauma. Being human is really having darkness and light at the same time. And there is nothing that changes or grows without that. Whether your trauma is tiny or giant, you need it to grow. Just look at it in the eyes, it’s fine, and learn from that.

On the importance of feeling free to express yourself…
VERONICA: I’ve never been in a huge bureaucratic state where you have to be so careful and not express yourself in fear of whatever that retribution may be. But I think it’s so important for people, even if they can’t do it on a daily basis, have some place in their life where they can truly be themselves and find support within being themselves. I do think we underestimate how many people don’t have that, whether it be at work or at home.

On the benefit of being selfish…
EMILY: Big critics of conversations like this say, “Oh you must be so involved and it’s so selfish to spend all of this time and energy on these things.” But I don’t think people realize that when you finally take the time for yourself and do something wholly selfish, it has such a trickle down impact to everyone else in your life, from the people you work with, your partner, friends and family.

On being alone on your birthday…
VERONICA: I think there’s something about giving that day to yourself. I think it’s so helpful to have a marker and a check-in point to go, “Ok, before this and now after this.”
GARANCE: Birthdays are literally nothing. But they are also a moment of self celebration. I believe that our lives are our stories, our own novels, and you have your mythical figures and your mythical sufferings. In my “before” life, I was a balloon that was not attached to anything. And now, I believe in my story and I can change it and I’m working on that for our next retreat. But basically, giving yourself the right of that depth. So that’s why a birthday I think a birthday is an important time.

On taking a day each week for yourself…
GARANCE: Taking that day off, it’s insane how much it’s lightened my load. When this day happens, usually Sunday, it’s like all the particles that were shaking in my head — imagine you know, those snow globes — it’s like all the particles where shaken all week. I’ve seen so many people and had so many interactions. We have more interactions now than we ever have, right? Instagram DMs, emails, texts, the shows we watch and all these emotions. All these things shake our particles. So my day off is for these things to settle down and then the water gets clear.