No Judgement!
9 years ago by
Laissez vos jugements à la porte, s’il vous plaît.
Surtout si cette porte mène à un univers de sueur et d’ahanements où votre tenue et votre make-up sont le cadet de vos soucis. Ces derniers temps, je prends des cours de yoga Bikram et même si j’adore les vêtements de sport un peu lookés, au bout de trois minutes dans mon étuve, tout ce qui m’importe c’est de pouvoir respirer/ne pas mourir. Ma brassière rose pastel imprégnée de sueur ressemble à un imprimé léopard douteux et ma tresse savamment négligée pend lamentablement dans ma nuque. (Et ça n’est pas près de changer.)
C’est dans ces moments-là que je me sens enfin libérée… du jugement des autres (tout le monde est dans la même situation que moi, à désespéramment essayer d’attraper de l’air), de mon apparence (rien.à.foutre), de mes complexes (non, tant que la transpiration sur mon visage ne m’aveugle pas, je me fiche d’avoir une moustache de sueur, mais merci de poser la question). C’est aussi pour ça que j’adore cet endroit moite et surchauffé. A NY, on se sent toujours un peu vulnérable vis-à-vis de ce que pensent les autres, et notamment les gens dans la rue. Mais il y a des millions d’autres situations tout aussi désinhibantes : un déménagement (t-shirts cracra et transpi pour tout le monde ! !), les ruptures amoureuses (exit le make-up et le look, welcome les glaces et le chocolat), des températures extrêmes (vive les… crop tops ou les grosses doudounes !).
Et vous, quels sont vos grands moments de liberté, à l’abri du jugement des autres ? Ou les moments où vous vous ficheriez presque de déambuler dans la rue en string ou en sac poubelle ?
Elle Macpherson pour Vogue.
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This Summer I started playing tennis again and although I have some nice tennis whites and two awesome sports bras (Panache, go check them out) I don’t really care what I look like anymore, I’m focused on working hard and playing well. I found recently that I get lost into the moment and almost forget everything else. It’s been really nice. Then walking off the courts a sweaty, smelly, red faced hot mess I am scrambling for the shower or pool to cool off and get a little put back together ha!
Winters in Montreal are very VERY cold. At one time or another, you have to let go and not thinking about being well-dressed. You just wanna survive!
Ah le jugement des autres… La situation idéale, c’est le ski! ou plutôt, le matin avant d’aller skier ( dans mon cas, attendre les copains qui tentent les noires pendant que je fais de la luge dans un champ), toutes ces combis à demi-ouvertes qui pendent sur les hanches, la démarche de canard, la crème solaire qui donne un air de geisha… enfin, on se sent libéré!
Cécile
http://www.maxcebycecilej.com
My feet are sensitive and I need to give them a lot of care to avoid being in pain — so a lot of the time I end up wearing shoes that aren’t necessarily the best look for an outfit. Sadly, I’ve had to give up on wearing super high heels because I can’t tolerate wearing them, even for brief periods of time — I’d love to be able to pull of the Valentino’s that Garance is wearing today in the Fall looks feature.
And, sometimes my feet are so sore that about all I can manage is really good athletic shoes, and when that’s the case, I put them on, give thanks for my feet that work so hard to take me everywhere and try not to think about what people may be thinking about the shoes (if they care!).
I say do what feels good to you and judgers be damned. Caring what people think is a huge waste of energy. Wear what you want, do what you want.
So, you asked about moments of freedom away from judgment on Facebook, yes?
I felt free in London, where I was studying and working for two years. In my graduation day and my workplace I felt free, because I could be myself. I could reveal my true gender, the one that I used to hide away under tons of makeup and under hideous girly clothes. My soul is male and my body female and I only felt free in London.
I quit my great in the Metropolis and left my freedom and the judgement-free zone that I was living into to come to Greece (my country of origin) and work things with family. Not the slightest change. So I reverted back to the judgmental family environment and the female appearance.
I am not free now and I am into a society that is severely judgmental. I have to look like a girl again, pause any transition plans and work on finding a job here as a woman, because I can’t go ahead and openly tell them my plan to transition.
Will I ever be free again? I don’t know, but if not now, I promise that one day I’ll work on it…
I realized I’m getting less vulnerable to people’s judgements with getting older. I just have this feeling there will always be someone judgemental so there’s no need of me changing anything about myself. Read this :
http://lifestylebyola.blogspot.com/2015/06/is-is-growth-or-is-it-just-me.html
Apprendre à laisser glisser le regard des autres dès lors que l’on est en accord avec soi-même… mais c’est très long & y’a des rechutes…
Same for me with the hot yoga! That’s why I love it so much – apart from all the mental goodness I get from it, physically it strips me down to a hot, sweaty mess. Once you’re drenched from tip to toe it’s just you. Yay, yoga!
Such a world would be amazing; a world where you could do what you want, not worried on what other people might think and everyone would be ok with it. However, I’ve learned the hard way that you may choose not to care and follow your own beat, but there will never be a life without someone judging you or putting pressure on you to conform. It’s not something you won’t notice either, people are very in your face about this type of stuff. It’s funny how invested even a stranger on the street is on how you act. And how quick we are to judge without thinking of the reason for someone’s action, and how that stupid action/outfit or whatever might be the right thing for that moment for that person, and if we were in that situation we might do the exact same thing. Our actions may seem to only concern us but they are a part of the collective and affects everyone, if only because what we do may may serve as an unwanted mirror for others, one on which they don’t want to look and reflect on their own lives or because it disrupts the system on which society relies on. Plus, judgement is part of how we make sense of the world and operate, we make mental categories and rule of thumb to make quick assessments. So judgement and prejudice are here to stay:( I’ve found no other option but to learn to live with it, accepting the weird look and « backlash », fighting invisible constraints placed on you by how someone sees you or in some cases adapting when the battle is not even worth it. It’s a life long battle I’m afraid!
I know what I like and I’ve learned to not pay any attention to the people who judge!
http://hashtagliz.com
For me bikram yoga provides those breaks, and when I’m at sea or visiting my mother’s summer cottage on the Swedish countryside. Any day of the week I love heels and beautiful clothes, lipstick and some mascara. But in that cottage I let go of everything related to vanity or looks, I throw on my grandpa’s old sweater and start trimming the rose bushes, fix the roof or pick mushrooms in the forest nearby.
I love the free of judgement moments: hot yoga (yes!), moving day, breakup day, and puffy coat day. I can add one more to the list: when I pet an animal. For just that moment, all the cares of the mind disappear when I touch the neck of a horse or hold a sleepy puppy. Also, when I was a student studying for an exam or writing papers. On the topic of judgement, I found Status Anxiety by Alain de Botton a tremendously insightful/helpful book. I’m in the high end residential design field and it’s not so much my appearance but the appearance of my home that nags me.
Quand est-ce que je me suis débarrassée du regard des autres?
Le moment (je crois le 3e jour de vacances) où une énoooorme vague m’a embarqué moi, mon maillot et ma dignité, que j’ai ri comme une folle, et que j’ai vraiment commencé à être en vacances…!!!
Le plus terrible, c’est le retour; ça fait 3 jours, au début, j’ai gardé le côté « mais je me sens très bien comme ça ! », et vlan, je commence à me sentir mal habillée, mal coiffée (je vais éviter d’évoquer mes ongles de pied qui ont urgemment besoin d’une pédicure), je me sens le vilain petit canard en croisant les jolies parisiennes en talons et déjà les dernières tendances sur le dos
Le pire, c’est que je n’ai aucune envie de revenir à travailler sur moi à cause des autres et que je sens que je vais quand même le faire …
greek islands-lonely beaches- wearing my best worst clothes, loosing the substance of my hair, don t know what a face cream (ok only a sunblock one) is – changing swimsuit in the car – having ‘not supposed to be’ hairy parts in my face – feeling though deeply feminine and connected to my inner self!!! of course when i deliver an architectural project or when i supervise in the construction site, no makeup, nothing tight in terms of clothing etc…. or on exams as it is mentioned, with the highlight in my studies when i was falling asleep in the metro and the security thought i was a junkie …after this i discovered the concealer:))
I love your blog. You have such a great writing style :)
PS: I have a blog too – http://www.bymybedside.com
Please check it out lovelies xxxx
Judgment, not judgement.
Not trying to be rude, just pointing out a common mistake that any copy editor should notice.
We actually had a big discussion about this and did our research – both are acceptable, ‘judgment’ is just more commonly used in the US and ‘judgement’ is the traditional, UK spelling of the word. Since we’re an internationally-read site, we decided to leave it as I have always spelled it (I’m Australian!). Hope that’s ok, and thanks for taking the time to read so closely :)
Running! Any kind of sports, really. They all tought me not to care about what other people think. Particularly when I am in the mountains, and I might have cross a stream or to tread on a muddy path. Taking care of a small child is another way not to care too much about what other people think of our appearence, although the lessons may be tough. I remember one morning, when I left our flat feeling quite put together, until I noticed people checking out my legs all the time. I quite like my legs, but, hey, it’s not like I am Anja Rubik. So when I stopped at a pedestrian crossing, I started looking at my legs as well. And there it was – lo and behold – a big mango puree stain on the right calf of my favourite jeans. I have no idea how or when did it get there. And I guess that was the moment when I stopped caring about things like that – we are humans. We sweat, our clothes and shoes may get dirty for zillion reasons, our noses may shine, pimples may pop out in a nanosecond. So what? Being perfect all the time is sooo tedious and boring.
That’s cool! Totally agree that being perfect all the time is tedious and boring – actually living is way more interesting ;)
The gym? We go there to work out, that’s it, sweating is normal!
In Hamburg where I live, people cycle everywhere, and the weather is bad most of the times (I live in Hamburg, wonderful place but the weather omg) so sometimes you just want to be comfortable, and keep your body( and feet !) warm and dry…. Sometimes I just give up :) I forgot about high heels a long time ago…
Judgement depends a lot in the country/city you live in. Germany is not perfect but for feeling yourself and looking how you want to look it’s ideal. I don’t miss Paris judgemental looks :)
I think summer in the city is when I literally give up on my looks and completely block out the feeling of judgment. Knowing every single piece of clothing is going to be drenched in sweat the moment I step outside has transformed my daytime summer wardrobe into tees, shorts, and sports bras. And not in a cool way; almost as a way of avoiding TRYING to look nice only to feel (and look?) disgusting 3 minutes later. And you know what, it IS liberating! Feeling like I’m blending into the crowd and not caring at all is pretty awesome.