Talking Age
10 years ago by
Cette semaine au Studio, on a pas mal discuté des problématiques liées à l’âge, et l’une des rubriques les plus consultées du blog, c’est celle consacrée à l’âge et à la beauté. Moi, quand je pense à ces deux sujets, je vois les tonnes de cosmétiques antiâge qui envahissent le marché. Parmi tous les produits que je vois passer, rares sont ceux qui ne promettent pas des miracles question lutte contre les signes du temps. D’ailleurs, les produits que j’utilise moi ont tous par défaut au moins un ingrédient anti-ridules, rides, correcteur de tâches, anti-âge.
J’ai aussi l’impression que la société et la culture populaire nous bombardent d’images d’une jeunesse synonyme de succès, de bonheur et d’amour. Aujourd’hui, on se focalise sans cesse sur l’importance d’avoir l’air jeune (et donc mince), quitte à gommer les traces de notre vie passée. Tapis rouges, défilés, magazines et campagnes de publicité cherchent à nous convaincre que jeunesse = beauté. Mais… un timide changement semble s’amorcer, et avec Jessica Lange et Charlotte Rampling en égéries de deux campagnes de pub, on assiste peut-être au début d’une nouvelle ère.
Est-ce que c’est vraiment si terrible que ça de vieillir et de le montrer ? Est-ce que l’idée qu’on se fait du vieillissement commence à changer ? J’ai demandé leur avis à quelques-uns de nos amis du blog, voilà ce qu’ils m’ont dit…
Costanza Pascolato : « Le Brésil est un pays très jeune, qui voit l’émergence d’une nouvelle classe moyenne qui a beaucoup d’ambition. Le corps, l’apparence physique, est un nouveau marqueur social. Les femmes sont donc en quête de la jeunesse éternelle, ce qui se concrétise de façon souvent très artificielle (chirurgie esthétique, traitements, médicaments…) et commence à jouer un rôle prépondérant dans l’économie.
J’ai de la chance. Toutes les femmes de ma famille étaient des personnalités fortes et optimistes. Elles m’ont appris à accepter de vieillir. C’étaient des femmes intelligentes, élégantes ; ma mère était une très belle femme. La jeune génération suit leur exemple : ma fille Consuelo est superbe à 50 ans, et Alessandra, qui a 48 ans, fait beaucoup plus jeune que son âge. On a toute conscience que la vie est un privilège. Alors on essaie de prendre soin de notre corps (et de notre esprit). Moi, je fais beaucoup d’exercice, je mange équilibré, etc… mais je n’essaie pas de faire beaucoup plus jeune que mon âge. J’ai envie de faire mon âge (74 ans), mais d’être en forme, et c’est ce qui me permet, je crois, d’aborder ça sereinement. »
Lauren Bastide : “ Bien sûr, il y a une énorme pression mise sur les femmes pour rester jeune le plus longtemps possible, une image véhiculée par les femmes des magazines, souvent des mannequins qui ont à peine 20 ans. Il y a une confusion des genres entre le fait d’être belle et le fait d’être jeune. Même de façon plus philosophique, la beauté de l’expérience, du vécu, de la maturité, de la sagesse acquise, est beaucoup moins mise en avant que le côté un peu fou, audacieux et fougueux de la jeunesse.
Pourtant, j’ai l’impression qu’un petit vent de changement est en train de souffler… Il y a de plus en plus d’actrices qui, comme Cameron Diaz, regrettent d’en avoir trop « fait subir » (botox, injections…) à leur visage. Je pense que les excès de ces 3 dernières décennies sont en train de disparaître, et qu’on va peut-être revenir à une façon plus douce et plus respectueuse d’aborder le fait de vieillir.
Pour moi, bien vieillir, ça veut dire rester fidèle à ce qu’on est, cultiver son identité, devenir ce qu’on est au fond. J’admire des femmes comme Lauren Hutton, Jane Fonda, Grace Coddington et Charlotte Rampling… même si elles étaient toutes hyper belles jeunes, ce qui aide certainement.
En gros, je me dis que garder la ligne, prendre soin de ses cheveux, de son style, être dans son époque (se tenir au courant de l’actualité, de ce qui se fait en musique, cinéma, technologie) est une bonne méthode. J’ai vraiment une obsession : j’ai envie de voir à quoi je ressemblerai naturellement quand je serai plus âgée! De devenir la vieille dame que la nature a prévu que je devienne. Et j’espère que je me cramponnerai à cette envie le jour où la tentation de faire « un petit quelque chose » me prendra. »
Greg Armas : « L’Amérique est un pays très jeune et notre culture a toujours été fascinée par la jeunesse… jusqu’à récemment. La mode commence à promouvoir quelque chose de plus naturel, et la publicité semble suivre la même tendance…
Jamais, depuis la nuit des temps, on n’a attendu des hommes qu’ils soient spécifiquement beaux. Qu’un homme vieillisse et gagne en maturité est considéré comme une victoire en soi, un défi sur soi-même. Et cela ne l’empêchera pas d’attirer l’attention de jeunes admirateurs/trices. On a l’impression que les femmes sont dans une espèce de compétition les unes face aux autres, et elles s’attirent peut-être des critiques parce qu’elles exposent trop cette préoccupation. »
Caroline Issa : “C’est vrai, la société est obsédée par la jeunesse, mais le fait de vieillir commence peu à peu à être mis en valeur. Bien sûr, avec l’âge, j’ai aussi sûrement tendance à être davantage sensible à ce genre de chose.
On nous parle sans arrêt de la jeunesse, sans qu’il soit forcément question d’être le plus jeune possible. La plupart des gens que j’admire ont 40 ans et plus, ils ont fait plein de choses super, et du coup, je me mets moins la pression. La seule pression, c’est celle d’être en forme, de faire du sport régulièrement, de prendre soin de soi parce qu’en vieillissant, le corps change forcément.”
Scott Schuman : “Quand j’ai commencé The Sartorialist, je postais des photos de personnes plus mûres. Et c’était la première fois que des gens, surtout des jeunes, voyaient des photos de gens jeunes côtoyer des photos de gens plus âgés et les trouvaient aussi stylés. Des gens qui avaient 22 ans m’ont dit : « C’est à ça que je veux ressembler quand je serai plus âgé/e. » Pour les magazines, c’est plus compliqué, ils ont besoin de vendre, ils ont beaucoup de charges… En fait, il faut donner aux gens des exemples qui les inspirent, qui leur donnent envie de vieillir de telle ou telle façon. Malheureusement, la plupart des médias ont trop peur…
Pour une belle femme plus âgée qui accepte que je la prenne en photo, il y en aura huit qui disent non. Du coup, ça m’a presque découragé. Elles sont belles, magnifiques et elles disent non. J’aimerais pouvoir dire que c’est de la faute des hommes ou des médias, mais je pense que c’est un problème plus personnel…Si les femmes veulent admirer quelqu’un, il faut qu’elles se regardent dans le miroir et qu’elles se disent : ‘Je suis fière de mes rides et de mon visage.’
Bien vieillir, c’est contrôler tout ce qu’il est possible de contrôler et laisser la nature faire le reste. C’est accepter son âge et ne pas se sentir obligé de mentir dessus. »
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Today’s society it takes forever young and bright but I think we have to accept the passage of time and enjoy every age living it to the fullest!
Kiss!
Passa a trovarmi VeryFP
Cette photo est vraiment magnifique. Quant à l’âge ou à la beauté, je pense qu’on peut la trouver à tous les âges, pour toutes les tailles, il suffit de changer de regard…
Mafalda
http://mafaldadotzero.blogspot.fr
ageism is bullshit and it comes exclusively from marketing!
http://littleaesthete.com
I will be 52 on my next birthday and don’t worry a minute about getting older. Perhaps it is because I looked like I was 12 until I was 30 and spent the better part of my childhood eagerly anticipating being an adult and the freedom I assumed came with it.
As a teenager and young woman, I never looked toward the latest young It Girl for my fashion aspiration. I was fascinated with Lauren Hutton, a woman much older than me and one who very clearly seemed to approach beauty on her own terms. Several years ago I saw a large poster of her behind the counter of JCrew. She was clearly a woman in her 60’s; no attempt was made to airbrush her wrinkles, the loosened skin at her neck or the age spots on her hands. And all I could think was « She’s still the sexiest and most interesting woman in the room. »
CONGRATS!!!! Just saw you on the front page of the New York Times Style section. YOU GO GIRL!!!!
What a great post! I loved to read the views of people that I admire so much in such an interesting topic. I love the Scott’s phrase: I’m proud of my wrinkles and how I look. I think that every woman must repeat it from time to time.
http://heelsandpeplum.com/
Hello Alex,
Je suis tellement d’accord avec ton post!
Il faut s’accepter, respecter son corps et penser a la beauté de son âme. Vivre avec son temps et s’entretenir. Que de belles paroles surtout quand le temps file, j’ai 43 ans mais c’est drôle je me disais ce matin que je me trouve mieux qu’a 20! On se connait mieux, on sait comment « cacher » ce qui ne le fait pas au matin d’un bad day!
Le problème c’est la pression des medias et de photoshop! Enfin bon je préfère ressembler a une Lauren Hutton – quand meme – qu’a une Nicole Kidman que je trouve malheureusement de plus en plus pathétique!
En fait il faut s’assumer dans toute sa maturité!
Merci pour ce petit moment de sincérité et de tendresse pour soi meme!
xoxo
Alix
http://www.blushandbeyond.net/
C’est très intéressant!
J’ai 23 ans, pas trop de rides pour le moment et je m’en soucie assez peu. Ma marraine en a toujours eu autour des yeux, pour moi ça montre la force de sa joie de vivre, je vois ces petits sillons comme des rayons de soleil :-)
Par contre je ne pense pas qu’être belle dans sa jeunesse puisse prédire d’une beauté dans la vieillesse (Brigitte Bardot ce n’est pas trop ça). Je pense qu’il faut surtout garder une bonne hygiène de vie, ne pas fumer, bien retirer son maquillage avant d’aller dormir, mettre de la crème hydratante/solaire… Par ailleurs, j’ai arrêté de maudire ma peau un peu grasse: ma mère a la même et est très peu marquée ^_^
Si je la compare avec ses amies ou sa soeur qui fume, c’est super flagrant!
I am thinking about what could we, the thousands of readers of this blog, do? For example: we could buy a product publicized by Jessica Lange or Charlotte Rampling as a way to say to the fashion world: we do not need super young girls to sell us things, we accept all ages, all ages are beautiful…
Are you in it with me?
The best thing you can do is be happy with your age and take care of yourself in a healthy way, regardless of the age you are.
It’s a sweet thought to support the brands that use older models, but it’s still advertising… Which I personally try to not get too tempted buy: buy the stuff you need, don’t buy into the promises of advertising (even if they seem idealistic, they’re still just there to boost sales).
I’m young, but not enough, and this from many years. Why we’re obsessed with doing everything sooner. every step, every year, makes the difference. I love to be grown, because I’m able to understand more, and with more emphaty.
Love, Gap.
http://www.gaptoothedgirl.com
Un post magnifique! And I agree with Scott Schuman. I’d be really glad to see on magazines and on blogs more pictures of older women, it would be inspiring and encouraging for us all!
Cecilia
http://www.modeskine.com/en
At least I’d feel like I had someone to relate to if I saw more faces my age (53). I don’t feel that advertisers, fashion or magazines particularly want me as a customer. But I’ve got money to spend!
I loved this post. Please keep on this topic. I’d also like to see some discussion of « age appropriate. » Do we have to give up fun styles as we age?
And also being proud of your age!
http://shadeofredblog.com
I honestly approach this topic as just one of those things that has to come from within. I can’t wait for society to validate the « getter older » process. I have to learn how to love me and make it top billing. Like Rupaul brilliantly states: If you can’t love yourself how they hell can somebody else?
Aging for the most part is viewed very differently in the African American community. We see aging as a sign of survival, an increase in wisdom, and being able to look back at all you’ve been through to celebrate life in the present.
Yes our culture exploits the insecurities of women over 25 and it’s totally unfair but that’s life. To all the women reading this: love yourself and don’t hold your breath waiting for a magical elixir. The elixir is life and grabbing it by the horns even when your 80!
As for myself have a spiritual core: meditating, laughing, loving, and friendship are what make life truly special. Life is to be celebrated not mourned.
Thank you for this great piece.
I admire Costanza very much, she is beautiful and stylish, and I agree with what she says. She has 35 years more than myself, and yet I could totally see her as a friend, as somenone I could have fun with. You can tell she lives in the present.
On the other hand I am very surprised at Caroline Issa’a response: she is a stunning beauty, and she seems also very smart and fun, but her answer doesn’t feel honest.
I didn’t expect any confessions (especially on the inetrnet!), what keeps her forehead smooth (genes or, as pictures suggest, *jobs*?) is her business after all, but I would have appreciated from her or from Lauren to acknowledge the pressure. Not the pressure in general (the media blah blah), but the pression tehy feel in particular. They both mention a changing landscape. Well, things might be changing, but changes are slow, and insecurities set in in fast.
Just my two cents!
This is a good conversation to have here, with your friends and with ones self. I am in my fifties and I shop at all the hip « young » places like Zara and H&M, The Gap…and when I am in those shops I see plenty of women my age shopping as well, but most, if not all, of their advertising are images of young women. J crew through in Lauren Hutton, which was great, but not enough. I am always looking for women my age or older to get some clues and inspiration, but there are so few out there. I have even become bored with the magazines, and a little embarrassed because I am looking at 20 year olds for fashion clues. Hm?
My dermatologist suggests fillers and botox and I am tempted for a moment and then I think : nope, i am just going keep on taking really good care of my skin ( i got diligent when I was about 45 years old and its paid off) and I am going to continue to eat well and exercise, keeping your body moving is key, and reduce the stress, as much as I can raising 2 teenagers. More than anything I love the conversation and the inclination to love ourselves and enjoy ourselves as we get older because we don’t have much choice. My goal is to always be able to stand on my own two feet, avoid all joint replacements, and keep my mind sharp! Okay, and have nice skin and spark in my eye.
Tout a fait d’accord avec Scott.
xo
PinkSole
J’aime beaucoup ce qu’a dit Lauren sur la confusion entre la beauté et la jeunesse. Il y a des femmes de 40ans qui sont plus belles que certaines de 20ans.
C’est super de voir des égéries de marque qui n’ont plus 20ans et qui, je l’espère, ne seront pas retouchées à outrance.
Je ne sais pas encore comment je réagirais à l’arrivée de mes premières rides. Je pense que si il est possible d’arranger certaines choses qui nous complexent, pourquoi pas les corriger, mais pas dans l’excès, car on sait tous qu’une femme peut être belle avec des rides (et heureusement)! Et puis je n’aime pas cette idée d’essayer de faire plus jeune que son âge, ça ne marche pas. Pourtant, on essaie de nous faire croire le contraire dans les médias. C’est dommage, mais il faut vendre n’est-ce pas?
Gaëlle http://www.missgworld.com
Bonjour, très bon post !!! Mais justement….. À quand plus de photos de femmes « matures » sur le progressiste blog de Garance ? Des femmes qui ne sont pas forcément dans la mouvance fashion mais des femmes, rencontrées dans la rue, remplies de désir d’être élégantes, pleine de vie, avec un pouvoir d’achat non négligeable ! Monsieur Schuman parle de la frilosité des femmes mûres à être prises en photo, une femme comme toi Garance, j’en suis certaine, NOUS mettrait à l’aise. Et pourquoi pas une mini rubrique, mensuelle, trimestrielle consacré à nous, ces femmes ??? Bien à toi.
love this post:)
xxx
http://www.dominiquecandido.com
Note that Constanza says: « And Alessandra is 48 and looks much younger than her age. »
That Lauren says: « I admire Lauren Hutton, Jane Fonda, Grace Coddington and Charlotte Rampling, who were of course real beauties when they were younger. » and s is implicitly suggesting that they are not any longer.
Progress? Maybe, but maybe we also need to accept that we assume a different type of beauty or quality with age, that it perhaps doesn’t photograph as well or at least in the same way and that that’s OK?
I picked up on that, too. Kind of a contradiction, if you ask me.
When I turned 50 people said things like « oh, it’s just a number » to me. And I hated that, and I thought, no, it’s not just a number, it’s significant. Don’t take my years, my life away from me. It’s meaningful. When we say silly things like that we denigrate age and the aging process. So, the next time you say « your as young as you feel, » think about it. Sometimes I feel like I’m a hundred, and you know, that’s ok. May I make it to a hundred. As for Scott, I love that he posts pictures of older ladies, and men.
Anita
Just to say I love your comment.
I am approaching 40.
I am a bit scared about it. Could I borrow some of your attitude? ;)
I regret the fact that I am becoming *invisible* as what little beauty I had fades, but I do appreciate the strength that exprience and age have bestowed on me.
It’s exciting but also difficult to *age*.
I can’t think of it now. I’ll think about tomorrow!
Oh I love Scott’s photos of older ladies with style! I know other people do as well because I see them pinned on Pinterest (there is one lady in particular who I believe is a European fashion journalist but I don’t know her name) over and over. It seems to be quite a struggle but I hope to see more of those faces on your sites if at all possible. When I do it is truly inspirational because otherwise we are pretty much « erased » cast to the invisible years, which is a crying shame! To be older in North America seems to carry shame.
Great post….great debate
I blame magazines for all this confusion around beauty and age. In other words : you have to be young to be beautiful. Magazines only put young people on their covers and then they photoshop them !
I have worked in the business for 30 years and I know what it takes to photograph a perfect bottom for an anti cellulite campaign ( the bottom of a 17 year old ! )
Beauty brands and magazines are selling us the impossible dream , the false dream. How can anyone live up to those expectations ? Showing us the actresses and models we love because we age with them…but hey ! why does she look so good and I look like shit ? because someone spent 10 hours retouching her face and body on photoshop, that is why…..also because that person ( Kim Kardashian ? ) has just spent 20.000 $ a day on spa treatments in Thailand and her daily beauty routine takes 4 hours a day off her time and costs 160.000 $ a year to be her face and body
REALLY ?
I’d rather be reading books, gardening, cooking,listening to music and giving that money to the poor.
It has come to a point where no one needs to make an effort if they are young and beautiful , only old people become « interesting » ……I am so angry at the magazines and some of the beauty brands, making promises they cannot keep and brainwashing us into needing products that do nothing
What is the point of that ? you are going to get old , face it , so might as well work on your body and mind so that when the time comes you have enough of an inner soul , spirituality , awareness and detachment to not give a damn and embrace it ……getting old is also GREAT by the way….you really stop caring about a lot of stuff that is so cumbersome and you start focusing on other stuff that is so much more fun and fulfilling. As you get older, you may become wiser and your perspective shifts from purely admiring outward physical beauty to invisible signs of beauty: kindness, generosity, mindfulness, compassion.
http://www.fashionsphinx.com
Mon problème est juste le contraire. Depuis toujours je fais nettement plus jeune que mon âge. Au lycée on me traitait de bébé. On m’a toujours manqué de respect justement car on me prend pour nettement plus jeune que je ne le suis et même si j’en ai toujours supporté les inconvénients au nom du fait que c’était flatteur d’avoir l’air jeune sans rien faire (vu tout ce que les autres femmes doivent faire pour le rester) en ce moment je commence à en avoir mare. Ma mère aussi à l’air nettement plus jeune. Juste un épisode pour expliquer la méprise: un jour en débarquant de Los Angeles à Paris Roissy, on court comme des malades avec 2 grosses valise + sacs de voyage + chien dans les bras pour attraper le TGV qui allait partir. On demande au type sur le quai s’il ne pourrait pas nous donner un coup de main pour monter les valises dans le train car on étaient à bout (11 heures sans dormir, courir à travers l’aéroport et le reste). Il nous répond: Je ne suis pas là pour vous aider avec vos lourdes valises. J’avais envie de lui dire: ouais c’est ça, si vous voyiez une vieille dame de 66 ans vous l’auriez aidée mais comme ma mère à l’air plus jeune vous ne voulez pas. Mais bon, je ne l’ai pas fait car ma mère aurait été vexée que je révèle de son âge!!!
Hmm… you mention Jessica Lange heading a beauty product for older woman. She’s had plastic surgery so she may not be the best example of « aging gracefully » … or is there such a thing?
Jane Fonda has had plenty of work « done » as well. And she is very open in her books about being bulimic for years.
Scott! I hope you’re reading this. What you said about older women not wanting to be photographed, having their own issues (not putting it all on men and the media), and aging gracefully, is very astute. It has had a powerful impact on me, mostly because, to be honest, it’s coming from a man. Thank you so very much.
Dear Scott, I have always enjoyed your pictures of older women, if not the patronizing remarks in the comments section from callow youth. But no woman can be « proud of her wrinkles. » We dislike our wrinkles. But we still have style, love clothes, dressing up. We are still women.
I don’t think older women should dress young. People should be the age they are. And dignity is necessary to everyone. I have always preferred the chic style of the 50s which was more grown-up than what followed in the 60s and on. So the 50s Vogue models remain my muse. And Coco, of course.
One distressing trend I’ve noticed in older women is a tendency to wear ghastly mud-coloured casual wear all the time: ghastly khaki pants with strings and too many pockets., horrible comfortable walking sneaker things on their feet, cropped hair. As if they were hiking in the mountains. These women look asexual.
Dear Scott – please don’t stop asking those women. Even if they say No, you probably made their week!
Btw you can photograph me any day – soon to be 45 and looking freaking amazing :) just saying…
? do u want to age gracefully or blow your face up trying to look young..
So true! I am really looking forward to seeing this upcoming documentary that’s been getting a lot of buzz lately. http://advancedstyle.blogspot.com/p/the-advanced-style-documenatry-film-page.html
Great post! Let’s lead by example, how about we see more wonderful pictures of fashionable women of all ages and stages on this blog, and not just the young ones? I’m sure there are women over forty who read this blog would love to see themselves represented more than occasionally.
And is there any chance we can get Scott on board as a guest writer on occasion? He and Garance are the Dynamic Duo!
« Please, don’t retouch my wrinkles, it took me so long to earn them. » Anna Magnani
I loved it!
I’m posting looks from L.A. and accessories:
http://www.thegavlaks.com
The stunning photograph is what caught my eye, but the interesting and very accurate points you make are what kept me reading.
I’m young and, call me naive, but I don’t fear ageing. Life is a process and we should be excited to endure it, which means picking up a few wrinkles here and there. Bring it on!
http://www.creataurus.co.uk
Beauty ideals are very different in Brazil! On one hand there’s an obsession to beauty, as described, but on the other, you see women of all sizes and all ages in the skimpiest bikinis flaunting their stuff. Also butt-obsession is definitely a true stereotype – women pump their butts at the gym with really heavy leg weights to get that butt bigger!
For more insight into Brazilian life in SP/Rio take a look at our lifestyle blog: http://taleoftwocities.squarespace.com
Scott, your pictures of older women are beautiful and very inspiring. Please don’t give up. They inspire me (at 52) of the possibilities ahead.
Thank you so, so much for this post Alex! I really thought Scott’s comments were quite telling. With Mother’s Day coming up, I am remembering that my own mother died before her 51st birthday. She didn’t have a chance to age. For that reason, at age 59, I treasure every white hair and accept every wrinkle because it signifies how lucky I am to have seen my own children grow into adults and have had some time to develop as a writer — opportunities my mother didn’t have.
And even though Scott may never stop me on the street and ask to take my photograph, I know this face means a lot, no matter how old it gets, to some very important people in my life. Beauty really is in the eyes of the beholder and it comes from the inside.
My one caveat to all of you younger women out there, take care of your skin, you’ll be glad you did.
Great post, I believe this sums it up: « aging gracefully means staying true to yourself, cultivating your identity, becoming more and more yourself. » Indeed & Amen.
Grat post, I think Scott nailed it, women put pressure on themselves. I’m almost 60 and there are definitely advantages and disadvantages as others have mentioned. I don’t worry what others think and don’t particularly mind wrikles. However, I dislike the saggy jaw line and while not consumed by this at some point I’m planning to do something about it. Charlotte Rampling, Jane Fonda and Jessica Lang have all had work done. a lot of high profile aged women really work on it, they are not criticised for keeping their bodies in shape are they. I think it’s fine to have a bit of work done (not overdone). Some women can age beautifully they have great genes. We are all thankfully different.
great post, tomorrow is another day! ciao
What a fantastic post. I especially liked Costanza’s comments and Scott’s. Thank you, Garance and Scott, for introducing us to such fabulous, stylish and interesting people of ALL ages!!! And thanks, Alex, for delving into this topic more deeply for us. :)
Mary
http://myfrenchexperiment.blogspot.com/
I feel a lot of attention is paid to women under 30 and over 65, but not so much to women in between those ages. I miss Mirabella magazine, which seemed commited to showing that middle aged women could still be cool, fashionable and hip. I love seeing women in this age range in Paris – they are so confident, so unhampered by rules of what’s appropriate to wear at a certain age, and so fearless in expressing their sexuality. They are so interesting and inspiring and most of all, they refuse to be invisible.
I think aging has so much to do with attitude and a lot less to do with facelifts and fillers. Happy, vibrant women who continue to learn new things, have friends of all ages and look forward to the future seem to be the most beautiful to me, they honestly glow from within.
Mirabella was the best! I greatly miss it. MORE started out great, but they’ve folded to pressure to include 30-something’s and it’s not the same anymore.
I agree with your points. What are we so afraid of looking like who we are, naturally, without surgical enhancement? And why such self-loathing about a little sagging and a few wrinkles? Media. I really believe that has a lot to do with it.
At some point the beauty industry may catch on that we 50-plus women have more money to spend on fashion and cosmetics than we did in our youth. It’s ridiculous to see articles about aging that feature photos of women in their 40’s! At 56, I’m as stylish as I was at 26 but with more confidence in my appearance. My style is still evolving! I know what I like and what flatters me but I still shake things up when inspiration strikes. My European friends, not my fellow American friends, are my role models because they’ve taught me that a confident woman of a certain age is about as desirable as you can get!
Super article! J’ai adoré lire l’avis de ces personnes!
Xx
http://www.lauralexo.com
Post intéressant mais dommage que la photographie qui l’illustre soit celle d’une femme très jeune !! pourquoi ne pas l’avoir accompagné de celle d’une femme âgée (et belle !) ? j’avoue ne pas comprendre…
Pourquoi ne pas avoir illustré ce post d’une photographie de femme de plus de 20 ans ?
J’appui le commentaire de Consuelo ,pourquoi avoir mis une photo d’une femme aussi jeune cela contredis tout le « discours » ….
Dommage
Maybe as a Black woman, I am used to not seeing images of who I am in major mainstream media. As a result I have had to develop a love of self based on my own internal perceptions of who I am as a human being. I think looking extrinsically for self-validation is dangerous and unrewarding. Having said that I think the market – that is aging, vigorous, dynamic, influential, powerful will move the pendulum into more diverse perspective in terms of age, race, and boy type. But in the end we all have to celebrate diverse beauty and not wait until the first wrinkle shows up;.
Bonsoir à tous,
Joli post. J’ai eu 40 ans cette année et donc l’occasion d’un petit bilan : où j’en suis par rapport aux rêves de mes 20 ans, le chemin parcouru…
Et j’ai acheté mon premier anti- cernes!
Mais j’ai un regret : ne pas voir assez de femmes » normales » dans les magazines et sur les blogs. J’adore le votre et il accompagne mon réveil français tous les matins mais les filles ont toujours des allures de top-model. Il doit bien y avoir des filles qui ont du talent, du style, de la créativité et qui mesurent 1 m57 et pèsent 64 kg ( ce qui est mon cas)!!
Qu’est ce que ce serait chouette d’en voir un peu plus … Et ça donnerait plein d’idées pour s’habiller.
Je vous embrasse,
Catherine
I am happy you are addressing this, but what also comes in to play is the job market and companies who want to hire younger ppl rather than ppl with experience. So women esp want to look younger when they have experience so they can get a job in a tough economy.
Beauty is always going to favor young, it has for years. They say Marilyn Monroe had her nose and teeth fixed, so it was happening back then. Even teenage girls are getting injections and lyposuction. I also think there is an ideal that men think women are supposed to look because of all of our obsession with staying young.
One day we will all get old though and how we deal with it is our own personal story and journey.
I very much enjoyed this article and the positive affirmations regarding the importance and beauty of living life and having a variety of means by which one’s experiences reveal themselves. I am 55 and very much enjoy taking care of myself, inside and out. I love looking my best and trying and learning new things. I retired from teaching last school year and am in the process of finding my next passion to further enrich my life, as well as those with whom I share myself. I believe the fullness of one’s life is what makes for an interesting and beautiful individual, not the number of years, best botox job, makeup, or any number of ‘tools’ meant to create a ‘younger you.’
So, if we begin to define the beauty of someone by what they have lived, brought into this world via their talents, for living a loving and kind life, etc., and leave off numbers and terms such as younger, older, mature, etc., that implies a relationship to youth or the lack of, we would be on our way to changing the vision of what constitutes beauty. Then maybe people, such as Scott Schuman, wouldn’t have difficulty photographing lovely women who feel uncomfortable with the attention of a camera.
Garance stated it so well in a post yesterday with, « People who say a woman is “beautiful for her age” (No. She’s just beautiful). »
J aime quand un visage raconte une histoire, tous ces traits figes ne rendent pas jeune mais font plutot personne qui n assume pas son age et donnent un air triste … ce qui m emeut le plus c est quand on devine dans un visage l enfant que l on a ete, cela peut etre un sourire, une etincelle dans le regard une attitude…
http://missjayci.blogspot.fr
Look at these:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6desVutseyE
These ladies are the real role-models!
I think is very difficult to change things, since society is so obsessed with youth and young age (of women).
Honestly, I do not know how I will take to get older. As long as I am healthy, I am not too concerned, I think. There are some old women I saw in the past who remain in my memory as examples of elegance and charm, and I would like to be like them when I become a granny. Is this beauty too? Why not? it’s just that this type of beauty does not come with sexual appealing anymore. There are old things in this world that are cool and beautiful…it’s just we do not apply this to women, don’t know why.
Anyway, at 38 that I am now, I am very happy with myself and my beauty, only feel the pressure that other people put on me: I am beautiful and have a baby face, so men (very) much younger than me always hit on me. Most of times when they learn about my age, their face freezes, and then they run away (well, they usually ask for sex first, just in case).
The conclusion is clear, the beauty is there and they appreciate it, until you say a number.
I hope things change sometime in the future and a natural thing like aging does not have these negative connotations anymore.
La photo ne correspond pas au texte, c’est dommage.
Quant a cette image de la femme parfaite, ce n’est que de la poudre aux yeux, car elle n’existe pas. Les femmes aux visages figes me donnent l’impression d’avoir efface, avec leurs rides, leurs passes. Est-ce qu’il y a, derriere ces lissages de peaux, un mal plus profond que le souci de la simple esthetique ?
Age: I’m 53. I have a 10-year-old child (no IVF! all natural! it can happen!). I have done Botox on the frown, because my daughter complained that I always looked angry. I don’t want to freeze my face, but I can do without frowns. She draws me now with deep lines around the mouth and on my forehead, but not frowning. I’m OK with that.
Separately, I read the NYT article about Garance. It was good and not. I thought it was parochial in treating NY as the center of the fashion universe (sorry, it isn’t; we’re in a multipolar world for many things, including fashion). In the same vein, I didn’t like the constant references to Scott, whom I, for one, follow as closely as Garance, but the two of them are like apples and oranges. They both do street style, but not at all in the same way. Scott, as Garance says, is an artist; to me, he is the successor of Doineaux, taking beautiful and remarkable pictures that capture the essence of the day. He rarely writes commentary; his photos are arresting, interesting, wonderful. Garance is more about introducing readers to not-well-known artisans who are doing various fashiony-things, as well as talking frankly, girl-to-girl about various topics. There are photos and illustrations, but it’s mostly about the writing. It’s nothing that hasn’t been done by women’s magazines, though they don’t do it as well as she does. Also the comments allow for a spirit of community. I moved from NY to very rural France 10 years ago and had a very hard time adjusting. I was so glad to discover Garance, who was just at the beginning of her blog–it made me feel like I had a bevy of girlfriends at a moment when I was homebound with a baby and isolated in a new country where I didn’t speak the language well. I discovered the Sartorialist at about the same time, which satisfied my thirst for what what going on in my beloved NYC. To judge, as the NYT did, the two of them against each other is completely illogical. They are complementary but not at all comparable.
Also, Garance, I didn’t realize that wasn’t your real name. Congratulations to you. This news makes me admire you all the more. You have found the just medium for sharing on the Internet. You make us all feel like we’re in the same boat as you (and look at the 14-year age difference between us1 quite a feat) and yet you don’t give us too many gory details. You are worthy of a case study on how to walk the fine line in the Internet age. Bravo.
bell’articolo e bel dibattito! la foto di una giovane donna con peonia per me è una METAFORA della fragilità della condizione umana, dove la giovinezza dura un attimo, sboccia, matura e trascolora in una bellezza diversa, come avviene per i fiori, le piante e in generale gli esseri viventi tutti. La giovinezza è effimera, il tempo della maturità molto più lungo, quello della vecchiaia si sta allungando sempre di più. allora come vivere una vita tutta ripiegata sui pochi anni della giovinezza? impossibile, senza senso, eppure, anche senza volerlo, un po’ tutti ci caschiamo, donne e uomini, senza grandi differenze ormai. Quindi grazie a Scott per le sue foto di « persone grandi » e di « grandi persone » che a qualunque età sono ispiranti; e grazie a Garance, perché credo che riesca a cogliere gli aspetti più luminosi e vitali nei ritratti di donne che propone; non sempre sono modelle, ma lei riesce a farle diventare belle di una bellezza non scontata e non necessariamente modaiola. E scusate l’italiano, ma il commento era troppo lungo per rischiare, spero ci sia qualcuno che possa tradurlo lì allo Studio! m.
thanks for this lovely post. As a woman of nearly 69 who loves your blog and follows style I do appreciate that reminder that we all ( if we are lucky) grow old and style doesn’t vanish. Take a look at this video of Mary Randolph Carter to see what I mean, http://stylelikeu.com/profiles-2/closets/mary-randolph-carter/#!LfUZe
Bonjour Garance & Co.
J’adore ce blog et les sujets qui y sont traités vous m’épatez!
Beaucoup de commentaires très intéressants sur ce sujet. En voilà une autre quant au quête de la jeunesse que pense est liée au désire. Dans la société occidentale la femme jeune est celle qui est la plus désirée donc pour celles qui ne le sont plus nous sommes poussés à s’occuper de notre plastique pour essayer de le paraitre. Cependant, une femme de n’importe quelle age peut être désirable mais y parvenir demande plus de finesse quand la jeunesse est passé. Evidement, cela passe par un avoir un corps tonique et souple mais pas forcement mince, une jolie peau, des beaux cheveux et un beau sourire mais créer le désire ne se résume pas uniquement au physique quand on n’a plus 20 ans et c’est là où cela devient intéressant parce qu’il faut s’appuyer sur d’autres atouts et je pense que c’est une vie enrichie par pleines d’autres choses qui va fournir le nécessaire. Heureusement d’ailleurs, parce que finalement, on n’est pas jeune très longtemps dans une vie!
Bises, xxx
Interesting subjet, but I find a bit contradictory the picture of this young beauty speaking about age.
And all those examples of these women in their fifties or sixties…They have strong personalities, I think is the secret of their beauty.
Best from Barcelona!
https://www.etsy.com/es/shop/TheSacBarcelona
What a great topic to explore and with such well versed and thoughtful friends. Loved the New York Times cover story in the Style section today. I think I will not be the only person coming up to meet you at Pret. I remember we spoke briefly about this very subject. I am glad it is being thought about more. Thank you!
What is scary with the aging process is that you may try to feel good about it personally, be happy in your own skin, like your wrinkles and gray hair… but then what happens when the ageism of society takes over, and they give the job to someone who looks younger, firmer? I think that might be one of the reasons why it’s so hard for women to accept that they look their age – the consequences of not looking « young enough » don’t necessarily only come from within.
Someone in the comments above said that none of the younger women that you quote mentioned the pressure to be/look young, especially in the fashion industry. It’d be interesting to hear how you ladies deal with that?
Garance I love this post! It’s not terrible getting older. I’m 50 and it’s amazing! My face might have changed but I have a young spirit and an old soul. It keeps getting better and better.
« They are beautiful, they look great and they say no. » – Scott Schuman
And Scott seems to think that these older beautiful women are saying no to having their photograph taken because they have self-esteem issues around their age and/or how they look.
Newsflash!
A « No » can be generational–a lot of older women don’t necessarily think they need a photograph to validate their beauty.
A « No » can be individual–i.e., it doesn’t have to have anything to do with what older women, in general, might think about their looks.
Why can’t « no » to having one’s photograph taken mean:
« I don’t like cameras, photographs, and you–photographer »?
Why does « no » to having one’s photograph taken have to mean:
« I don’t like how I look »?
Not everyone thinks that the validation of their beauty resides in a photograph.
I agee with your thoughts about saying no to photographs. Personally, I simply don’t like to be photographed. There is no trauma or drama associated with my dislike. I am a private person and I worry about someone posting my photo in a place where I do not want it to be. Not so long ago, photographs were respectfully shared by the subject and the phtotgrapher with a chosen audience.
Scott’s remarks that women are the problem with growing old shows a lack of disregard for one of the main reasons behind a woman’s unease with aging. Young women have always been adored. They are seen as fertile and better for the planting of the male seed. For some men, the capture of a young woman’s regard eases his discomfort of his loss of vitality. The dislike of aging is shared by both men and women and history proves that men assage their worry by seeking approval from young women.
Sorry Scott, your efforts remind me of an apology followed by that cancelling « but,… ».
As a young person (I am 30 years old, and a lot of people still consider me young), I honestly look forward to getting older. But at the same time, I am surrounded by women who are older than me, but are insecure, with their waistlines, skin color, looks, and their marital status (read: still single). I am honestly getting fed up.
So this is a breather. Thank you for sharing this.
It’s a shame you mention Jessica Lange in a cosmetics campaign as a good example. When I saw photos of her at the Met Ball I was shocked at how plastic and « worked » she looked – seriously, she’s had so much done she doesn’t look human any more. Such a shame as she was naturally beautiful.
I cannot tell you HOW MUCH MONEY I have spent (and wasted) on all kids of anti-aging products (I’m 38)! Both low-end and higher-end products. Every time I read about a new product I convince myself it is the Miracle Product that will work better than the other ones. Several months later, I realize nothing works, really. I’m chasing my tail; all of the effort and time I spend worrying about looking older might in fact be making my skin worse, it’s like a vicious cycle! So, the joke is on me. I am also starting to realize that unless you have the desire and (especially the) money to spend on expensive procedures, it is really hard to get « youthful-looking » skin. I am coming around to the fact that, honestly, a beautiful woman is a truly happy one with depth and a solid sense of who they are. This is not me personally, but I have seen this as the common theme in all of the women I aspire to be like. So, I’m trying to switch my focus.
This is such wonderful article, hearing from all different angles and age groups what beauty means. And, hearing from Scott Schumann that so many older women are reluctant to be photographed is so sad… it shows how – as we grow older – many of us mistakenly allow ourselves to undervalue what we represent to other people, and how magazines portray beauty.
Definitely, we many of lose physical aptitude as our bodies get older due to a variety of reasons, including ill health, poor lifestyle, plain old genetics or accidents. However the depth and richness of what we gain emotionally and spiritually is amazing. There are young people amongst us who are blessed with the physicality of youth, but who are still desperately finding their way emotion lay of spiritually.
At every age, there are advantages and disadvantages. The trick is to make the most of the advantages and gracefully farewell what we can no longer hang on to… and to allow people to capture the intrinsic and highly individual beauty of each of us on film – no matter what our age.
So – go on – when someone next stops you in the street to take your photo, gracefully allow them the honour of photographically capturing you – it could be Scott Schumann or Garance Doré
Please continue to ask older women for their photo Scott, these are some of the most interesting photos you take. We are starved of this type of image. I think sometimes you may forget that you are asking women of generation that may be a little wary of exposure on the internet.
Come on girls, the picture is not about the woman, it’s about the flower! Beautiful but fully bloomed, petals starting to fall off, and not a bud anymore.
For me, the problem with getting older is not about wrinkles, skin, looks or anything like that. It’s about feeling more tired, more dependent on your body physiology, even if you eat right and do A LOT of sport. There is a very noticeable change for me, and I am only 46.
When younger I could sleep less and still look good, I could party and drink a little without feeling sorry for it the next days, and I could run for hours on mountain races (even…full days and part of the night!) and get over it in a few days.
Now it’s more difficult, I have to set up priorities and choose between doing this or doing that. That’s OK, it’s no big deal, and as someone said earlier, it kinds of challenged you in a different way. But it’s not always easy to accept I just have to do less than I used to.
I will never botox or anything like that, but if taking hormonal replacement pills is « artificial » (is this included in « treatments » Costanza is mentioning?), then I am already on the artificial dark side of the force, and not feeling guilty about it!
Je profite de cette belle photo pour m’associer au mouvement
BING BACK OUR GIRLS !
car si la barre de l’opposition à la violence contre les filles et les femmes n’est pas relevée ou si l’on admet que les femmes sont des trophées ou des butins de guerre et si l’on y réfléchit même pas, alors nous allons voir se produire ce genre de choses de plus en plus fréquemment.
On est à l’ère des femmes matures! Je suis née Quinqua en août dernier et je déguste chaque jour comme un événement. Je me compte bien chanceuse d’être devenue Quinqua. Et parce que j’ai envie de célébrer la beauté de ce bel âge et de le vivre au présent, j’ai créé une communauté pour que nous puissions vivre cette aventure Quinquagénaire toutes ensemble. Parce que nous y arrivons toutes un jour et que… la vie est belle à 50 ans! https://www.facebook.com/enmodequinqua
Merci Garance pour cet article. Je le partage sans tarder.
Myself and a friend were talking about Swedish gym showers the other day. Some of us felt uncomfortable with the level of nudity, as Swedes tend to be very at ease walking around naked – unlike the UK where you try to shuffle in and our of underwear masked by your towel. One thing we all agreed on, was that in Swedish gyms, we see REAL women. We get insight into what an older woman’s body looks like naked and how all different shapes and sizes can be beautiful. « Perfection » is not normal, and the youthful (airbrushed) bodies we are fed via the media are unrealistic.
http://www.girlinmenswear.com
This post is trully inspirational! I was never afraid of aging, it matters how you feel inside! Not to mention these days I see more and more people who age gracefully, without loosing their elegance. When I think about aging, they are the first ones who come to my mind!
http://fashion-soup.com/
What doesn’t seem to come up in this discussion is this emphasis on physical beauty that women of all ages battle with. Undeniably there are beautiful women of all ages. Most women that are considered ‘beautiful’ in later years were unbelievably stunning when they were young. For the larger part of the female population however aging means fading into a sort of invisibility at best and object of ridicule at worst. Women judge themselves and are judged incredibly harshly on exterior qualities they have little to no control over. Cosmetic enhancements are certainly no solution in my eyes, all it does is create a cosmetically enhanced aesthetic – this does little to alter anyone’s ‘beauty status’. Of course the beauty of older women deserves as much recognition as that of younger women, but what about ‘plain’ women that don’t have the necessary bone structure for old-age beauty? There is little comfort and inspiration to be gained from the idolisation of those lucky few, genetically blessed. That is something that doesn’t seem to change for women, whether you are 18 or 48.
Merci Garance pour cet article! Je travaille pour un mensuel féminin et je me désole chaque mois du peu d’acceptation de soi que nous véhiculons… Bien sûr les femmes aiment à s’imaginer jeunes mais si on prenait seulement le risque de leur montrer que les années qui passent n’empêchent pas la beauté! Peter Lindbergh avait fait un superbe travail pour le VOGUE allemand avec des femmes de tous âges, THE NAKED TRUTH : http://www.vogue.de/mode/videos/the-naked-truth
SCOTT, continuez à essayer de photographier ces femmes! Petit à petit, à force de leur demander, elles se sentiront rassurées et seront de plus en plus nombreuses à accepter et à s’accepter! Et peu à peu, grâce à vous, elles prendront confiance en elles telles qu’elles sont! La maturité est un privilège (il n’y a qu’à observer le statut qu’elle confère chez les Native Americans!) et même si, pour reprendre Bette Davis, « Getting old is not for sissies », ce peut être une victoire! Encore bravo Garance!
Scott, vous disez, « il faut donner aux gens des exemples qui les inspirent, qui leur donnent envie de vieillir de telle ou telle façon. Malheureusement, la plupart des médias ont trop peur… » mais alors si les médias travaillent avec la peur c’est comme un boucle qui ne changera jamais… Le médias doivent avoir la filosophie de la beauté ajouté à la de la vie réel, tellement forte comme pour oser de montrer ça dans tous les etapes de la vie, le problème c’est répondre tout le temps au même préjugé, mais si on veux vraiment changer cette idee on doit montrer la vie des persones qui desprennent gaîté n’importe quelle âge parce que c’est ça la beauté. Des fois, je régarde de jeunes femmes, trop jeunes, qui émanent RIEN dans son regard, et a lesquelles je n’aimarais pas du tout me ressembler.
Régarde quelle corps et visage horrible http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m5jreliq9h1r5usqyo1_1280.jpg
par rapport à: http://blog.hola.com/allabouteu/2013/09/cena-en-bali.html cette autre femme qui est 22 ans plus et qui est beaucoup plus belle …
C’est les médias qui compossent la pensée de la societé et pas a l’invers!!! tout l’histoire a changé à cause de cette audace! Il n’y a pas d’excuses, ce votre responsabilité. L’oeil critique doit aussi s’eduquer pour ne faillir pas dans la mediocrité.
I came across this great photo montage of two generations of Singaporans wearing each others clothes and it is really beautiful….so fascinating to see the same fashion on bodies separated by decades!http://poskod.sg/Posts/2013/1/7/The-Age-of-Spring-Autumn-Relations
Je suis d’accord avec toi Alex.
Je pense que c’est important à tout âge de prendre conscience de son corps (notamment en faisant du sport) et surtout, de se faire du bien. Ça peut passer par s’appliquer un masque, faire un tour chez le coiffeur, ou bien être (un peu) plus attentive à ce que l’on mange. Mais je pense que le plus important, c’est de s’écouter et de s’accepter tel que l’on est. Mon parcours « beauté », je le vois plus comme une envie de m’améliorer un petit peu tous les jours, de me rapprocher toujours un peu plus de ce que je suis réellement, mais sans jamais me laisser embarquer dans une obsession maladive de la perfection. Parce que la perfection n’existe pas et que la notion de beauté ne prend de sens qu’à travers le regard des personnes qui nous aiment.
Et pour ce qui est de l’âge, ce n’est pas grave de vieillir, c’est naturel ! Il faut savoir accepter le changement et profiter pleinement de ses années sans arrêter de vivre ou d’être soi-même parce qu’une ride est apparue… Ma mère a 53 ans, mais le fait qu’elle soit à l’aise dans son âge la fait rajeunir de 10 ans… D’ailleurs, toutes ses copines ont entre 35 et 45 ans. Ce n’est pas qu’une question de physique, c’est la projection mentale que l’on a de soi qui transparait dans le regard des autres. Aimons-nous !
Karine
http://www.voga.tumblr.com
Justement si il y avait plus de photos et campagnes de pub avec des personnes plus âgées, ca nous aiderait à mieux vieillir et à mieux l’accepter.
Le problème aussi est qu’à force de voir des photos d’artistes de plus de 50 ou 60 ans, qui sont hyper retouchées, les hommes du coup nous comparent à elles et se demandent pourquoi nous on a des rides, un visage moins ferme etc….
Pas mal cet article
Dommage que pour l’illustrer on mette une jeune nana sublime sans aucun signe du temps !
Ah marketing quand tu nous tiens …
I am 42, an turning 40 was specially difficult since I have always been very young at heart. I started to notice I was compairing my self and judging my body and looks to those on magazines and very young women. I still feel quite young, love fashion and take care of myself. What I did was something quite shocking, I stopped dying my hair…I have had white hair, quite a lot, genetically, since my late 20ties. And all of the dying had left it quite damaged. The firsts months were cruel, but I decided to go on and not chop it off. It gave me some sort of new power, of course you have to style it very well and take care of your wardrobe a lot more, which is great cause all the money I spent at the hairdresser every 3 weeks has being making a new entrance to my armoire. I live in Costa Rica, a very traditional country. So yes, people do stare confused at my not so old face with my white bangs. But I decided to do this early on. And start loving and embracing this new woman flourishing inside me. Doing this has made me focus in more important parts of my health and my own creative projects, instead of just worrying about getting old.
Dear Jane with the noisy terrier and Catherine with the ten year old,,
I wish we could be friends. Couldn’t agree with you more. xo
Bon c’est bien joli tout ça et plein de bons sentiments. Et oui vieillir est un processus normal, et la vraie beauté est intérieure. Mais faut pas faire d’angélisme abusif non plus ! Vieillir ce n’est pas non plus le choupi kif absolu ! Les articulations commencent a gripper sévère et quand tu montes ou descend les escaliers parfois ça bloque. Devant la machine à café ce n’est plus forcément toi que drague le nouveau stagiaire, même si c’est maintenant à toi qu’il demande les bons tuyaux concernant la boîte (et les trombones pour son agrafeuse). Tes parents vieillissent, radotent, et vont mourir bientôt, ça tu le sens. Et comme tes grands parents sont morts depuis longtemps, tu te rends compte qu’entre toi et la Grande Faucheuse la distance s’amenuise : après tes parents, ça sera ton tour ! D’ailleurs t’as même déjà des amis qui sont morts, en tous cas plus qu’à 30 ans.
Y’a aussi l’ouïe qui baisse : ta télé on l’entend dans la rue disent tes ados quand ils daignent rentrer. Et la vue qui merdoie, t’es plus très pote avec ta complémentaire tout à coup, rapport aux lunettes qui leur coûtent un bras. Et tes ados, parlons en de tes ados ! Ça ose te dire « mais maman, tu ne vas pas sortir habillée comme ça quand même ?! » Puis ça te pique ton blouson cuir « passque tu comprends, il me va quand même mieux à moi maintenant ! » « Maintenant quoi ? » « Ben maintenant que t’es vieille quoi ! » Faites des gosses ils disaient, ça paiera vos retraites !
Vieillir c’est aussi parfois d’abord la merde. C’est déléguer a sa fille le travail de tel jeune cheval difficile, car tomber a 53 piges ce n’est pas comme tomber a 20 ans. Puis c’est s’émerveiller, constater comment elle y arrive avec classe et détermination et se dire, les larmes aux yeux « P…in c’est moi qui lui ai appris tout ça ! On va pouvoir passer la main le cœur serein, et elle est meilleure que moi ! » Et alors, oui alors, se dire « Le monde est beau »
Garance, Scott is a real keeper!! Like other commenters, I found his words to be particularly powerful. This reminded me also how lucky I am that my younger husband (I am 47 and have a 4-yr-old) tells me all the time how beautiful my smile is and how much he loves how my eyes crinkle and that he’ll be so sad if I do anything to change my face. Of course I have tried a ton of anti-ageing serums and potions and yes, they are complete bullshit and a waste of money. (I have come to the conclusion that you should just focus on keeping your skin well hydrated and that is all you can do on the homefront.) As I find myself becoming increasingly swayed towards thinking botox is OK , I truly appreciate that there are still bastions of « earthy » people like you and Scott and my husband who speak out against this seemingly overwhelming wave of cultural acceptance of such nonsense. Seriously, it feels like over the last 10 years « doing something to your face » has gone from fringe to completely mainstream and harder to fight. What you and Scott are saying is more important than ever. Thank you!
C’est vrai que rester belle malgré les années qui passent, ça préoccupe plus es femmes que les hommes. C’est vrai que la compétition entre femmes est impitoyable et maintenant transgénérationnelle (entre les filles de 17 ans qui s’empressent d’adopter tous les clichés de la femme « mûre » (escarpins, rouge à lèvres rouge, blazer et pochette) et la trentenaire qui se ballade dans un ensemble slim-perfecto, on ne sait plus trop qui a quel âge… au point que ça en devient parfois comique (ah les lycéennes qui s’agrippent à leur BBbrune quand on entre dans la rame de métro, ça fait du bien à l’égo mais ça interroge aussi…).
On devrait faire un peu plus confiance aux hommes. Le mien a été très heureux de voir passer mon corps de « jeunette aux hanches étroites » à « corps de femme »… Je n’oublierai jamais le « P…j’adore ton corps de femme » lancé avec enthousiasme alors que , maladroite, je négociais un itinéraire qui me permettrait d’en montrer le moins possible pour aller du lit à la salle de bain, honteuse des kilos accrochés à mes hanches . Moi aussi, j’aime son corps de quadra, alors que je l’ai connu très fin , très jeune. Ses épaules plus large, ses abdos moins dessinés, je les adore… Pourquoi ne nous adoreraient-ils pas aussi, voire encore plus, avec un corps différent??? On devrai écouter nos hommes, pas ceux qui nous vendent des crèmes ou achètent des jeunettes, mais ceux qui vivent à nos côtés et nous désirent à tout âge.
Thank you very much for this perspective & topic. I found the views of those quotednnot only inspirational yet also refreshing. My motto on aging is: to age with grace & charisma. Each decade of life is to be reverence & celebrated. I enjoyed reading the comments of those who follow your blog as well. Please keep motivating women & men to be courageous & fully appreciate who they are – radiant stunning beings.
At 58 I hate to admit that I use very little of the recommended beauty products … I wash my face with face cloths and occasionally use the Elizabeth Dehn Shea cream I received as a gift from my daughter – who cringes when she witnesses my routine. I look in the mirror and see the fine lines and little veins that pop up – then I think of my 98 and 80+ year old Aunties who look fabulous and dress so chic in clothes that have simple classic lines. I hope number one to live as long as them, learn to embrace the fine lines that will become deeper…. but really more beautiful with time. The key is to embrace the changes aging brings – take care of yourself, keep moving and do what makes you happy!
My mom DGAF (Don’t Give A Fuc*) about gettin’ old. Seriously. Only thing she ever says about it is that it ain’t for the faint hearted. I try to be the same. I just DGAF.
The last time I went to buy hair dye I realized how ridiculous it is that I’ve been letting cosmetics companies tell me what makes me beautiful. « Defy the signs of aging! » « Turn back the clock! » « Cover those stubborn grays! » BUT WHY?! Beauty does not have an expiration date! Loreal just doesn’t want me to know that because they want to feel like I have to buy their stupid products. Well, no more! I can’t be sexy when I have gray hair?! EFFING WATCH ME.
So yeah, I think times are changing… :)
And I totally agree with Scott, acceptance has to come from within.
Bravo pour ce post super intéressant et qui permet de se remettre en question !???
Malheureusement, il n’y a plus que les femmes qui sont concernées ; les hommes aussi quoi qu’on en dise se soucient de plus en plus de leur physique des signes du temps qui passe sur leur corps !
Pour ma part, je trouve que les femmes plus âgées sont beaucoup plus belles que lorsqu’elles avaient 20 ans ! leurs sourires sont plus rayonnants, leurs regards plus intenses, même si des complexes persistent elles les assument mieux que ceux de leur jeunesse !
Pareil pour les hommes qui sont plus vrais, plus émouvants, plus craquants, plus charismatiques !
???
Le thème est raccord avec la presse ! Youpi !
Le Canard enchaîné sort un dossier « Vive les vieux » ou le nouvel Eldorado de l’or gris.
http://www.or-gris.org/article-vive-les-vieux-le-dossier-du-canard-enchaine-passe-les-personnes-agees-a-la-loupe-123424222.html
Décapant et instructif, mais où on apprend que l’or gris n’est pas forcément tout beau et tout propre ;-)
je suis d’accord je me trouve mieux aujourd’hui, mais peu être parce que on s’assume mieux, on sait mettre ses atouts en avant et surtout le regard des autres aujourd’hui je m’en moque un peu …..plus moins de complexe aussi, et pour toutes ces crèmes il n’y a pas de miracle il faut savoir vieillir et s’accepter belle journée
Je ne suis pas certaine que un changement soit en court… Il y a deux ans, on disait la même chose sur la présence soit disant plus importante de personnes plus rondes et moins squelettiques dans le monde de la mode.. Aujourd’hui, de mon point de vue certes d’outsider, je ne constate pas ce changement tant annoncé.
Aussi, je repense au post sur Norma et la photo qui l’accompagnait (http://www.garancedore.fr/2014/04/29/norma/)… Tout le monde a halluciné sur son âge (68 ans), car en effet, sur cette photo elle ne les fait pas. Par contre en faisant une recherche google, on trouve des photos où la dame fait son âge mais ne perd en rien sa beauté.
Du coup cette article me dérange un peu, étant donné que sur ce même blog, on trouve ce genre de photos qui à mon sens, vont dans les discours des médias sur cet idéal de jeunesse.
Tiens, flotterait -il dans l’air un parfum de révolution anti jeunisme? Peut-être si on en croit quelques récents sujets/unes de presse (ex voir le dernier Citizen K mettant en scène des personnages ayant des jeunesses multiples) ..Mais vague de fond ou brise éphémère ..? La jeunesse sera toujours un paradis perdu …, un rempart contre l’angoisse de la fin inéluctable … Mais aucune sagesse ne nous protège contre cette angoisse, certes attisée par les images vantant les mérites d’un corps jeune et d’un avenir encore tout neuf … Alors que faire? Ignorer les affres du temps ou les apprivoiser? Personnellement, Question image , un savant dosage de retenue (regarder l’ensemble et non le détail .. qui tue), et d’artifices (vive le make-up et les jolis vêtements bien coupés et quelques petits arrangements ..).. mais que dire du reste : énergie déficiente, lassitude parfois, vie professionnelle sur le déclin (eh oui passé un ‘certain’ âge , vous êtes professionnellement moins désirable ..)… Haut les cœurs! Profitons au jour le jour de toutes les nombreuses forces qui nous restent et faisons des projets qui nous donnent le sourire (premier pas vers plus de beauté) ..pour le reste (le miroir) on s’arrangera ..
A couple of points I’d like to make: French women, in particular, but also other European and Asian women, have traditionally considered skin care to be of prime importance over cosmetics. And they’ve been willing to spend good money for good products. But American women seem to have fallen for the belief (Thanks, Coco! :-( ) that a tan means healthy and outdoorsy. It eventually catches up with them, of course, but try and convince the young of that! It’s my belief that good skincare and moderate sun, always with sunscreen, could help us to look our freshest and best into old-age.
I particularly despise the term « anti-aging »….What is that, after all, but death!
And sadly, I no longer include Jane Fonda as an example of one who has « aged gracefully, » since she had a face lift that left her in recognizable. E
Sign me up, Scott! I’m proudly 53 and I can’t believe ANY sane woman would refuse to have her picture taken by you!
Thanks for this impressive and brilliant post.I agree that our society needs a more respectful and soft way of encouraging graceful aging. In fact, I respected and will continue respecting graceful aging.
Garance, j’aime ton blog et l’esthétique qu’il diffuse. Mais à lire ce post, je me dis que c’est dommage de ne pas avoir saisie la chance d’aller à l’encontre de ce que tu dénonce et de montrer que la vieillesse a sa place dans ton monde. Pourquoi avoir choisi cette photo alors que tu aurais pu avec ton talent nous révéler la beauté des plus âgées. Je suis sûre que tu seras capable de relever ce défis. A bientôt.
Thank you for talking about this. The slight change you, and I, for that matter, are noticing has to do with the baby boomers who, having had it all, will not accept ageism, either. Or, more accurately, a vast majority still do, but a growing number don’t.
I will soon turn 60. Granted, I see what age has done to me: 15 pounds more than 40 years ago, my « expression lines » have deepened, I am getting age spots. I am trying to accept and manage the passage of time by taking care of my skin, although having had a career in the cosmetics industry I must say there is a whole lot of b..t in it. Exercise, healthy food, no smoking, a little wine and a positive, realistic attitude – those I believe will go a long way.
I have two daughters who are my best critics, advisors and fans. I hope to give them a healthy role model and a feeling that aging is to be looked forward to while enjoying the present.
Powerful dialogue … thanks for opening this up, Garance. Like many of the commenters, I am no longer a girl and adore seeing compelling images of beings of all ages.
As a musician, I can’t help but think of incredible women to profile – Kim Gordon, Françoise Hardy. And in fashion, the stunning Ann Demeulemeester. In photography, Sally Mann … I saw her in person at an opening and was mesmerized by her presence, let alone her work.
I subscribed to Mirabella in the late 80s/early 90s, and their work was pioneering. It made me look forward to what was to come. I don’t think there will ever be another magazine like it.
Je trouve ça quand même un peu hypocrite de parler de la pression à laquelle sont exposées les femmes concernant la question de l’âge, alors que cette pression est encore plus forte en ce qui concerne la beauté physique pure et dure (indépendamment de l’âge). Je trouve que l’accent est un peu trop mis sur l’un et assez peu sur l’autre dans ce blog, alors que les deux sont loin d’être équivalents !
Toutes les femmes dessinées par Garance correspondent parfaitement aux critères imposés (petit nez, bouche pulpeuse, pommettes hautes et mâchoire dessinée).. la culture populaire nous bombarde d’images d’une jeunesse synonyme de succès etc mais ne parlons même pas des autres critères, qui sont très bien véhiculés par ce blog :/
C’est un peu facile de se plaindre du critère de jeunesse imposé quand on est belle et qu’on l’a toujours été, mais c’est comme ignorer (volontairement ou inconsciemment) tout le reste et je trouve ça un peu fort de café.. Dans le genre j’ai toujours été ok avec la plupart des règles mais maintenant que je vieillis je me rend compte que ce critère de la jeunesse c’est vraiment pas cool, c’est assez moyen.. Soit on accepte l’intégralité du « package » soit le refuse complètement, mais on ne peut pas choisir en fonction de ces préférences de critiquer le système et de l’entretenir pour tout le reste dans le même temps !
Désolée de casser l’ambiance, j’aime beaucoup ce blog et je le visite fréquemment mais avec les posts de plus en plus fréquents sur la question de l’âge je n’ai pas pu m’empêcher de faire un petit reproche. A quand un dessin d’une fille avec un nez bossu ou des grosses joues ? ;)
Bisous bisous
Vieillir me terrifie. J’ai décidé d’ailleurs que je ne vieillirai pas, je mûrirai. Dans une société qui valorise tant la jeunesse, c’est très facile de voir sa beauté. En revanche, c’est un vrai travail, un travail personnel, je pense, de trouver la beauté de son âge, de l’extérioriser et de la proposer aux autres. Cette beauté existe pourtant j’en suis sûre et je suis totalement d’accord avec le premier paragraphe de Lauren Conrad.
Il nous manque des modèles, des exemples, les générations d’avant ont trop vite rendu les armes. Je les déteste pour ça. Je viens de travailler avec une compagnie contemporaine sur une création intergénérationnelle: en gros, j’ai dû danser avec des vieux. Il n’y en a aucun aucun aucun auquel je veux ressembler quand je vieillirai. Sincèrement, la plupart du temps ils se complaisaient dans leur rôle de vieux sans chercher autre chose. C’est trop facile désolé!
I too write a blog. A blog about beauty and primarily it is written from my own experience and point of view. It is written for women wanting to look their best, feel their best and think their best. It is about anti ageing but at the same time it is about acceptance of ageing. So, it is all a total contradiction I guess, but that is the world now one big contradiction. Being 54 and still happily shopping at Zara, or God forbid wearing jeans, my mother never wore jeans, they were for young people!!
Isn’t it funny this is an article about how we view ageing and how society and popular culture influence our attitudes and yet the image on this post is of a young girl.. I do the same on my blog.. thebeautyissue.com
Go figure..
Julie x
Love Scott’s comments.
Love Scott’s comments. On point, as always.