DORÉ

Perla Servan Schreiber’s book about being an old woman (that is how she describes herself with pride) hasn’t yet been translated in English. It will, because it is necessary for all of us to read it. Especially us women, so caught up in the fear of aging and the obsession about staying young.

Even more essential than reading the book is to just bask in Perla’s presence. All of us young women of every generation need to bring in our life figures of old women, whether they are real, symbolic, whether we know them or just listen to a podcast… Because these women are here to show us how it’s done, beautifully, joyfully and they’re here to call BS on the obsession over being young.

Perla is an intellectual, a woman with a fascinating career (she founded the magazine Psychologies with her husband Jean-Louis) and Perla cooks, a lot, often, and for everyone, even my team and I when we visited her in her Parisian (beautiful, of course) apartment. She walks for long hours in Paris, she’s not a mother but she is the grandmother of eight children, she’s leading her life with grace and you can’t even imagine how moved and inspired I have been by this interview.

This interview was recorded in French, so this is a translation you’re going to hear. I really hope you love it as much as I did.

[podcast_episode episode=”277601″ ]

On the joy of food…
My family was a very modest family, very happy, and food had an absolutely fundamental place in our lives — when you don’t have a lot of means, everything goes into your food, because it’s not expensive. And you can get a sense of abundance. You feel like you’re rich because of what’s on your plate, and being at the table. My mother was an incredible baker and cook, and that brought so much joy to our family that was otherwise not that well-off — food was what brought us joy.

On her teenage years…
I had an adolescence where I had to defy a lot of restrictions — like even going dancing. I was so passionate about rock-n-roll. Since I loved dancing, rock was the place where I stood out. And you love standing out when you’re 14 years old. And all of that was really a nightmare. Ladies would come to the house and say “we saw your daughter on a scooter” or “we saw your daughter coming home,” “she smelled like cigarettes when she was with my daughter” and of course our sweaters smelled like cigarettes when we came home. So it was just awful!

On dreaming of freedom…
I dreamed of coming to Paris. Being financially independent. Not getting married and not having children. I wanted NOTHING to get in the way of my freedom. Freedom was an obsession in my life.

On getting her job at Elle magazine…
One day I met a man at a dinner with friends and he asked what I did for work. I said I was looking for work and he said “come see me tomorrow morning.” It was as simple as that. He was running Elle magazine. And that’s how I started working at Elle! Nothing to do with what I’d studied — law, right?!?

On valuing her private life…
When things start cutting into my private life, I just really can’t stand it. That’s also something I’ve always been clear about. I did the best possible work, which really benefited all the magazines where I worked, but my number one priority is my private life.

On her husband…
We were extremely different, at least our upbringings. I’ve told you a bit about where I came from. He was born in 1937, during the war, and went into hiding with his parents and family in Megève in a cabin for three years. So he is kind of a mountain guy, and I hate the mountains. He also had a home in Provence in the Luberon — I hate grass and the countryside — I ONLY like the city and the sea!

On the freedom to be wrong…
Sometimes you’re wrong. But that too is a freedom. Learning and accepting being wrong. Mistakes are no big deal. Cultivating a feeling of failure is the only thing that’s regrettable — that’s what holds you back from pursuing your goals, whether it’s a love interest or professional or friendly or anything else. But being wrong, what’s the problem?

On aging…
But we are at this moment in society where we are breaking with so many things — as you know, whether it’s social, political, the way we work, lots of things. We’re also going through that rupture in regard to age. But we still have this imaginary notion of aging that really doesn’t correspond to the reality of aging these days. That’s why I wanted to shout out: Yes, we can remain seductive, active, popular, have desires, have sexuality — because older women’s sexuality used to be totally erased.

On solitude…
Having lived alone for forty two years, I am very attached to my solitude. Unlike someone like Jean-Louis who got married at 20 and went from his mother to his wife and then a second wife. It was difficult for him to accept my need for solitude, but it’s because I lived alone very happily, ever since I’ve been in a couple, that need for solitude comes up in a huge way. Of course, I am lucky to have a very large apartment, and even when it was much smaller, we each had our own office, since both of us work a lot. So we meet up when it’s time for tea. It’s as if we were in different places the rest of the time. That’s very important for me, to have my little goldfish bowl to myself. And I also need to be able to go off on my own.

On advice to her younger self…
Listen to that little voice. Don’t be afraid of that little voice. She knows where you should go. And if it happens to not be the right direction. That’s okay. It’s that mistake that will open the way to your path. I love the Indian proverb that says: Never ask for directions, you’d risk not getting lost.