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Compulsive Returner

9 years ago by

Compulsive Returner

Je viens de réaliser que j’étais la reine du retour de fringues !

En fait, ça m’a frappée après une vente privée dont j’étais repartie les bras surchargés d’affaires dont je n’avais absolument pas besoin pour l’hiver (deux crop-tops (je sais, mais ils sont trop cools!), des boots, une parka…).

Une semaine plus tard, je ne suis plus aussi convaincue par les boots, en plus, je viens justement d’investir dans des chaussures pour l’hiver. C’est là que j’ai compris : je ne rapporte des trucs que lorsque je fais du shopping avec des copines. Quand je suis toute seule, je suis plus mesurée, et j’arrive à faire de vrais achats raisonnés. En fait, je crois que je suis hyper influençable, surtout quand une copine me dit « C’est trop beau ! Attends, mais elles sont top ! Ça te va trop bien ! C’est-génial-jadore-c-est-exactement-toi. » Je reconnais que peut-être, il se peut que ce genre de commentaire ait une influence sur mon comportement d’acheteuse.

Alors, est-ce que je dois continuer les séances de shopping collectives ? Vous faites, comment, vous, quand vous faites du shopping à plusieurs ?


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  • I think browsing with my friends is wonderful and getting inspirations for this and that. But for my needs and my wardrobe, I need to be by myself when I do big investment purchases. I need to listen to what is in my own head about « what in my closet does this work with? » « do I already have something like this? » « Do I need anything else in this color? » « Will I hate this next month? » et cetera. Too many distractions from the peanut gallery confuse me tremendously and I invariably make mistakes.

  • In the country where I live you CANNOT mostly return things to the shop! (Unless there’s something wrong with it).
    Can you imagine? :)
    While in the U.S. I totally enjoyed the possibility to return stuff to the shop. I did return quite many things and of course it makes you buy more. As a consumer I enjoyed it, of course.

    At home I really consider what I buy as I know I cannot return it. I miss the possibility to do so… So enjoy your possibility to return things! :)

    As for shopping with friends – I don’t like it. I like to shop on my own to fully enjoy it and I don’t like to take anybody’s advice anyway. Plus I hate waiting for others all the time.

    And to be totally frank…. I buy so much stuff second-hand and very cheap so it’s not a big deal if I don’t like some of the things. I’m not so much of a fan of second-hand, but it’s just sooo much cheaper in my country. Ok, now I’m drifting off the subject already..:)

  • Unquestionably you make better buys alone!!! Talk to your friends, make endless conversations about « that great pair of sneakers ». Talk, listen, argue, analyse, justify, judge, go to the shops with them, BUT do the actual buing alone.
    I have made lots of unneccessary, useless, wrong purchases in the past and I have learnt my lesson.

    Recently I came to another realisation: not only do I make better choices when I am on my own, but my best buys ever, by far, are my online purchases. Why? Even salesmen confuse me! Every shop has its own « guideline », its own character. And I was trying to match the idea I had in mind to the actual items I had in front of me. Tiring!!! Confusing!!!

    Now I only go to the shops from time to time just in order to check sizes on me. Then, I return to the privacy and silence of my home and order online the things I really want with a clear mind. In that way, I’ve finally managed, after soooooo many years/tears/waste of money/time to r e a l l y build a wardrobe. I truly recomment it girls!

  • I never go shopping with friends, like, seriously, NEVER. For starters, I find it super tiring, imagine any given Saturday morning in a packed H&M store, trying to have a conversation AND looking under piles of clothes AND having both hands full with 10 different things you need to choose from AND wait in line (at least you can catch up with said friend there) AND going in and out of the changing cabin every time you put something on. Disaster. I am shopping on my own :)

  • Know who you are and shop by yourself. You’ll save money and time. Most men almost never shop with anyone other than a significant other, which is wise.

  • I stopped shopping with my friends unless they ask me to come with them in advisory role! I prefer doing it on my own-I identify a target in advance, I do a quick scan of other stuff and then I move in for a kill. I never return anything- I only buy clothes that I really love and which call my name, shouting Ana I’m yours, take me with you! :)

  • I’m a lone hunter ;) I do not remember buying a single thing that I have liked and worn for some time, being accompanied by a friend. Seriously! Not even a hand cream. Oh, wait – got it – the only thing that I bought ,while shopping with a friend, that I still like and use, is my Kitchen Aid blender.

  • I really like shopping with friends! I’ll usually do light shopping with them – say, in the beginning of the season when I’d like a few things, and have some choices of multiple items I’d use. That said, I only make serious purchases after I’ve done minor research on a product (like a coat, dress for an event, or boots), and if friends come, it’s because we’ve carved time out to head to that destination, they wish to join, vice versa. Long live shopping with friends!

  • I have the exact same problem! I’m very influenced by other people’s opinions.Whenever I’m by myself I have time to re-think and I end up hanging the clothes back to the rack. I think: ‘I DON’T need them’. So, basically my tip is to avoid going shopping with friends and, whenever you’re on your own, avoid stepping into a store. No clothes on my view, no need to return a purchase.


  • Totally agree! Cannot concentrate when shopping with friends, better doing it alone with no rush

  • I can only buy something if my mom gives it her stamp of approval. She is the only one who will honestly tell me if something looks good on my or not, and she has impeccable style. Unfortunately she lives in California and I’m in New York, so I have to resort to being « that girl » taking pictures of herself in the dressing room and emailing them.

  • wow, now, i know i am not the only one.

    I do that a lot. I only shop online. And i gotta return things coz of guilt, or getting over them when i sleep over it, or i just change my mind by the time they get delivered.

  • Et bien lors de mes virées shopping avec mes copines je ne dépense , ………. RIEN. En fait je joue plutôt à être la conseillère en look :-), et d’ailleurs j’arrive à leur faire acheter des vêtements auxquels elles n’auraient jamais pensé, mais qu’elles ne retourne jamais ;-). Du coup, je dépense plutôt quand je suis seule. !!!

  • I love high fashion but I’m short and bust heavy so finding clothes that fits me flatteringly is rather tricky. I prefer shopping with my friends than doing it on my own, or worse shopping online. I’m fortunate to have friends who share the same tastes as me and are the best critics I could have ever asked for. Their usually ‘against’ advices are what save me from buying remorse.

  • I shop alone. I always find good deals and nice, hidden in a pile pieces when i am on my own.
    The funny thing i have with returns of shoes. I live in czech rep. where they give 2 years garantee on newly bought shoes. With a few exceptions i have to return shoes after several months due to some faults appearing on them right in the end of the season. And this is regardless how much i pay for them or which brand they are. But i kinda like it cause i can change shoes more often without paying too much. ;)

  • I love shopping alone! It is the best way to shop. I don’t mind going with other people if they need something or just as a light browsing but If I actually need something – I go by myself :-)

  • YES this is totally me on both counts, I’m glad to know I am not the only one! My boyfriend teases me and thinks I’m crazy. But I like to live with something for a bit, wear it around the house, see how it goes with outfits (especially for big-ticket items). At this point I might ask a friend’s opinion. Probably 9/10 times that I go shopping with a friend, I get home and realize that I bought something that normally probably wouldn’t have considered worthwhile. Either I didn’t really need it, or it wouldn’t have fit all my criteria. Shopping is a meditative experience for me, ha!

  • Hi Alice! I do the same thing! Have see if that piece I thought I needed goes with all the other things in real life. 9/10 it doesn’t. Adios! :)

  • I’m an emotional shopper…so when I feel down I go shopping and then I wanna return the stuff!

    giveaway on my blog!


  • I don’t really like to shop with others…my husband, mother, and two girlfriends are the exception. But even with them I only *occasionally* want to shop together. My problem is that I know what I want. I’m incrediblly picky. And I’m willing to wait (or troll eBay, or Etsy), sometimes for years, before I get what I want. When I shop with other people, there’s a sort of understood « part of the happiness of our experience requires each of us to BUY something » and sometimes I just don’t want to buy what’s in front of me. I might like it a lot, or even love it (and I really only buy what I love). I might think it’s really cool. But for whatever reason, I’m not committed. And that seems to disappoint people. Retail shopping has always been a true form of therapy for me, and I like to work alone in that regard. :)

  • Oh Garance, this is such a relief because I thought I was the only one! It depends… I’ve learned to go shopping with friends and peruse and play, have things held for one day and then come back the next day, f you are still excited. Usually the charm of the (wine) friendly banter is too distracting for me to focus on really shopping anyway, so I just go for the adventure! On the other hand, if someone is less than chic (has no fashion sense at all) and needs the expertise of a fashionable (and honest) friend, then I would buy buy buy!

  • Je n’achète absolument rien en presence des autres. C’est tout! Si je vois quelque chose qui me plaît même à la folie, je retourne à la maison les mains vides. Ça me done le temps d’y penser et je reviens l’acheter un autre jour.

  • M! I’ve been guilty of this too! xx

  • I never shop with friends the same size as me, it’s too much pressure calling dibs. Imagine walking into & other stories and finding the perfect high waist open bottom trousers and they have one piece left ! It’s just too many friends to sacrifice over beautiful clothes :)

  • Wow I am the same way! Haha I thought I was the only one… But yes shopping alone is way better. Love browsing on my own time :)

  • Ah je fais trèèèès rarement du shopping avec des amies car je n’achète qu’en fripes et ne mets plus un pied dans un Zara/ H&M ou autre depuis au moins 2 ans et demi, 3 ans. En plus, j’aime prendre le temps de considérer un achat, estimer sa pertinence dans mon dressing, etc.
    Sinon, je fais du shopping avec mon mec qui est de très bon conseil et qui sait me dire que quelque chose ne me va pas, quand moi j’en suis persuadée (je l’écoute car il a souvent raison.. OK tout le temps).

  • I have the same problem because I tend to get influenced by other people, especially my Mum who always pushes me to buy one size larger (I don’t understand why it needs to be loose rather than fit well) or other people who rush me into making decisions when I am not sure and need time.
    When I go buy on my own, I always have time to re-think or analyze the risks of buying something new. :D Or go with a flow.

  • Pas de shopping à plusieurs! Je déteste attendre que mes cop’ reluquent pendant ds heures des fringues que finalement elles n’achèteront pas, en plus j’ai absolument pas besoin d’un avis extérieur pour savoir ce qui me plait.

  • I always feel like the only one too! I have fun shopping with my friends, but I never buy anything. When I actually have something in mind, I go out by myself and try it on and then buy it.

  • I have become a compulsive returner too! Just last week I swore I wouldn’t shop for a long time because I kept buying things and returning them. For me, I’m often with my baby and its just SO much easier to buy things and try them at home than wrangle the baby in a fitting room. I do feel a bit bad for the staff though when I show up and want to return a whole lot of things… it’s not great for their sales targets! Though they’re always happy to encourage me to take armfuls of things home to try so it works both ways I guess!

  • Thank you for pointing this out! I honestly hadn’t noticed that I had the exact same tendency to be swayed by the taste of friends (and shop staff) until you mentioned it.

  • I guess I’m the only one around here who doesn’t enjoy shopping alone that much :)
    I really know well what I want/ need/ suits me well (OK, most of the times :)) so I don’t get too influenced by friends in the wrong direction. But I like to go shopping and socialize in the same time, I think it’s more fun like that.

  • My best friend and I are awful, we totally encourage each other to buy everything we pick up ……. its like we are high. The problem is we usually only meet up on holidays (live in different countries) which is already expensive enough without shopping spree’s. The worst was when we were in Miami, had a long lunch with cocktails and then went shopping on Lincoln …… too many sequin dresses later we realised we would never wear them except in Miami! I say only shop alone ……. with love sojustnice.com

  • I do best when I shop alone, especially when I am on a mission. I think I am actually the one guilty of getting friends really excited about purchasing when I am with them. I love it when friends score beautiful or exciting things that they have been wanting. I like to ‘nudge’ them in the right direction.

  • I am super lucky because my boyfriend loves shopping. He has great style and loves my body (even the parts I hate) and he really knows what looks good on me and what highlights my best ‘ass’ets. At the end of the day I dress for me, and for him, so his opinion is important to me and his advice is always solid. He picks out things I might pass over that look amazing on me and talks me out of things that don’t fulfill my three wardrobe requirements – simple basics, good quality fabrics and brands, and classic investment pieces.
    Before I met him, I was a solo shopper, purely because I never had any female friends to shop with. I always looked at groups of girls shopping together enviously but truthfully I do enjoy shopping alone, taking my time and trying on a million things. Plus there’s always my Maman, aunty or boyfriend just a picture message away if I really need a second opinion, but generally, if I need a second opinion it’s because deep down I know it’s a no!

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